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Is the narcissist always aware of their desire for attention and adulation?
Sometimes the narcissist does gain awareness and knowledge of his predicament - typically in the wake of a life crisis (divorce, bankruptcy, incarceration, near death experience, death in the family). But, in the absence of an emotional correlate, of feelings, such merely cognitive awakening is useless. It does not yield insight. The dry facts do not bring about a transformation, let alone healing. The introspection of the narcissist is emotionless, akin to the listing of an inventory of his "good" and "bad" sides and without any commitment to change. It does not enhance his ability to empathize, nor does it inhibit his propensity to exploit others and discard them when their usefulness is over. It does not tamper his overpowering and raging sense of entitlement, nor does it deflate his grandiose fantasies. The narcissist's introspection is a futile and arid exercise at bookkeeping, a soulless bureaucracy of the psyche and, in its own way, even more chilling that the alternative: a narcissist blissfully unaware of his own disorder. Question: If the narcissist becomes self-aware, if he accepts that he is a narcissist, isn't this the first, important step, towards healing? Answer: His narcissism defines the narcissist's waking moments and his nocturnal dreams. It is all-pervasive. Everything the narcissist does is motivated by it. Everything he avoids is its result. Every utterance, decision, his very body language - are all manifestations of narcissism. It is rather like being abducted by an alien and ruthlessly indoctrinated ever since. The alien is the narcissist's False Self - a defence mechanism constructed in order to shield his True Self from hurt and inevitable abandonment. Cognitive understanding of the disorder does not constitute a transforming INSIGHT. In other words, it has no emotional correlate. The narcissist does not INTERNALIZE what he understands and learns about his disorder. This new gained knowledge does not become a motivating part of the narcissist. It remains an inert and indifferent piece of knowledge, with minor influence on the narcissist's psyche. Sometimes, when the narcissist first learns about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), he really believes he could change (usually, following a period of violent rejection of the "charges" against him). He fervently wants to. This is especially true when his whole world is in shambles. Time in prison, a divorce, a bankruptcy, a death of a major source of narcissistic supply - are all transforming life crises. The narcissist admits to a problem only when abandoned, destitute, and devastated. He feels that he doesn't want any more of this. He wants to change. And there often are signs that he IS changing. And then it fades. He reverts to old form. The "progress" he made evaporates virtually overnight. Many narcissists report the same process of progression followed by recidivist remission and many therapists refuse to treat narcissists because of the Sisyphean frustration involved. I never said that narcissists cannot CHANGE - only that they cannot HEAL. There is a huge difference between behaviour modification and permanent alteration of the psychodynamic landscape. Narcissistic behaviour CAN be modified using a cocktail of talk therapy, conditioning, and medication. I have yet to encounter a healed narcissist. The emphasis in therapy is thus more on accommodating the needs of those nearest and dearest to the narcissist - spouse, children, colleagues, friends - than on "treating" the narcissist. If the narcissist's abrasiveness, rage, mood swings, reckless and impulsive behaviours are modified - those around him benefit most. This, as far as I am concerned, is a form of social engineering. One last hope: Narcissism (though rarely) does tend to ameliorate with age and many forms of pathological narcissism are reactive and transient (Roningstam, 1996). Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" � 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications Not according to my observations. My NPD mother definitely expected attention and special treatment, but rarely thought she was given enough. I don't think she had a real clue about how deeply she infected the entire family with her preposterous demands. In her mind, it was we who were selfish and unappreciative. My Mother had entire albums filled with nothing but pictures of herself, posing as a model would pose and she was totally complacent about it, as if everybody did it. In my situation, Jo insists that she DOES NOT want attention nor adulation. So, I'd say no, in this case she is not aware of her desire for it. She claims that she wants all the glory to go to GOD ONLY. On the surface, she appears to be directing people to Him, but in her mistreatment of me, I don't see the heart to please God at all. My child is quiet, reserved, and stays so much in the background. My brother's kids are loud, fighting, screaming, in the middle of the room. I saw my kid being isolated and alone, and thought, I should do something to make him feel part of the bigger family. My son is uncomfortable with attention so most of the time, I let him be. I said, "son, come in here and show everyone your scar you got this summer." My son held out his arm and even before anyone could lean over to look, my brother says very loudly, "YOU SHOULD SEE MY SON'S SCAR, IT'S REALLY BIG, COME HERE TOM." He grabbed Tom and pulled him over to where my son was standing. I kid you know, he grabbed my son by the shoulders, moved him out of the way and inserted his own kid. I forgot how much narcissist love to hang on to the spotlight and prevent anyone else from being in it.
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The narcissist knows to tell right from wrong. He is perfectly capable of anticipating the results of his actions and their influence on his human environment. The narcissist …is very perceptive and sensitive to the subtlest nuances. He has to be: the very integrity of his personality depends upon input from others. But the narcissist does not care. Unable to empathise, he does not fully experience the outcomes of his deeds and decision. For him, humans are dispensable, rechargeable, reusable. They are there to fulfil a function: to supply him with Narcissistic Supply (adoration, admiration, approval, affirmation, etc.) They do not have an existence apart from the carrying out of their duty. True: it is the disposition of the narcissist to treat humans in the inhuman way that he does. However, this propensity is absolutely controllable. The narcissist has a choice ï¿½ he just doesn't think anyone is worth making it. It is a fact that the narcissist can behave completely differently (under identical circumstances) ï¿½ depending who is involved. He not likely to be enraged by the behaviour of an important person (=with a potential to supply him narcissistically). But, he might become absolutely violent with his nearest and dearest under the same circumstances. This is because they are captives, they do not have to be won over, the Narcissistic Supply coming from them is taken for granted. Being a narcissist does not exempt the patient from being a human being. A person suffering from NPD must be subjected to the same moral treatment and judgment as the rest of us, less privileged ones. The courts do not recognise NPD as a mitigating circumstance ï¿½ why should we? Treating the narcissist specially will only exacerbate the condition by supporting the grandiose, fantastic image the narcissist has of himself. By all means: be angry, be upset (for good and just reasons) ï¿½ and don't hesitate to communicate your displeasure. The narcissist needs guidance (he is disoriented) and this is one of the best ways of providing him with one. Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" When they are your friends, notice how they let you in on their rationalizations. "That person got my birthday wrong by a day. That was rude. For their birthday, we should all pretend like we forgot it and ignore them and let them see how it feels." The person was a day late, because they had a family emergency. But, narcissist DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES. Everything is all about them them them, and them getting their revenge.
Answer . There are three possibilities:. She isn't getting the right compliments. Narcissists can be picky at what they want to be complimented on. If they think fashion i…s cool and intelligence is useless, then they won't like being complimented on saying something smart. . She is just trying to fish out for more compliments. . This particular person might not be a narcissist to begin with. This is likely if the denial for compliment is consistent in the long term. . Answer . Could it be you have given her an unfair label? Seems to me the word "Narcissist" has been used a lot, and here is the definition for this word and you be the judge:. Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.. Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brillance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion.. Firmly convinced the he/she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high=status people (or institutions.). Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply.). Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favourable priority treatment.. Demands automatic and FULL compliance with his/her expectations. Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his/her own ends.. Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others.. Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him/her.. Arrogant, haughty, behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.. I think most of us can fit into a few of these slots and it doesn't mean we are narcissistic at all. Our personalities are complicated and due to stress in our lives, etc., we can act out in strange ways. Therefore, it is important we look at the whole person before giving them such a label.. Marcy. Answer . Because in their inner core narcissists believe they are worthless and so these compliments to them are false.. Answer . Do you mean the narcissist habit of having a problem with the way you compliment them? I think after a while it just doesn't do it for them any more. The kick wears off or something. They are like addicts and need a higher dosage. No one person can fulfill this need indefinitely. Sooner or later they will need a new person and a more exciting situation. This is not to imply there is anything non-exciting about you. You could be a three-ring circus and it wouldn't satisfy the narcissist. If you were mind-blowingly interesting 24 hours a day and never slept, before long they'd complain that they never got enough boredom. They will pick whatever it is you aren't doing at the moment and complain about it. It's like attending to a very grouchy 3-year-old who is hungry and hasn't had a nap. Why bother. If you want a child, there are real children out there who need adopting. And at least they will grow up and develop into someone emotionally mature one day.. Answer . I wondered about this too. When I paid my N a sincere compliment, he got really cranky and said I was patronizing him. He would admonish me to "keep it real." The more I testified to my sincerity, the more he disbelieved me. It was weird and resulted in "walking on eggshells." Basically, he liked to control the compliments, he wanted them only when he could cue them to happen. If he got one spontaneously from me, he couldn't deal with it.. I think the reason is because seeming modest can also elicit Narcissistic Supply and fool others into believing you are normal. The real goal is for someone to refute your modesty and tell you how wonderful you are and that you should not be so modest, and thus, you get your NS in a covert manner!
back is the keyword here, they can't go forward properly so back is invevitable. he's gonna go back with ex AGAIN i do believe. this time i am in my apt. and he left me. thank… GOD i have a lease in my name. I'm done with this dude. he is insane. my insanity is in believing in him ever & at all.
Yes -- and he won't care.
Yes, they think that they are always right and the other person is to blame for everything. They will go to no end to try and make themselves blameless for everything and to p…rove it to others with lies or whatever it takes to make them look good.
A true narcissist is the center of their own universe. If what you are asking, does a narcissist see that they are being self centered and selfish, the answer is NO. To a narc…issist, they are right and the rest of the world is wrong. If they say the sky is red, it is red. A narcissist will even view their needs as the needs of other people. Narcissism is a personality disorder, and therefore is not cureable. So, if you meet a narcissist I would recommend turning and running. Lastly, if you are married to a narcissist and working for a narcissist, my sincere condolences. That is what happened to me. I lost my family, and my career all in one fell swoop when the big midlife crisis hit since we worked all together.
Yes! Thing is they are tricky. They can devalue you behind yourback. Mine even went as far as to try to devalue me to my ownfriends. Thing is they devalue you from the very be…ginning theyjust don't do it to your face they do it behind your back. Onlywhen your in their trap do they start doing it to you. Yes absolutely! A narcissist will be wonderful for a short while atthe beginning often mixed with some not so nice to set you reelingthen accompany that again with a bit more nice just to keep youconfused. no doubts you have been placed on a pedestal at somepoint, he put you there only to knock you off it, its all about thepower to be able to do that and what do we do?
it could mean that they are aware of the harm they are causing and are actively using and abusing the power of manipulation they have. It seems to be a natural occurance in th…ese personality types and they can do it so well that it few can spot the good ones. It could also point to a narcissist who publicises the fact and pretends to want to help expose others as in case of Sam Vaknin who has websites online and seems to cause more stress and pain by proposing to help educate others to the true nature of narcissism.
Because you are weak. Move on and find a man who is better and will treat you the way you want to be treated. You don't want the lies and manipulation he fed you.
I think narcissists get bored with their lovers or partners, when that person no longer excites them as they did in the first flush. To an addictive personality like a narciss…ist, the first kiss, first sex, first time thrill of getting someone in bed is absolutely crucial to them, like water to a plant They cannot tolerate sameness, once the excitement in a new relationship wears off. In the normal world, we cannot constantly have an adrenaline fuelled high of falling in lust and love but the narcissist thinks we should, and seeks it out all the time. I know, I have just been dumped by one. It was a terrible experience and my self esteem was bottom of the pit. I realised he was getting bored with me over time. Nothing seemed to please him, he lost his temper with me and also criticized my body. By the way, he is 60 years of age so there is no hope it will ever change. He told me in not so many words he had found someone who could excite him again. He did not have the courage to tell me out right. He left without a word, and just texted me from somewhere ages after, and toldme that he was overseas. When he returned, he just told me he was unable to meet up as it was 'difficult'. The difficulty was that he had moved in with his new lover. I am still recovering. I lie awake at night asking all the usual questions, but it doesn't help. Am seeking therapy now. Genna
Eventually because they are in love with themselves.
Because that's all they wanted in the first place - your attention. They will ignore you untill they want some more.
meaning of interest and desire
Yes but only with themselves.
In the future when cars are driving themselves, you will not needto pay it much attention except to make sure you entered thecorrect destination and to listen for warning sign…als, but for nowdriving requires a great deal of awareness and attention.