What would you like to do?
Know and accept thyself. This is what you are. You are highly intelligent. You are very inquisitive. You are a narcissist. These are facts.
Make a list: what does it mean to be a narcissist in your specific case? What are your typical behaviour patterns? Which types of behaviour are counterproductive, irritating, self-defeating or self-destructive? Which are productive, constructive and should be enhanced DESPITE their pathological origin?
Decide to suppress the first and to promote the latter.
Become your own parent. This is what parents do and the process is called "education" or "socialisation". If your path to the adoption of this course is a particular therapy - go ahead. As a metaphor, a narrative, no therapeutic approach is better or worse than any other.
The heart of the beast is the inability of the narcissist to distinguish true from false, posing from being, Narcissistic Supply from genuine relationships and compulsive drives from true interests and avocations in his life. Narcissism is about deceit. It blurs the distinction between authentic actions, true motives, real desires, original emotions - and the malignant forms that are the attributes of narcissism.
Narcissists are no longer capable of knowing themselves. Terrified by their internal apparitions, paralysed by their inauthenticity, suppressed by the weight of their repressed emotions - they occupy a hall of mirrors. Munch-like, their elongated figures stare at them, on the verge of THE scream, yet somehow, without sound. Their curious, vibrant, optimistic True Self is dead. How can a False Self be anything but false? How can anyone on a permanent diet of reflections ever see true objects? How can the narcissist - whose essence is the devouring of meaningful others and their transformation into meaningless and other - ever love?
The answer is: discipline, decisiveness, clear targets, conditioning, justice. The narcissist is the product of unjust, capricious and cruel treatment. He is the finished product of a production line of self-recrimination, guilt and fear. He needs to take the antidote to counter the narcissistic poison. Unfortunately, there is no drug I know of which can ameliorate pathological narcissism. Confronting one's parents and childhood is a good idea if the narcissist feels that he is ready for it. Can he take it? Can he cope with new truths, however painful? The narcissist must be careful. This is playing with fire. But if he feels confident that there is nothing that can be revealed to him in such a confrontation that he cannot withstand or does not already know - it is a good and wise move in the right direction.
My advice to the narcissist would then be: just dedicate a lot of time to rehearsing it and define well what is it exactly that you want to ask. Do not turn this into a monodrama, group dynamics or trial. Ask so that you shall be answered. Don't try to prove anything, to vindicate, to take revenge, to win, to exculpate. Talk as you would with yourself. Do not try to sound professional, mature, intelligent, knowledgeable and distanced. There is no "problem to solve" - just a condition to adjust yourself to. Think about it as diabetes.
At the risk of sounding heartless, I will make three concluding comments:
The narcissist should take life in general and himself, in particular, much less seriously. Being immersed in one's self and in one's condition is never the right recipe to functionality, let alone happiness. The world is a comic, absurd place. It is indeed a theatre to be enjoyed. It is full of colours and smells and sounds to be treasured and cherished. It is varied and it accommodates and tolerates everyone and everything, even narcissists.
The narcissist should regard his condition as an asset. I am a narcissist, so I write about it. My advice to the narcissist would be: ask yourself what can you do with it? In Chinese the ideogram for "crisis" and "opportunity" is one and the same. Why don't you transform the curse in your life - into a blessing in other people's lives? Why don't you tell them your story, warn them, teach them how to avoid the same pitfalls, how to cope with the damage? Why don't you do all this in a more institutionalised manner? For instance, you can start a discussion group on the internet. You can establish "narcissists anonymous" in some community shelter. You can open a correspondence network, a help centre for men in your condition, for women abused by narcissists ... the possibilities are endless. And it will instil in you a regained sense of self-worth, a purpose, self-confidence and reassurance. It is only by helping others that we help ourselves. This is, of course, a suggestion - not a prescription. But it demonstrates the ways in which you can derive power from adversity.
Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"
(c) 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications
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I dont mean to be unkind but is a Narcissist dear to you or do you THINK they are? Narcissist cloud and confuse the minds of everyone they manage to consume. As a female… I am often asking myself what it is about my N partner I hold so dear. The answer is NOTHING. The N is not a real person, only a walking, talking construct of who he thinks he is. In their minds, people are not bodies to be loved, adored and cherished; their only purpose is to satisfy the N ego. I am in the process of leaving mine...I want human flesh and blood not a amoebic parasite. Answer True personality disorders cannot be healed from the outside-in. In fact, anyone with a problem has to want to heal him/herself. Answer Oh be careful. Yes the person has to want to heal themselves. You need to be and remain at a safe distance to point out the problem to the Narcissist and step well well well back. They may be very angry at first unless they already know they have this. They may well not believe you. They will have to search for the answer themselves. You will have to pray that the bit inside of them that's good will understand and that the person will try to work it out for themselves. Anyone too close will probably not be the one to help because so much of their energy will be drawn into helping the narcissist.
Not sure about "spontaneous" healing, but this seems to be one of the very few articles on NPD out there with valuable information. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa408…7/is_200301/ai_n9197353/pg_1 There are gradations and shades of narcissism. The difference between two narcissists can be great. The existence of grandiosity and empathy or lack thereof are not minor variations. They are serious predictors of future dynamics. The prognosis is much better if they do exist. There are cases of spontaneous healing and of "short-term NPD" [see Gunderson's and Ronningstam's work, 1996]. The prognosis for a classical NPD case (grandiosity, lack of empathy and all) is decidedly not good as far as long-term, lasting, and complete healing. The narcissist is chronically depressed and anhedonic (finds no pleasure in life). Unable to love and in the long run (as a result) unloved - the narcissist is ever in the pursuit of excitement and drama intended to alleviate his all-pervasive boredom and melancholy. The grandiose fantasies of the narcissist inevitably and invariably clash with his drab, routine, and mundane reality. We call this constant dissonance the "grandiosity gap". Sometimes the gap is so yawning that even the narcissist - however dimly - recognizes its existence. Still, this insight into his real situation fails to alter his behaviour. The narcissist knows that his grandiose fantasies are incommensurate with his accomplishments, knowledge, status, actual wealth (or lack thereof), physical constitution, or sex appeal - yet, he keeps behaving as though this were untrue. His permanent existence in fantasyland - intended to shield him from his self-destructive urges - paradoxically only enhances them. This state of things makes him feel sad, enraged at his helplessness in the face of his disorder, and at the discrepancy between his delusions of grandeur and reality. It is the engine of his growing disappointment and disillusionment, his anhedonia and impotence, his degeneration and ultimate ugly decadence. The narcissist ages disgracefully, ungraciously. He is not a becoming sight as his defenses crumble and harsh reality intrudes: the reality of his self-imposed mediocrity and waste of life. His psyche is permeated by these flickers of sanity, these reminders of his downhill path. The more fiercely he combats these invaders of realistic appraisal - the more ubiquitous they become. Infiltrated by the Trojan Horses of his intelligence and consciousness - the narcissistic defenses are bound to be overwhelmed. When they are - either spontaneous healing or a breakdown follow. A lie. In other words, people with NPD don't experience actual "spontaneous healing", but they very often claim to have been healed spontaneously. This claim, of course, is just another narcissistic ploy.
Is there any hope of being healed if you're suffering as a narcissist NPD and are desperate to be healed?
You can be healed over time, like all pain and loss.Dont have contact with the N - seek counselling and let yourself know, it simply isn't your fault.I have a Ex N and for a l…ong time I thought Id never heal. I share a child with him. I reserved the game on him, I ignored him and I did not show him my pain. Him thinking I was ok, KILLED HIM. I know the feeling of wanting to be healed but it isn't something that wiljust happen. Yopu need to put work into it,worry about yourself and remember that your better than he is. Your heart will heal, trust me!I spent 6 years with mine, telling myself it was all me, never him. He was right - I was wrong. I couldn't live without him... Blah blah blahMy world rocks without him, Im myself again, Im happy and most of all with time I moved on, as will you dear!I wish you well
Answer . It depends on the individual. Counseling is so, so important. The narcissist is controlling and bossy to boot. Often a victim of a narcissist who has left the rela…tionship will show signs of some of the same actions as the very narcissist she/he detests. They can either become docile in their future relationships with little feelings or can become extremely controlling because they refuse to let anyone tell them ever again what to do, think or how to act and they simply lose balance. One should become more independent, more secure, but never lose the good part of themselves. It's because the victim has had to live in that situation for so long.. Also, narcissists are destructive and egocentric. They are incapable of experiencing love and bonding. They use, abuse, and throw people away. I think they have a chemical imbalance. I think the rational/empathetic parts of their brain chemistry become smothered, either, in adolescence or childhood or late teens. I know it is hard to believe that a chemical could prevent somebody from loving others, but what other explanation is there? I was raised in an abusive family, and I can love, so I don't think it is always environment. They used to believe that bipolar and autism were environmental too, but now that has changed. For that matter, they used to think that anyone with a mental impairment was a witch, so we've come a long way. LoL. I think getting out from under the abusive relationship is the best idea. Reinvent your life. Get on with your life, without them, and show you don't need them. Love your life. Get a hobby. Something you love to do. Give yourself things that you can look forward to. Realize what a wonderful person you are, and that their opinions are a result of a flawed mentality. You'll bounce back. That helped me. It took me about two years to get over a person who displayed those traits. It won't take long, if that is what you are worried about. I would like to help them, but don't want them around me, unless they do something that really improves their mentality. If it is a loved one, that is different. But, still, only take as much as you can stand. Don't take the abuse. Have the option to walk away, any time. If they are violent, love them from a distance. Try to get them to look into current medications, or whatever is available. I read that therapy only makes them more astute at bad behavior, and I tend to agree, so adjunctive therapy for them might not be helpful. There is research in this area, so don't feel too hopeless. Maybe someday soon, they can be helped to lead a more normal and enjoyable life, cause it can't be fun for them to have this pathologically abusive, egomaniacal, totally self centered, accusatory, destructive life, that is devoid of real joy, love, sense of well being, empathy, calmness, bonding, attachment, and so on.
Answer \n. \nIt may give you some of your power back to think of exposing the person, but in the long run it affects you more than the abuser. Better to let the rest of the… world teach them. You can move forward, with compassion, and find your real life there.\n. \n Answer \n. \nWhy bother? Although narcissists are chameleons in nature (change their personality to meet their needs) the majority of the public isn't stupid. There will be a time when the narcissist will slip-up and the true personality will be revealed. \n. \nA victim of a narcissist (in your case) is seeking more of a "I told you about him/her and now you know I told the truth." IT DOESN'T MATTER! People leave their relationships for various reasons and don't need to explain to others why. It's important you just get away from the person. You know who you are and that you aren't at fault and that's all that matters. It's best to kick this person to the curb and move on or you'll just end up wasting your energy and getting no satisfaction from it. \n. \nIt's important you seek counseling because you have taken verbal/emotional abuse and you need to realize and prove to yourself (at this point) that none of it was your fault. It's difficult for the victim at times not to blame themselves no matter how hard they try.\n. \nI was married once before and my ex was verbally/physically abusive and he cheated often and after I left him 3 1/2 years later (don't know what took me so long) it took me sometime before I stopped blaming myself. I thought I had all the answers, but shocked myself into realizing that I had come to think that "I" must have done something to deserve all this and that people just didn't go out and cheat on one for no reason. I finally got the picture that there are disturbed and troubled people out there and they manage to hang themselves all on their own time and no one got them to that point.\n. \nGood luck
Answer You start to get your self esteem back, you're not depressed and your life has other and new people in it. You get out and do things with the only life you were …given to live. If you need to go to a self help group on healthy relationships. The people there can give you lots of suggestions on how to move on with your life in a healthy manner. Answer The above answer is SO VERY TRUE! I addition to this, you gain a sense of peace, experience less anxiety and begin to think of him less and less, and when you do it is more about his inability to love than the good things you recall from the beginning of the relationship. You rebuild your friendships/other relationships and gain a sense of freedom and self respect. Best wishes and an end to troubles... -AlwaysLearning Answer I agree, as well, with both answers. When you can reflect upon the N and feel pity for someone who is sick, then you know that you are healing. Normal, healthy people don't seek out to create toxic relationships with others, so it's only a reflection of your wellness to come to a place where you can honor yourself for being a human being with real feelings.
Answer . If you have basically rolled yourself up into a tight little fetal position and refuse to date others, or you don't trust ANY man. All men are not bad guys. You… may not feel like going out and have let your school/work habits slide as well as not having kept in contact with your friends or family. \n. \nTime to realize that all men are not bad, get some much needed therapy and get out with friends and have some fun. Narcissists are their own worst enemy and he'll hang himself on his own. Look after yourself, get that therapy and start seeing friends and before you know it you'll probably meet a really nice guy. You'll know the difference when you see it.\n. \nTRAITS OF A NARCISSIST WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM\n. \nThey can indulge you with gifts, always being around you, always phoning, wondering where you are until you feel smothered. Some women would consider this behavior wonderful and they may even feel adored, but don't let that fool you. When you love someone each of you should have head space to a degree and one doesn't get suspicious of where the other is. Love is about sharing and trusting. \n. \nIf you find you aren't getting out in society and enjoying life then you haven't properly healed. Narcissists practice mind-bending games and can make their VICTIM doubt themselves. They will take all your control away such as your independence and the trust you once use to have in yourself. They can alienate you from family and friends and even go so far as not wanting you too work so you have no freedom. If you feel like this then please get some therapy. It helps you to see your narcissist for what they are and also gives you tools to realize you can learn from past experiences and find your own strengths.\n. \nGood luck!
Answer . They listen to what your experiences have been. They will ask you how you feel about it all. They also realize you have built-in rage and are struggling to rega…in your self-confidence and also to learn more about the workings of a narcissist so the victim has better ways of controlling their life should the narcissist come back into their lives. The counselor will eventually stabilize their patient and start to teach them tools to deal with their past abuse and regain more control over their lives. It's best to always be honest (don't ever be embarrassed) to the counselor so they can help you and the treatment wouldn't last as long. The counselor is there if you should have problems with your abusive ex coming back into your life and they have the knowledge to tell you have to handle it.
What are some effective methods others have used to heal from a past relationship with a narcissist?
Answer . Just try to keep your mind off of them and stay active. Sign up for some aerobic classes. Stay busy get an extra job and go kick it wit your old friends. Make new …friends. ENJOY LIFE..................... BUT STILL TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS. JUST GET OVER THEM AND I KNOW ITS HARD BUT WHEN YOUR NOT WORRIED ABOUT THEM AND WHAT YOU HAD YOU WILL BE PROUD.. NO CONTACT . Don't answer their calls, unexpected visits which they love as it keeps you off guard never knowing when they will show up, emails etc. Do not be fooled if they have a sudden life transforming experience which will be used to suck you in, then they return to their normal self. Stay busy, join a club, work, eat healthy, talk, go out dance, take care of you.
How do you deal with the anger stage of healing from a narcissist if you do not want to confront him?
Answer Probably the best thing you've done is to rethink going directly back to the source of your anger. Nothing that you could possibly need (apology,… explanation, venting) will do you any good at this point. Anger is part of the process you need to go through and it will [truly] fade over time. One thing you might do is to write a letter to him, and not send it. Either burn it ceremonially or let it go out with the tide. Answer Anger is an understandable emotion when dealing with an N. It also means you are on the right (& healing) track. It must be released or it can make you sick. Exercise, writing, and talking with a friend or counselor are a few healthy ways to work through it. I am only now truly feeling angry about my situation and it's been 2 years since my discoveries! That's how long I have suppressed it (not good). I am applying (to myself) the advice I just offered. Be sure to get it all out. Otherwise, it can grow toxic and not only hurt you, but those near you. Treat yourself with compassion, and give yourself full permission to get as angry as you need to. It's okay. You are a valuable and worthy soul. That anger is a good sign you have healthy self-esteem. Somewhere deep within, you know you did not deserve what happened to you. Give that emotion a voice, energy, and the freedom to express itself. Then when you are ready, take it to a higher level. Allow it to turn into a love for yourself that cannot help but overflow to everyone around you and create the current that will move you into a far more beautiful place in your life. Brighter days are ahead. Take care, AlwaysLearning
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which the person has a larger than necessary sense of self importance and put very little importance on the feeli…ngs of others. The recommended treatment for this disorder is therapy, and sometimes medication if there are symptoms such as anxiety or depression present. Hypnosis has not been shown to heal this disorder.
NO!!! Narcissists don't heal. They are teflon emotionally. Just get away from them.
Absolutely not, and it is unlikely that they work for anything else, either. Most improvement due to such "alternative therapies" are due to placebo effect, and NPD is not su…bject to placebos. The only (sometimes) effective treatment for NPD is intensive psychotherapy, and anyone who tells you otherwise is out to get your money.
Therapy. Lots of it. ME I THINK THA…T HEAL IS A GREAT WORD YOU SHOULD START BY FIRST KNOW THAT YOU COULD HAVE NEVER PLEASED THIS PERSON NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID SECOND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME THIRD IS NORMAL TO FEEL CONFUSED BETRAYED AND HAVE MIX FEELINGS AND NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEIR ACTIONS OR THE SILENT TREATMENT .LACK OF EMPATHY AND AFFECTION.THEY DONT REACT TO THINGS LIKE MOST PEOPLE DO.IF YOU GIVE LOVE YOU EXPECT SOME AFECTION BACK BUT THEY WITHDRAW FROM IT.IS HARD .I BELIEVE TIME CAN SMOOTH OUR FEELINGS AND READING AND GETTING INFORMATION WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.PEOPLE SAY MOVE ON BUT I DONT THINK IS THAT EASY,I WOULD SAY TRY TO GIVE IT A PLACE AND MOST OF ALL KNOW IT HAS HAPPENNED TO OTHER PEOPLE TO TRY TO REGAIN YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND KEEP IN MIND IS NOT YOU THEY TREAT ANYONE THAT LOVES THEM THAT WAY THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF REAL LOVE. AT THIS MOMENT I AM GOING TROUGH HELL FOR A YEAR NOW SINCE THE PERSON I LOVE YES YOU READ RIGHT DUMPED ME IN A VERY HORRIBLE FASHION AFTER YEARS OF MENTAL ABUSE AND NOW IS TOTALLY NO CONTACT WITH ME AND WHEN HE HAS A NEW SUPPLY HE MANAGES TO LET ME KNOW.BUT I DECIDED I HAD ENOUGH SO I AM FIGHTING TO OVERCOME THIS.I WONT LET HIM STILL CONTROL ME. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND IF PEOPLE SAY YOU GOT TO MOVE ON THEY MEAN GOOD BUT YOU KNOW AND I KNOW IS NOT THAT EASY. SO DONT FEEL BAD BECUSE YOU EXPERIENCE SOME SET BACKS JUST GIVE IT TIME.
Opinion Narcissism is a personality disorder not a mental illness; a narcissist is perfectly capable to make the distinction between right and wrong. If you wanted to ask if …a narcissist will ever admit to others that he is one- NO-he will not alert the future victims and face the consequences of his actions. Opinion Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are usually unwilling to acknowledge their disorder. Although some may recognize the difficulty they have in their relationships with other people, they blame others for those problems. They are unable to modify their behavior. They have a conviction that they can do no wrong. They often have a defective ability to interprete other people's speech and actions which leads them to think they are liked and respected. One of the striking hallmarks of NPD is the utter lack of self awareness. Many do not recognize that they have a problem at all. If they do suspect they have a problem they are more likely to step up their self defense, reject outside intervention and avoid introspection at any cost and so they are doomed to repeat their failures and mistakes.
Celebrate! Go out with your friends and family because I'm sure your ex kept you from them as much as possible. Reconnect relationships with people you care about and don't …ever look back. If you need help in how to heal do what I did and read everything you can get your hands on regarding NDP that way you will be sure to never go back. Consider yourself lucky you are divorcing from this person. These people are horrible self-centered emotional vampires that don't consider their partners as human beings. Talk to a therapist if you have to but whatever you do stay away and in time you will feel like a human being again. Trust me, I know, I've been there. The day I finally dumped my ex N was truly the day I began to heal.
Any break up is heartbreaking and it takes time to get over. Unfortunately, a narcissist can be charismatic; attractive; compentent; even warm towards another person and also …have humor. However, narcissists are so absorbed in their own needs and how they look; how much they can be right; are controlling and do not often do well in long term relationships that they lose touch with reality. No matter how much you loved this person consider yourself lucky you are rid of them. Most people go through at least one break up and in time get over it. It is generally fate interfering with some people; it pushes the person to have no recourse about the break up, but, it sets them free whether they know it or not. Fate can set one free in order to open them up to others in society and eventually meet that special person in their life that they should be with. True love is about loving the other person with all ones heart; being giving; caring; honest and loyal. Anything less is simply not love. Have a good cry; kick something if need be, but don't sit around and mope as life is too precious. Start circulating with female and male friends and eventually you will find that special someone.