If you went out with your girlfriend and her gay friend put his hand on your lap and you told him to get it off was he just being friendly and were you in the wrong?

Answer 1

Note: Original question stated that the asker used the word fag , and it was changed.

Using any derogatory slur is offensive and should not be done. You should apologize, but if you are angered by such advances, you should make this clear.

• Men seem to be more intimidated by a gay male because they don't understand why this person is the way they are and they also fear they will be perceived as gay by their peers (good friends wouldn't think this). Unless one was there it's hard to say if he was wrong and you were right. However, some gay men (not all gay men) can be quite effeminate and he could have simply made a female gesture. If a girl did the same thing to you I'm sure you wouldn't have thought twice. I have no doubt the gesture surprised you, but you are definitely having problems with male gays in general. If you weren't you wouldn't have called him a "fag." You could have told him you didn't appreciate his hand in your lap or pushed it aside without another word. Yup, think you were over-reacting. I've have male gay friends (and some gay female friends) and my husband and I have no problem when the males hugging us or a soft little tap on the leg or arm. If you are confident enough in yourself, you wouldn't jump the gun and you wouldn't be so worried this gay friend of your girlfriend has any interest in you, other than you are her boyfriend. I think you should apologize and straighten things out with this gay person ASAP. Gay or straight both have feelings and you apparently were tense enough to think he meant more than he did.
• First, if you are calling gay people "fags" you should re-think hanging out with them. If he is more of a girly guy, that might just be his nature to be touchy feely, doesn't mean he wants to jump your bones. If you want to continue this relationship with her, you should apologize to him. Your girlfriend was caught in the middle of it all and must have felt terrible about the way you treated her friend. If you just don't like gay men, you don't have to hang out, just let her have her time with him, and keep your relationship separate.
• Calling someone a fag would be considered by most to be hostile and not acceptable in polite society. However, it is not acceptable either, for a man to touch another man on his lap unless there is an understanding by both that it is OK. There are a whole number of zones which we may not touch on other people depending on their age, sex, family or other relationship with us and also the country or culture. Touchy-feely could be an interpretation if he had placed a hand on your shoulder while making a point. Think about who can touch who on their lap in the following intersections of people : boy girl mother father family friend teacher stranger male friend female friend male acquaintance female acquaintance grandfather grandmother. See what I mean? Females generally have more freedom than males to touch others. A lot of the above are definitely taboo in most societies.
• I have to agree with the previous answers to this 'question'. I'll be a little more blunt, though - get over yourself. A situation like that should be laughed off; he was probably just playing, and by the hostile response, you told him exactly what kind of person you are. A hateful person with a lot of fear issues. I guarantee your girlfriend will be getting an earful.
• You had every right to ask him to excuse his hand from your lap! I must admit reading your post initially was a bit confusing because the grammar is off. However, no one has the right to make any form of advancement be it verbal or physical toward anyone if it's not invited. I agree with you getting a bit angry! That would piss me off too. Being friendly? No one that I know of puts their hands on someones lap (close to the crotch I would assume) as a friendly gesture. A friendly gesture is a "pat on the back" a hand shake, etc. This guy obviously likes you and desires your physical attention, however, it's obvious that you don't want it. You need to tell him again if it happens, but this time be a bit meaner to him.