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To do things to improve ones self such as joining a gym,therapy groups,maybe school or a new trade, socializing with friends, and going on dates. Its been nearly 9 months since my separation and I'm just barely coming to grips with myself and the realization that I can get out there and be productive and positive. Of course my Ex would like to see me in jail or thrill to see me down, but I have to find a way to be happy in all that I do, i have to and I won't give up on me. It may sound abit selfish but how can we love another if we don't love ourselves first? To do things to improve ones self such as joining a gym,therapy groups,maybe school or a new trade, socializing with friends, and going on dates. Its been nearly 9 months since my separation and I'm just barely coming to grips with myself and the realization that I can get out there and be productive and positive. Of course my Ex would like to see me in jail or thrill to see me down, but I have to find a way to be happy in all that I do, i have to and I won't give up on me. It may sound abit selfish but how can we love another if we don't love ourselves first? Decide that you are a worthwhile project and invest in yourself. Do something you love to do (I love to draw and took a drawing class).... And remember, things will get better and before, you knew what you knew and now, you know better and you'll do better. Make the most of your time here on earth. Reach out to others and you'll see, not everybody is sick and mean....Have faith? good luck with it all someone who knows what you are going through. I'd say in addition to doing things you like to do, also embrace the grieving process head on. It hurts to cry and get over that heartache feeling, but if you supress your emotions, I believe it delays the grieving process significantly. It's okay to cry. Let it all out and heal faster.

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18y ago
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6y ago

It is not about forgiving yourself. Remember you are the victim. It is about forgiving others, and about focusing on changing your life to avoid these situations again by realizing you are human and worth better treatment.

With a lot of time. from experience, the most important things to do are;
  • forgive yourself, and recognize that you are a person with value and worth
  • forgive forgive the abuser, everyday, because the anger you might feel toward that person will only make you feel worse emotionally
  • forgive them, but don't make yourself available to them, or allow them to further abuse you in an shape or form, sometimes cutting of contact completely is very good, but remember that forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to forget.
  • when you wake up in the morning, mentally verbalize the fact that you are going to be okay, and that it's going to be a good day.
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17y ago

Terminate the relationship, live your life without regard to entering into another relationship. Become involved in a business, hobby, group or religion; anything that requires a lot of time and effort. If you meet someone during that process, fine, if not, don't worry about it. The important part is, don't latch onto the NEXT relationship on the "rebound", and don't get into a "support group" that turns out to be nothing more than a group of "male bashing" or "Female loathing" people who have nothing better to do than to feel sorry for themselves and talk about how terrible members of the opposite gender tend to be. That can ruin your perspective on life. And last, don't go out with anybody that you meet at a bar or any other casual meeting place. If you decide to date, it should be someone you meet at work, church, school or some other establishment that lets you see what the person is like over a long period of time. At least some of the people you know should have known him/her for a long time so that you can know that he/she is not a flake and not just stopping by for a quick roll. And above all, respect yourself. Take care of yourself, do things for yourself, buy stuff to make YOU feel good and look good. Go on a trip, anything that pampers YOU. You're trying to rebuild your ego. Abusive relationships are hard on the self-image. Loose weight if you need to. Exercise if you aren't doing it already... maybe join a gym or take a karate class. The important part is to do it for YOU. If you have some single friends, maybe go on a cruise together after you've met a self improvement goal.

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Q: How can a person heal from an abusive relationship when they feel they are emotionally raw?
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Related questions

Is a guy who constantly calls to complain about his health problems being emotionally abusive?

I'm not sure if it's a full-blown emotional abusive relationship, or even on the road to becoming that way, but I do feel taken advantage of him at times.


What are affective response to a abusive relationship?

if you are in a abusive relationship just don't stay with them say that you don't feel the spark in the love and that you want to move on.


When will you begin to feel 'normal' after leaving an abusive relationship?

There is no one correct answer. So long as a person remembers anything of the abusive relationship, it will always have some effect on them simply by remembering it. In a similar fashion to some believing virginity can never be regained once lost, someone who is abused can never be "never abused" unless they incur a complete amnesia over their memory of the entire abusive relationship. The more serious consequences to the victim of a relationship, such as depression (suicidal thoughts or feelings of worthlessness, etc.), nightmares, "battered wife syndrome" (in which one thinks the abusive relationship is their fault and the relationship can be good again if they are a better lover) may not pass at all if the victim has chronic depression (chronic depression doesn't mean feeling depressed after an emotionally traumatic event, such as an abusive relationship, but is a neurochemical imbalance that can make it impossible for a person to stop feeling depressed even long after the event, whereas a normal person will feel depressed but the feeling of depression fades after not too long of a period). Several months to a year or more may be required for the worst symptoms to pass. Certainly, if bad symptoms persist for longer than a year, professional help may be required (but it is a good idea for the victim of an abusive relationship to get professional help early anyway, as some of the side effects of an abusive relationship can be deadly).


Can there be true love in an abusive relationship?

No. absolutely not. If you are being abused the person who is abusing you does not truly love you. the Abuser makes you feel responsible for his/her actions. therefore making you believe you are in love with that person.


What are the undesirable consequences of a casual relationship?

The undesirable consequences of a casual relationship are that you might eventually want more and become more emotionally involved than you wanted. Or you might not feel like you need a stronger connection to the person and feel unfulfilled.


How do you help someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Abusive relationships are some of the most difficult ones to resolve. THis type of relationship assumes that one partner is abusive and continues to be so because there is no response to the abuse. The difference here centers on "self-assurance." The abusive partner continues his or her behavior because there is no response. I can not suggest how the abused party should respond because in most instances they feel diminished. This situation can only be resolved through extended counseling, if at all.


Leaving as way to gain control in a abusive relationship?

Answer Leaving to gain control in an abusive relationship won't help you much. You will never gain control over a person who is mentally sick by leaving him or her. This person needs help and either you stand by them while they get professional help or you leave because you feel it's the thing to do. Don't leave for all the wrong reasons and later regret your move, if you have children and this person won't go for help, then leave as fast as you can because your children will eventually be affected by your choice to stay in an abusive relationship. Good luck


How you do keep yourself from sabatoging a healthy relationship after leaving an abusive one?

Answer The worst thing anyone can do after getting out of an abusive relationship is to get involved with anyone on a serious level if you haven't gotten proffessional help first. Some people can walk away from such things as an abusive relationship, but not many are that strong. If you haven't sought some kind of Thearipy perhaps you should as you will always feel threatened when the other person raises his voice to you. Why go through that pain, do something about it first.


How will a spouse feel if their wife complains that he is not meeting her needs emotionally and physically?

It varies person to person, really.


What do you do if your husband is emotionally and physically abusive and you just bumped into an old boyfriend and you are tempted to cheat?

==One thing at a time== If your husband is truly abusive (you're not just looking for an excuse to wander), then you need to get out of the relationship, and fast! Once you have removed yourself from the abusive relationship, and have a chance to reflect on the reasons you chose a man like that, and also the reasons for remaining in the relationship once you found out that he was abusive, then...and only then, you should feel free to look for, and engage in, other relationships. If your old boyfriend truly cares about you, he will understand and give you the space you need to work through your present problems. Good luck. Bugger off with the old flame if you've got any sense.


You want to get out of your relationship with your husband but you feel sorry if you cause him to not be able to support himself He is abusive emotionally and you feel bad all the time?

You're kidding, right? Girlfriend, you need to get a life and be quick about it. If you're supporting this riff raff and he's emotionally abusing you for it, he needs help that you can't give him. Kick him to the side and get a little counseling for yourself to help your self esteem. Good luck! well simple just say i dont wanna be married with u...


Why would a man go back to his emotionally abusive ex wife?

Whether an emotionally abusive ex-wife or an emotionally abusive ex-husband, it seems that some people are unable to break away from a bad relationship. They somehow believe that if they just give it one more try, this time it will be different. Usually, such people are emotionally addicted (or accustomed) to the relationship; they may claim they hated it and can't wait to start all over with someone else, yet they keep being drawn back into the same old drama over and over. It may be that the man (in this case) doesn't want to accept that his marriage is really over; or maybe he still believes somehow he'll find a way to fix the problems; or perhaps he blames himself for the failure of the marriage; or if there are children, he may feel a duty to keep the relationship alive because the kids want to see mom and dad together. People who return to bad marriages, whatever their explanation for doing so, usually need counseling in order to truly break the pattern and create a new and healthy relationship.