Can someone be gay and not know it?

Answer 1

No, if you have attraction to people of the same sex then you will know it. It isn't something that just sneaks up on you. You will have always had the feeling you were gay.

Answer

Personally, I would say it's not as clear-cut as that. I'm gay and have always known so subconsciously, but I didn't put it into words until I was about eleven or twelve. It was how I was and I didn't know that i was any different from so-called 'normal' people, so I didn't really think about it. It was only when I reached puberty that I really thought about it and realised consciously.

Also, because our culture discriminates against gay people, some gay people, particularly if they have been raised to believe that it is wrong to be gay, are deeply in denial about their sexuality and won't even admit to themselves that they're gay. People like this know deep down that they're gay, but refuse to confront that truth. They are often extremely homophobic as a result.

Answer:

Some people don't realise they are gay until they are older, but most people normally realise it between the ages of 12-16, although some may only realise at 18 or even older. The reasons for this may vary from person to person.

Answer:

I disagree to some extent with the previous answers, but not entirely. I think it is definitely very true that you will have a good idea of what you're attracted to by puberty, if not sooner, but I have known many, many people who did not discover their homosexual feelings until their late teens or even their early adulthood. For some, it does end up being a phase or an experimental period. Others decide to identify as bisexual, and usually prefer each gender to a greater or lesser degree than the other. Some do conclude that they actually are gay. Still others, myself included, never quite decide, or are attracted to one gender or the other in different amounts depending on the day.

So, the short answer to your question is: yes and no. One does not just wake up gay suddenly, but you can discover sides of yourself that you didn't know existed. Sexual orientation isn't a choice, but for those rare people that have genuine attraction to both genders, there is a choice of whether or not to act on those feelings.

As a side note, human sexuality is exceptionally complicated, and as far as we can tell is influenced primarily by Biology, but also by culture, self-identity, past experiences, and many other things. It's possible to be able to feel romantic affection for a certain gender and not want to have sexual contact with that gender. It's also possible to feel nothing romantic for a particular gender, but be very sexually attracted to them. There are multiple spectra between gender identity, sexual orientation, and sexual activity, and for some people they are not always clear cut. Also, a person's sexual orientation and identity are not always congruent with their sexual activity. A gay woman, for example, may have a relationship with a man because of a variety of reasons, including societal judgment, the "need" to have a "normal" family, or any number of things.