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How do you get over a guy who you keep going back to when you just want to leave him behind and get on with your life?

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How do you get over a guy who you keep going back to when you just want to leave him behind and get on with your life?
  • Okay, first of all remember there's always someone better.. always. ..unless you've found the one. There's someone out there that is TOTALLY perfect in your eyes, & you in his.
  • Love is seeing someone totally perfect in a perfect way. If you & a guy were truly meant to be, the words "he/she will change if she truly loves me" or "I'll change so that he/she will love me" will NEVER, I repeat NEVER, will be thought of or even spoken of.
  • It's logical, right? if you guys are perfect for each other then you guys will see each other as perfect from beginning till the end. Right now, I'm seeing this guy that's known for being a huge flirt & a player. We've been on & off for about three months, & I really do like him a lot, but I know he's probably not the one for me & vice versa.
  • The only reason we're still together is b/c we both understand that we're young and we've got a lot of time & people ahead of us & we should just have some FUN. Seriously, so have some fun & don't fall too hard [:
  • You cant really get over a guy who you keep going back to unless you really want to it can be so hard and seem like the most impossible thing that can be done but that is not true if he doesn't want you then he is stupid and doesn't realize how much you are worth because you are beautiful and you have a sparkling personality and if he cant see that then he is a 'pompous fool' but then again don't just blame him for not wanting you there may be so many reasons and even if it is hard to accept you could be the reason why you might have pushed him away or not shown that you like him enough he tries so hard but you push him away because you don't know what to do if you are too fast then he will think you are desperate there are so many of the'se ideas in your head and in the end you don't show the real you and the real feelings you have for him first you have to learn to love yourself and when you have done this then you can love someone else and if it doesn't work out don't just blame him or yourself think about what you did wrong and make sure you never make those same mistakes again and don't think he's the one because there are so many guys out there and the perfect one for you is out there so don't just drown in your own sorrows have fun with your friends talk about it let it out it really helps feel upset there is nothing wrong with that but don't do so forever your worth so much and this guy cannot see that so why want him forget him it may be hard but give it time it really helps and just get out there and enjoy you only live your life once so don't let one guy take that fun away from you because frankly he doesn't deserve you! PS: listening to love songs never helps, listen to girl power songs like irreplaceable and feel loads more better!
  • Okay, Well first of all I was just looking around & I found this web site and I thought it was pretty cool. I just love this question, because it lets me know reading everyone of you girls posts... That I'm not alone in this situation...
  • I'm not sure that any of this will make anyone feel better, But I know it will make me feel a whole lot better to talk about things.
  • So it was my first week of high school.. This guy, "Bob", started flirting with me alot the first couple of days. So I told one of my really good guy friends that for some reason I had the'se weird feelings for him. So my friend goes and tells him what I was saying. (Wasn't to happy about that). Well so, That night he calls me.. Unexpectedly. And we talk for almost 3 hours about a lot of things. He finally brings up the whole situation & of course I deny it.. The last thing I wanted was for him to know how I felt. So "Bob" starts calling me a lot more, And we just became really good friends. Well one weekend, I was shopping with my friend and he calls & asks for me to come over. So I did, And you can probably guess that we hooked up. Well anyways.. The same thing happened for about 6 more times.. We started hanging out a lot more. And I didn't really know what to think. But I ended up doing a lot with him.. Not sex. But everything else. And it was my first time for any of this. So of course, I get the'se strong feelings for him. Well since the beginning of this year we've been hooking up. And we call each other our "hook-up buddies", I guess you could call it that. But the truth is that I've always had stronger feelings than that for him. After awhile I think he caught on about how I felt.. But he would always act like he wasn't interested in me like THAT. And so many people have told me the reasons he says we wouldn't work "together"
  • It's just so weird girls, He acts like he likes me so much when he's around me. We'll have like so many amazing nights together during the weekends, And then the next week at school, He'll just walk right by me.. Almost like nothings ever happened. I just have so many regrets. There are so many things that I don't like about him, That could easily make me get over him. Especially the way he treats me.. But I just seem to always go back to him & let him take my heart one more time. Your probably all thinking.. "Duh hun, He's using the hell out of you?" But honestly it's not like that.. He's the biggest sweetheart to me.. And I can tell that he does have feelings for me.. Even if they're just TINY ones. My whole situation is just so confusing.
  • But anyways.. I dated this amazing guy last summer for about 6 months. We had the best times together and we broke it off before high school started.. For what reason? I don't know. Well.. Me and Him started talking about awhile back.. And We just started dating 4 days ago. I love him so much & he's the perfect guy for me. I've regretted not being to be with him since we last broke up.. And I've always told myself that whenever I get him back.. I will never lose him again. But now that I finally have what I've wanted for so long.. I can't get rid of my feelings for "Bob"... What do I do about this? Because it's not good at ALL to be with my boyfriend when I still have feelings for someone else.
  • I really... Really... Need ya'lls help.. I've talked to so many of my friends about this.. And They always seem to understand, But never tell me what exactly I should do. I mean why are my feelings so strong for "Bob" in the first place, When I know that I will never be able to be with him in the first place.
  • We always want what we can?t have, why is this?? We will go to extreme lengths to make the one guy that we want notice us and hopefully he will say wow I really do want to be with her. We change our hair, bodies, and personality just to be everything that he wants. But what does this all accomplish. Nothing, we have to face the fact that he isn't coming back to us we messed it up royally and there?s nothing we can do about it not except to move on and learn from our mistakes. Why do we fall down? So that we can pick our selves back up. We also have to face that it?s not the guy?s fault that he doesn't want us. We have to look back on the past and not remember the good times or the bad, but remember all the times we were complete nasty to the guy. Not that we are supposed to blame the whole thing on ourselves since that is not healthy, we have to realize it?s partly our fault too. If we had not of nagged at him for everything that he did wrong he wouldn't have gone off and found that girl that doesn't pick on him, or not now at least. If we didn't push him away every time he wanted to be close to us, he would touch us when we really needed that hug. Everything that goes wrong in a relationship has an explanation. Do we really want the guy that left us that badly? If we are the ones that messed it up so much why would we want to get back into that routine? There?s always going to be a history, there will always be a fight over that history, there will always be tears about the same old stuff. Even if the guy did want us back extremely badly who will really go back to him. You?ll get bored without the drama. We've all gone through break ups and lived. We will live through this one. Just open your eyes and realize there is a more perfect guy out there just waiting to start a new relationship with you. Comfort is boring, new is exciting.
  • Hang out with your friends, go to lunch, have pool parties etc. Try not to have any down time so you don't think about him. keep yourself busy. Volunteer at the library, animal shelter, senior center, get lost in a good book. I find shopping always cheers me up. You will be over him soon enough if you stay true to yourself and do not call him or see him. Another guy who is worthy of you will appear when you least expect it.
  • Out of sight out of mind is the best advice ever!!! Tell yourself that you are so much better than all of that, because that's how it is. Out there somewhere is a guy that will appreciate you more than you can ever imagine. Have a girls night; spend the time laughing, eating ice cream by the gallon, rent some movies, things like that. Tell yourself that this is holding you back from your full potential and go out there with your head held high ready on to take on the world in the way that YOU want to for once. Never give your heart to someone who won't give it back tenfold!
  • We all know it's hard to do because we've all probably been strong. You deserve nothing less than the best of life, not the botched way.
  • You will be treated the way you expect to be treated. Don't forget that.
  • Well really you have 2 keep yourself occupied. if you don't all you will do is just cry over that person. Times will come when you will feel that you just have to call them or you can't live,but you have to just keep focused. its alright if you just breakdown and cry just let it all out and you will feel much better.and if you don't then you should try to call him and see if he is willing to work out you guys differences. and if not then just face the fact that he's not the one for you. So trust me on this one cause it is happening right now to the person who is giving this advice right now to you, yes its happening to me.
  • I've had a bad experience as my boyfriend just was really slack and slack but the problem is he went to America and didn't tell me. I was devastated. I think if you are sad you should just forget about it all. Talk to another guy or friends and just have a great time. Sit watch movies and some movies make you think that there are better guys in the sea especially movies like romantic comedies like a Cinderella story (not saying i like it but yeah).
  • I think the best cure is talking to you yourself...make yourself realize that the guy you like doesn't like you obviously he isn't WORTH IT!!! I've tried it loads of times already and even made myself write a whole list of the bad qualities he has...(trust me the list idea doesn't really work but..), i came to realize that although you treasure the great times you had...n the love that existed...u need to let things go... and that isn't easy..but like someone sed earlier..TIME IS THE KEY!!! keep yourself occupied all the time..fill your days with work... and just hang out with your more guys... that's really important.. because if no new guys enter your life.. you are gonna keep liking the same people over and over again .. but just take your time... and don't be NEGATIVE ... positive self talk is really important too (i should know that because i was really negative just a couple of days ago when i found out my crush has got a girlfriend :( but hope all you girls will find your own way of getting over that special "him" and good luck ... because I'm going through what you are all going through rite now... always remember.
  • Ignore, ignore, did I say ignore this person. When you think about how much you miss him, think about how much he doesn't meet you needs. When you want to have sex with him, think about how bad he hurt you and leave him alone. Counter every longing for him with a negative reminder of how he always eds up making you feel, eventually. Remember there's always the eventually that perpetuates as he'll always be the same half-ass guy.
  • I am in the exact same situation as is awful knowing that the person you adore cant return those feelings or adore you back..i read the book on the Oprah show "he's just not that into you" and it helped a lot for a little while then it just gets you down again. I really have no advice for you because its been months now and I'm still pinning over the same guy who has hurt me so much inside and i still cant get through it...I cant accept the fact he doesnt want to be with me and i don't think i ever will but i guess you have to find a replacement, when you find a replacement those feelings will and should eventually drop away...also i find that the old saying you want what you cant have has a huge influence on the'se sitations. I mean do you honestly think you'd be so infatuated by this guy if he was all over you and wouldn't leave you alone and constantly wanted to be with you and kept calling and you wouldn't be....girls its the people you cant have that make you want them more...its an awful feeling it really is you feel like this guy has yanked part of your heart out of you and is holding onto it and won't give it back.....I spose were only going to live this life once were never going to get a second chance so either move on because time is to valuable to waste on someone like that or hopefully he'll return to you one day...but i figured if he hasn't know he's not likely too anytime soon so id stop wishing and waiting and just go find a replacement.
  • Well I'm actually in a relationship right now with someone i am completely head over heals for and he loves me too but i have low self esteem and he doesn't give me enough of attention as i need, at first he was the one pushing for the relationship and i didn't want one at all because of this because i know how i get and now we've been going out for a month, he's my manager he's only 19 but I'm in complete love with him... i cry over him every day because he doesn't call, i need to get over him and save him from my crazy ass ways.
  • Well,no one deserves a cheating uncommitted can do better,and there is better.god has a plan for you. he is not worth your unhappiness not even one tear.
  • Where to start... well like all of u girls that wrote stuff in here I've been burned 2. And so I wanted advice and when I was reading all the answers it finally clicked that I am not alone. I used 2 think that I was the only one feeling like I wasn't good enough or pretty enough for a guy but now that I read that... it really helped in a way because no guy should make u feel like ur not good enough for him or is u were skinnier or nicer he would go out w/u. Because u are so much better than that!!! And out there there is a guy that is super cool and he'll be super nice 2 u. And like if you're a girl who's in high school and u have this pro. remember that like guys are jerks in high school like there all shallow but that will change...there gonna turn around. And if that guy u like turns around and likes u again well just remember and think... is he really worth it?? And also, God has a plan 4 u and what will happen will happen!! It's all gonna work out in the end!! But in the mean time do things for YOU not things for HIM!! Like buy one of those trash Us weekly InTouch mags just for the fun of it, watch movies, talk about stuff w/ your friends stuff like that!!! because in the end... your friends are those who matter and guys... well they will come and go until u find the perfect prince!
  • I've been reading all the'se and trying to get over a guy myself. I've been trying to get tips from others who have had their heartbroken. Most of you guys say hang out with your friends and have a girls night blah blah. But what happens when all your girlfriends are completely in love..with the best guys ever might i add.
  • I think life has to be carried on no matter how. This is life and we just don't get what we want sometimes. Yes it hurts but face it, if you have done all the crazy things that you could do and you don't see the result. Just tried to get over it and live on. It is very hard to do so but that is how life works...There are more guys out there.
  • I really agree with all of you who said that time is the key. when i broke up with my bf it took me months to get over him, then it all somehow became ok (lots of time with my friends). but now I'm having feelings for him again, and he does for me too, but he has a gf and it's killing me. so now i have to get over him all over again, and the problem is he's one of my best friends, so i can't just not talk to him for a month or whatever. i just don't know what to do, other than give it time. but what ya'll all said was really helpful...thanks!
  • i am in love with a guy i used to see. He still keeps me on the scene by calling me every night even though he's moved to another city. I know he really loves me but he won't admit it. Right now he is visiting and it is heartbreaking waiting around for him to find time to see me. I can't sleep, eat or concentrate even though i have so much on, all my exams, a great family and friends support network, i can't get him out of my head. The thing that bugs me the most is that i am an intelligent girl who can get a deserving guy. I hate that i know how bad he is, how much he's hurting me, yet no matter what i do, i can't (and don't have the strength) to rid him of my life! Please help... I'm waiting round for him to call.
  • I've been reading the responses here to try and get over a guy in my life as well. I've liked him for over a year, although I've dated a few guys over the year (about 6 guys, and now have a boyfriend), part of my heart still belongs to him. Lots of friends told me to give it up 'cos he's not good enough for me, but all this time I thought he was just too shy to ask me out. And then he did ask for a date, just not me! It's hard to get over him since we work together and we have mutual friends. But after reading some of your answers I agree: he's using the oldest trick in the book. Make himself unattainable so you'd want him more, the old "forbidden fruit" trick. My bf always treats me like a queen and I don't yearn for him the way I yearn for this guy, simply because he's unattainable. Call it sour grapes but, if he's the forbidden apple... honestly, I can live without ever having another apple :) Especially when it's rotten :) Just pick out what it is that you really like about him, and look for those qualities elsewhere. I'm sure it's easier to find than you think. We're all goddesses and deserve better guys. How do I know? I know this because no one on earth deserves to be treated such that they feel inferior or less than awesome. Sometimes these guys are just playing games. Sometimes, it's a matter of matching (what they're looking for isn't what you have, which doesn't mean you're not good enough, just means you're a different kind of woman).
  • I had this guy friend who was shy and only stared at me until I went up to talk to him and hug him...and sometimes kiss him. We talked a lot over text messages and AIM. I gave him almost anything he wanted. Big mistake. Never give guys what they want, because once they get it they lose all interest in you. That doesn't mean if he asks you for a pencil you refuse...but if he asks you for nude pictures....of course reject it. So after I gave him what he wanted. He avoided me, never responded to any of my communication. I broke down for two months. To get over a guy keep yourself occupied, find a new interest. Tell yourself that you went in the wrong way and that you need to turn around. Don't look at him, if he looks at you, don't look back. If he tries to talk to you, act like you don't have much to say. Meet new friends. But most importantly do not chase after other guys while you are still into him. Because if a guy you are hitting on isn't interested. It will convince you that something is wrong with you.
  • Hey, ok so I was with this guy all summer and we had a great relationship, he loved me and I loved him too. I went out of town and I came back and he told me he didn't love me anymore, and that things really "clicked" with him and MY BEST FRIEND! the week that i was gone! I was crushed. The next day was they worst day of my life, then he called me that night and told me that he didn't know what he was thinking telling me all that stuff. Like a crazy person, I took him back, I told him that he better not ever do that to me again! Everything seemed to be going great again for like 3 weeks then he started talking to my best friend again! and Boom he told me again that he couldn't be with me because he liked my best friend! so I think that the best way to get over a guy is to NEVER TAKE HIM BACK! If he can let you go once, it will just be easier for him to do it again! Tell him that you don't want to have anything to do with him. You need to try and move on! Everything will be fine! Just don't call him, don't talk to him, just try to live life as normal as possible!
  • I am totally in the same situation as a lot of you girlies! I broke up with my ex of 3 years about 3 months ago and straight away started seeing someone that point i was totally getting over him! Everything was all good..then one day I realized I was just using this guy to attempt to get over my ex, which really wasn't helping at all..after that I broke up with this guy and started seeing my ex again and fell straight back into love with him and realized that I'd made a huge mistake and then I had to leave for uni and we left as broken up! I've been in uni 4 weeks and I still miss him soo much! Its all good saying keep yourself busy but I still miss him when I'm busy and with all my girlies friends!! I've also met other guys but everyone I meet I automatically compare them to him and I can't imagine what I had with him with anyone else, the annoying thing is I realise the best thing for me to do is get over him because he treats me awfully! can't help who you love can you!? Just wish the getting over him bit would go soo fast because I'm sick and tired of hurting over something that's never gonna happen!! Basically, you need to be as strong as you can, I know its the hardest thing ever and believe me I've given in soo many times, I really have but soon you realise that its the best thing for you and eventually everything will be alright...but it takes time! All my friends have had long term relationships like I have and its taken them a year or more to get over it! So...just be patient girls, good things come to those who wait!
  • Just remember all them times he treated you like bad..never make the mistake twice and go back. delete his number even though you now it off bu hurt. keep yourself busy concentrate on the important things in life. when they know they can't have you they always come running back. play the game hard to get it always work. good luck and stay strong remember your not the only one in this situation.
  • I seen everything written here I'm in a weird situation I'm in love with a guy that has been used to being alone all he's life, He was a player when I met him and to find out no matter the time or our relationship he is still doing same old things he used to in the past talk to girls that he used to date before me basically "cheat on me" and that is not worth a penny. The very weird thing is that he does me wrong and then comes back and cryes he's eyeball's out begs for me not to leave him Promises me the whole world to start all over again and even mentions marriage he's almost 10 yrs older then me and I really don't know what to do is very hard when I'm so in love with him and he can't seem to be able to stop but he will not leave me alone either when I break up with him he even sleeps in the parking lot, I need some advice.
  • First thing on your to do list: Make a mental note to yourself "Once a cheater always a cheater" people like that don't change unless they have an incentive to change either through something dramatic happening in their life to cause them to see the need to change their evil ways or they finally meet someone that they really do fall head over heels for and want to spend the rest of their life with. I got bad news for you dear. You are not that person. And you will never change this man. He has made it very clear by his actions.
  • In fact You my dear have sent this man a very clear message by your actions. "No matter how many times he cheats or what he does to disrespect you, you will always accept him back. You by doing this are not helping this man see the need to change his evil ways therefore you are encouraging his behavior. Let him GO let him see that there is consequences to his behavior he will never see this as long as he knows he can come back crying to you. If he loves you as he says he does his ACTIONS will reflect this not his words. Just remember that by accepting him as he is you are not only keeping the standards low for yourself as a woman which is only working to HIS ADVANTAGE but you are enabling him to continue on his wayward course with no consequences for his foul behavior if you really love this man let him go, stop sleeping with him and find someone more worthy of your affections who will respect you to direct your feelings towards. Take Care of Yourself!
  • Well don't ignore him to much just tell him that you should let it go cause if you keep ignoring him then one day he's going to stop losing interest in you and go on. Now you think that's a good idea but its not because when they think about the times you ignored him he's gonna come to you one day and cuss you out and your gonna feel pretty bad of yourself so just give back the stuff he probably got you and say to go on and say like "I know you don't want to let go of our relationship and I know how you feel but you have to let go now. Doing this won't help it'll make it worse."
  • Alright here is something that will really work. Ok, well whenever you go to think about him or call him or you are missing him a lot, think about all the things that he has done to you in the past. And I'm not talking about all the good times. Think about all the things that he has done to you in the past that has made you feel bad about yourself, or when he has called you a mean or hurtful name. Or when he has made fun of you. Just think of any time that he has made you cry or talked bad about you or cheated if he did. Well anyways, think of all those things and write them down then look at them and think "I don't need that stupid guy, I'm too good for that, I deserve better." No matter what, don't let him sweat talk you into a one night stand. If he really means that he wants to be with you and you really want to be with him then think about then tell him that you will but you aren't just going to jump right into the relationship, because you want to talk out all the problems the two of you have had. Then you guys can hook back up. Or you can just take it in to your own hands, it all depends on the situation.
  • To y'all wounded birds out there, remember that you can't force a guy to love you if he doesn't. Why do you have to waste your precious time thinking about someone who doesn't even love or care and think about you anymore? Guys treat us however we let them treat us. You have to love yourselves before you love them. There are people who can walk away from you, and hear me when I tell you this. If that special someone has walked away from you and you are having a hard time getting over him, let him walk and go away.I don't want you to talk any guy in to staying with you, calling you, caring about you and coming to see you. Don't think that there's something wrong with you. Stop crying over him, go out there n have fun with your friends. Hang up the phone when he calls, pass him by when you see him and make him realize you are a lady not a dog. Don't suck up n stoop so low for him because HE ISN'T WORTH EVERY TEAR THAT YOU CRY. If he doesn't love you anymore, let him go, it means his part of the story is over. Close that chapter on him and move on with your life. Remember that your destiny isn't attached to the destiny of anyone else and tell yourself you are way better than him. My advice, never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. Don't beat yourself up because he doesn't know what he's missing. I know it's hard to get over someone you love but you'll find another guy who'll appreciate and love you for who you really are inside-out. The only way to get EVEN is to get over him and forget about everything. Take it from me, someone who has been there before with my heart out in my hand. Now I have a wonderful guy who loves me unconditionally. Don't you want the same thing? It wasn't meant to be so sweetie, get over him and move on to the next guy.......and remember you are beautiful and he's never gonna get a wonderful girl like you again.
  • Its so hard not going back to him. It's like, he tortures me in so many ways. Whether it's standing me up for a date, hanging out with his many girl "friends" (yeah right) or saying hurtful things to me about my looks or the flaws in my personality. I get really ticked off at him. Tell him never to call me again. He acts like he doesn't want to say goodbye but understands if I need to break things off.
  • Just when I'm sure its over for good, he calls, or texts or whatever, acting like nothings wrong, says "hey baby, I miss you, how are you....and by then I'm soft and weak and am finding it hard to remember why I broke things off in the first place, my memory gets cloudy and can all the sudden only recall the good times........and there we are again. This is a vicious cycle I've been going through for 3 months now....... My only solace, is in the fact that I've been through break ups before, and have always been okay. But I can't take many more of these. Will we ever live happily ever after?
  • If your like me the guy you like is your best friend. He thinks of you as a buddy. My friends are his and his are mine. Our parents approve, but nothing happens. All because of some other girl. Some people say wait he's not seeing what's really there. That is true in some cases. You have to make him learn he can't use you and your staying in the best friend lines. You move on with some other guy and he'll be heart broken for making you wait. He the one that messed up not you.
  • Why do you keep going back to him? Sounds like you still love him. If not don't go back and get on with your life. And to all the other posts, nowhere in the question does she say he was mean or uncaring. Maybe they just didn't love each other enough. I know it's hard not to use past relationships to come up with answers. But I recently broke up with someone that I was suppose to spend my life with. She wasn't faithful to me and lied to my face about it. And if she came back to me I would give her another chance because I love her with all my heart, and I believe that someone can change if there's enough love in their hearts. But I still believe in giving people a chance to prove themselves to me. And I think there's nothing that comes even close to the feeling.
  • Reading all of your thoughts actually helped me! I don't have friends that could really help me. if i could say one thing to help someone it would be you only get one chance to live, one childhood, and one future! Don't waste your time and energy on a guy now and regret how silly you were later on down the road! Life can be fun and surprising if you allow yourself to be happy! LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST because you never know when the unexpected could happen. My last thought is that you should just surround yourself with positive uplifting people!!! TIME HEALS A BROKEN HEART DON'T FEEL THAT ITS THE END OF THE WORLD FOR YOU!!!-
  • I am in the same situation right now and for some reason it is so hard to let go. I try to keep a busy schedule and I try to not think about him but I can't do it. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. He keeps messing with my feelings by telling me he loves me and that I'm beautiful and the next day he'll call me a slut or make me feel bad about myself, but each time he says something mean to me it pushes me away. Do I really want a guy that brings me down? Of course I don't. There is some guy out there that will treat me the way I want to be treated. Girls...I know it's hard, it hurts so bad. It's like all you want to do is talk to him and make him change his mind. Just be strong, don't revolve your life around him. He isn't worth it! There's a quote that I love... " No guy is worth your tears...but if he is worth your tears, he'll never make you cry." Think about that. Find a guy that will make you laugh again and make you love your life. The guy you are hurting over most likely will not change. You've seen the real side of him, he's not going to be any different. If you're fighting a lot, you might stop for a while but it will start again. Don't lose the guy forever. If he calls you answer and just be short with him, let him know you've moved on without telling him. He'll eventually get the picture. Just stay strong! Everything will work out some way or another!
  • Alright, well I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm going through the exact same thing. But I'm not going to say "go have a girls night out" because one night out with your friends will only keep your mind off him for one night. I won't say "go rent a bunch of chick flicks and have a gallon of ice cream." That will make you feel even worse. All I can say is this; Time works. Give it time. It's taken me 7 months and I'm just starting to get over this guy. You know what else works? It may sound completely horrible, but hook up with other people. That works. Don't commit. Just hook up with other people. I promise you, this guy will never be worth anything.
  • This is actually a really common problem, and what you have to remember is that its not that specific guy that you want, what bothers you is that you're not in control of the situation. If you honestly think about it...if this guy was perfect, and was everything you want him so desperately to be, you would lose interest in him and move on to someone more like him that doesn't give you what you want. Unfortunately, this is all natural and we have to deal with it. I'm in the same situation myself right now and I have to continuously remind myself of that. My problem is that he says he'll call, but he doesn't. The thing is, though, when we actually do hang out we have the best time and I feel that he's having a lot of fun, likes me, and he says that he wants to hang out again and then he'll call...but I don't speak to him for weeks. I don't understand why he does what he does. There could be a million reasons. But all I know is that I deserve someone better than that, we all do. I don't know, its tough, because although you understand why you feel the way that you do logically and know that its not good for you, you cant help it...that's why they're emotions. It takes time. So hang in there, and I'll do the same.
  • I went out with this guy for 2 and a half years, and then about 2 months ago I broke up with him. However, I still loved him so much and he loved me so much as well. The reason we broke up was because I had kissed another boy the night before.. even though I was totally drunk and it didn't really mean anything. I just felt so bad about it because I loved my boyfriend.. so I told him what I had done and he said that he'd forgive me as long as I would stay with him and promise to never do it again. But for some reason I couldn't do that, I thought that I actually did want to break up with him. But that week afterwards we would still talk on the phone every night and talk about whether or not we should stay together, and we would both cry so hard because we loved each other so much. But inside my head I kept saying that I didn't want to be with him anymore and that I didn't have the same feelings for him. So about a week later he found a new girlfriend! And they have been going out for 2 months now and I am regretting breaking up with him so much! I seriously feel like I would get back together with him in a heart beat.. although I know that won't happen because he is way too happy with his new girlfriend. So what my advice is to all of you girls is to just tell yourself that you can move on and that you will find someone new.. I think that most of the advice given is good advice that you should all take.. giving yourself time and doing things to occupy yourself. Whether it's spending time with your friends or finding yourself a hobby. Either way I think that time will make it all go away.. and here is some more good advice... never leave the one you love for the one you like.. and.. don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.. i really hope that I helped some of you, and remember there are many of us that are in the same situation and there are many people that go through this everyday.. so you're not alone.
  • Let HIM go. I know its hard but ignore him for a while. Make him miss YOU. LET THIS GUY GO. Don't talk to him, see him, hang out with him, don't do anything that reminds you of him or is with him..Don't be where he is. Just completely erase his trace..Date other people (not a relationship, maybe hookups? or dinner/movie dates, first dates) ..Try to have fun..and when you think about him (which is going to be all the TIME) stop yourself. Think of other things. YOU CAN DO THIS!! REMEMBER you do have a LIFE and had a LIFE before this person will still be your old happy/fun self after this person. If YOU DON'T DO THIS you will NOT BE HAPPY--EVER!
  • 1) EMBRACE THE SHOULDER, Cry hard and get out how sad and disappointed you are. It's tough and its okay to cry. 2) COMPANY, Have someone to cry to. A mom, a friend, a bunch of friends. They are going to be on your side. Just get it out, there's nothing to be ashamed of. *This is a sad time and it's okay to miss him, it's okay to cry, it's okay to cry to can be happy again! 3) BE STRONG You need to take time for yourself as hard as that may be. You can't call him. Don't set a date, you'll know when it's right, don't ignore him, but say that you need time and just can't right now.4) HOOKUP, don't deprive yourself of pleasure! Have some fun, do what you have wanted to do for a long time, I mean you have been in this relationship for a long time and you must have been tempted by someone...go ahead, give in! 5) DECIDE, do you really want him back. 6) TIME, he needs time, just because you want him doesn't mean he wants you. Distract yourself with other guys and if that develops into something more, but if you find yourself only wanting your ex then do it! Wait, don't be needy, let him call you if he wants you, it will develop back into a relationship if it is meant to be. 7) PASSION COMFORT, Usually passionate love doesn't last for the entire relationship, search for passion, not comfort. 8) FORGIVE, don't make this a battle forever, remember the good times and don't ruin what was once so good.
  • The answer to this problem is quite a simple one and surprisingly it can be found in the question. The way you ween yourself off of this man is to see less and less of him. In fact its probably a good idea if you don't see him EVER for ANY reason!! If you want to stop drinking you don't go sit in a bar and look at all the alcohol being served and say "How do I stop thinking about taking a drink". Therefore, my dear if you want to get over this man. Don't call him. Don't answer his calls, pages, text messages or emails,Don't talk to his best friends, families, don't hang out where he hangs out and more importantly stop sleeping with him!
  • "When it happened my life was miserable...but now my life is better because of it.. you've just gotta move along and eventually everything will fall in place. always love the people who treat you right and forget the ones who don't. Don't have regrets and forgive when people aren't even sorry. Let go of what you cant change. Love what you've got but remember what you had. people change and things go wrong. so smile when your sad and remember everything happens for a reason. just remember life goes on! and you've always got your friends to get you through rough times.
  • One of the earlier posts, a long one, is like EXACTLY like my situation. I like this guy so much and we've been going through these cycles of hooking up. He was my prom date last year, so he'll always have a special place with me. Also, we both had community college plans, so I didn't leave him this year; plus, he lives down the street - great. All my friends have my back and say, "oh, this will be a GREAT girl summer!" I love my girlfriends, but they can't make my feelings go away. I have to see him this weekend, but I believe, if you HAVE TO see them, make them eat their hearts out! Look your best, act really friendly, and pretend like he does not affect you at you'd love to stick around and talk, but, ugh, you just don't have the time. After you get some closure - try to put him aside. I think that boys like these are like hangovers:no matter how much you DO, only time can get rid of them. Also, like in my position, even if you love his family, and they love you - you have to leave them behind if you want to leave HIM behind. Blood is thicker than water and they'll always have his back. Players like this can't be trusted, and many of them have one similar issue: IMMATURITY. YOU are better than that, you DESERVE better than that, and someone else KNOWS it, he just hasn't found you yet. Don't worry he will. One more piece of advice...don't try to be "just friends," been there, done that...DOES NOT WORK. I'll keep reading for more advice for me.
  • I think I have an idea of what your going through... my dad got full custody of me the summer before I started 7th grade and the very first day of school i met this guy who i thought was the world. we didn't know it but my group of friends were "plotting" with his group of friends to get us together, and somehow we figured it out before them and he asked me out! I though it was the greatest thing that had every happen because he was so sweet and nice and all my friends loved him and so did my parents. And my parents don't like me dating because according to them... I "change". We dated on and off from the first day which was September 6, 2006 and we only broke up over stupid little stuff, like we couldn't hangout or to bored, or this girl Ashley, stupid rumors about him cheating, which were never true and somehow we got over it all and I don't know.... i grew to love him. i thought i was so in love until we started high school.... which was 4 days ago... September 3rd, 2008 and we have no classes together, our lockers are farther apart (we had locker right next to each other in middle school) and although we did have lunch together, we had it with all 883 other people in school! We never got to see each other until lunch and by then we'd both be so caught up in our friends and school we didn't have the time to hangout or when we did there was nothing to talk about.... he called me yesterday morning and said "its over" and then hung up the phone. That's it. After dating on and off for almost 3 years that's all he says. And I don't know why but I feel like its something I did.
  • WOW. This is amazing. I have never really come to realize how many people had the same issues as I do. I guess it's time to tell you my story.. ...I met this guy named Alex. At this stage of my life, I had just moved to my second high school and I was in the 2nd half of my 10th grade year. I had never had any kind of relationship like that and I was really self concsious cause I was kinda fat haha. Well anyways, I heard Alex was a player and just waved everything off because he denied it and got upset at me when I asked him about it. Well, anyways, we became good friends and then we started hooking up at my house and he snuck over. It seemed like he was doing whatever he could to be with me and I really started falling in love with him. Well, basically I was in for a world of hurt. One time I went to camp for 2 months and he sent me letters and said he missed me and stuff and then I came home and 2 days after I get back he tries to hook up with me but then that day I hooked up with him I found out that he asked this girl out. Stupid as I was, I stayed his friend no matter how badly he treated me. And stupid as I was I let him cheat on her with me because I was basically obsessed with him (I know us ladies don't like calling it that but yea, it is a bit of obsession) anyways, he claimed that it was hard to stay away from me and that he wouldent have cheated on her with anyone else cause he loved me more (total bull) but anyways, that was the night where we took it a little farther but not sex. but anyways, I went through a lot with his whole relationship with her and it was so stressful on me. Let me skip ahead to get to where I'm trying to get to. Well anyways, Him and I have been BEST FRIENDS for 3 years. Through that whole time we had sex a lot. I knew at the time he had sex with other girls and lied to me about it but I always forgave him because again..we were JUST FRIENDS. so I couldn't get mad at him because we were always at the friend level and it wasn't going to change. All the time he would lie to me. He even lied to me about his virginity. which is totally not cool at all. but anyways, to get to my main point. I have been in love with him no matter how many times he has hurt me because he took a part of my heart and I gave him a part of my self and i can't get it back, but I kinda don't want to get it back. I want him to have it. does that make sense? anyways, I'm a senior now, and he is in college. Except one thing is different. I moved. At first we talked every night and told each other that we love each other and I was fine. I accepted that we wouldn't talk every night so after a while I got used to the distance. Then, when I went to visit him about 3 weeks ago(to celebrate my birthday) I stayed with him for 2 days and I had so much fun. We watched movies together, we slept together, and we cuddled and he claimed that I was his "world". Then when I got back home I was totally attached to him again. But here's where I am now. I am totally hurt. I am at the point of depression because of this jerk. The thing is, I don't know what went wrong. Everything seemed great. Then when I tried calling him he said that "he was busy and that he would call me back" But he never called me back. I tried calling him again and he would tell me the same thing. I mean, sure, separate lives now but come on...nobody is really busy for a whole week straight without getting back to their best friends right? And at this point I just wanted to hear his voice and just only be his friend. I didn't care about any of that other stuff. I just needed a friend. So, I called once every week and then he just never answered. He never answered my calls or my texts and I was starting to get worried if he was okay....Then I see that he is on Facebook and obviously not I call his home. he doesn't answer. then I call his cell, and he is on the other line. So, I know at this point, it's good that I moved because I can get over him and get away...but how do I just not talk to a best friend whom I love with all my heart? It just hurts so bad to know that you haven't done anything wrong and your being ignored. I've been the greatest friend ever and it's like he doesn't even care about me anymore...just like that! what happened??? can anyone help me? well...I don't really know how to answer this question but...Id have to say that the only thing to say is that.....You can love a person. and keep them in your heart, but if you really let yourself fall to that much disrespect like I have for 3 years, your only hurting yourself. My plan is to be successful, work on things that I love, be the best you can be and someone will just happen to slip into your life. Don't search for them, that special person will come. And it seems like that person who hurt you is the only person who understands your jokes, and makes you laugh and basically controls your emotions....well, there is going to be someone exactly like that somewhere else. Someone who has the same thoughts and ideas and hobbies as you and the same sense of humor...but here's the catch. They will treat you a lot better. Again, time will pass. This is the hardest thing ever and you feel so hurt and unwanted but you really need to concentrate on your future then your past. Hard as it may seem, keep working hard to reach goals and you will go never know...the guy you once fell for will be living on the streets with like...70 std's from all those girls he had sex with after you. Love life. be happy. Hang in there.
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