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Because you really don't know what you are capable of until you've experienced different things in your life and as we all know we aren't 100% perfect and never will be. LIFE is a learning curve and mistakes are suppose to be made or we would never learn anything. Don't be so hard on yourself and go with the flow. Realize you are going to make mistakes, try to resolve them the best you can and learn from them. Answer The good stuff is buried deep and requires some digging to get to. Your true self is not what you experience close to the surface. There is a juxtoposition in the real scheme of things. After all, if spirituality was easy, everyone would be doing it. For a taste of the real stuff, read this.

http://som.org/NewPages/Newsite07/SOMBar/Books/Titles/Matthew.html

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Q: All I ever wanted to do was to try to live according to the promptings of my true self why is that so very hard?
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