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You don't. That's the problem. Maybe they loved you based on what they THOUGHT was love or the closest thing they could feel to being love. Narcissists typically don't actua…lly feel emotions like love or guilt. Its possible the whole relationship was a lie and they were only out for their own purposes. That's the toughest part to accept. Anyone who claims to love you and then drops you like a rock probably never loved you. That's a harsh thing to say but I speak from experience. And trust me, it will help you to accept that and let go of this person. As much as it hurts now. Answer I don't know if you can ever know that answer. I think their idea of love is about control. The person may have loved or loves you as much as they are capable of feeling that emotion they define as love. However, actions speak louder than words. You have to remember this though. They can dump you like a hot potato for another person but they will do that to them too. Therfore, its nothing in any way about you. They may have just realised you are too much of a challenge to control. There could be many reasons. Answer My ex N said he loved me once. He said he wanted to have children with me, take me all over the world and spend the rest of his life with me...but said he loved me once. That was when he was leaving at the airport to go overseas. He came back a year later with another woman. I hung on that "I love you" for a year. The one he is with now will only suffer the same fate. Poor thing; but thank god its not me suffering all over again. Answer They don't love anyone. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/User:Whydowecare I think they love you in the moment. And that's about it. They love the things you can give them, They love the fantasy you help them promote about their superiority, omnipotence and self impotance. They love the impression you can help them make on others, they love controlling you, and they love to then gain your trust and loyalty, twist your mind and isolate you and then destroy you by taking you apart piece by piece. They are not lovers, they are haters.
In a nutshell: Yes. Nobody really needs to hear life stories when you want a simple answer.
Mine dumped me Then the following day he called me to say that he wanted to work through MY issues together. We spent a week talking about MY issues and him refusing to discus…s any of his issues, except for the fact that he blatently checks out woman and flirts with woman right in front of me RED FLAG. This was the only thing he would own up to as being inconsiderate but defended himself b/c "all guys do that". Everything was constantly turned around to be my fault or my issue. Then after a week of talking he once again said it wasn't going to work out. That was yesterday and I don't know if he'll come back again but I will try my hardest to be strong and tell him no way. I really thought he was a good guy (he conned me into believing this) but after being here I realize that he's just a flat our narcissist. Don't just sit around and wait for him to end the relationship though. You know deep down in your heart and gut that he's a narcissist so be strong and end it. I wish I had done that months ago when I started seeing all these red flags and looking at this web site. It would have saved me and my children a lot of unnecessary pain. that's a definite! You bet he will! Mine just did 5 months ago. He kept saying he wanted to be alone,but I think the truth is I started confronting him about his selfishness and not giving anything to me emotionally. I was doing all the giving and he was only taking . I felt empty inside. But he didn't want to face his phoniness( he told me he didn't like phony people) because that's exactly what he was! Then when I did not serve his ego worshipping anymore, I was of no use and replacable. Of course he said something only a narcissist would say , "YOU'VE CHANGED'. It would not have anything to do with him! By the way, when I told our friends we were splitting up after 6 years, the first question they all said was "Is there another woman?" The second question was "Did you have a good sex life?" He promised me there was no one else and we had a very good sex life . So I was really baffled when he did not want to get help for us and save our relationship. But he already had made up his mind and ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT TRY .In fact after an hour of rationally trying to make him listen to the facts, he said "Everything you've just said all makes sense, but we are still breaking up". I said "In a mature relationship, people try to work things out first" He said " I'm a immature guy!" This is the kind of IDIOT I was dealing with .Then when I wanted to talk further, he started to RAGE and would not let me talk anymore. I mean it was scary seeing this EVIL person come out of him and I told him so, but they DON"T CARE! I think that's the hardest part about these people is understanding that they don't have feelings like normal people.You just can't comprehend it. OH, and by the way, he stared dating the same month we split up and is on 2nd girl already. Not that I believe he had not see any while we were together.He used to flirt with woman right in front of me.RED FLAG !I could not at first believe that the son of a Baptist minister could lie and be so emotionally cruel, but I guess they can be messed up like anyone else. I truly loved this man , but now I realize that he is not fixable.I thought I could help this poor little messed-up boy inside him, that I would be the one to finally cure him FORGET IT! Yes, there are those who will, and also others who get very dependent and won't, but either way, they are horrible to deal with, as you see from the poster above. It is truly bizarre how a narcissist cannot cite any actual, real problems in a relationship and will still insist on leaving. I think that is about control, or intimacy issues. They get scared by the threat of intimacy and leave. I too have seen the evil person. It was like watching Anakin Skywalker turn into Darth Vader. He used to describe his emotions to me in great detail and his favorite metaphor was that he was like a virus or an insect. Sounds really loving and warm, doesn't it? My narcissist was also raised in a highly religious environment. I have known a couple of them that thrived in churches, so watch out! There are a lot of empathetic people in churches, and so the narcissists tend to prey there. It's like when you see a herd of wildebeasts, you expect to see a few lions too, right? That's how it is with narcissists. They prey on the empathetic. In my experience, they also prey on students, artists, and hippies. They look for people who will accept them and feel sorry for them, and won't hold them to high standards, but will accept their lies and give to them and try to help them. Not to disrespect groups who do this, but some groups are more forgiving than others. Narcissists are found around these groups, just as child molesters are found around groups of children. Even if your narcissist seems like the type that won't leave, I'd advise if you have a true narcissist on your hands, then you should be the one to leave. NEW Answer-Mine dumped me 2 days after i arrived from Europe to spend some months with him in the USA after2 years in a long distance relationship(Skype Google talk,movies and poetry sites) I didn't meet hin in a dating site...He was Avery intelligent man,we were friends and ater turned into something bigger ,full of red flags but i waived them away because he was in Avery unhappy situation,depressed but he was getting ready to leave this so called shay relationship....we were friends,confident and had a lot in common...i am a non judgemental person empathic and i think he smelled that...2 days after my arrival,he just simply told me he wasn't going to be with me anymore,but asked me to stay,as friends after already starting withdrawing affection,said if i wanted to go somewhere he would be glad to take me but would not go anywhere with me,then 2 hours later would say come on lets go to the park....and so it went,for 2 months ,push and pull games,he took a vacation for a week the only thing he did was gaming on the internet,and sleep.....came home from work with lipstick on his sleeve...i said laughing,busy at work,hey....he said i knew you would say is lipstick,no is candy.....he totally ignored me for hours then would come up to me and Hugh me kiss my forehead.....then tell me it was better if i left,and if i wanted to do so he said stay please....finally i left exausted,broken low self estemmm because he was always talking about some women he saw with a nice a**.....And i know i am good looking intelligent and empathic but then i felt like garbage.....took me a year and some to realize it wasn't me itwas him....i am in therapy still having flash backs,and missing him....is just sickening.....now he is No Contact on me saying i did wrong by him....
That depends om how severe the disorder is. If you look at clinical signs that are present, most people with personality disorders, unless severe, will not fit all of them. S…o a narcissist could feel a degree of empathy for others. However, when it comes down to a choice between someone else's feelings and their own, they will choose their own every time. Empathy without action is pretty useless. They are also capable of feeling guilt - and this can be confused with empathy because they can present themselves however they want to fit a particular situation. New Answer_I really don't think so...I think they fake empathy to lure you in when they need you for something and to make you believe they are good and trustworthy.My ex N kept that mask for a year and some them the cracks started to show,he got impatient ,could't keep it anymore i thought was because we were at different continents,he begged me to hurry up and be with him,idi,but when i got there,2 days later he dumped me,withdraw affection but didn't want me to leave...was sheer hell,i nnever saw somebody change in such short period of time,is just horror movies stuff...Dr Jekill and Mr Hide is not fiction,i did live it! I don't think they feel guilty either,they just don't like getting caught ....Then they act out but normally they will try to blame somebody else saying that the person they hurt or molested caused them to do whwt they did,it is disgusting i saw this many times and i am glad i left this person.
No. They have zero concept of what it means to love another human being.
NO.. they never change. VERY, VEry rare, after going through narcissitic injuries. Even when seeking therapy they use the knowledge gained to manipulate. The majority get wors…e with age, because of the gap between the false and real self. Impower yourself with knowledge about this disorder and that will make you more powerful and stronger. You are that which you seek..
To someone who is strong and willing
I've been married to a Narcissist for 10yrs. It's not that easy of a question to answer. NPD's need their Narcissistic supply. If they feel threatened that they might be loosi…ng their supply then they will tell you they are sorry. NPD's usually are pathologicla liers. They have a creative way of balancing their lives so that they may receive what it is they need from each individuale person. It's not a feeling of regret or admitence that they have actually done something wrong, it's simply a way of manipulation. So to sum up...yes they are sorry but for entirely selfish reasons. An NPD can not feel empathy and are capable of creating their own moral system. In other words, they never feel they are wrong because due to their delusions of granduer, they are capable of justifing their actions no matter how unjust they might be. It sound complicated at first...but if you continue to read and study the disorder your NPD's peronality will become entirely predictable. Good Luck!! NEW ANSWER: Answer above is spot on, they will apologise in order to keep the supply going, it isn't sincere, purely selfish, BUT, once they get you into position and it happens fairly quickly anything they do that's hurtful to you they will NOT apologise, as my N would tell me YOU FORCED ME TO DO/SAY THOSE THINGS, how sick is that?
I would say "No". Because in the narcissist's warped mind, anything they do to help their cause is never wrong, therefore they never need apologize. However, they may APPEAR… to apologize if that may help their cause, for example to re-establish contact with somebody who still has something to offer them.
i left three of mine
No - absolutely not....
Its never late too apologize. Even if she/he doesnt approve it in the future you will know it was worth it.
Generally, that won't work due to the very nature of the personality disorder. Narcissists are not open to criticism, even constructive criticism. Individuals with narcissis…tic personality disorder are typically unwilling or unable to acknowledge their disorder. Although some may recognize the difficulty they have in their relationships with other people, they blame others for those problems. They are typically unable to modify their behavior. They have a conviction that they can do no wrong. One of the striking hallmarks of NPD is the utter lack of self awareness. They often have a defective ability to interprete other people's speech and actions which leads them to think they are liked and respected and the world agrees with their inflated sense of self. Many do not recognize that they have a problem at all. If they do suspect they have a problem they are more likely to step up their self defenses, reject outside intervention and avoid introspection at any cost and so they are doomed to repeat their failures and mistakes.
In theory, it's possible for a narcissist to feel sorry. A diagnosis for NPD doesn't really require a lack of empathy and a god complex isn't even one of the criteria. Unf…ortunately, I've never seen any reports of a narcissist feeling genuine remorse. This could simply be because we don't think of anybody who can genuinely feel remorse as a potential narcissist.