What would you like to do?
Is reluctant reconciliation a narcissist trait?
Because he wasn't sure that he has secured a substitute. Nasrcissists drop their current sources of supply (devalue and discard) ONLY when they have an alternative ready.
Narcissists are addicted to a drug known as "Narcissistic Supply". Attention (good OR bad), adulation, applause, fame, celebrity, notoriety - are all narcissistic supply. The people who supply these consistently, reliably, and predictably, are called "Narcissistic Supply Sources".
Why should the narcissist look for another source of supply if the current source of supply is available (always accepts him back)?
Cultivating a source of secondary narcissistic supply is a VERY time consuming and energy consuming affair. The path of least resistance (reverting to old sources) is always preferred.
The old source has the advantage of having recorded memories of past grandeur. Her very "surrender" and "yielding to his charms" IS the supply he seeks.
He sort of pushes the envelope, trying to ascertain and map the outer limits of his potency as irresistible male and mate. The more tortured the relationship - the sweeter the recurrent victory. This is doubly true when the narcissist is in the throes of life crises such as loss of a job, divorce, serious illness, etc.
Was this answer useful?
Thanks for the feedback!
Possessiveness and self-centeredness are not the same thing. Inanimate objects serve as Sources of Narcissistic Supply. … They attract people's attention and admiration. This is why narcissists are enamoured of status symbols, i.e., objects, which make others look, admire, envy, dream, compare, or aspire. Discarder narcissists do not like souvenirs and the memories they bring. They are afraid to get emotionally attached to them and then get hurt if the objects are lost or stolen or expropriated or taken by creditors. Objects, situations, voices, sights, colours � can provoke and evoke unwanted memories. The narcissist tries to avoid them. The discarder narcissist callously discards or gives away hard-won objects, memorabilia, gifts, and property. This behaviour sustains his sense of control and lack of vulnerability. It also proves to him that he is unique, not like "other people" who are attached to their material belongings. He is above this. This kind of narcissist jealously guards his possessions � his collections, his furniture, his cars, his children, his women, his money, his credit cards ... Objects comfort the narcissist. They remind him of his status. They are linked to gratifying events and, thus, constitute Secondary Sources of Narcissistic Supply. They attest to the narcissist's wealth, his connections, his achievements, his friendships, his conquests, and his glorious past. No wonder he is so attached to them. Objects connected with failures or embarrassments have no place in his abode. They get cast out. Moreover, owning the right objects often guarantees the uninterrupted flow of Narcissistic Supply. A flashy car or an ostentatious house help the somatic narcissist attract sexual partners. Owning a high powered computer and a broadband connection, or a sizable and expensive library, facilitate the intellectual pursuits of the cerebral narcissist. Sporting a glamorous wife and politically correct kids is indispensable in the careers of the narcissistic politician, or diplomat. The narcissist parades his objects, flaunts them, consumes them conspicuously, praises them vocally, draws attention to them compulsively, brags about them incessantly. When they fail to elicit Narcissistic Supply � admiration, adulation, marvel � the narcissist feels wounded, humiliated, deprived, discriminated against, the victim of a conspiracy, unloved. Objects often make the accumulator narcissist. They are an inseparable part of his pathology. This type of narcissist is possessive. He obsesses about his belongings and collects them compulsively. He "brands" them as his own. He infuses them with his spirit and his personality. He attributes to them his traits. He projects to them his thwarted emotions, his fears, his hopes. They are an integral part of him, inseparable, providing emotional succour. Such a narcissist says: "My car is daring and unstoppable", or "How clever is my computer!", or "My dog is cunning", or "My wife craves attention". He often compares people to the inanimate. Himself he sees as a computer or sex machine. His wife he regards as some kind of luxury good. The narcissist loves objects and relates to them � things he fails to do with humans. This is why he objectifies people � it makes it easier for him to interact with them. Objects are predictable, reliable, always there, obedient, easy to control and manipulate, universally desired. Read about Accumulators and Narcissistic Handles here. Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" � 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications Answer They ask you to lunch. You have to fit into THEIR schedule. What they are doing is IMPORTANT. What you are doing is not so important that you can drop it and accommodate them. They ask you to do them a favor. They have to work late and ask you to pick up their clothes from dry cleaner for them. You tell them it's parent-teacher night. They call you selfish. They say they can't depend on you to be there for them. Their jobs are important. Your job is just filler material. They are bricks. You are to be their morter. Squeeze your life around them. They won't budge. They expect you to change your schedule at last minute. Their schedule is fixed and unwavering. They save their money for important things, such as their children's college. They ask you to spend your money to help grandparents. You tell them you just emptied out the bank account for your own child's college and you have $43 in bank until next paycheck. They call you a liar and call you selfish. They say you have the money but don't want to spend it. You say, "no, this is real, we don't have the money." They say, "I know you, and you always have money hidden somewhere." What is on their plate is important. Their corporation would fall apart if they took a day off to do their own bidding. What is on your plate is you goofing off and splurding on pipe-dreams, so of course, you need to drop it and come running to take care of their needs and bidding. So what if you lose your job. Your job is common and you can get that old job back any old time. They are on important missions, and they have life goals. You are being selfish and sacrificing your family for your selfish pursuits at a dead-end job. They are BREADWINNERs. Their family depends on them. You are just earning money to go to salon. You just work for "fun money." Your family doesn't need your paycheck. So just drop what you are doing and go serve the narcissist. They are so busy, they don't have time. They ask you to do them favors, because you have all the time in the world. You had time to send them a family newsletter so you must have free time on your hands. They take their children to important life-learning experiences. When you take your children somewhere you are selfish and now teaching your own children to be selfish. Plus not to mention you had free time and money to waste on this. hint hint, give some to them. They always want to utilize your time and money because they think you are their tool and you have an abundance of them, but you don't know how to spend your own money in time. They are doing you a favor by coming in and taking over your life and making decisions for you. You, under family pressure, finally cave and drop and run to help (they said it was family emergency and you believed them.) You lose job. They forget they told you if you cared, you drop everything and come running. now they change their tune. They say how can you be so irresponsible and lose your job? Answer Narcissit dictionary: SELFISH: When someone won't put aside their own needs to meet your needs. Normal person dictionary: SELFISH: When someone expects you to put aside your own needs to meet their needs.
Traits of a Narcissist Narcissistic traits include: being argumentative,arrogantconceitedvainfretfulfrustrated/idlefluctuating between superior and inferior.They have an unu…sual obsession with appearances.In partners they go for a mirror image of themselves selecting similar facial characteristics, colorings, background, ethnicity, class.They like to appear better than their friends. Additional input from Contributors: I am not an expert on this, but I would like to contribute my observations from dating a Narcissist. I feel that the biggest clue is empathy, compassion, and remorse. They have none. There is nothing there. This fact is so startling, that you know right away that you are dealing with something (someone) who is 'not normal' and some may say even 'evil'. In the Narcissist's case it's more the banality of evil. Also, they seem to have no understanding of cause and effect thinking. They don't seem to understand that there will be reactions to their actions, and when you react negatively to something bad or insensitive that they have done, they seem bewildered. I have noticed that they seem to like to spend time (or have relationships) with those that they consider to be 'beneath them'. Those that need them in some way (vulnerable)yet the Narcissist seems repulsed and digusted with themselves for associating with these people. They seem to want to spend time with those who they feel are equal, but fear it, and can never seem to hold onto these people for very long. Also, it's in the small things. Do they have photographs on display of family or friends in their house? The narcissist that I dated didn't until I mentioned it. Does the phone ring very much? Do they have many close friends? Do they have absolutely no sense of humour and can't take any slight or joke at their expense? Do they seem impatient and disinterested in group situations, especially when the conversation isn't about them, or about something that they know about. Do they give lousy gifts- or any gifts at all? My Narcissist tried to give me a used splatter guard three months into the relationship. I refused to take it, but if I had, it would have been the only 'gift' he would have ever given me even though he was extremely well paid. He bought plenty of things for himself- from expensive wines, clothes, to a BMW. Memory is another thing that I noticed was off. My Narcissist could barely remember his childhood, and could also barely remember the women who he dated or slept with. Often, something would trigger a memory and he would divulge a strange recollection. For example, In the middle of dinner, he blurted out that he had years ago dated a Mexican woman who always smelled like coffee. Strange. And it would end there. On to the next topic. They also seem to reveal inappropriate things about themselves too early in the relationship. I have no idea if this is comes from a lack of cause and effect thinking, or if it just an attention getting device. Whatever it is, it's creepy so run away while the relationship is in its infancy. Regarding the answer above: The most difficult thing is trying to sort out what is happening with a person who is close to us. We never like to think the worst. However, lack of empathy, compassion or remorse is actually a quality of the Antisocial, not the Narcissist. The Narcissist is self-absorbed, but once you get into lack-of-remorse land, you're not in Kansas any more.All of us have narcissistic TRAITS. Some of us even develop a narcissistic PERSONALITY, or a narcissistic STYLE. Moreover, narcissism is a SPECTRUM of behaviours - from the healthy to the utterly pathological (known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD). The DSM IV uses this language: An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts.So, what matters is that these characteristics, often found in healthy people, appear:Jointly and not separately or intermittently; They are all-pervasive (invade, penetrate, and mould every aspect, nook, and cranny of the personality); That grandiose fantasies are abundantly discernible; That grandiose (often ridiculous) behaviours are present; That there is an over-riding need for admiration and adulation ("narcissistic supply"); That the person lacks empathy (regards other people as two dimensional cartoon figures and abstractions, unable to "stand in their shoes"); That all these phenomena began, at the latest, in early adolescence; That the narcissistic behaviours pervade all the social and emotional interactions of the narcissist.Here are 9 criteria. Having 5 of these 9 "qualifies" you as a narcissist. (In the text below, I have proposed modifications to the language of these criteria to incorporate current knowledge about this disorder. My amendments do not constitute a part of the text of the DSM-IV-TR, nor is the American Psychiatric Association (APA) associated with them in any way.)Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements);Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion;Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (Narcissistic Supply);Feels entitled. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her unreasonable expectations for special and favourable priority treatment;Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends;Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with, acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences, priorities, and choices of others;Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;Behaves arrogantly and haughtily. Feels superior, omnipotent, omniscient, invincible, immune, "above the law", and omnipresent (magical thinking). Rages when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted by people he or she considers inferior to him or her and unworthy. The language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from: American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association -Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" (c) 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications We ALL have N-traits. N-ism is a gradient from healthy to pathological. The suite of pathological N personality disorders: APD, BPD, NPD, HPD comprises 5% of the population.This means a significantly higher number (15%? 20%?) must be strongly disposed but not pathological. Depressing, huh! These people are also best left out of your life. Nina Browne in her excellent, highly recommended work "Destructive Narcissistic Personality" struggles to differentiate strong from pathological and in my opinion doesn't achieve it. My visual image is that the pathological have fallen off the cliff whereas strong types are teetering on the brink and can be pulled back from the edge with lots of hard work, whereas the pathological can never be rescued. Basically it comes down to how the other person in the relationship is treating you overall no matter what kind of an N. If you find yourself walking on eggshells get out. Do NOT let ANYONE devalue and invalidate you!The professionals can't even answer this and that is why saying that there is no cure or treatment options is so dangerous. If someone gets better then they say "But they obviously only had traits!" The issue is that if you are being abused you need help and advice not to try and diagnose or treat your partner yourself, I have worked with 7 experts on emotional and domestic abuse to come up with the right answers and you should know that most of the information on-line is dangerous, unqualified and quiet simply wrong! search for narcissism cured and find out about getting the help that you really need.
Withdrawal, withholding, and the "silent treatment" are classic abuse techniques. Absolutely, this is narcissism at its finest. I have been told that if that type of manipula…tion occurs then "run away, run far away ... never look back." I know you don't ask this question for relationship advice but I have to say, if you are not married to this person, then don't place yourself in any more misery. It's time for you to take control of your life. You deserve much better. "I'm ignoring you. I'm ingoring you. im' ignoring you." If a narc hangs out to convey message to you that they are ignoring you, then they really aren't ignoring you.... now are they? How ironice is that. They communicate that they aren't communicating. What a paradox. This is when you want them to just leave. To truly ignore is to get out of your face and give you some peace and let you move on. What is this "quasi...I'm here but I'm not" thing that they do. Gaslighting? ignore them back. Dont' let them get to you. Omg! I never knew such people existed. I wish I would have read up on it six yrs. ago. Unfortunately, we have a child together and now have to deal with him for the rest of my life. We are no longer together but he contacts our child every once in a while. She is only 5 and he contacted her just to give her a guilt trip about her not wanting to talk to him on the phone when he does decide to call. She doesn't care to talk to him since he's never really been in the picture. When I told him she didn't care to talk to him EVERYDAY, he took it to the extreme and quit calling her completely, giving her the same "silent treatment" he used to give me. Unfortunately for him, it doesn't even faze her since he's never been consistent about anything in her short life anyway. We're going to court soon to set up visitations. I'm dreading having to "share her" with him. Does anyone have any thoughts on him actually keeping up with his "visitation rights"? He's seen her twice in a yr. Both times to introduce her to his new girlfriends (accusing me of keeping her from him which is an outright lie!)
Answer . He or She seeks to interact with people from a position of authority, advantage, or superiority.They take pleasure from their power over other people.
Stay away from narcissistic man He will have a sense of self-importance and will tend to exaggerate his achievements and talents. He will have a great need …for admiration and will likely be preoccupied with fantasies of success and power. He will tend to believe that he is "special" and unique and should associate with other high-sttaus people. He will expect favorable treatment and have a strong sense of entitlement. He will be envious of others and likely beleives that others are envious of him. Generally arrogant with a lack of empathy to needs of others. He will do just aobut anything to avoid having others see his faults or weaknesses.
Is it possible the son of a narcissist only has some narcissistic traits and therefore is not really a narcissist?
Answer Everyone has some degree of narcisistic tendencies. What you are refering to is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It isn't really important… whether someone does or does not technically has this because it isn't black and white; it is a continuum. If your narcissistic traits are causing problems for you, then you should get them treated. If you and your family and people close to you agree that they don't cause any problems at all, then don't worry about them. But you should definitely know your stuff about NPD so that you are well prepared for anything. The internet is the best way to learn about it. Narcissism and NPD can become worse with age, or it can go away. Read these Wikipedia articles: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder#Diagnostic_criteria http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism_%28psychology%29 -DJ Craig
Answer very often a N. is OCD as well..having obsessive compulsive disorder is commonly found. they are control freaks and must always be in control.
Oh yes ! My ex N is a con man and is now with a very unattractive, overweight woman who supports him financially. answer I discovered my N was stea…ling money from me. He was very preoccupied with my money and liked to tell me how I should spend it. He would caution me against any large purchases or frivolous items. He seemed very frugal himself, but I discovered later he was saving money to buy drugs (my money AND his). What a shock to discover all this after I had already kicked him out! Suddenly all the missing money made sense. Small amounts disappeared over a large period of time. He was very selfish and never bought gifts at Christmas or Birthdays, even though he accepted some nice things from me. He was only employed part-time. HIS money was precious. Mine was easily dispensed with, as long as HE needed it. He always had an excuse. He only lasted about 11 months with me. Is this an N trait? Well, spending likely makes them feel powerful and that may be considered narcissistic supply. I suppose it could be anything, but why not money? answer Money is a source of supply 'and' used to attract other sources of supply. My N was VERY good with money. The MANY women he attracted loved being seduced by a man who was well off. He bought lavish dinners, homes, etc.. It was the perfect luring device. -AlwaysLearning Yes but they often lie about how much they make. They often like others to think they have money but often they can barely pay rent. I have noticed that alot of N's I met have had a secret drug addiction. They hide it well.
a person who is slighted when others do not pay sole attention to him
Vanity, hatful, thinking that they are better than everyone els, and can't stop looking in the mirror, sometimes they kiss their own reflection
These women are bullies, extremely jealous, which they project onto their victims. They get their kicks from punishing and abusing their victims.Usually a weak person. They ha…ve no remorse. They need a victim who will listen to their constant dreams. We need a law to section these women if not for themselves then to save the lives of their victims.
Narcissistic rage when feeling humiliated. Priscilla reveals in her autobiography how stunned she was whenever she playfully threw a pillow at him or slapped him - he beat her… up in a frenzy. This is classic narcissistic behaviour of one who is generally regarded by outsiders to be a "really nice guy."
The narcissistic teacher: The narcissistic teacher thinks everyone is the same type learner she is. Students fail her class because she doesn't know or care how to …motivate them. She favors students who give copious compliments to her. She doesn't like attractive girls unless they participate in her sport. She competes with girls for attention of teenage boys. She dresses too provocatively for a high school teacher. At lunch with other teachers, she tells all who will listen about her relationships, college exploits, and plans to purchase a house, car, dog, etc. She talks too much during staff meetings while speakers are trying to keep the staff's attention. I wish she would leave, but I just found out, she's coming back.
My advise is DONT try and counter childhood narcissism. Children need training in empathy. They dont naturally know what is acceptable behavior and what is not. As a parent go…od behavior should be rewarded, bad behavior should be explained and sanctions emposed if it is repetative. No hitting, no name calling and no withdrawl of affection should be done at all. They will get the message as to what works and what wont. CRITICISM IS FORBIDDEN>it only hurts it doe not correct.
Yes. Since Narcissists (and Psychopaths) consider others as OBJECTS, even after they discard you they still consider you their property. Stalking, even years later, can & does… happen.
They are good at manipulating to get their way. They have a hard time admitting when they do something wrong.
Follow the myth of narcissus from which the term comes (see the link below) and this will explain the traits.