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Does a narcissist ever forget an insult?

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Yes, they forget insults, the ones they say to you.

Narcissists are often vindictive and they often stalk and harass. They hold grudges indefinitely.
They rarely forget a slight or an insult - real or imagined. They nurture the pain, dwell on it, magnify it, analyze it, and form conspiracy theories to explain it.
The narcissist perceives every disagreement � let alone criticism � as nothing short of a THREAT. He reacts defensively. He becomes indignant, aggressive and cold. He detaches emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. He devalues the person who made the disparaging remark. By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant � he minimises the impact on himself of the disagreement or criticism. Like a trapped animal, the narcissist is forever on the lookout: was this remark meant to demean him? Was this sentence a deliberate attack? Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference until he loses touch with reality and retreats to his own world of fantasised grandiosity.
When the disagreement or criticism or disapproval or approbation are PUBLIC, though � the narcissist tends to regard them as Narcissistic Supply! Only when they are expressed in private � does the narcissist rage against them.
The cerebral narcissist is competitive and intolerant of criticism or disagreement. The subjugation and subordination of others demand the establishment of his undisputed intellectual superiority or professional authority. Alexander Lowen has an excellent exposition of this "hidden or tacit competition". The cerebral narcissist aspires to perfection. Thus, even the slightest and most inconsequential challenge to his authority is inflated by him. Hence, the disproportionateness of his reactions.
Still, it is very easy to regain the narcissist's trust and favor by providing him with narcissistic supply.

I don't think they ever forget. I knew one who completely out of context brought up a former best friend that was 5" late to a dinner meeting fifteen years ago and she spend five years trying to ruin her life as a reslut of the slight. He is still raging inside about the "incident" and likely will be forever.

I had a conversation with mum. Mum told me that sis was borrowing her coat for a while among other info. Mum tells me so much that I make a list so that i don't forget anything. When other siblings wanted to know what mum told me, I told them everything because it was just a cheery phone call of "hello, what's news". Sis was with siblings when I said, "I talked to mum and she said the mailman's wife had a baby, the neighbors cat died, her teapot broke, and sis talked to her yesterday and asked to borrow her coat." Sis got irate. She told me to quit making things up. She said she never asked to borrow mum's coat. I told sis, mum told me that, so take it up with mum. I personally didn't see anything wrong with sis borrowing the coat and didn't understand what sis thought was so objectionable. I thought they had deal and mum didn't complain at all. Sis has been borrowing mum's things for years and showing up at parties wearing mum's things and never hid it from anyone. It was not an unusual incident. The next 3 months sis called every week telling me that mum said she was missing her hat and wanted to know if I had it. I said no. Sis said, "are you sure?" I said, "I never borrowed mum's hat." The next week sis called back and said, "did you borrow mum's hat." I said "no." Then she called again, "mum is missing her hat, did you take her hat?" I said, "no". She said, "are you sure?" I said, "I do not have mum's hat." She said, "mum's hat is missing" (as if I didn't hear her the first 15 times). Then next call, same thing. She said, "mum thinks someone stole her hat. Have you seen it." I said, "no". She said, "are you sure you didn't take it when you visited last?" I said, "I don't have mum's hat, I don't wear hats, no desire for hats and no I don't have mum's hat. For 3 months, and after 50 times saying no, I finally asked, "when are you going to quit asking me if I have mum's hat." She said, "mum said it not me, so take it up with mum." I guess she thinks she got revenge. She thinks that if she uses my own words back on me, that I can't defend myself, or I'd be attacking my own actions and not hers. She didn't realize I was innocent and relaying things from a list that mum told me and had no idea that her borrowing mum's coat would put her on defense. I had no malicious intent. She did have malicious intent and got revenge on me not once, but many times during the next 3 months. I call it revenge with interest. This is just 1 example. This is ongoing with sis. I never know what I did wrong until I hear my own words repeated by to me. That's how I know she is getting revenge. I think it would have been easier when she said, "you are lying" to just say, "you're right, I lied." But who knows what kind of revenge she would have done then. This was a no win situation. She is so on the lookout for people to do her evil, that she perceives attacks where they don't exist. Due to this, I never know when she is going to twist something.

Auntie sent sister a get-well card with a letter. Sister said that auntie was accusing her of being a sickly and unhealthy person. I reminded sister that she had a cold a few weeks back. Sister said, "no this is serious, no one would send a get-well card for the common cold."

My sisters son is named Jonathan. pronounced "joe-Nathan" not "john athon" No one can remember if it's Jonathon or Jonathan. My sister also has a northern accent that the southern family don't understand all the time. Cousin Mary was writing her a letter but couldn't find the birth announcement and couldn't remember how to spell Jonathan's name. For the last 10 years my sister spelled cousin Mary's name as Marry. My sister never confronted or asked, or said, BTW this is the correct spelling. She doesn't want to clear things up, or allow for apologies. She just seems to enjoy giving a life sentence to people for small, unintentional errors.

What exactly is a grudge.
I thought a grudge was for 1 mistake in the past that a person never forgave or forget.
When I defend myself NOW for something CURRENT, such as, "honey have you seen the mustard" and he says, "I didn't eat all the mustard." and I say, "I didn't say you did, I just want to know if you have seen it, because I overlooked it." He then says, "I'm tired of you accusing me of things, like that time you accused me of patronizing you. I can't take it anymore. I never patronized you. Quit holding grudges. You are a grudge holder."
I'm confused here. I have asked him once, very nicely, 15 years ago to please quit patronizing me. He raged, so I never brought it up again. He has never forgotten it. I thought he was the one holding the grudge.
Is this an example of projection?

No, and they don't forget anything else either. So beware!

The insult they have done to others: always.
The insult others have done to them: never.

They forget promises made to you. Don't pay them in return for something they say they will do. When you ask for it, they will say you need to stop pushing them, and they don't have to do anything. They will say don't be so incredibly selfish. Months later, when they want something, they will apologize for saying something. It will be a very vague apology..."I was stupid. I don't like for us to fight." A year later, if you bring up the fact they lied about doing something in return for money etc., and that you don't get why they did that, they will not remember it. When you say they apologized, they will act surprised. One time I asked why he remembers some conversations so well, and other so poorly. He said that his brain is like a machine, and he gets rid of what he doesn't want. He then said "Don't mess with the machine." I am used to most of his weirdness. Still, the one thing they do go for is an area that you question your own abilities at. Don't complain about someone insulting you. The Narcissist will quickly agree with that person's insult. Narcissists are usually very talented, but can't fully take advantage of it(too controlling.)
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