What would you like to do?
Is the narcissist ever sorry and does he ever apologize?
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No. They have zero concept of what it means to love another human being.
NO.. they never change. VERY, VEry rare, after going through narcissitic injuries. Even when seeking therapy they use the knowledge gained to manipulate. The majority get wors…e with age, because of the gap between the false and real self. Impower yourself with knowledge about this disorder and that will make you more powerful and stronger. You are that which you seek..
In theory, it's possible for a narcissist to feel sorry. A diagnosis for NPD doesn't really require a lack of empathy and a god complex isn't even one of the criteria. Unf…ortunately, I've never seen any reports of a narcissist feeling genuine remorse. This could simply be because we don't think of anybody who can genuinely feel remorse as a potential narcissist.
Answer Only if they are not "done" with you. If they have secured a backup for you,you will be discarded,never frogiven and shut off .All as i…f you never existed and are worth nothing. Answer no Answer Yes, they will say they forgive, but all they want is to use you for narcissistic supply. It is really quite sad. Here is an actual excerpt from an email I received from my ex-husband after his girlfriend left him and his best friend dumped him. He had reached the bottom of the barrel for narcissistic supply and thus he turned to me: "I hope you are doing well. I know very hard feelings have passed between us, but to be brutally honest it is very hard for me having shared as much of my life with you as I did not to miss some pleasant conversation with you from time to time. I would like to catch up if you would be open to that at all. It will not have much effect on your life and it might even make you feel happy. I can not speak for you, but I prefer to make any situation which carries sad connotations into something slightly more pleasant rather than leave the bitter bitter. I promise I would not expect you to speak to me with regularity, I would just like to talk with you because I miss our conversations." Note how seductively and insistantly he is trying to get me to talk to him. He knows that once a conversation starts he can likely gain the upper hand. He will tell me anything to get that, including that he forgives me. But he will avoid using the word "forgive" if possible. It's sort of a dirty word for a narcissist. They hate to admit they were wrong, but when lacking NS, they will say anything. To clarify, this is a man who hasn't spoken to me or checked up on his baby daughter in eight months. He's not interested in me or his child. He's interested in getting his need for NS met. Note also that although hard feelings have passed, he's not clear about what they were (he's forgotten because they were not HIS hard feelings) and he's mainly interested in reminiscing because it would please him. He does offer something in return (I might "feel happy") but note the odd passive voice. Not "I will make you happy" but "it might make you feel happy" as if I am something he can manipulate like an instrument. His whole tone is odd. I hope you will find this instructive as an authentic example of a narcissist in full seductive mode. I merely find it tiresome at this point, and I expect I have many more years of these annoying and pathetic attempts to come before he finally gives up for good. Sham 'forgiveness' If a narcissist says he or she forgives, it is the 'forgiveness' of an emotional vampire seeking a top-up, a quick 'fix'. Answer Narcissists are scorekeepers. Nothing is ever really put to rest with "forgiveness." They will forget that they forgave you, then the ambient hostility begins anew. Pretty soon they are overtly re-hashing long dead issues and hoping to always "make you pay."
NEVER!!! Lust, potentially - but that lust is more grounded in the realms of financial, status-related, or intellectual conquest. Love requires giving of the self in a sel…fless way - a Narcissist is ALWAYS in it for what they can get out of it when it comes to giving. They will condition you or try to pull admiration and appreciation out of you with what they give. Also, in order to love someone else and accept them for who they are you have to be able to accept yourself! The narcissist only accepts the mask they show the world, not their true self. And they don't even see you as another human - to them, you are just an object to be manipulated.
Give up. Achieve closure. He doesn't deserve more than what you have already given him. The word "love" is understood by the narcissist to mean "dependence", "neediness", "ab…ility to provide narcissistic supply", "becoming the narcissist's extension and property". In these - distorted and sick - senses of the word, all narcissists love to be loved... A post-mortem of a relationship conducted with a narcissist is very frustrating because it never achieves closure. The narcissist is interested exclusively in allocating blame and generating guilt - not in progressing, developing, atoning, soothing, or concluding anything. Such exercises in futility are best avoided. Narcissistic psychopaths have no friends, or lovers, or spouses, or children, or family - they have only objects to be manipulated. Narcissists have no problem perceiving ideas (many narcissists are intellectually gifted). But they do have a problem perceiving other people's ability to conceive of ideas, to have their own needs, emotions, and preference. Wouldn't you be startled if your television set suddenly informed you that it would rather not work on a Sunday? Or if your vacuum cleaner wanted to befriend you? To narcissists, other people are instruments, tools, sources - in short: objects. Objects are not supposed to have opinions or to make independent choices and decisions - especially if they don't comply with the narcissist's worldview or plans, or if they do not cater to his needs. No! True emotional acceptance means the person must possess normal human emotions such as empathy. Without this emotional base acceptance as you would like it is IMPOSSIBLE. The time for the father to have developed a healthy emotional system is long gone, i.e. infancy and early childhood.
You don't. That's the problem. Maybe they loved you based on what they THOUGHT was love or the closest thing they could feel to being love. Narcissists typically don't actua…lly feel emotions like love or guilt. Its possible the whole relationship was a lie and they were only out for their own purposes. That's the toughest part to accept. Anyone who claims to love you and then drops you like a rock probably never loved you. That's a harsh thing to say but I speak from experience. And trust me, it will help you to accept that and let go of this person. As much as it hurts now. Answer I don't know if you can ever know that answer. I think their idea of love is about control. The person may have loved or loves you as much as they are capable of feeling that emotion they define as love. However, actions speak louder than words. You have to remember this though. They can dump you like a hot potato for another person but they will do that to them too. Therfore, its nothing in any way about you. They may have just realised you are too much of a challenge to control. There could be many reasons. Answer My ex N said he loved me once. He said he wanted to have children with me, take me all over the world and spend the rest of his life with me...but said he loved me once. That was when he was leaving at the airport to go overseas. He came back a year later with another woman. I hung on that "I love you" for a year. The one he is with now will only suffer the same fate. Poor thing; but thank god its not me suffering all over again. Answer They don't love anyone. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/User:Whydowecare I think they love you in the moment. And that's about it. They love the things you can give them, They love the fantasy you help them promote about their superiority, omnipotence and self impotance. They love the impression you can help them make on others, they love controlling you, and they love to then gain your trust and loyalty, twist your mind and isolate you and then destroy you by taking you apart piece by piece. They are not lovers, they are haters.
I would say "No". Because in the narcissist's warped mind, anything they do to help their cause is never wrong, therefore they never need apologize. However, they may APPEAR… to apologize if that may help their cause, for example to re-establish contact with somebody who still has something to offer them.
No - absolutely not....
Generally, that won't work due to the very nature of the personality disorder. Narcissists are not open to criticism, even constructive criticism. Individuals with narcissis…tic personality disorder are typically unwilling or unable to acknowledge their disorder. Although some may recognize the difficulty they have in their relationships with other people, they blame others for those problems. They are typically unable to modify their behavior. They have a conviction that they can do no wrong. One of the striking hallmarks of NPD is the utter lack of self awareness. They often have a defective ability to interprete other people's speech and actions which leads them to think they are liked and respected and the world agrees with their inflated sense of self. Many do not recognize that they have a problem at all. If they do suspect they have a problem they are more likely to step up their self defenses, reject outside intervention and avoid introspection at any cost and so they are doomed to repeat their failures and mistakes.
I've been married to a Narcissist for 10yrs. It's not that easy of a question to answer. NPD's need their Narcissistic supply. If they feel threatened that they might be loosi…ng their supply then they will tell you they are sorry. NPD's usually are pathologicla liers. They have a creative way of balancing their lives so that they may receive what it is they need from each individuale person. It's not a feeling of regret or admitence that they have actually done something wrong, it's simply a way of manipulation. So to sum up...yes they are sorry but for entirely selfish reasons. An NPD can not feel empathy and are capable of creating their own moral system. In other words, they never feel they are wrong because due to their delusions of granduer, they are capable of justifing their actions no matter how unjust they might be. It sound complicated at first...but if you continue to read and study the disorder your NPD's peronality will become entirely predictable. Good Luck!! NEW ANSWER: Answer above is spot on, they will apologise in order to keep the supply going, it isn't sincere, purely selfish, BUT, once they get you into position and it happens fairly quickly anything they do that's hurtful to you they will NOT apologise, as my N would tell me YOU FORCED ME TO DO/SAY THOSE THINGS, how sick is that?
"In love" is such an subjective abstract concept, who is to say that my interpretation of the phrase and yours are the same as each other or anyone else's? One could say tha…t, truly, if you think you are "in love," then you are. They love the concept that they have a girlfriend/spouse etc. They love love. They do not love the person. They love the ideation/prestige/ of being in love only. It's noticable when they speak in 3rd person ie "my girlfriend and I did....", NOT "Susan and I did...." Their love is conceptual. My N swore I was the love of his life. When I said I loved him too, he would dimiss it by saying, "You're just infatuated with me." It was crazy-making. We couldn't just be two people in love. He had to be "The Lover."
That depends om how severe the disorder is. If you look at clinical signs that are present, most people with personality disorders, unless severe, will not fit all of them. S…o a narcissist could feel a degree of empathy for others. However, when it comes down to a choice between someone else's feelings and their own, they will choose their own every time. Empathy without action is pretty useless. They are also capable of feeling guilt - and this can be confused with empathy because they can present themselves however they want to fit a particular situation. New Answer_I really don't think so...I think they fake empathy to lure you in when they need you for something and to make you believe they are good and trustworthy.My ex N kept that mask for a year and some them the cracks started to show,he got impatient ,could't keep it anymore i thought was because we were at different continents,he begged me to hurry up and be with him,idi,but when i got there,2 days later he dumped me,withdraw affection but didn't want me to leave...was sheer hell,i nnever saw somebody change in such short period of time,is just horror movies stuff...Dr Jekill and Mr Hide is not fiction,i did live it! I don't think they feel guilty either,they just don't like getting caught ....Then they act out but normally they will try to blame somebody else saying that the person they hurt or molested caused them to do whwt they did,it is disgusting i saw this many times and i am glad i left this person.
No. and if they SAY they do? they just get better at sneaking and covering up. run!
Mine dumped me Then the following day he called me to say that he wanted to work through MY issues together. We spent a week talking about MY issues and him refusing to discus…s any of his issues, except for the fact that he blatently checks out woman and flirts with woman right in front of me RED FLAG. This was the only thing he would own up to as being inconsiderate but defended himself b/c "all guys do that". Everything was constantly turned around to be my fault or my issue. Then after a week of talking he once again said it wasn't going to work out. That was yesterday and I don't know if he'll come back again but I will try my hardest to be strong and tell him no way. I really thought he was a good guy (he conned me into believing this) but after being here I realize that he's just a flat our narcissist. Don't just sit around and wait for him to end the relationship though. You know deep down in your heart and gut that he's a narcissist so be strong and end it. I wish I had done that months ago when I started seeing all these red flags and looking at this web site. It would have saved me and my children a lot of unnecessary pain. that's a definite! You bet he will! Mine just did 5 months ago. He kept saying he wanted to be alone,but I think the truth is I started confronting him about his selfishness and not giving anything to me emotionally. I was doing all the giving and he was only taking . I felt empty inside. But he didn't want to face his phoniness( he told me he didn't like phony people) because that's exactly what he was! Then when I did not serve his ego worshipping anymore, I was of no use and replacable. Of course he said something only a narcissist would say , "YOU'VE CHANGED'. It would not have anything to do with him! By the way, when I told our friends we were splitting up after 6 years, the first question they all said was "Is there another woman?" The second question was "Did you have a good sex life?" He promised me there was no one else and we had a very good sex life . So I was really baffled when he did not want to get help for us and save our relationship. But he already had made up his mind and ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT TRY .In fact after an hour of rationally trying to make him listen to the facts, he said "Everything you've just said all makes sense, but we are still breaking up". I said "In a mature relationship, people try to work things out first" He said " I'm a immature guy!" This is the kind of IDIOT I was dealing with .Then when I wanted to talk further, he started to RAGE and would not let me talk anymore. I mean it was scary seeing this EVIL person come out of him and I told him so, but they DON"T CARE! I think that's the hardest part about these people is understanding that they don't have feelings like normal people.You just can't comprehend it. OH, and by the way, he stared dating the same month we split up and is on 2nd girl already. Not that I believe he had not see any while we were together.He used to flirt with woman right in front of me.RED FLAG !I could not at first believe that the son of a Baptist minister could lie and be so emotionally cruel, but I guess they can be messed up like anyone else. I truly loved this man , but now I realize that he is not fixable.I thought I could help this poor little messed-up boy inside him, that I would be the one to finally cure him FORGET IT! Yes, there are those who will, and also others who get very dependent and won't, but either way, they are horrible to deal with, as you see from the poster above. It is truly bizarre how a narcissist cannot cite any actual, real problems in a relationship and will still insist on leaving. I think that is about control, or intimacy issues. They get scared by the threat of intimacy and leave. I too have seen the evil person. It was like watching Anakin Skywalker turn into Darth Vader. He used to describe his emotions to me in great detail and his favorite metaphor was that he was like a virus or an insect. Sounds really loving and warm, doesn't it? My narcissist was also raised in a highly religious environment. I have known a couple of them that thrived in churches, so watch out! There are a lot of empathetic people in churches, and so the narcissists tend to prey there. It's like when you see a herd of wildebeasts, you expect to see a few lions too, right? That's how it is with narcissists. They prey on the empathetic. In my experience, they also prey on students, artists, and hippies. They look for people who will accept them and feel sorry for them, and won't hold them to high standards, but will accept their lies and give to them and try to help them. Not to disrespect groups who do this, but some groups are more forgiving than others. Narcissists are found around these groups, just as child molesters are found around groups of children. Even if your narcissist seems like the type that won't leave, I'd advise if you have a true narcissist on your hands, then you should be the one to leave. NEW Answer-Mine dumped me 2 days after i arrived from Europe to spend some months with him in the USA after2 years in a long distance relationship(Skype Google talk,movies and poetry sites) I didn't meet hin in a dating site...He was Avery intelligent man,we were friends and ater turned into something bigger ,full of red flags but i waived them away because he was in Avery unhappy situation,depressed but he was getting ready to leave this so called shay relationship....we were friends,confident and had a lot in common...i am a non judgemental person empathic and i think he smelled that...2 days after my arrival,he just simply told me he wasn't going to be with me anymore,but asked me to stay,as friends after already starting withdrawing affection,said if i wanted to go somewhere he would be glad to take me but would not go anywhere with me,then 2 hours later would say come on lets go to the park....and so it went,for 2 months ,push and pull games,he took a vacation for a week the only thing he did was gaming on the internet,and sleep.....came home from work with lipstick on his sleeve...i said laughing,busy at work,hey....he said i knew you would say is lipstick,no is candy.....he totally ignored me for hours then would come up to me and Hugh me kiss my forehead.....then tell me it was better if i left,and if i wanted to do so he said stay please....finally i left exausted,broken low self estemmm because he was always talking about some women he saw with a nice a**.....And i know i am good looking intelligent and empathic but then i felt like garbage.....took me a year and some to realize it wasn't me itwas him....i am in therapy still having flash backs,and missing him....is just sickening.....now he is No Contact on me saying i did wrong by him....
Yes, they forget insults, the ones they say to you. Narcissists are often vindictive and they often stalk and harass. They hold grudges indefinitely. They ra…rely forget a slight or an insult - real or imagined. They nurture the pain, dwell on it, magnify it, analyze it, and form conspiracy theories to explain it. The narcissist perceives every disagreement � let alone criticism � as nothing short of a THREAT. He reacts defensively. He becomes indignant, aggressive and cold. He detaches emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. He devalues the person who made the disparaging remark. By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant � he minimises the impact on himself of the disagreement or criticism. Like a trapped animal, the narcissist is forever on the lookout: was this remark meant to demean him? Was this sentence a deliberate attack? Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference until he loses touch with reality and retreats to his own world of fantasised grandiosity. When the disagreement or criticism or disapproval or approbation are PUBLIC, though � the narcissist tends to regard them as Narcissistic Supply! Only when they are expressed in private � does the narcissist rage against them. The cerebral narcissist is competitive and intolerant of criticism or disagreement. The subjugation and subordination of others demand the establishment of his undisputed intellectual superiority or professional authority. Alexander Lowen has an excellent exposition of this "hidden or tacit competition". The cerebral narcissist aspires to perfection. Thus, even the slightest and most inconsequential challenge to his authority is inflated by him. Hence, the disproportionateness of his reactions. Still, it is very easy to regain the narcissist's trust and favor by providing him with narcissistic supply. I don't think they ever forget. I knew one who completely out of context brought up a former best friend that was 5" late to a dinner meeting fifteen years ago and she spend five years trying to ruin her life as a reslut of the slight. He is still raging inside about the "incident" and likely will be forever. I had a conversation with mum. Mum told me that sis was borrowing her coat for a while among other info. Mum tells me so much that I make a list so that i don't forget anything. When other siblings wanted to know what mum told me, I told them everything because it was just a cheery phone call of "hello, what's news". Sis was with siblings when I said, "I talked to mum and she said the mailman's wife had a baby, the neighbors cat died, her teapot broke, and sis talked to her yesterday and asked to borrow her coat." Sis got irate. She told me to quit making things up. She said she never asked to borrow mum's coat. I told sis, mum told me that, so take it up with mum. I personally didn't see anything wrong with sis borrowing the coat and didn't understand what sis thought was so objectionable. I thought they had deal and mum didn't complain at all. Sis has been borrowing mum's things for years and showing up at parties wearing mum's things and never hid it from anyone. It was not an unusual incident. The next 3 months sis called every week telling me that mum said she was missing her hat and wanted to know if I had it. I said no. Sis said, "are you sure?" I said, "I never borrowed mum's hat." The next week sis called back and said, "did you borrow mum's hat." I said "no." Then she called again, "mum is missing her hat, did you take her hat?" I said, "no". She said, "are you sure?" I said, "I do not have mum's hat." She said, "mum's hat is missing" (as if I didn't hear her the first 15 times). Then next call, same thing. She said, "mum thinks someone stole her hat. Have you seen it." I said, "no". She said, "are you sure you didn't take it when you visited last?" I said, "I don't have mum's hat, I don't wear hats, no desire for hats and no I don't have mum's hat. For 3 months, and after 50 times saying no, I finally asked, "when are you going to quit asking me if I have mum's hat." She said, "mum said it not me, so take it up with mum." I guess she thinks she got revenge. She thinks that if she uses my own words back on me, that I can't defend myself, or I'd be attacking my own actions and not hers. She didn't realize I was innocent and relaying things from a list that mum told me and had no idea that her borrowing mum's coat would put her on defense. I had no malicious intent. She did have malicious intent and got revenge on me not once, but many times during the next 3 months. I call it revenge with interest. This is just 1 example. This is ongoing with sis. I never know what I did wrong until I hear my own words repeated by to me. That's how I know she is getting revenge. I think it would have been easier when she said, "you are lying" to just say, "you're right, I lied." But who knows what kind of revenge she would have done then. This was a no win situation. She is so on the lookout for people to do her evil, that she perceives attacks where they don't exist. Due to this, I never know when she is going to twist something. Auntie sent sister a get-well card with a letter. Sister said that auntie was accusing her of being a sickly and unhealthy person. I reminded sister that she had a cold a few weeks back. Sister said, "no this is serious, no one would send a get-well card for the common cold." My sisters son is named Jonathan. pronounced "joe-Nathan" not "john athon" No one can remember if it's Jonathon or Jonathan. My sister also has a northern accent that the southern family don't understand all the time. Cousin Mary was writing her a letter but couldn't find the birth announcement and couldn't remember how to spell Jonathan's name. For the last 10 years my sister spelled cousin Mary's name as Marry. My sister never confronted or asked, or said, BTW this is the correct spelling. She doesn't want to clear things up, or allow for apologies. She just seems to enjoy giving a life sentence to people for small, unintentional errors. What exactly is a grudge. I thought a grudge was for 1 mistake in the past that a person never forgave or forget. When I defend myself NOW for something CURRENT, such as, "honey have you seen the mustard" and he says, "I didn't eat all the mustard." and I say, "I didn't say you did, I just want to know if you have seen it, because I overlooked it." He then says, "I'm tired of you accusing me of things, like that time you accused me of patronizing you. I can't take it anymore. I never patronized you. Quit holding grudges. You are a grudge holder." I'm confused here. I have asked him once, very nicely, 15 years ago to please quit patronizing me. He raged, so I never brought it up again. He has never forgotten it. I thought he was the one holding the grudge. Is this an example of projection? No, and they don't forget anything else either. So beware! The insult they have done to others: always. The insult others have done to them: never. They forget promises made to you. Don't pay them in return for something they say they will do. When you ask for it, they will say you need to stop pushing them, and they don't have to do anything. They will say don't be so incredibly selfish. Months later, when they want something, they will apologize for saying something. It will be a very vague apology..."I was stupid. I don't like for us to fight." A year later, if you bring up the fact they lied about doing something in return for money etc., and that you don't get why they did that, they will not remember it. When you say they apologized, they will act surprised. One time I asked why he remembers some conversations so well, and other so poorly. He said that his brain is like a machine, and he gets rid of what he doesn't want. He then said "Don't mess with the machine." I am used to most of his weirdness. Still, the one thing they do go for is an area that you question your own abilities at. Don't complain about someone insulting you. The Narcissist will quickly agree with that person's insult. Narcissists are usually very talented, but can't fully take advantage of it(too controlling.)