What would you like to do?
Is it abuse if your husband refuses to kiss or cuddle saying you do not turn him on anymore since you have put on lots of weight?
Yes, it's emotional and verbal abuse. You need to tell him how it makes you feel. That is rediculous that he is saying things about your weight like that. Especially since you just had a baby! Who isn't a bit overweight four months after having a baby?! And it's healthy to gain weight while you are pregnant. If you don't gain weight, you and the baby could have health problems. He is being rediculous and it has to stop. Talk with him and let him know how you feel and that he has to change his attitude towards you. You can't make him find you attractive, but he shouldn't be saying mean things to you about your weight. There are better ways to talk to someone about what is making them unhappy.
Frank communications in a relationship is important. You should tell each other what's bothering you and demand change.
But "brutal honesty" is abusive. It is a form of aggression (as is nasty humor, by the way).
Your husband could have told you why he finds you unattractive more gently and far more lovingly.
Criticizing is not enough. Your husband should also have offered practical solutions to the problem.
I would not be too concerned whether or not this is a form of abuse. Regardless of what Sam Vaknin says, there is no better way of solving abuse than with counter-abuse. I suggest a "kill them with kindness" approach. If your husband states that you are overweight, kindly remind him that you two are in a balanced relationship; you putting on more weight is the result of his diminishing penis size. As for you "not turning him on anymore," gently remind him that you did not marry him for his Quasimodo-like looks, but for who he is inside. Mention that he should feel fortunate that you were ever turned on by him.
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Thanks for the feedback!
yup! seen it done b/4....intense cuddling though
You would say, "¡Muchos besos!"
An emotionally abusive man (or woman) is not capable of true, pure love. The person does this to you because he or she lacks self esteem, as hard as that may seem to understan…d. Saying he doesn't "love" you anymore is another way for him to emotionally and mentally abuse you.
For extended periods where there is no physical or emotional reason for refusal, it is abandonment and emotional abuse. Of course a loving husband isn't going to force anythin…g on someone they promise to love/honor/cherish, but if the wife refuses for months and years because she is angry and/or resentful... that's abandonment and selfish. Sex is part of the relationship and the marriage covenant to put the other person's needs ahead of personal agenda. If the wife can't see this as a need just as food or oxygen, she is selfish to the point of being emotionally abusive. Same is true in reverse. When I hear of men that won't have sex with their wives for years, I want to scream. His primary job is to build up and encourage his wife, and to love her unconditionally. If he can't turn down the lights and do things that make her feel special, he is cruel and selfish. He is isolating her, with holding affection, and being a jerk. It's emotionally abusive for either to worry about themselves when their spouse has a need.
Answer . You didn't make it clear if he was talking about himself or he didn't feel the same towards you. From 40 plus men can go through 'Andropause' which is lesser in de…gree, but similar to women's Menopause. They DO have hot flashes, mood swings, can perspire more than usual, depression and yearn for their youth and regaining it. Not all men go through this, but a good percentage of them do.. Please sit down with your husband and communicate with him. Ask him to explain to you what he means. He could well feel depressed and that his life is not fulfilled and he's edgy and frustrated about it, or he feels there are too many problems in the marriage and may want out of the marriage. By communicating this gives you the chance to let him know your feelings as well and to try and work things out and if he's not willing to do so then it also gives you the upper hand to ask him for at least a separation. In some cases a separation is best so that each of you can have 'head space' and you might both surprise yourselves and miss each other a great deal. No one said that life in general was a rose garden and marriage certainly isn't either. There are those prickly thorns we all have to get past.
Why does your boyfriend not want to kiss or hug you anymore He used to do it all the time now after a year there is nothing No sex No cuddling He says he's still in love so whats going on?
Answer maybe he wants to take things slow or maybe he's thinking some things that's been bothering him and wants to overcome this 'things' before doing anything e…lse with you. Talk to him about what's going on and if he starts going ballistic or mad, just try and calm him down and tell him that you'll be there for him (and of course i know you would). Just be patient and give a little space and then when he's ready to talk, be sure to be there.
When a guy says we should just be friends then a month later sleeps over and cuddles and kisses you as you sleep after sex What does that mean?
It sounds to me like he is afraid to let you know that he really cares about you. I think he may be starting to realize that he wants to be more than just friends.
What does it mean when a guy is suddenly distant meaning no cuddling or much kissing but says that the relationship is fine and talks about a possible future together?
This is going to sound horrible, but it sounds like what I did to my ex. We talked about kids and a future together, but the fact was, I was over him. I just didn't know what …exactly to say and how to say it. Maybe you should try to find out what's really going on, or try to distance yourself. that could me two things he doesn't like to cuddle or he's cheating but if you notice he comes home at late hours then he's suposse to then ask him were have you've been @ IF HE TKES A WHILE THEN THATS YOUR HINT LEAVE HIM SND FIND SOMEONE NEW Answer 2: Ok, i went through somewhat of a similar situation... just know that it's never your fault - or so I'm told by my guy friend(s) it also depends on the guy and his dating history - but, if he's being more distant with you or you feel like you're being ignored it's probably because he wants space and if he's talking about the future perhaps he's trying to make you feel secure and assure that he hasn't lost feelings for you. The best advice I can give is to confront him about it - but, make sure not to be too naggy or ask constantly (guys get annoyed by that, when you show insecurity) - and if he says things are fine take his word for it and just work on spending more time on you, when he's done being distant he'll come back to you.
I went through the same thing..i talked to my husband and let him know that i didnt like it...now he has cut back smoking and whenever he does smoke he knows he has to brush h…is teeth before getting near me...but lately he just takes a showers after smoking because he knows i cant stand the smell of cigs...if he loves you then he'll change his ways.. I suffered from the same problem with my girlfriend who smoked. I tried to hide it but she could always tell when i wasnt enjoying kissing her. In the end i didnt hve to force her to make a choice she decided to give up smoking because she didnt want to lose me. Talk to your husband, tell him how it feels. Is there something he doesnt like? a particular food or drink? if so ask him to try kissing you after you've ate/drank it and see if he doesnt mind. I am a man that smokes ... and I would like to start answer the question by saying ... do not hold it against him. And even if it hurts, tell him how you feel, and together find a plan to work around it. No SMINT no KISS. if you love him then you see through the smoke and see your husband for the person that he is and the reason why you married him or you could encourage him to buy mint chewing gum etc. I've just given up and I sympathize with you. I now understand how bad smoking stinks, it's gross. Tell him the truth. The stink of cigarettes goes down deeper than any smint can reach. Its down inside the lungs. Maybe it will be the one thing that finally makes him give up. I know I would be embarrassed if my partner told me that I stunk. Answer Smoking is an addiction and it cant be given up that easily, so it isn't practacal to request him to just stop smoking. You just have to make it clear that when he smokes that he is not to kiss you and that he is not to smoke at least an hour prior to wanting to be intimate. In that time he can brush his teeth, chew gum or have mints to get rid of the smell. It does work cause that is what my husband does for me. And I cant even tell he smokes at all. If he really wants those kisses or more then he will understand and be willing to make the compromise.
Sit down and talk with your husband calmly. Listen to him and don't get overly emotional. Right now that will not help the situation. Ask him to explain what areas of th…e relationship are making him unhappy and what you both can do to make things better. Discuss the possibility of seeing a marriage counselor if the marriage is something you are both willing to work towards saving.
Maybe, maybe not, it doesnt necessarily mean hes cheating but there could be a possibility. A lot of times in a long relationship or marriage couples drift apart in some… ways, are'nt as close as they once were. In new relationships people feel a stronger desire to kiss and have sex more its because they havent explored each other much yet and things are new. After a long relationship sometimes people begin to loose these desires, especially if you have many arguments or have encountered some problems. Many people that do cheat come home to their wives and still kiss and have sex with them just like there are people that dont touch there wives much any more but still love them and never would want to be with anyone else. If you want him to kiss you again try doing something new. get a hot new outfit, turn him on. make yourself tempting and desirable. If your still worried about him cheating maybe its time you start doing some snooping around.
We're really not the people to ask. You should try asking your husband.
What do you do when your husband says he does not want to be with you anymore yet he will not leave your home?
Change the locks and fast! If it is actually YOUR home and not a home you bought together call the police, he's trespassing. You'll have to ask him to leave, leave yoursel…f or go to a lawyer and the lawyer can decide who gets the house. You have him served Or-- you can go out of your way to make him WANT to leave. Bwahahahahaha! It probably means he's too much of a loser to find or afford a place of his own. Kick him out and help him to grow up even more. At the very least, let him leach off of someone else. Will you be physically safe? Maytbe you should consider changing the locks.... Has he said why he doesn't want to be with you anymore? It's a pity he didn't say anything before this..... you could have worked together on healing your relationship. Is he sure he doesn't want to be with you (if he doesn't why is he still there?).... If the property is jointly owned or if the couple reside in a community property state neither spouse can force the other to leave the residence, nor can either spouse impede the other's access and rights to the property. If the issue is one of domestic violence, the authorities should be notified and the victimized spouse should apply for a restraining order in the court of jurisdiction. Other than that, one of the parties will need to file for a dissolution of marriage and the property ownership issues will be determined by the laws of the state of residency. ANSWER Ask him why. None of us want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us. Find out what you need to do so that you don't lose out to abandonment of the house. If possible, move yourself out and move on without him. Caution--if he has health problems, this may be a symptom of depression and he was just saying it, without meaning. As the person above said, it looks like you need more information. For Certain, You Better not Leave! The most likely reason why your husband does not want to leave is that he is already considering a divorce and contemplates his rights to your "in common" property. If that is the case - and I can not be certain that it is - you should not leave under any circumstances. I know that there is a great temptation to get away from him and leave, but, most likely, that is exactly what he wants you to do. Call a lawyer.
Answer It depends on the situation. If most wives waited for their husbands to be motivated enough to entertain others or even go out then we'd be very lo…nely women. If he is using this to "get even" with you this is another story. If this is the case go out without him! Don't let ANYONE control your social life. It would be a good idea to communicate with your husband. Perhaps he works shift-work and is just plain tired. If so, come to some agreement that one night a week you both do something together or with friends and the other times when you need to get out of the house you could go out with girlfriends. Many of us rely on our girlfriends for some entertainment. Good luck Marcy Answer My ex, would insist that he pays for the date always (even if he literally took the money from my purse to pay for it) and he insisted that he should be the "man" and ask me out. And not the other way around. I would be severely criticized if I asked. So needless to say as he went out to basketball, hockey games, a monthly night out with this guy, and weekly drinks with the guys, and then of course, he worked hard so he was entitled to go for a drink....I waited alot. We went out 1 in the last year we were together, 3 times the year before and only 4 times the year before. Everyone else came before me. He didn't even take me out during these three past years, to celebrate any of the 3 kids we had, the house that we bought together or even when we got engaged. (ALthough he was entitled to go out and celebrate with his buddies). So if you end up feeling like you're on an never-ending to-do list then yes it is.
How do you move on after a verbally and emotionally abusive with a husband of 12 years if you have two small children and your husband doesn't want you anymore but you still love him?
Answer Don't kill him understand that you think you still love him it's quite possible that deep inside that you do but think about the times h…e disrespected you out of your name and think to yourself do really still want that and it the answer is no don't worry about him anymore in time he will see how much you loved him and then he will feel bad that he did you wrong karma is real and it happens what goes around comes around and all things you reap you will so. So just trust and believe there is somebody out there for you that won't disrespect you but treats you the way you deserve and stay in prayer God is the key to all your problems time will heal all wounds remember that. Answer It's always a tough one when a mate (of either sex) tells you they don't love you any longer. It happened to me as well. I didn't have children with this person so it wasn't as complicated as your problem, but nonetheless it hurt like crazy. I divorced the rat! He was cheating on me (many times) was verbal and physically abusive to me. I did put up with it for 3 1/2 years, but gave myself a good slap and wondered where my fight and dignity had gone. I had to get on my own feet, get my independence back again and look after myself. I did it and so do thousands of other women. A verbally abusive partner can leave as many scars on a person as a physical abuser. Your husband has had his way for far too long. By taking his verbal abuse you have enabled his behavior. Verbal and physical abusers basically brain-wash their victims (yes, you are a victim) by fear, and the necessity for you and your children to walk on egg shells around this man. He's a controller! Don't sit there saying you love him, but get darn mad! This man has just stomped all over you and your children. By the two of you going at it verbally (or you just sit and take it) is not good for the children and they are picking up the habits of this behavior. The sons are more than likely going to pick up the traits of the father and not respect women in the future and daughters are more apt to pick up the apathy of the mother. This is no longer about you, but your children! Get mad, get moving and get help! There are women's abuse centers in your area and if you can't find them then call your local "Mental Health" and they will guide you through the process. Love is not about hurting someone and you are just confused and frightened at this point. If you seek help you will gain more strength and independence and able to face up to your verbal abuser and give him options. He can either seek help or you're leaving with the kids. You're children SHOULD NEVER have to put up with this whether you love this man or not. Good luck hon Answer Unfortunately, it takes two to create a loving relationship. One person can't do it alone. If he hasn't actually moved out, then you should grit your teeth and take action to ensure the safety of yourself and your children. That is the most important thing here. Hopefully, you are currently working, but if you aren't you need to find shelter and/or some help to find a good job. (there may be paid training available to find a good job to support your kids)
What does it mean when he says he isn't looking for a relationship but he cuddles kisses holds my hand and looks into my eyes a lot?
it means he's trying to get in your pants. guaranteed It means he's wants physical contact but he doesn't want any of the responsibilities of a relationship (like a 'frie…ndship with benefits'). He said he doesn't want a relationship; take his word for it. Some women feel they can make a guy want a relationship, like they see in the movies or read in books. Believe me, it's hard enough to change our own minds, so it's even harder to change someone else's mind. He doesn't deserve your affection (cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.). If you want the commitments of a relationship, I'd say find someone else, someone who deserves you.