What would you like to do?
Do webpages like this Abuse FAQ encourage women to view men as the enemy?
I don't believe so and I really hope not. Men aren't the enemy.
No, when women, like me, come to these sites, they are already in an abusive relationship and need to have confirmation that they are still an intelligent, vibrant, human that can contribute, rather than buying into all of the accusations, blaming & put downs. In other words, we need some support and to be able to find the confidence that we once had to continue our lives without that particular man. I know that there are men who don't think or act like my husband.
Not at all! It is thanks to websites like this that I have been able to find my sanity again. To find my self confidence again. ANd to know that I am normal. I am more able to recognize signs of abuse, and will not put up with it anymore. And I am happy to say I have many wonderful male friends. And I am starting a new relationship that has nothing to do with what I have lived. I don't even think about it anymore!
No, it's pages like these that encourage women to be strong, know their self-worth and that they are not alone or at fault.
It would not encourage me to view men as the enemy, as not all men are abusive by any means, just a select few that have a screw or two that's lose.
I also tend to view them as informative and educational. Some women before they come to these sites, have no idea what abuse is or that what they are experiencing, is. This site enlightens them and holds the OTHER person accountable for their own actions. As it should be.
No, I don't think so. This page encouraged me that I was still worthy of my own approval, as well as approval of men who aren't abusive. Plus, this isn't just for women. Men come here to seek help about their relationships with abusive females too.
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I think I'd like to answer this question with a few characteristics of abusive men. I don't think there is a specific type of guy. Not all men with these characteristics are a…busive, because abusing a partner is a choice. 1. Hot tempered, quick to get upset, easily stressed out. People with these problems tend to use the red-out/black-out excuss when they are abusive. 2. Using the scapegoat, excuss. This means that he blames everyone else for his problems. Abusive men almost alway blame their spouse for instigating the situations that get them abused. 3. He doesn't know the meaning of "NO". When someone tells him no, he takes offence to it or laughs and does what he wanted to do in the first place. 4. His father is abusive. Now not everyone who had abusive parents will be an abuser but it has been proven in the psychology community to be a factor. 5. There are some religions that allow for abuse towards women, as well as, some social groups that aren't religiously based. Look for indications that he believes women are lesser beings than men. Or he has his own ideas of what a woman's "place" is. 6. Some people are more likely to be abusive because of mental illness or drug abuse. These situations make stress levels much higher and thinking clearly isn't always possible. This does not mean that it is ok, but that the abuser may not have been abusive if the mental illness or drugs were not present. Some less obvious signs: 7. He is secretive about certain aspects of his life. This is some what linked to #5 because it indicates that he isn't willing to share with his wife, either because its "not her business" or "she wouldn't understand." 8. High standards. She needs to be a certain height, weight, age, etc. She has to look a certain way and speak just right. Men with extremely high standards won't ever be satisfied. The ones that become abusive, use abuse as a means to "teach her" to be better. Ok so how do you tell if these characteristics are going to lead to abuse? You can't. Not everyone shows their devil side. The best bet is to know what you want before you start looking. Communicate well with the person you want to be with as well as his/her family. Learn something about a person before you get intimate or married. ABOVE ALL...Get hit once, and get out. Don't wait for him to change or stop. It won't happen. And emotional/mental abuse is just as bad as a slap in the face. If he is trying to hurt you with words or his actions then don't stand for it. Get out.
* First off not all men are abusive. Those that are have had the problem for a very long while. They are chameleons and when you meet them you would never guess that t…hey have an abusive nature until you fall in love and start seeing more of them and then the signs gradually creep up in a sneaky way. Even chameleons have to change their colors every so often and can't constantly fake it. Women are considered the weaker sex, but really aren't. Yes, men are stronger, but women can stand up to most men if she is independent in herself and not afraid to walk out that door or refuse to take any sort of abuse. There are more self defence classes for women out there than gyms. However, this does not make the abused women in our society weak or frail. In fact, they are heroes in their own right simply because they survive the best they can. Women are romantics, while some men can take full advantage of this and use the woman, or abusive men can catch these types of women in their web of insecurities and violence. None of us know when we first meet someone and if they are abusive until we are totally involved. Many women will leave their abusive mate, but some stay out of fear, sometimes because of the brain-washing the abuser has accomplished with her, or the fear of losing any children she may have with her abuser (they will often use the children against the woman to gain more control.) The bottom line is, men and women have total control of their own lives and we can all form the words "no" and move on. * The cycle of violence. An abuser in the beginning of the courtship appears nice, fun and like he really "gets you". You feel good around him. He makes you feel "chosen" and "special". Little does the victim know is that the abuser has to work pretty hard at this stage to hide his true colors. If he was too show the woman his true colors this early on, most women would dump him as there is little emotional connection. Then the abuser feels comfortable. He feels you are hooked in enough to begin his destruction. It will start off small. Such as comments meant to confuse, destabilize or insult. He may do this in a way that keeps her guessing such as "did he really mean what he said to be rude?". As time goes on, you will notice one day he gets very mad and/or very withdrawn. When you ask him about it, you are blamed. He may take some blame but he may also slip into the conversation that you are also at fault. He may become jealous and paranoid you are going to leave. He may follow you without you knowing it. He may argue with you on the phone and begin the silent treatment. He may start to make you feel like yo are nothing. Insulting your friends, clothes, religion, employment, recreational activities. He then will go from lashing out to being very nice. He is afraid you may finally say to hell with this and leave. Therefore hes gotta provide that hook. He turns nice again. Often like the man you first met. You get hope back. You think maybe he realises what he has and will change. He doesn't. Before long he returns to his former behaviour. He cannot change as his thought processes are still the same THROUGHOUT the entire cycle. Eventually the victim may start to pull away. She may consider leaving him. he can sense this. The abuser can detect a victim in this stage. He may become needy like a lost puppy. He knows deep down she has the strength to leave him and it terrifies him. He will be very nice then mean. He doesn't know how to handle her threatening departure and independence. He feels he better act quickly to put her in her place. He may cheat and rub her face in it to let her know other women want him. He may aim to tear her down emotionally. He may beat her. The victim often goes through rage, sorrow, and fear until she finally reaches the lost hope stage. Once she has reached lost hope, she realises that no matter what she does she cannot change him. Often this is a light bulb moment. The pain of staying is worse than leaving although the longing and sorrow may still be there. Finally comes the day when the victim leaves. They may better themselves and work on their inner and outer self after being systematically worn down. Often they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Victims are strong and can heal quicker than they see possible. It is when they are no longer in grief and their self esteem begins to rise that the abuser loses his control. In fact the abuser rapidly loses control once the victim leaves.
Answer Generally passionate women are submisive women, therefore after they are through using them as a punching bag they become sympathetic. Of course the woman …falls into that submisive trap and say okay, I forgive. Then the wild passionate love making comes in effect. You know the rest of the story.
Presumably for the same reason that many men enjoy abusing women... they like to feel powerful or strong, or better than someone else. Some people with low self esteem fee…l better when they make other people feel bad, because it makes them feel powerful or better in comparison, because they feel more in control of their lives. But it isn't a good coping strategy, either way.
I think a man putting there hands on a women is sickening. No man should touch a women in any harmful way. They are cowards if they do. Men today that abuse women a…re the ones that are dealing with issues with themselves. They hit a women to feel more powerful and incontol. They could have anger issues, jealousy issues or have past family abuse. A man that hits or even comes close to touching a women needs help. They need professional help. If you are a women with an abusive man, please get out as soon as possible. It will only get worse if you stay and allow it. Talk to someone about it. No-one deserves abuse in there life, its not and should not be allowed ever! Please seek help if your a victim of any domestic situation.
Answer I think it has something to do with the fact that some women want a "manly man". One that is rough and rugged and can do things that "men are supposed to d…o". More often than not these 'manly men' are abusive as well. Best Answer usually the abusive men are the ladies man at first and all they really want to get in your pants so if you reject him or her then they will probly hit u once at first and he/she will say i will never do it again... so they say Answer 2 Do you REALLY think that a Women chooses an "abusive man". I don't believe that when a Women starts dating or gets Married to a man that he is abusive. (Correct me if I'm wrong Ladies) The relation turns abusive after the fact, be it mental of physical. My Sister dated a physically abusive man and my Brother was married to a mentally abusive women. So as you see it can go both way's. What the person being abused needs to realize is that they are Stronger then they think, and that there is something MUCH better out there for them then what they have. Hope This Helps. Answer 3 In this situation, a particular woman doesn't chose an abusive man. She has this need to nurture a man to feel good about herself. She is attracted to an abusive man who exhibits a need to be nurtured. For example, the abuser could have a need to find a place to live due to financial problems etc, and is willing to speed the relationship up faster than a non abusive man. Or the man tells her he is trying to stop using alcohol or drugs and she feels the need to help him get better. The abuser will never appear to be weak because he is trying to cover-up his weaknesses. If a normal man doesn't give this woman a reason to nurture him, she will become bored with him and seek another man to fulfill the need to nurture. I'm an old man who has seen this behavior repeated over and over again by nurturing women and men. Truth is anyone who falls in love with someone because they are in need or mis-understood by society needs help them self.
Many times, women don't "seek out" abusive men necessarily, but women are often attracted to "bad" boys, and that is just the way it is, no reason for it. And of course those …bad boys could end of being highly abusive. Men are abusive when they control everything in a their parter's life. There is physical abuse, and emotional abuse, and many other types. If you ever feel threatened or unsafe, that could be a sign of abuse and you have to get out of that relationship immediately before it becomes something you'll regret. Your "man" WILL ask for you back, but you just have to stay strong and listen to your heart!
It's hard for a woman to get over a verbally abusive man because the abuse was directed at her self-esteem and self-confidence rather than her physically. People look at a wom…an who's been physically abused and they can obviously see the injuries caused by the abuse, but with verbal abuse it's different because no one can see that you've been continuously that you're ugly, stupid, not worth the time of day, no one will ever love you and that the abuser is all you deserve. You believe it. You end up feeling so degraded that you can hardly function because it's all you've been told by someone who says they love you. To heal from verbal abuse a woman has to first get away from the abuser which is hard, then seek counseling where she can gain her self-esteem and self-confidence back. Then she must realize what was it that made her susceptible to an abuser in the first place. It takes years for a woman who has been abused to fully heal, but more so with psychological and verbal abuse because they are directed at the woman's mind and she begins to doubt herself. Only about 1 out of 2000 women abused are abused in just one form.
They Think the first time will be the last or they have low selfesteem. Most abusive relationships are not always abusive they haveperiods where no abuse goes on so they stop …considering it apossibility. Answer2: Why are so many women locked into such dangerousrelationships? Many people wonder: Why don't they seek help? Whydon't they leave? The answer, in most cases, is fear. Fear has beencalled the distinguishing feature of domestic violence. Abusive mentypically control their wives with violence and then silence themwith death threats. Even if the battered wife does find the courageto seek help, she may not always receive it. This is a tendency,even among people who abhor other forms of violence, to trivialize,ignore, or justify violence perpetrated by husbands. Also, outsidehis home the abusive husband may appear to be charming. Oftenfriends cannot believe that he beats his wife. Disbelieved and withnowhere to run, many abused wives feel that they have noalternative but to live in constant fear. Battered women who doleave sometimes becomes victims of stalking. Imagine their fear.Someone who has threatened you continues to turn up where you go.He phones you, follows you, watches you and waits for you. He mayeven kill your pet. It is a campaign of terror. (excerpt from 8/8/05 Awake "Why Do So Many Live in Fear onJehovah's Witnesses official website.)
Answer Women are a very difficult concept to understand, i say that being one myself, but it is true. A woman that return to an abusive husband are not easily able to l…et go. Its hard to leave a loved one that may have cheated on you, and same goes for a loved one hitting/beating you. Love can be bad and it can be good. We, as women cannot control the type of men we love, and me sometimes make the wrong choices, and sometimes we don't even realize it until its almost too late, however, we love them so we tell ourselves that they may change eventually, and keep making up excuses for them that way you don't seem to tell yourself that its them that is the problem or has the problem. Its hard to let someone go after so so much love and so much time and effort put into the relationship that you may look over it, because of the love you have for them. Love-Kristin D. Don't believe in codependent I think the codependent thing is a myth, at least for most women. I got sucked in to a relationship with an N as a financially secure, independent woman. He was absolutely charming at first! It took some time for the abuse to begin, but it was executed bit by bit until there were more bad times than good. It happened gradually. Hey, the last thing a woman needs to hear is that this stuff is somehow her fault, like she asked for it or something. All women are not suckers, sorry.
Answer Statistics currently say 'yes'. Or at least, women are less afraid to report it. There is an obvious stigma about a man reporting a woman for abuse, altho…ugh it does happen. This is known to happen after a man has grown up in an abusive environment as a child, and then unconsciously seeks another to abuse him.
Narcissists (whether male or female) abuse their partner (whether male or female) to excert power and control. Codependents are extremely vunerable because of their dependancy… on relationships and ther fear of being alone. They tend, more than others, to hang on too long and put up with too much before leaving.
Because they are weak and know the man could better defend themselves and/or beat them up instead! So they choose to beat on a woman who is not as strong in defending herself.…
Because most males think that children and especially women are weaker than them. Some men do tend to abuse females and children, just because they like hurting people and t…hink that women are weaker Women and men should be observed as equal and not lower than eachother. They probably got beaten by bullies or a family member when they were kids or something so now they're trying to prove a point.
How do American men view American women? Everybody is different, there's not a particular anwers to that,but if we generalize they are very respectful, also there are machis…tas who think women shouldn't work etc. But this is a very small percentage of them. Hispanic men WILL show more respect towards a woman that has being with less men or is still a virgin. The girl they want to marry, is the girls that values herself and her body. Trust me they will have much more respect towards you if you slap him or move his hand when he tries to touch you. If you let him, you're automatically in the "just for fun" category.
What makes a man abusive is that they hurt you on purpose. Most reasons they do this in the first place is because they are small tempered and if you anger them you won't be h…appy. As for the women seeking i don't think that has ever happened. In most cases you can't tell if a man is abusive by looking at him or even talking to him. Also no one in there right mind would want to ask for that kind of abuse so ya. I hope that helped! =)
In Teen Dating
These people may appear to choose to suffer in silence, but it is not as it seems. Remember that the victim's confidence and "ju ju" may be low after constant abuse over time.… Often, they are isolated from family, friends and anyone else who could help them because their abuser limits their activities. If the abuser is well respected in the community, there is always hesitation to bring it out. Abuse is often hidden within a household--abusers are stealthy--and one of the symptoms is that the situation is so bizarre no one can believe it. Most people in our society do not wish to see, hear or talk about abuse, and so general knowledge about managing these situations is low. It is so not about the victim's pride, or not wanting to put anyone else out. What are the numbers? There was a nationwide one day survey, on November 2, 2006. In 24 hours, 48,000 adult and child victims of domestic violence asked for help. Another 347 contacted crisis hotlines. The abuser is all about control. It doesn't really matter what their reasoning's are (environment of abuse, not getting what they feel like out in society, etc.) but the main point IS these abusers hurt people and especially those they love. They can be abusive to not only their mate, but their children and the elderly. They have as much opportunity as anyone else to seek psychological counseling, but most choose to remain the same bullies they always were. When it comes to men being abusive to women they are lower than a snake's belly. They know full-well that a female (in most cases) in no match physically for them or, if it's mental abuse, the abuser picks on shy, submissive women that lack self confidence so they know they can walk all over the woman. Women who abuse their husband, b/f, or others are also bullies and get off on the fact that "they are women so how on earth could they ever be thought of as being abusive to their male partners." They could be and some do! Abusive women have been known to throw tantrums in front of family and guests leaving her victim embarrassed and afraid to say anything because of another impending outburst, or, she can physically slap, kick, scratch, punch, and throw things at her abuser and also throw objects at her victim. Most men are brought up not to hit women, so the man is too embarrassed to ask for help and feels that he will be labeled a fool for putting up with it or weak and the old long time adage of "get your family in order man!" still rings true to some degree to this day. Whether men/women abusers they are their own worst enemy, but can inflict great pain on their victims either physically or mentally. It's because they are unhappy inside and strike out at those they actually love. They put the fear of God into their victim threatening to take away the children, walking out and leaving them to their own demise or worse yet, threatening to kill them or their family. Abusers brain-wash their victims and strip them down to a bare nothing as far as human existence goes. Abusers have had lots of practice so they generally know just how far they can go and strike such fear into their victims that the victim will actually believe no one out in society cares about her/his plight and therefore they become reclusive, shut-ins, some end up with panic attacks or Agoraphobia. They are what I call "the walking dead." The good news is there is help out there for both women and men who have been mentally/physically abused and all one has to do is go to their local mental health (on the sly) and they will help getting them through the proper channels. There are "safe houses" (or Transition Houses) where the victim and his/her children are put and where the abuser can't get to them and the only time the abuser will see them is in court! These facilities will offer legal services and a counselor will go to court with the victim. In Canada there is a zero tolerance level for abuse. Abusers seldom will seek help so it's important the victim confide in a minister/priest, trusted friend or trusted family member and devise a plan ahead of time because once you leave your home there is no going back. Let the counselors and the facilities for abused women/men take care of the rest. Then there is psychological counseling that the victim SHOULD take. They have to gain their strength back and self confidence. If you go onto www.Google.com and type in: THE TERESA SALDANA STORY you will get some insight into what a badly abused woman can go through and there are thousands like this. Her case was a little different and they would have you believe it was a fan that went after her, but, in fact, it was a boyfriend she gave the heave-ho too. This woman went through hell (stabbed some 19 times) and survived. It was a long and painful journey for her, but each day she gained strength and she started Women's Rights Against Abuse and also Nancy Reagan is an advocate of this and has greatly helped changed some of the laws. I volunteer for Abused Women and I've seen some sights. I've been into hospitals where the victim has had her throat cut (the abuser knew just how far he could go so the wound was deep enough to be serious if neglected, but not enough to kill her if she sought treatment) and have seen women with a history of past broken bones to fresh ones. I've seen teeth knocked out, jaws broken, eyes beaten so badly one came out of the socket on one young woman and I could go on and on. It's not a pretty sight. You may ask why these women didn't say something to the doctor or nurses attending to them, well it's a lack of mistrust! The law can only go so far and there is still not all that much protection for the abused victim so once she leaves the hospital where does she go? In most cases she feels out of control and lonely and decides in many cases it's better to go back to her abuser than live on the streets. She has had so much of her dignity and self esteem stripped from her she doesn't even have any idea of how to exist out in our so-called normal society. Once she goes back to her abuser he is usually so enraged that he will beat her yet once again and once that is over it's simply called, "The Cycle of Abuse" (look that title up on Google as well.) I refuse to let anyone ever think these women are weak or choose to sit shivering in fear and no, they are not martyr's suffering in silence. They are terrified, have been brain-washed and no, they didn't know their abuser was abusive at the beginning. When we meet someone we take a gamble. Everyone puts their "best foot forward" to impress the person they are interested in and abusers are chameleons and crafty so it's hard to tell sometimes if they are going to be abusive in the future. These women deserve respect and given the dignity they so deserve. They do the best they can until the laws of our judicial system change even more (and it is) and they need to know there is a "safe place" to run too. Men suffer in silence too for the reasons I have already given, but it's time we started to change and realize that indeed thousands of men are being abused by their female counterpart and that things are changing in this aspect as well. I wish more men would come out of the closet on this on this board and give their experiences. The more we talk about it the more counselors dealing in abuse can help men.