How do narcissists handle abandonment?

Answer 1

this is truly the hardest feeling to deal with. first you have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of dreams you had about your future with the narcissist. then you have to find support for the feelings you have about the time you spent with the ex then you need to find youreslf again, do the things you remember that brought you happiness go to the places that made you feel good lastly you have to let him/her go. release a balloon or butterfly throw photos away you have to let them ooze out of your system and PS they'll return to dampen your happiness so ignore them and move on good luck writing into faqfarm is a start.

RecoveryCongratulations on being NARCISSIST-FREE! Darling, one day you will look back and celebrate! You will ask Hartz Mountain to make a Narcissist Collar!

By the time he leaves, you have already cried enough. But you are so right that there is a period of recovery ahead of you. Here are a few suggestions from experience.

1. Surround yourself with sane trusted friends; you may soon realize that others have seen through him long before you did. It is okay to 'bounce things off' loyal friends since you'll likely discover that you have been lied to--a lot!--and need to compare notes. The truth will set you free.

2. He has probably done things to confuse, intimidate, humiliate and undermine you. You may need a good therapist to help you get your confidence back and to find yourself again. Once your narcissist has done his number on your head, you are probably questioning/blaming yourself about a lot of things. For example, if something goes wrong, you may immediately assume that you are to blame for the mishap, or that you are responsible for fixing it. You need to disrupt this habit of instantly looking inside yourself for the fault when things go wrong. Drop that piece of baggage, because it isn't yours--it's his. You were carrying it for your N because he's too weak to admit he's wrong about anything. Again, here is an area where a therapist may be able to help you.

3. Flush his poisons out of your system by doing the things that YOU enjoy. Avoid activities that were 'his'--that is, the things that you did primarily because he enjoyed them. Watch funny movies; go dancing; work out at the gym; catch up with friends, pursue a favorite hobby. If you have a neglected talent, pick it up again and shine!

4. Get back in touch with someone you have been missing. You know who that person is? IT'S YOU!! If you've been involved with a narcissist, it's yourself that you've been missing the most. You are a genuine person; he is not. He has no use for a genuine person. He wouldn't know what to do with one.

5. Don't be alone, but also be cautious about starting another relationship before you've gotten a good start in your emotional recovery. Don't be surprised to find that yet another N has begun hanging around and trying to charm you! "Narcissist #2" might find you attractive soon after this breakup because he senses your vulnerability. However, do not give in to your feelings of neediness! A narcissist has nothing with which to fill you, ever! He is looking for an ego meal for himself, always.

6. Also don't be too surprised if (when his narcissistic supply runs out), your ex comes sniffing around again in the role of his old charming phony self. What you do then is up to you. Just keep one thing in mind: the attractive, dynamic person he presents to you has never actually existed and does not exist now. He is an empty shell and he wants to fill himself up by sucking the life out of you. His charm is like a flashy fishing lure, and you already know what happens if you bite.

7. If the N has a key to your place, change the locks immediately. Yes, I understand that he is the one who just dumped you! But when he realizes that you will never, ever let him back into your life, he may become furious and vindictive. If you live in a building with a doorman or superintendent, let them know that your ex didn't just "lose his key," and that they are not to let him into your apartment. This suggestion may sound extreme, but even if your N has never shown any violent tendencies, he will exploit any opportunity to keep you off balance. A narcissist is at his most creative when he is out for revenge. This single precaution alone may save you untold grief. You are not dealing with a normal person.

8. If any of his stuff is still in your home, put it out of your sight. Do not phone him about it; he should have the courtesy to contact you about picking up his own possessions. If there is a lot of material to be gotten rid of and it is becoming a nuisance, send a message through an intermediary. You will accommodate him at your own convenience and not at his. (Never again miss work, school or a friend's party for his convenience.) If possible, do not be at home when he comes to pick up his stuff. However, he mustn't have the run of the place either, so you will need to recruit someone his own size to be present in your home to supervise. Tell your brother or buddy or your trusted friend exactly where the N's stuff is located on the day of pick-up (for example, the middle of the livingroom floor in a cardboard box) and that's all he's allowed to take. Under no circumstances should he be given an opportunity to "look around" and thereby gain access to your drawers, closets, medicine cabinet, car glove compartment or any other private areas. By the way, it's best not to let him drop off anything while he's in your home either. He must be watched every minute he is on your premises. Then, once you've rid your home of his residue, it's a good time to re-decorate.

9. Evict the N from your life in every way. This is harder than it sounds but it must be done. A narcissist "on a tear" can create an amazing whirlwind of chaos that could take you months to straighten out! Do not initiate any contact with him if you can avoid it. Delete his number from your auto-dialer and if possible filter out his calls. If you had been letting him use your computer, back up your own data/apps and then re-format the hard drive. Change all your passwords. If he has access to any of your credit cards or banking information, contact the banks and do whatever you can to secure them.

10. Don't try to rush the process of emotional recovery. Give yourself time.

These things are not easy to do, but there is a wonderful reward waiting for you. Soon, you will unload this burden and stand up straight again. You may have to repeat some of these actions over and over, until you have separated yourself from his craziness. But one day your re-found sanity will 'click' and you'll wonder what you ever saw in him.

All the best!

Answer 2

I am still working on this one myself, daily. I have found the only way to go on is to totally ignore a narcissist. Don't try to reason with them, they have no reason. Don't try to understand them, you cannot. Don't try to be kind to them, they will simply use it against you. Don't try to be their friend, they are not capable. IGNORE THE NARCISSIST. Unfortunately, this is the only way to allow yourself the time and space necessary to find your strength once again. The day I left the N, I put the rear view mirror up toward the roof of the car and never-ever looked back. I made up my mind that I would take back my power, and I have. The only power people have against you is the power you give them. Try to figure out why YOU wanted to be near the N in the first place, and then take back your power. Good Luck and don't forget that you are important to those who love you and they look to you to see how to act. ANSWER: Healing from any form of abuse requires time and,often - but not always, outside help from a therapist or other mental health professional. There are charitable organizations that also provide confidential help free of charge. The primary thing to focus on is that many people have overcome all forms of abuse. The human spirit is capable of so many miraculous things. Overcoming adversity is something that can bring about strength of character and personal integrity - it all depends on how we view each situation. Every problem brings with it a hidden opportunity. We only have to teach ourselves to consistently look for the hidden opportunities available to each of us. The best way to begin is to learn to re-frame problems by looking at them from a new persepctive. This is where talking to a professional can be very helpful.

Answer 3

Therapy. Lots of it. ME I THINK THAT HEAL IS A GREAT WORD YOU SHOULD START BY FIRST KNOW THAT YOU COULD HAVE NEVER PLEASED THIS PERSON NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID SECOND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME THIRD IS NORMAL TO FEEL CONFUSED BETRAYED AND HAVE MIX FEELINGS AND NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEIR ACTIONS OR THE SILENT TREATMENT .LACK OF EMPATHY AND AFFECTION.THEY DONT REACT TO THINGS LIKE MOST PEOPLE DO.IF YOU GIVE LOVE YOU EXPECT SOME AFECTION BACK BUT THEY WITHDRAW FROM IT.IS HARD .I BELIEVE TIME CAN SMOOTH OUR FEELINGS AND READING AND GETTING INFORMATION WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.PEOPLE SAY MOVE ON BUT I DONT THINK IS THAT EASY,I WOULD SAY TRY TO GIVE IT A PLACE AND MOST OF ALL KNOW IT HAS HAPPENNED TO OTHER PEOPLE TO TRY TO REGAIN YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND KEEP IN MIND IS NOT YOU THEY TREAT ANYONE THAT LOVES THEM THAT WAY THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF REAL LOVE. AT THIS MOMENT I AM GOING TROUGH HELL FOR A YEAR NOW SINCE THE PERSON I LOVE YES YOU READ RIGHT DUMPED ME IN A VERY HORRIBLE FASHION AFTER YEARS OF MENTAL ABUSE AND NOW IS TOTALLY NO CONTACT WITH ME AND WHEN HE HAS A NEW SUPPLY HE MANAGES TO LET ME KNOW.BUT I DECIDED I HAD ENOUGH SO I AM FIGHTING TO OVERCOME THIS.I WONT LET HIM STILL CONTROL ME. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND IF PEOPLE SAY YOU GOT TO MOVE ON THEY MEAN GOOD BUT YOU KNOW AND I KNOW IS NOT THAT EASY. SO DONT FEEL BAD BECUSE YOU EXPERIENCE SOME SET BACKS JUST GIVE IT TIME.

Answer 4

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