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How do you handle a narcissist who wants revenge?

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Unfortunately, I have had to deal with two narcissists in the past four years. I have found that they become completely powerless if you do everything that has been mentioned in the previous answers (mirroring them back, raging back, keeping your comments to outsiders truthful and very short, keeping records of their communications)....plus a few more things:
1. Always remember who you are and what your values are. If you are confident about what the right course of action is for some horrible situation that has arisen due to the narcissist, you will be able to defend yourself better. Sometimes this means taking an evening out just to think about how you feel about things.
2. Be everything that they want and more. If you have to deal with a narcissist long term, it helps tremendously if you: a) look really good b) know exactly what you're talking about c) make sure that your own behavior is above reproach (this is critical) d) perform better than they do (at work or in some sport that they like). All the above can be very difficult to do, and takes time, but will certainly put you in the position of power.
3. Be ready to walk away. Don't forget that whatever effort you put into getting along with these people will never be repaid. They give back a fifth of whatever you give them - money, work effort, affection. Don't be devastated when you discover that you mean little more to them than a fashionable accessory...just take a deep breath, open the door, and walk away.
Good luck!


Get away from the situation where the narcissist has power over you. For example, if the narcissist is your boss, get another job, even if it pays a little less, is less interesting or the commute is longer.

If the narcissist is physically aggressive, do not get intimidated, do not back down. Do what you need for your protection - go to the police or courts as appropriate in the place you are. Be ready to fight back. Narcissists are not exactly brave warriors. If they realize that the person they are abusing can hurt them back (if not physically, then financially or by sending them to jail etc) , they usually slither away.

If the narcissist is one or both of your parents and you are too young to live on your own, see if you can manage to go and live with your grandparents (provided they are not narcissistic too).

Don't break any laws, because the narcissist might then get a powerful ally on his side - the police. You don't want to help your abuser get the better of you.

If the narcissist is taking you to court, get a good lawyer. Disclose to the attorney that the person taking you to court is a narcissist. The lawyer will know if that can help your case.

When you finally turn the tables on the narcissist, be aware that she or he will then portray themselves as the victim. Don't bother if that happens.

Last but not the least, abandon the narcissist (not if it is a child, of course). A relationship with a narcissist is as beneficial and pleasant as a relationship with a rattlesnake. Deal with them the same way you would deal with the situation if you spotted a rattlesnake a few feet away from you.

When you terminate the relationship with the rattlesnake er... narcissist, do not seek "closure" or try to explain to them why you are taking such steps or explain to them you still wish them well etc. A narcissist will merely try to exploit what s/he sees as your weakness when you do such things. If the narcissist suffers because of your steps to move away from her or him, remember, they brought it on themselves.

Dispositionally, the narcissist is of most, "Controlling". The need for control is most formidible, in every aspect of their life. Nothing can be compromised at any time, any event, or in any detail. Deceitfullness is utmost, and the edge to further any situation to have as one may is only to be subjected to a petty artifice, or that of a, "grifter". Words are spoken as an illusion of confidence. Despite all. Ignore and move on to that of what you can enjoy. They have free rent in your head. Fill it with some new tenants! That of what or those you enjoy! You may need to start long ago where you left back in you life before the "Wolf came to your door." Keeping the door locked may not be such a bad idea. Negative emotional contagion, and the parasitic symbotic relationships need to end. For every cloud has silver lining. Enjoy Oneself! Be Free! Find something new! Be yourself! Live from this time onward! It can be a, "Newest best day and Life"! You are a, "Miracle"! -- Quit entertaining the Narcissist.


I've had to deal with one too, and I've found that it helps to turn the tables on her. Besides proving to others that she is legally liable for what she did (she's trying to slither her way out of this one), it sets her into a rage, especially since even she knows that she can't be consistant with her expectations of how I interact with her when compared to how she interacts with me.
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