What would you like to do?
How well can narcissists hide their true self?
- Once formed and functioning, the False Self stifles the growth of the True Self and paralyses it. Henceforth, the True Self is virtually non-existent and plays no role (active or passive) in the conscious life of the narcissist. I do not believe in the ability to "resuscitate" it through therapy. It is not only a question of alienation, as Horney observed. She said that because the Idealised (=False) Self sets impossible goals to attain -- the results are frustration and self hate which grow with every setback or failure. I assign the constant sadistic judgement, the self-berating, the suicidal ideation to another source: to an idealised, sadistic, Superego. There is no conflict between the True Self and the False Self. First, the True Self is much too weak to engage in conflict with the overbearing False. Second, the False Self is adaptive (though maladaptive). It helps the True Self to cope with the world. Without the False Self, the True Self would be subjected to so much hurt that it will disintegrate. This happens to narcissists who go through a life crisis: their False Ego becomes dysfunctional and they experience a harrowing feeling of annulment.
- The False Self has many functions, described at great length below. The two most important are: It serves as a decoy, it "attracts the fire". It is a proxy for the True Self. It is tough and hard and can absorb any amount of pain, hurt and negative emotions. By externalising it, the child develops immunity to the indifference, manipulation, sadism, or exploitation -- in short: to the abuse -- inflicted on him by his parents (or by other Primary Objects in his life). It is a shell, protecting him, rendering him invisible and omnipotent at the same time. The False Self is misrepresented by the narcissist as his True Self. The narcissist is saying, in effect: "I am not who you think that I am. I am someone else. I am that (False) Self. Therefore, I deserve a better, painless, more considerate treatment." The False Self, thus, is a contraption intended to alter the attitude of the (human) environment towards the narcissist. These roles are crucial to survival and to the proper psychological functioning of the narcissist. The False Self is by far more important to the narcissist than his dilapidated, dysfunctional, True Self. As opposed to the neo-Freudians, I do not think that the two are part of a continuum. I do not think that healthy people have a "milder" case of False Self which differs from its pathological equivalent in that it is more realistic and closer to the True Self. I do think that even healthy people have a mask [Guffman], a persona [Jung] which they CONSCIOUSLY present to the outside world. This is a far cry from the False Self, which is mostly unconscious, depends on the maintenance of an image but is not synonymous with it and is compulsive.
- The False Self is a reaction to pathological circumstances (maybe even a healthy reaction). But its dynamics make it predominate, devour the psyche and prey upon both the True Self and the efficient, flexible functioning of the personality.
- I was with a narcissist and no one, not even I knew he was one until after. I've been told he never showed himself because he hadn't secured me yet. Most of the people in his life saw him as a loving albeit irresponsible person, who was so "great" but VERY moody and the side I saw of him after the relationship ended was one where he took on the role of the victim while victimizing me. He would come up with the most insane lies you've ever heard to make it look as if he'd moved on, I had never seen anyone so egotistical and unreal. I've found they can hide themselves so well you can't even know. It's a scary thing actually.
- In public, they are gentlemen. They pull out your chair. At home, they don't. Everyone else thinks they are nice so when you first have doubts you think you must be wrong. You will doubt yourself first.
- My N hid his true self very well and could put on quite the act in public as well. I also was unaware of NPD till I left him and the Nfog lifted. As is typical with N's, he had no long-term friends and I attribute this to the fact that once he got too close to them his mask started to slip and they began to see the cracks.
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I was engaged to a N, so in love, etc..etc... In the early stages of our relationship, I would ask him why he didn't go out with his friends, or talk about anyone, to which he… replied that he HATES males, and DID NOT have "boys night" or anything like that. I shrugged, he was a very elegant man, not the bars and football type. He mentioned that he is only friends with women, and had one gay male best friend, "Adrian." I heard the way my N used to speak to Adrian on the phone, and then comment after he would hang up, saying things like, "Adrian doesn't know ANYTHING, hes such a loser..." And then all of the sudden we never heard from Adrian again. Months later, when I met my N's mother, she made a comment to me about how harsh her son had been to his friend. She previously employed Adrian in her family business in another city, so she was aware of his character, which didn't work out for her company, but that's a story I don't know. My N never discussed Adrian with me directly. I didn't push the issue of my N's friend with him, but I did ask his mother about him much later into the relationship, just before I ended things. She said she didn't know what her son's problem was, but perhaps that they were both highly intelligent and perhaps her son just couldn't constructively discuss issues with him. This was a huge red flag for me. I didn't care that my N had only women friends, he only saw me in his eyes. I ended things before I realized my N was psychologically ill, because I wasn't getting the emotional support I needed from who was to become my husband. I stumbled on articles about NPD, and am so lucky to have gotten out before further emotional damage was done, but it will always stick out in my head that my N always seemed to "toss aside" people he didn't need in his life anymore. I saw him do it to Adrian, and these few torrential months after our breakup, he has just done it to me. I get it now though. The only lasting friendships they have are ones with people they are still extracting from, they haven't shown them their true colors yet...so...pretty much I would think that is, in general, true. Narcissists tend to not have boundaries and can send a person running for the hills with their initial need to impress (I knew one, for example, who upon hearing a potential friend liked a certain band, went out and got every CD from that hand and gave them to him - he never heard from him again). It has been my observation that narcissists hang out with other narcissists (who are shallow, like them) or people who for some reason have a very high tolerance for being used. Or have no boundaries themselves. Narcissists have very poor healthy social skills - because even remotely healthy friendships require some level of intimacy and narcissists are not capable of that. Also, friendships are reciprocal and with the narcissist, it is all me-me-me. Answer : Some thoughts here...I am really interested in seeing answers here. The way they lie, how can you know? Seems to me they might be able to have a business relationship where everything is agreed upon up front in a legalistic sort of way, but a friendship? What they call friendship is probably more likely a "user-ship" with the N being the user. Once they've got other supply lined up, you are no longer of use. So how could a "healthy" friendship ever have existed? Throwing people aside isn't friendly. Answer N's have had past "friendships" but since they cannot relate to others on a human level- the relationship fails to grow into a healthy freindship. They trash the friends they have in favor of more on sided relationships where the other is used and exploited for the N's personal gain and nothing more.
From what I've read; and I was surprised...A narcissist possesses LOW self esteem vs HIGH self esteem. Prior to my research, I was under the impression that this personality w…as "In love with itself"; thus = high self esteem. Looking in the mirror...seemingly admiring oneself! Still not sure of correct answer. Psych Nurse
Not necessarily There is no TRUE SELF. There's nothing in there. They don't deal with reality at all. They are hollow soul less and destructive. My N husband was even… more convinced that he was "all that" when he was drunk.
It depends if someone has traits or fully blown NPD. Generally speaking, no I don't think they can. Friendship is based on trust, how can you trust someone who is only friends… with you because of what they can gain from you? . I always find it difficult to tell a narcissist with someone that is just pure selfish and self centered (that doesn't make them a narcissist.) There are also other mental disorders that can have similar symptoms. I just ended an 32 year friendship with a female friend of mine 'K'. I met her when she was 19 and I'm 22 years older. She was very ill with panic attacks and tried suicide and since I'd been through panic attacks several years before I was willing to help her. It was a strange bond to begin with (we were like oil and water) and yet similar in some ways and that's what put me off beat. Because of her illness I thought this could be part of her behavior (I never was nasty, gossipy, back-stabbing or selfish) but then everyone is different. I put up with much to the disgruntlement of my husband and some friends. I'm extremely loyal to family and friends and always remember the cliche 'Don't judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes!' I HAD walked those miles she was walking through and that should have told me something right there! K started to back-stab me and I as unaware of this until subtle things began to happen. K told me she didn't like me seeing other friends and she didn't like sharing me with some of her friends. I began to realize she was controlling her own environment to keep herself safe. If you told her something it was all over the place (breaking a confidence) and the story didn't even resemble the one I had told her. I began not telling her my private thoughts. Now she is 48 years old and she is extremely immature. Her husband and her aren't getting along because he refuses to bend to some of her demands that aren't fair by telling him what he can and can't do as far as seeing some of his friends (he isn't cheating on her.) I thought she was, but she joined another club (I call it running away from your problems. My husband and I were invited to K's parties when she had them and got to know her biking friends, but only as acquaintances. One evening I got a call from this male friend of hers and he was drunk and accusing me of trying to split up K's marriage. HUH? I blasted this guy and told him to sober up and he had no right to talk to me that way as he didn't even know me. He backed off and was stuttering and stammering. The next day I faced my friend K and told her to knock it off or our friendship was over. She denied saying anything to this male friend and I bounced back, 'Well he couldn't have known any of the things he told me unless it came from YOU and I've never told you to leave you husband.' I also told her that her male friend had said that she had told him how horrible her family was and is to her. This is simply not true because I've known her family for a long time and I always thought she was spoiled. I nicknamed her the 'Drama Queen' and would call her that to her face. K was one of these people that wasn't happy unless there was constant drama around her. It suddenly hit me that K was either narcissistic or had some other mental disorder and she was sucking every ounce of energy out of me and stealing my care free personality from me. I remember a psychologist I worked for telling me, 'When someone makes you more unhappy than happy it's time to kick them out of your life.' So, I went down and faced K one on one. I told her the friendship was over! She looked stunned and had tears in her eyes and I was shocked I didn't even have any sympathy for her, because this girl had done some serious damage to people and had caused great pain and was never aware of what she was doing. She just didn't see how things really were and what she saw simply wasn't happening. She admitted she didn't like sharing her acquaintances with friends and I said, 'If you weren't so busy back stabbing them then you wouldn't have to keep score of who you told what too and you're afraid your lies will catch up with you! You've hurt me for the last time!' With that I walked away, never looked back and it's been almost two months. One part of me feels like a mountain has been lifted from my shoulders and one part of me wants to kick myself in the butt for not ending this relationship sooner. I've come to the conclusion that since we can't know ourselves 100% then we can't be expected to know someone else 100%. Now I'm smarter and choose my friends more carefully. I have friends I've known for 30 or more years and never had the problems I had with K. Now I know what to look out for. Perhaps it was a lesson I had to learn. . The narcissist is no one's friend. Friendship is based on empathy - which the narcissist lacks. . The narcissist may act like he/she is trying to be your friend, but it is not true friendship. It is just a game. The narcissist is only trying to gain value. . In the case with Jo, she sure fooled me as far as the friendship thing went. At first, for five months, she sent me gifts, built up future hopes and dreams, fantasized our future friendship together with me. When we finally met in person, she shunned, mocked, mistreated, bait and switched, unspoken rules, belittled, degraded, ignored, silent treatment me, till I finally confronted her and MADE HER TELL ME WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON. She looked at me in the eye and said "I don't like you as a person. In fact, I can't STAND YOU!" This was a lady who sent me an automated birthday card just days before, stating how I was a gift from above and nothing would ever come between us, blah blah blah. This was NOT the first time I ever met her in person, so it was not really a surprise of how things went, though they went on from bad to worse over the course of many weeks of being with her and her family. So, can a N ever be a TRUE friend? She informed me "I don't have friends, Laura, and I told you that to begin with" , must have been in between the "you're my lil friend" "my friend who died would have hand-picked you for me"...guess I missed the part where she informed me that she doesn't HAVE any friends. . What strikes me as particularly sad is that if narcissists might not be able or willing to provide true friendship for others, what does that say about themselves. I have fit into a narcissist role in relationships, with different degrees of knowing and not knowing what I was doing, or calculating with the other person's freely given love. The same has gone for friends, they were good to me and I didn't return that to them. At some point, I invariably felt like I failed myself in these relationships, as well as my friends. I have read a few sites on narcissism that have said that the narcissist tries to maintain individuality and stay away from commitment. I don't mean to create chaos in that view, but I think it's the opposite actually. Narcissistic people don't have coping skills to become independent, healthy people, and that's a great source of resentment. Even with that resentment, you're going to have to relax. No one else is going to fix you. If you're a narcissist, you're going to have to do it yourself, which means a lot of listening and forgiveness of yourself and where you may or may not have been. Please don't entertain a narcissist's self-perceived weakness. Contrary to what I've read on websites, narcissists can learn a lot by being around healthy people with healthy boundaries. This isn't a call to adopt your local-area narcissists for a trip to the zoo, but maybe they can hear about what a zoo is and go check it out for themselves. . My Narcissist friend would say things like "You're my best friend in the world, I would do anything for you." and when push came to shove, he was gone. They don't mean anything they say. They'll look you in the eye and say I love you, you are everything to me, and then the next day they're gone. I don't think it's possible to have a true friend in a narcissist because what makes real friendships is what a narcissist does not possess. . The post above that ends with!" is the most positive I've read about NPD. Believe me, I've been searching and searching for something positive. I happen to be very (but sadly) in love with a man who suffers from this disorder. He has his bouts of bad behavior, but I truly love the deeper, truer, inner part of him that is good. I'm so confused. So sad. Just wanted to acknowledge the positive post I read above. For whatever it's worth, it made me feel somewhat hopeful. Thank you. . == No they can't because they lie to , abuse and betray everyone. They see no fault in doing so, and friendship requires trust, something you should never have for an Narcissist. . It will seem like friendship for a while until you realize that all they are actually thinking is "How does this benefit me?" . I have been in a relationship with a man (almost 18 months) whom I believe, through my lens of objective and subjective observation, exhibits a gradient shade of destructive pathological narcissism. Many hours of reading on this subject, and I'm not in any way qualified to state this kind of diagnosis/label. However, I have done much soul searching and introspection and observation against the backdrop of his relations with friends, their comments about him AND my interpersonal relationship with him. I have witnessed the funny and sometimes uncomfortable laughs and uncanny remarks that his closest friends have made about his eccentric and stubborn behavior. Mostly, they lovingly jest and mock him, roll their eyes at some of his comments or prattle off a comment like "Well that's M. for ya". Perfect strangers have felt alienated by him within moments of meeting him (if he perceives the are inferior to him). He can be downright rude. For this I have made silent facial or quietly stolen verbal apologies to these strangers in the literal wake of his rudeness. Some days, it can feel like walking upon eggshells to be in company with him. I perceive that he has fooled NO ONE but himself. He is very easy to spot in his false bravado...almost within minutes one can detect he has no reasonable side to his thoughts of different subjects. I knew upon our FIRST date that he offered way too much information about himself, made hit and run comments and sweeping generalizations or blanket statements about topics of discussion that were too tricky for him to reason his personal rationale of his opinions. Yet, when I would ask him what weight or relevance he could contribute to his "arguments", he would become easily frustrated as if I were impugning him for his beliefs. He is somewhat overly logical, irreverent and very intelligent in non emotional matters of the mind (almost genius) AND emotionally a wreck...inept to navigating his life with empathy to others feelings or needs or expectations or personal values. He DE-VALUES OTHERS FREQUENTLY. There are countless examples of his remarks where he would disparage or negate acknowledgment of another's achievements to the point you can't help but kind of feel sorry for him. He's between a precocious ten year old and a spoiled rotten ten yer old brat. I am at times embarrassed more for him than any one else. Many times he is the butt of his own hypocrisy. Sometimes when I speak of him like this I feel as if I am getting on my high moral horse and just putting him down. When really,there's nothing more than I would be happy to see him be a fully emotionally evolved man. But he knows no different or better. This is how he has coped for most of his life. "Intimacy" or "into me you see". This is when he is most likely to "rage" with his own fractured emotions. Unable to reason or qualify a nebulous emotion. His emotions are like squishy, slippery jello. If you try to squish the jello, it will just slip out from underneath you hand. He is emotionally elusive, guarded and cannot remember many things of his past (mostly childhood) or false promises that he made the day before. Deny, deny, deny is his way of wiggling out. He'll call you a liar, paranoid, spiteful, controlling if you try to hold him accountable for ANYTHING that does not go his way. You'll always be the bad guy if you upset his sense of self and don't mirror back his reality the way he wants YOU to behave and mimic to his satisfaction. I have mistakenly framed him as a walking wounded, and for that, I have my own fault in staying with him; I want to nurture his wounded side. Which in turn makes me feel that I have a needed importance in placing myself in the path of his wrath. A masochist for his love am I. Sick, I know. We could get into esoteric labels like "Histrionic Personality Disorder"..."Inverted Narcissism" and so on to intellectualize and rationalize my being with him. Suffice it to say that I have my own propensity of neediness and covert manipulation going on in order to preserve or perpetuate my fear of abandonment or loss of control or thoughts that he could change for himself of his own volition. Make no mistake. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE UNDER ORDINARY CIRCUMSTANCES. Only thing that changes is me and how I choose to react to him. And so far, I have reasoned a lot of my behavior away and have arrived at trying to LEARN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE from my motives for staying with this gentleman. Many times he is no gentleman at all. He can be a raging monster if you wake the beast inside. In that case I have learned to use humor with him to distract him from himself. I have become quite the comic and sometimes "Court Jester" to my chagrin. That's part of how I survive myself and him. AND SO FAR IT'S ACTUALLY WORKING. That, and moving out of his home so that he cannot control me with possessiveness and jealousy or dictating. Keep excellent boundaries with people of this nature. That's the best advice that I can impart to anyone choosing to relate to a Narcissist. "What are YOU deriving from the friendship/relationship"? Now this question IS the distillation of what people seem to think Narcissists are ONLY partaking in friendship/relationship to begin with, which is "what are they getting from you"? Well, not a person on the face of this earth DOES NOT derive some "thing" or benefit from relation to another. By nature we are selfish and we possess healthy amounts of Narcissism for our own survival. Otherwise we'd get walked over from head to toe. But with Narcissism, it is the selfishness gone awry, off balance and way out of whack. This is what is important to gauge. Just how destructive are his actions affecting you? And you must CHOOSE to stay or go. You cannot be a VICTIM to his ways. You do it to yourself if you choose to let the Narcissist behave badly. On most accounts, he knows no other way. Even though deep down he will have his moments of "awakening" to the guilt and strife that he causes himself and others. He KNOWS that he is hurting and emotionally discombobulated. Only, he rarely can see this in a consistent manner and long enough to make healthy changes in his life. In many ways my boyfriend has been an unwitting teacher to me. He has been a friend and a lover (by measurement of the best that he knows how to be a friend and intimate lover, stunted by his inability to empathize). But by motives he will never truly be able relate to true friendship or altruism without an ulterior motive. Since most of his motives for participating or doing with me I perceive centers around fear of his loss of standing predominant within my life. It is difficult to describe this. For instance, If I ask another male friend of mine to help with a chore, then my boyfriend will become unreasonably jealous accusing me of NOT asking him on purpose in order to be "spiteful" and to make him look bad. One occasion he gifted me a crystal diamond paperweight. One evening before he left for a week long trip out of state, I jokingly told him that the paperweight would be a good defense weapon to use against and intruder while he was not there to protect me. Immediately, he turned 180 degrees what I said and accused me of wanting to "Kill" him with the paperweight. Very odd and uncanny retort, to which I was unable to correct his misconception. From there out he was convinced that I wanted to hurt him to the degree that I chose to remove the paperweight from the house. Once I removed the "object" of his paranoia, he relented. Can Narcissists be a true friend? That is for you to figure out based upon you own subjective experience AND your own motives. Try doing a pros and con's list. This is simple and usually revealing. For myself, I have chosen to love and accept him just the way he is. This is what I have learned most is "acceptance" of another and a term I coined called "ego boot-camp". Facing my own ego has been more of a challenge then ever facing my boyfriend. Accepting him and accepting and loving myself in the face of all the 180 degree fury, blame and contradiction that he will attempt to foist upon me. I feel like I have more introspection then I have ever had before AND more empathy for others than I could have imagined. More accountability for the choices that I make, and less of the blame game for what I perceive others are "doing to me", which really, I'm only doing to myself. (Check out online: The Albert Ellis Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy Institute) All the internal kicking and screaming and denying, the hurt, pain and anger. These are ALL negative traits to harbour, as if I have been "exorcised" or cleansed in some way by having encountered such a person as my boyfriend. Sounds as if I'm hailing him, huh? Nope. It's just a relief to visit the hellish part of one's own existence, live in hell for awhile , and actually come out a wiser and better woman for facing the scariest person of all...myself. I'm just fine the way I am. I love myself and accept myself and narcissist or no narcissist, I'll be okay. I am not responsible for his reactions. This is what it is like (for me) when relating to a person with overcompensating narcissistic personality traits. We cannot control or change now matter how much we think we can influence another. He has unwittingly taught me to be more vigilant of my independence and autonomy and to have more patience with life in general. We are all so very unique as individuals. We are all so very special and tender and resilient. It has been my boyfriend who has ironically taught me that by his fear of NOT being unique; I have come to appreciate even more just how unique each and every beautiful soul exists. Himself included. . I had a friend that was a narcissist. I think it's important to identify what types of people a narcissist preys upon. From my own experience, there are three classifications on the narcissists scale of victims. The "needy" person. They attempt to find inferior targets (I mean inferior in their own mind). They make them feel better about themselves. They get to feel superior. This group would be the traditional "prey" for narcissistic supply. Then, there are targets they perceive to be on their own level; these are the targets they compete with; they always attempt to outdo them in every way, they will lie, manipulate, deceive, etc it doesn't have to be a "real" win, so long as it appears that way. The last classification would be targets that the narcissist envies. They might have position, prestige, power, good looks, knowledge or popularity that the narcissist envies...these targets are the ones they try to suck up to, brown-nose, cultivate a friendship, flatter, etc. An amusing incident with my ex-friend; we were watching a TV program that was highlighting a child prodigy playing the piano. Most normal people would look at the child with admiration....She said wistfully, "They all must envy him." Very typical narcissistic response. Never admire or give credit where credit is due, they want it all for themselves. No one is allowed to be "better" than them in any way I fall in to the "needy" category. I was a perfect victim for this woman. I'm isolated, I suffer from agoraphobia, anxiety neurosis, and OCD. Thinking that she was depressed, insecure, I attempted to do everything I could to make her feel good; I complimented her, I listened to her. Then, it dawned on me, there was nothing coming back. She talked big, but when it really counted, she was never there. If I came to her with a problem, rather than show any kind of sympathy or kindness, she would use the opportunity to tell me how it never would have happened to her, how she would have done it better....not one shred of decency, compassion, or connection; another human beings moment of weakness was nothing more than a moment to exploit, a chance to feel superior She takes every opportunity to give other people a list of her own and her husbands skills, achievements, successes. If someone says they got an A on a test, she got an A+. If she can't distort and stretch the truth to say she got the A+, then her husband, brother, uncle, cousin did it better than you. The lying is sickening. One day, she will say, "I hate chicken", but if it's someone she wants to flatter, she suddenly loves it. This affected me deeply, because I'm lonely, she was one of my only friends; that's why I tried so hard to make it work. I'm still not completely over this, but I'm trying real hard I hope my imput helps others, all the above posts have been extremely helpful to me, and have given me a great deal of insight. . I had a narcissistic friend for over 12 years. In the beginning, she would always cook for me and beg me to stay a little longer and not leave, etc. As the relationship went along, she told me she never really had any friends, how terrible her childhood was, etc. Then came the broken promises, we'll do such and such on Thursday, then on Thursday she'd have an excuse and make more false promises. I admit, I fell for this over and over, as did her 6 children and her husband. The story ended when I moved away and all of a sudden she didn't like me anymore. I tried to ask her why she was so mad at me, and told her I would love her to come and visit whenever she wanted. She said she would never visit. The end. This hurt my feelings for a long time and I just couldn't figure out what I did wrong, especially since after all those years being her friend and her telling me that I'd always be welcome because I was family. But after much soul searching I find that I did nothing wrong other than move away. And since she bad mouthed everyone that didn't do things she wanted or her way, I should have expected the same. No, narcissists cannot be friends, and cannot be trusted. I could never trust this lady to do anything she said she was going to do, or depend on her for anything. Towards the end of our friendship I had to be very careful when I'd call her and exactly what I said because she became so, for lack of a better word, mean. If you think you're friend is a narcissist, and that you can help them, change them, or count on them, it will never happen. . I have a friend like this an we have been friends since high school. Best friends for most of it with our ups and downs. She cycles through people she hangs out with constantly. I have often confronted her on it because I am a blunt person and I will tell you when something bothers me, but with her she just turns it around and its always my fault and im just 'yelling' at her and 'never happy with anything she does'. I have tried to tell her that I care about her and that's why it bothers me and all she can say is 'well if im so horrible then why do you care about me?' I cant seem to get her to understand that I care because I am actually a good normal friend and that's what friends do!! I now know she will NEVER understand, she cannot sympathize with how she makes anyone else feel. She only knows how it makes her feel. . The same thing happened to me when I moved!! Everything came to a head and I barely spoke to her after I left. I didn't say anything for a long time and just recently I finally did because we haven't spoken in five months which I. By the end of the long drawn out conversation of me telling her I care about her and her just saying I was wrong about everything I we are not friends anymore and it's hard! It's particularly hard for anyone going through this that values friendships and is their for their true friends. But she kept saying to me 'if I'm (she's) so bad then why do you care, why do you want to be my friend' and I finally realized as screwed up as some of her comments were (" Yeah, we were best friends but we don't have to be friends forever." Who is saying that??) that I don't need her and she doesnt make me happy. As much as I wish we were friends she won't change, she's been this way for years and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one willing to tell her because she lashes out when you do. I think moving can be the catalyst because they don't really have you there to take your attention so you become a used up source of energy. Sad but true. If you think you're dealing with a very serious, intense, threatening or dangerous Narissist go look up Psychopath on this site. I sometimes think a person whose is narcissistic on the surface may be a Psychopath deep down. This girl dated a bonafide Psychopath for over a year and wouldn't leave him after he mistreated her and I was there everytime she needed me, but she's certainly forgotten that. . The contradictions of a Narcissist are absurd and ridiculous. Yet, a full blown Narcissist will truly believe the following credo and probably smile and brag in agreement, as if someone really understands the way it should be. Be careful if you're writing a helpful contribution to psychology in the form of a dissertation or study, should you wrangle with this type of personality. Otherwise, the sheer audacity will either amuse you or flirt with destroying you. Below are some points you may find familiar... "I am a unique person" ... Since I am superior, I feel an entitlement to special treatment and privileges ... People that are inferior are not entitled to special treatment or privileges ... I don't have to be bound by the rules or laws that apply to other people. I make my own rules and I break or bend laws and rules if it suits my interest ... Other people are bound by my rules. If other people break my rules, they are intolerable ... It is very important to get recognition, praise, and admiration ... If other people get recognition, praise or admiration they are not important to me ... If others don't respect my status, they are beneath me and unworthy of my time ... If I respect other people's status, they are above or equal to me, and therefore, they are worthy of my time ... Other people should satisfy my needs ... I do not want to satisfy other people's needs ... Other people should recognize how special I am ... I do not think that other people are special ... It's intolerable if I'm not accorded my due respect or don't get what I'm entitled to ... It's intolerable if I must accord due respect to others or give them what they are entitled to ... People have no right to criticize me if their actions effect me ... I have a right to criticize others if their actions effect me ... No one's needs should interfere with my own ... I can interfere with other people's needs if they interfere with my own ... Only people as brilliant as I am will understand me ... I do not want to take the time to understand other people unless they are brilliant. . Narcissistic people are always looking for supply. Capable of friendship? Only if you have something they can use. They are the worst "users" in the world. In the beginning, prepare to be romanced regardless of whether it's a male or female and the terms of your relationship. Ns who want to be friends are quite giving in the beginning as this is the most vulnerable time for them sniffing out Narcissistic supply. They will practically offer anything to get this. They are famous for taking others out to lunch, and buying gifts and that sort of thing in order to impress you. If in a business arrangement, they offer to send you endless referrals and business. This is a win/win for them as they get you excited and interested in them, get you hooked to a so-called "referral base" (that usually never occurs...or they send you 1 measly client), and they can withdraw this wonderful non-existant offer when you don't behave according to their standards (got a pimple? That's enough for them!). This costs them nothing as it was really never their intention to help you anyway, but Ns DO tend to believe their own lies while telling them. Because they were so giving in the beginning, the victim of the N is in for a big shock when the novelty of the relationship wears off (Narcissists get bored and of course it's your fault), or you happen to disagree with them. Friendship with an Narcissist has a very short shelf life as there is no room for honesty, intimacy, open self-disclosure, or any other sort of bond. Just at the point when most relationships grow/deepen you will find your Narcissist high-tailing it out of there due to their terror of intimacy. The wounds they create for others is deep. They cause great hurt that does not heal quickly or normally. This is due to their Jeckyl & Hyde behavior. Look to one or both of your parents (siblings too) for your initial training in being attracted to these people. No other sane person would be attracted or tolerate this type of person for any length of time (which is why there is alot of "turnover" in their personal lives). Notice the "healthy" people who seem to run from the Narcissist presence. If you want to be healthy....you better run too. . I have finally come to the conclusion that one of my friends of eight years is a Narcissist. I have done a lot of work on my self-esteem in this time and I realise it's me that's changed, but our friendship just isn't working anymore. I recognise what she does now, whereas before I thought it was my deficiencies that were the problem. Whenever I do something, she does it better, for example when I took up jogging, she started jogging two weeks later, and three weeks after that was signing up for marathons, never once asking how my jogging was progressing. Whenever I express admiration for someone, she expresses a comment along the lines of 'oh I don't think they're that good' with a dismissive shrug. She knows everything (even when she doesn't) and responds to almost every factual statement I make with a 'yes but...'. When I try to tell her anything, I'm constantly interrupted with 'I know...I know that...I knew that...I know...' She doesn't seem to believe in anything except herself (certainly not a higher power of any description), is never impressed by anything, and nothing seems to move her. When she joined Mensa she didn't tell anyone she was taking the test until after the results were in. Because she didn't want anyone to make a fuss (or because she didn't want anyone to know if she failed?). When she went for motorbike lessons and was thrown off the course because she'd never even learned to ride a bike, she professed to never have really wanted to ride a motorbike anyway. She is particularly insufferable when she's been around men who show interest in her, not seeming to understand that they would more than likely be interested in any attractive intelligent woman who showed up at the time. And the lies she has told me to protect the image she has built of herself as an irresistable fountain of desire that no man can resist (even though they all leave after three or four weeks). I don't believe this person can or was ever a true friend. I'm appalled that I allowed myself to be taken in by her but at least now I see her for what she is and disappointed as I am that she's not who I thought she was, I'm able to appreciate the real friends I have all the more. . I have just left my Narcissist because I had no choice; he left me emotionally months ago anyway, the rest was a charade. I told him I was prepared to be friendly. I honestly meant this because I was a bit selfish and wanted to continue seeing his children. Anyway it was not to be. He refuses any contact with me whatsoever. That's fine with me. As for his friends; well he doesnt have any. I don't know one person that wants to be friends with this guy. My children and their partners wanted to be friends but he brushed them aside. Narcissists don't know how to to interact honestly with others. This is what friendships require. . I wrote above about the 12 year friendship with a Narcissist. She has now filed for divorce from her husband (me and he are still good friends), she's turned their 6 kids against him steadily for the past several years. They are both living in the same house pending the divorce, but she left for two weeks to live with her boyfriend, then came home since she has only 3 weeks to pack and get out. She has treated her husband and kids worse than dirt for several years now; the kids don't dare to disagree with her highness, (otherwise she rules the kids every movements) and has always been very unkind to their animals (ie: kicking them, not giving them supper, not giving them their prescribed medications), no one else would do these things but she denies it even when caught red handed. She left her first husband only after finding someone else, she's repeating history. If she wants something she will do anything to get it. She claimed for years that she hated sex, but she has told all her teenage daughters that sex with her new boyfriend is really great after 40. She took her kids to meet the new boyfriend months before filing for a divorce, on the day her youngest was confirmed they went to dinner and met the new man. If it's someone that has been good to her and they want something, that's just too bad. She is a wretched, miserable person, and I'm so glad I finally see the light. I hope her poor abused husband gets his life back together, he deserves it. Everything this woman says is a complete lie. She told so many stories of 'poor me' and now that I know her I don't believe anything she ever told me. She twists everything to fit her needs of the moment. Narcissists are some very lowly human beings, they care about no one else, and I will run not walk if I ever even think about being caught up in a narcissists life again. So not worth it! . No because friends give and take. This person will only take never give and you will one day get enough of their ways if you become friends with them. . A narcissist I thought was my friend (and sometimes I still do!) for many years did bad things to me. I got so tired of the lies I gave an interview to a website (over 20 months ago) I just need to let the truth be out. What is so sad is this Narcissist has tremendous potential!! I have known so many Narcissists, including my mother - and it really does wear you down as a person They believe their lies. That's what's so horrifying and creepy at the same time. . Yes you are so right about them believing their lies. If they promise something and you hold them to it they don't know what your problem is. . Their friends suspect the N has certain traits but see it more affectionately as eccentricity. When you're in a relationship with an N and you live with them, you are the only person who really knows about their destructive behaviour. Even their children don't always know the extent of it. It can be lonely and bewildering. . Mine was so amazing when we met and made so many promises about things that truly affect the centre and substance of your life. Then when you move in with them they do exactly whatever they feel like. Because the good things were so intense it makes it harder to disconnect altogether. What a relationship with a narcissist can teach you is to believe in yourself. It is only when you truly believe in yourself and your connection with the positive energy that exists in the world, and that everyone can connect to, that you will get out. If you feel lonely when you're out, put on a bit of the charm that you saw your narcissist using on others, and you will have friends in no time. And when you have these new friends, treat them right and they'll be good long term friends who bring relationships worth valuing. Then you won't even have time to wonder what that old narcissist was doing! . I think my boyfriend has NPD. Actually we just broke up and it concerns me greatly wether I should remain friends with him or not. We have been together for the past 2 years and let me tell you...they have been the most emotionally insane 2 years of my life. It's like I am addicted to him, yet I always thought there was something off about him. It wasn't proven until I finally found out he was hitting on every woman I knew and some. What did he think? I wouldn't find out?Anyways, I did and was devastated, but I took him back(something I would have never done with other lovers) He acknowledged some bad behaviour but never all of it. He says it was some kind of subconcious test to see if I loved him(???)He drinks alot,smokes alot of pot, drives like a maniac. He has no respect for anyone. He has no friends. Mind you, he has gotten alot better.It used to be a nightmare to bring him out with anyone I knew. He used to go into jealous rages or have weird panic attacks that didn't make any sense. He is friendlier with people, but won't actually call my friends his friends. He wants the world, but can't seem to juggle responsibilities, which leaves me feeling alone in the relationship. He also watches alot of porn, which didn't used to bother me, but our sex life sucks. He was great in bed for a while, but got very lazy(i was doing all the work)He is a very handsome man and I am very attracted to him. So it is very frustrating for me, but he doesn't seem to care. He doesn't seem to care about any of my feelings. I have fallen to sleep crying next to him on countless nights because I feel so unloved, and he just falls asleep, like nothing is wrong. Or he gets irritated, but never does he comfort me. It is truly odd. I honestly feel like the man hates me. But then he says I am his best friend and he loves me so much(????) Narcissism is my only explanation. He lacks empathy. Do I sound crazy? . Just to add to the girl's statement above. I just broke up with my boyfriend (who definitely has NPD). I was dating him for about 8 Months. In the begining everything was amazing. We both hit it off immediatly. Everything from the same addictive love for our favorite baseball team, to our love for all different types of food, to the same movies and television programs in common. We even ate the same cereal and watched the same cartoons growing up. The first date was amazing. We met online, and I didnt waste anytime asking to meet up in person. We had such a great conversation on the phone. And we were both very outgoing strong personalities. So, we met for dinner, at a restaruant that he picked. And just never stopped talking for the next 5 huors. Immedaitely attracted to each other too. Well, we both figured out that we had great jobs, worked and lived in the same cities. Just so many similarities. Immediately I was over his place (always his place and never mine), 3-4 times a week. Spent tons of time together. The first 2 months were the best. He would cook for me all the time, and we just had a great time together. That was also the only time, in those 2 months that he ever paid me a compliment, by telling me that he had never been so attracted to anyone else before. Well, time went by. And after the honeymoon was over, I found it odd that I never got close in his world. Never met any of his friends. But, he also never hung out with any of his friends. He spoke about highschool friends, but never saw them. Then he caught up with some new college friends on Facebook, and maybe saw them once or twice. But that was it. It took him 5 months to let me meet his familly. And then 3 months after that it ended. He said he was missing that "feeling" for me. No attraction. And i noticed the decline after those 2 months, now that I look back. He stopped holding my hand, he stopped just making simple gestures like touching my leg for instance, or even hugging me or holding my hand. Sex was a struggle. And like the girl above, I often would go to bed crying and upset. And he would show me no compassion, or even emotion. When he broke up he told me he loved me and I was his best friend, and had been for the whole relationship. Well, he didnt hang out with anyone or talk to anyone, so of course I was. And he feared losing me in his life. Well I have tried to be friends with him. But it is just as cold as he was when he was dating me. It is limited to emails only. But, even that is just pointless. NPD's do not have empathy or care about anyone. They are photocopies of people. And it is a sad exisitence. I am glad I was not the girl he dated for 3 years, and then decided to break up with, for the same reason. I got out of it easy. But it was not without hurt or pain.
The narcissist creates the image that he/she wants the world to see. He/she can only do that when the truth isn't available to the audience. If the narcissist keeps his/her li…fe hidden then 1) he/she can lie about that life and continue grandiose delusions, or 2) avoid taking responsibility because he/she can continue shift-blaming. Moreover, perhaps addiction is a factor. If your ex uses, then secrecy is part of that addict behavior. Whatever the cause, count it as a blessing that you don't have the details, and reciprocate. Any information that the narcissist has about you will be used to manipulate you. Being open and honest is fine... with sane people. Minimal contact if necessary, and no contact if possible.
Possessiveness and self-centeredness are not the same thing. Inanimate objects serve as Sources of Narcissistic Supply. … They attract people's attention and admiration. This is why narcissists are enamoured of status symbols, i.e., objects, which make others look, admire, envy, dream, compare, or aspire. Discarder narcissists do not like souvenirs and the memories they bring. They are afraid to get emotionally attached to them and then get hurt if the objects are lost or stolen or expropriated or taken by creditors. Objects, situations, voices, sights, colours � can provoke and evoke unwanted memories. The narcissist tries to avoid them. The discarder narcissist callously discards or gives away hard-won objects, memorabilia, gifts, and property. This behaviour sustains his sense of control and lack of vulnerability. It also proves to him that he is unique, not like "other people" who are attached to their material belongings. He is above this. This kind of narcissist jealously guards his possessions � his collections, his furniture, his cars, his children, his women, his money, his credit cards ... Objects comfort the narcissist. They remind him of his status. They are linked to gratifying events and, thus, constitute Secondary Sources of Narcissistic Supply. They attest to the narcissist's wealth, his connections, his achievements, his friendships, his conquests, and his glorious past. No wonder he is so attached to them. Objects connected with failures or embarrassments have no place in his abode. They get cast out. Moreover, owning the right objects often guarantees the uninterrupted flow of Narcissistic Supply. A flashy car or an ostentatious house help the somatic narcissist attract sexual partners. Owning a high powered computer and a broadband connection, or a sizable and expensive library, facilitate the intellectual pursuits of the cerebral narcissist. Sporting a glamorous wife and politically correct kids is indispensable in the careers of the narcissistic politician, or diplomat. The narcissist parades his objects, flaunts them, consumes them conspicuously, praises them vocally, draws attention to them compulsively, brags about them incessantly. When they fail to elicit Narcissistic Supply � admiration, adulation, marvel � the narcissist feels wounded, humiliated, deprived, discriminated against, the victim of a conspiracy, unloved. Objects often make the accumulator narcissist. They are an inseparable part of his pathology. This type of narcissist is possessive. He obsesses about his belongings and collects them compulsively. He "brands" them as his own. He infuses them with his spirit and his personality. He attributes to them his traits. He projects to them his thwarted emotions, his fears, his hopes. They are an integral part of him, inseparable, providing emotional succour. Such a narcissist says: "My car is daring and unstoppable", or "How clever is my computer!", or "My dog is cunning", or "My wife craves attention". He often compares people to the inanimate. Himself he sees as a computer or sex machine. His wife he regards as some kind of luxury good. The narcissist loves objects and relates to them � things he fails to do with humans. This is why he objectifies people � it makes it easier for him to interact with them. Objects are predictable, reliable, always there, obedient, easy to control and manipulate, universally desired. Read about Accumulators and Narcissistic Handles here. Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" � 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications Answer They ask you to lunch. You have to fit into THEIR schedule. What they are doing is IMPORTANT. What you are doing is not so important that you can drop it and accommodate them. They ask you to do them a favor. They have to work late and ask you to pick up their clothes from dry cleaner for them. You tell them it's parent-teacher night. They call you selfish. They say they can't depend on you to be there for them. Their jobs are important. Your job is just filler material. They are bricks. You are to be their morter. Squeeze your life around them. They won't budge. They expect you to change your schedule at last minute. Their schedule is fixed and unwavering. They save their money for important things, such as their children's college. They ask you to spend your money to help grandparents. You tell them you just emptied out the bank account for your own child's college and you have $43 in bank until next paycheck. They call you a liar and call you selfish. They say you have the money but don't want to spend it. You say, "no, this is real, we don't have the money." They say, "I know you, and you always have money hidden somewhere." What is on their plate is important. Their corporation would fall apart if they took a day off to do their own bidding. What is on your plate is you goofing off and splurding on pipe-dreams, so of course, you need to drop it and come running to take care of their needs and bidding. So what if you lose your job. Your job is common and you can get that old job back any old time. They are on important missions, and they have life goals. You are being selfish and sacrificing your family for your selfish pursuits at a dead-end job. They are BREADWINNERs. Their family depends on them. You are just earning money to go to salon. You just work for "fun money." Your family doesn't need your paycheck. So just drop what you are doing and go serve the narcissist. They are so busy, they don't have time. They ask you to do them favors, because you have all the time in the world. You had time to send them a family newsletter so you must have free time on your hands. They take their children to important life-learning experiences. When you take your children somewhere you are selfish and now teaching your own children to be selfish. Plus not to mention you had free time and money to waste on this. hint hint, give some to them. They always want to utilize your time and money because they think you are their tool and you have an abundance of them, but you don't know how to spend your own money in time. They are doing you a favor by coming in and taking over your life and making decisions for you. You, under family pressure, finally cave and drop and run to help (they said it was family emergency and you believed them.) You lose job. They forget they told you if you cared, you drop everything and come running. now they change their tune. They say how can you be so irresponsible and lose your job? Answer Narcissit dictionary: SELFISH: When someone won't put aside their own needs to meet your needs. Normal person dictionary: SELFISH: When someone expects you to put aside your own needs to meet their needs.
Narcissists will often get depressed when they lack narcississtic supply (some kind of admiration from others.)
Opinion No,that's the whole concept of being a narcissistic,hiding behind a mask because the pain from childhood he can't face,so he use a (fake ego) mask to fool you. Opini…on Yes. The task of continuously maintaining a false front can be extremely tiresome both physically and mentally. A narcissist may drop out of sight every once in a while when the strain gets to be too much. They tend to have a lot of close calls when their self created world begins to fail and they realize that others are beginning to recognize their game. At those times they have to leave their most recent creation and move on to form a whole new set of social contacts. It's a very tiresome life with no stable base.
Yes. I Have had to deal with a coworker who has NPD. The first step was to start ignoring the individual as much as possible. Then, gradually expand on this and rejecting the …individual. Do not waiver. Even if the individual tries to smooth things over. Do not ever side with the individual on any subject. Do not argue with the individual; They tend to feed off of both positive and negative stimulus.Essentially, you must eliminate the narcissists drug. The drug of choice for a narcissist is anything that stimulates his/her ego.Once that is eliminated, it is only a matter of time.Let them take the fall and reach bottom. Kind of like a drug addict eventually does. Narcissists are empty on the inside. Usually their personal lives are a shambles. Never prop them up or enable them. Turn your back on them. Allow them to fail. You can't. Research has shown their brains are shaped differently and their brain chemistry is way off RUN!
Various views from different people: No, a true narcissist puts love for his or her self over love for God. A true Christian is the exact opposite and puts love for God o…ver love of self. However, a narcissist can become a Christian by believing in the Lord Jesus Christ but then would no longer be a narcissist. In other words you can't be both. It's one or the other.Yes they can become true Christians if they truly want to change, but most narcissists are happy the way they are miserable and taking everyone else down with their negative and sometimes nasty behavior. The best advice is to stay away from Narcissistic people because they're only going to bring you down later in life because they feed off bringing others down to bringing themselves up.A true Christian would want to believe that it is possible. Because the Word of God tells us that all things are possible through Christ. The Word of God also tells us that when we become a christian we are made of a sound mind and of peace. The very things that a narcissist is in desperate need for. But, to become a true Christian you have to repent of your ways. Believe that you are in need of a savior. If we assume that the narcissist mind is that of child in its maturity and ability to take responsible for his actions, we can conclude that this would be an impossible feat for a narcissist. The age of accountability has not taken place in their life or their mentality. Can a six year become a christian? Sure, Jesus said let the little ones come unto me He admires the sincerity of child-like faith. My husband soon to be ex-husband is a narcissist. We talk of God, (He says he believes in God, he even believes that Christ was the Son of God, but he does not believe that Christ is savior.) He lives like hell and only uses his (supposed) belief on God when it is useful for him in gaining want he wants. He went to church with me and claimed to believe in Christ and wanted those things in his life.. This changed shortly after we were married. He has become in my life the lion in sheep clothing, seeking to destroy and devour my faith and life. The word of God tells us that Satan is the father of lies and author of confusion. This is who my husband has been in my life a liar and the cause of extreme confusion and self-doubt. I take the responsibility of my choice to marry him. He was charming and the perfect fit for me. He find out who I was, and what I valued and then mirrored that to me. I was too naive and trusting. If I believed that he would on his own free will choose to become a Christian I would stay with him. But, I am under the mind set that he will not and can not do this. So, I must take responsibility for my life happiness, and future to allow him to live in his hopeless state and for me I choose to live in hope filled life. i lived with him in hope that God would do something to change things. But, the bottom line is God has done all that is required of Him in my husband life. It is and always has been and always will be up to my husband to exercise his free will and turn to Christ. He is responsible for this decision not I or God. This choice is in my opinion is impossible for him to make. He does not realize he is in need and most the time he can not take responsibility for his own actions. The only time he takes ownership is when he needs to secure my attention and willingness to stay with him. It is all about him and Christianity is not self-serving and it is about God not the Narcissist. Satan himself was a narcissist. He admired himself above God. i believe it is more likely that a narcissist would place his believe in Satan than God. All this is my opinion but, I acquired this knowledge by being a Christian myself and being married to a narcissist.No, I don't believe a narcissist can be a Christian because they think they're God! There has been much spoken of narcissistic traits on postings and we know they are self-centered, ego maniacal, perfectionists and most never seek counseling so it's not likely they will take God into their hearts. There may a small percentage that do if they reach a point in their lives where they have experienced a taste of their own medicine and try to change themselves."True narcissists" are not psychotically delusional. They are fully human beings. Wanting to change and trying to change are not requirements for salvation. You do not attempt and cannot achieve "perfection" before coming to the cross. The more your own efforts are involved, the more phony your charade before God. The Spirit can bring a "narcissist" (along with all those other labeled people) to repentance. If this isn't true, then Christ is a lie. I am no longer a believer, but not because I think "narcissists" are without hope.God may cause the blind to see, the lame to walk. However, it is understood that some may never walk, and others may never see. While I cannot pretend to know the will of God in all cases of disability, I am persuaded that a true narcissist has the probability of being a committed and sincere believer as a man with a broken spine has the ability to walk. My answer is based upon 30+ years of living with my NPD wife and being a Christian myself."For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish but have ever lasting life." JOHN 3:16 If you are human you are a "whosoever". Any person that believes in their heart and confesses with their mouth the Lord Jesus shall be saved. There are only TWO conditions to salvation and that is belived and confession.John 3:16 ? Seems perfect to a narcissist, but then Mat 7:21 (NRS) "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven." Titus 1:16 (NRS) They profess to know God, but they deny him by their actions. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work. I've been dealing with this myself forever, & I think I'm a little better, but it's hard to know. Used to call it absolute thinking, but as I've studied it's NPD. Narcs hang together in a sort of mutual admiration society I think, and re-enforce each other. At least mildly, I also think it is very common among buddies. I think this runs strongly in the conservative evangelical environment. They seem to always be critical of others, or those outside their group. Think smug, radio talk show hosts:-) I thank God for my wife - she's since passed - and the love I had for her that made me able to sit and consider the reality when she told me I unwittingly hurt other people. It seemed like an insensitivity to others feelings. Feelings that I didn't seem to have in myself. All of it was unintended most of the time, I think. I was 35, before I ever felt love, a word that means to many things in English. I think that level of caring has to be present in order to see the problem, and I'd bet that it's missing in most narcissists. The real chance of finding it also seems slim. I just thank God for being so lucky. I must say I'm a lot less certain about things than I used to be, and that has been a problem. When "maybe" becomes part of the equation it's a hard thing to deal with, when everything has always been (seemed) certain. The cure, or what seems to help me the most is the old "fake it till you make it" mentality. That is, intellectually you can know what the actions of a kind and caring person should be, and so you just pretend. Slowly you start to become that person you're pretending to be. You can then control and direct your emotions somewhat. I still have little time for men and care more for women, children and love nature and animals, but that's the way I've chosen to set it up. It's easier for me that way. The great problem is to be able to get the narc to appreciate that they even have a problem, because they think like computers. Always right. Computers don't have souls do they?Since god is all forgiving all one has to do is believe in something that has no evidence of it ever existed but has tons of evidence that its man-made. I don't see why a narcissist cant do that, after all he wants to go to heaven. God Welcomed criminals and murderers like the guy sitting next to the cross with Jesus, but he refuses anybody that doesn't believe he exists.Most of these answers are to a degree off the mark. First, there is a tendency to assume that narcissists are different in a way that makes them incapable of acting as others do. We can then somehow feel more justified in our own behaviors and decisions, since we aren't like the unfortunate narcissists. The problem is that God gives faith to whom he will, and God withholds faith from whom he will. Here's the clincher: our behaviors have absolutely nothing to do with it. Being distracted by the 'narcissist' question leads us away from the truth that absolutely no person can do anything (not even the sinners' prayer) that makes her/him worthy, or forgiven, or saved. Faith is given before the sinners' prayer is said; you don't even have control over that. We are saved by faith and not by any act that we could think of. Faith is entirely God's prerogative, and he is free to give it even to narcissists. He couldn't care less about the DSM. While we are in sin, God makes the first move; we can do absolutely nothing except to respond in faith after it is given. So there is quite a lot of perhaps unintended arrogance in concluding that "God saved me, of course, but he will not save those people."I believe the real relationship question here is, can a narcissist live like Christ in a marriage, love relationship or close friendship? Salvation, an act of Grace and faith, is not a question, however relating to others like Christ requires a sincere and willing heart, surrender to the Holy Spirit and repentance to those we've hurt. All Christians struggle to walk this walk with family, friends, & coworkers if they have a personal relationship with Christ. Yet marriage is a spiritual oneness that is a spiritual truth yet doesn't magically happen because both partners are Christians. I believe those who suffer from narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder must make a faithful commitment to Christian therapy to have a mirror of the destructive presence or narcissism in relationships with others-especially a spouse. A commitment to trust a Christian professional input; bare one's heart to The Holy Spirit daily; and willingness to graciously repent to those we have hurt is a must. A persons willingness to do these things consistently must be the guideline for entering a committed relationship with an individual battling this disorder-Christian or not. Like the Emperor who believed he had on fine raiment, a narcissist cannot see themselves accurately, and often fall victim to outward religious appearances as their Christian life. A narcissist must admit (and Christ will reveal this to them if they are in relationship with Him), that they cannot see themselves as they truly are before a mutually loving relationship with another is possible. Beware before committing to a narcissist or remaining in relationship with one-admitting their blindness is just the first step but the commitments described above must follow for true change to occur.According to the old testament, God Himself would be a narcissist. "worship me", "I won't accept homosexuals but won't provide a reason" etc. Many Christians are in fact narcissistic and what a better way to project your own beliefs than by creating an infallible, omnipotent and may I add invisible form of consciousness to personify them. Many Christians are not narcissistic but are drawn to the religion by an inability to accept mortality. I believe there may be a God. I know I'm not wrong but many people on this thread may be. May I remind you of a Gandhi quotation "I like your Christ but I do not like you Christians." Any objections to what I say?
Answer Narcissists pretty much always operate in 'False Self Mode' because they deny and ignore their real, fallible selves in favour of a false, grandiose self-…image. They need to feel good about themselves all the time and cannot, and will not, accept that they have weaknesses and failings like 'ordinary' people. They see themselves as superior and special, far above other mere mortals (that is, the rest of us). There are several articles on narcissism at: www.ultimate-self.com
Narcissists hate everyone equally whatever the colour, even themselves deep down which is why they feel the need to lie about their thoughts and cover up their wrongdoin…gs.
All people are born self centered. As we grow, while we remain self centered, we also engage in empathy and so we become better at it and the other person's perspective …is thought off more frequently. However, we never cease to be self centered. Narcissists, on the other hand, don't have that flexibility. The flexibility to move between the different mental states in thinking about our own experiences and the other's. narcissists can only be self centered. They can not do the empathy. So the difference that the self centered human organism becomes narcissistic when the are rigidly stuck only in self centerdness. All people are born self centered. As we grow, while we remain self centered, we also engage in empathy and so we become better at it and the other person's perspective is thought off more frequently. However, we never cease to be self centered. Narcissists, on the other hand, don't have that flexibility. The flexibility to move between the different mental states in thinking about our own experiences and the other's. narcissists can only be self centered. They can not do the empathy. So the difference that the self centered human organism becomes narcissistic when the are rigidly stuck only in self centerdness.
No, there facade is very well put together even when wasted. However sometimes little things slip through.
Answer "Narcissistic" is a description. If a person believes someone else is self-centered or selfish, they'll often describe that person as "narcissistic". … A psychologist might diagnose someone as having “narcissistic personality disorder”. I'd have to guess this diagnosis is what you mean by a "true narcissist". Narcissistic personality disorder is treatable by a professional. Most psychologists use a book called The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to review which particular symptoms make up a particular disorder. This book is called “The DSM” for short. The DSM defines "narcissistic personality disorder" as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts." It provides a list of ten symptoms, and suggests that the diagnosis be made when five or more of those symptoms are present. The list is a bit too long to provide here, but you can find similar diagnostic information yourself by checking for a copy of the DSM at a library or bookstore, or finding a good text about psychology.
Answer No, not at all. Many people get involved with a narcissist not knowing that they are a narcissist. You can have very high self esteem when you meet these p…eople. They are cunning charmers and it can take you quite some time to work out what they're about. In the process of it all though if you become a victim of the "N"s ways your self esteem may plummet. You may start to question who you are. It can chip away at your self esteem before you even realize it's happening.
ANSWER . yes very much so but only to himself and they are feelings about himself and no one else. He doesnt share anything with anyone especially his true feelings. His fa…ntasies and dreams are also about himself and an image he has of another person which is really an extension of himself.