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How dangerous is a narcissistic parent with joint custody?
If he is a true narcissist he hates children. The risk of abuse - physical, psychological, and even sexual - is considerable. My book: "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" (c) 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications
I think if the narcissist is the kind who receives narcissistic supply by basking in the glow of others, for instance his children, he can be okay as a parent provided the children are beautiful, high-achieving or posses attributes that the narcissist perceives as a positive reflection on him. A potential problem arises in adolescence, however, when children seek to differentiate themselves from their parents and are rejecting of their parents. At this point, I think the narcissist is likely to de-throne i.e. stop idealizing the child, and start devaluing the child. Best not to have children with them.
I have 5 children, 3 of whom are my dh's. I had to send my oldest to live with his father when he hit adolesence for his own protection. He comes to live with me on holidays and weekends. The only way to keep my dh from harming him, physically, psychologically, etc, is to threaten him. I have told him that if he ever touches him, I will call the police and have him thrown in jail in a heartbeat. He is scared to be exposed and for all to know that he is less than perfect, so this works. I also threatened this after he hit me once 4 yr ago when I was pregnant with baby #4. He has not hit me since, although he threatens to and tells me I should be hit to teach me to control myself. He thinks that spanking is the only form of discipline. One of the reasons why I don't leave him is because if he is alone with them, joint custody, I cannot protect them. With us living together, I can counter the harm he causes. A part of me hopes that he will do something that will cause me to be able to get full custody of the kids when I leave so that I don't have to leave them alone with him.
In short, a narcissist having custody of a child for half the time would be a bad idea. Keep a log and record conversations so that you have evidence when the time comes.
Whoever you are - please do not stay in the marriage thinking that you are protecting or diluting the harm done by dh. I am separated from my husband (NPD) in April shortly after finding him in bed with another woman (who had had an abortion just 7 days earlier - someone else's). Your children will be better off without that influence...you are only one person and unfortunantely your children learn more by example and what you are teaching them is that it is okay to put up with it. Not to mention the example you are showing of unnecessary self sacrifice and lack of self respect by tolerating that sort of environment. Believe me, God will protect you and provide for you. My mother made the same mistake and thought she was protecting us from my abusive NPD father's tactics...but I wound up marrying one...though not physically abusive. The damage is psychological and will affect there core self-esteem and abilities to make sound decisions and choices when it comes to people.
They will expose all the nasty bits about the spouse to the kids. That spouse in return is doing the same thing because he/she has just left the nastiest person they have ever known and can't help but expose them. My narcissist's spouse can be quite 'off' with the kids because they defend their dad to the hilt. This is because he has worked on them in his narcissist way.
If you give in to the N they will take an arm and a leg too, with as much concern as you have about rendering a turkey carcass into soup. I left my N 12 years ago, had no problem getting sole custody after his behaviour. I have tried to be a good person throughout, lots of access and involvement, not harping on about the unpaid child support. Not knowing that I was dealing with a mentally unhealthy person, I thought, well at least he's not alcoholic. And when you think everything is peachy-keen and everyone's moved on, you discover that this person has been a busy busy bee, working away behind your back... It has taken me a year of fighting to get any say in my son's life again. His dad made a complaint that we were physically abusing my son and transferred him to another school and then they told me it was my son's decision and I should go along with it. Then things began to descend into madness. Calls from social services, calls from the RCMP, death threats from my son; my 12 year-old offering to sue me for his Gamecube and then I find out that this man pulled his kid out of school and then lied - to his own kid, telling him he had been kicked out!....separated my 12 year old boy from friends, family and peers, away from all sports or social activity, rotting in a one bedroom apartment... and then I went through a lunatic merry-go-round trying to involve the school, social services, the police, anyone to look at the situation. This with full custody, SOLE guardianship, 2 police enforcement orders and a deadbeat dad with no formal education. I have had to explain countless times that I can't go to court for visitation rights! I have custody! Finally, now that my kid is in psychiatric care and the hospital brought in a team of lawyers, now that I have taken this the whole way to our MLA (member of legislature) and put social services on the line for their past mistakes, now I am finally getting some recognition as the parent willing and able to act in my son's best interests. It has been a long road. Never leave yourself open with narcissists; they are deviant way beyond anything a normal thought process can anticipate and they will NOT change unless maybe with years of therapy. Your child doesn't have years.
The narcissistic parent (NP) will generally badmouth the other parent, and will try to turn the children against them. My father almost succeeded with my younger brother, but fortunately, my mother, siblings, and I were able to help him. The NP will also badmouth the siblings who don't buy into his false presentation. Common phrases used are "don't tell your mother, but..." or "don't tell your sister/brother, but..." or "don't tell ______that I said this, but he/she is ______."
The best course of action (speaking from experience) is to minimize contact and explain to your children what narcissism is.
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YOU cannot deny any custody or visitation. Only the court can makean enforceable decision regarding these matters. State laws vary. If physical abuse is the case, the custodi…al parent will need arecord of the abuse and should call the police, take pictures torecord the effects, and try to have dis-interested witnessespresent at the time of any contact between the parents. If there isno abuse to the children, or no abuse in the presence of thechildren, it is unlikely to make any change in the court decisionfor joint custody. It may compel the court to make some order forsupervised exchange of the children for visitation. Only the court can make any decision, especially regarding custody.If the non-custodial parent is abusive to the children it may bevery good grounds for a sole custody arrangement. It may alsoencourage the court to provide for supervised visitation. Visitation is a different issue than custody. Visitation is themeans for the non-custodial parent to have a relationship with thechildren and build that relationship. A court generally regardsthis as semi-sacred. A custodial parent should NOT deny visitation.If it is necessary to curtail visitation for the real safety of thechildren, the custodial parent should immediately file a requestfor a change of visitation. Otherwise, a court may frown on aparent who denies visitation. In some states, continual denial ofvisitation can be grounds for a change of custody.
That will make the court process easier. The other parent can sign their consent for you to have sole physical and legal custody. The judge will usually sign it with advice th…at the parent without custody maintain a relationship with the child by regular visitations. The court may set up a visitation schedule.
Does the court ever change a ruling from joint custody to full custody for the custodial parent if the non-custodial parent gives up his visitation?
Answer Because it's almost always in a child's best interest to have a relationship with both parents, courts are generally reluctant to take away visitati…on rights. In some states, custody orders may give "primary" physical custody to one parent and "partial" physical custody to another parent. Very rarely does one parent get "full" custody of the child without at least visitation to the other parent. If you are the parent who does most of the caregiving and the other parent is not attending visits as scheduled, document the missed visits, especially any times the visits are scheduled and then cancelled or the parent just fails to arrive for visits. This information can help in court.
It depends. Some narcissists are subtle and not very malignant. Others are malignant. The malignant ones can be very abusive.
No. A parent can sign over his or her parental rights, but theycannot sign over to someone else. If a parent signs over his or herrights, then it is possible for the other par…ent to have a spouseadopt the child.
It depends on a number of different factors. How often do you have the children vs the other parent? What is your income vs the other parent? etc. Child support is supposed to… reflect the type of lifestyle your child may have had if the parents had stayed together. It is also to keep it fair to the parents. If one makes $50 a week and is told to pay $5 in support, but the other makes $1000 a week, asking only $5 from parent #2 wouldn't be fair. It is based on percentage. So even if you have 50% custody and visitation, if you make more money, then the bulk of support for the child will most likely come from you. Actully its not fair, but we have to pay it because people who dont work hard think it is fair. I work 60 hrs a week and my x wife who left me for another man only works 30 hrs a week. Even tho we make the same money an hr, since I work harder I have to pay the cheating coniving woman.
You file for it. If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. Upon joining, you will receive a link for downloading a 200 page educational… manual that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do. see link below
more time for the children
Should not affect it, and besides, it's for the kids benefit.
As long as they have the other parents permission i think.
Depends on your reasons and the issues necessitating such a move. see links below
Yes, it just depends on the type of arrangement that can be agreed upon.
That depends on whether the other parent has visitation rights. If so, you cannot remove the child without the other parent's consent or/and court approval. That depends on w…hether the other parent has visitation rights. If so, you cannot remove the child without the other parent's consent or/and court approval. That depends on whether the other parent has visitation rights. If so, you cannot remove the child without the other parent's consent or/and court approval. That depends on whether the other parent has visitation rights. If so, you cannot remove the child without the other parent's consent or/and court approval.
Parents with joint custody share all rights and responsibilities when it comes to the children of the marriage. They must make major decisions (i.e. medical, education, etc.) …concerning the child. This requires a great deal of cooperation between the parents but has been found to be the best situations for the raising of children.
You can't just throw a diagnose around and expect everyone will be the same. A narcissistic parent would probably not be the best parent but not dangerous. This is something a… doctor have to evaluate case by case.
On the part of whom, the child or the parent? You need to provide more information. If the parent has been diagnosed with OCD and this fact has been brought forth in court, it…'s doubtful the court would rule the child be placed in an environment they feel would be harmful to them.
this depends on how far the move is taking place, it is best to go through the family court to find out what rights you have regarding a move.