What would you like to do?
Should narcissists leave their families?
If you have proof of terrible things a narcissist did like abandoned their child before birth and used his family to hide should you find a way to tell his family what you know or just leave it?
This sounds all too familiar. I had to answer this because this kind of thing happened to me almost eerily similar and I will tell you that the child is better off without him…. If he's not in the kids life it will have a better happier life. I can't even imagine if my ex N had been in our child's life. I would have gone nuts because he's so irresponsible and coniving. At first i wanted him to be because I was reeling from being discarded, but once I got over it and began to look back I realized how lucky I was. Him discarding us was a blessing in disguise. He told me because he didn't want our child he basically didn't have to bare any responsibility. I was stunned, it was like just because he didn't want the child meant he didn't have to take responsibility like the rest of the planet like he was some exception. He'll do nothing positive for their child. or for your friend. If you contact his family like I also had the option of once.. it will do nothing. He will twist your words and make you look bad. They are the biggest liars and game players on the earth. It would bring his actions to light but what will they or you gain from it? The best thing is to be happy this person is out of her life. you should leave, it's amazing how all narcissist behave in the same way because my narcissist did exactly the same thing. I stayed with him for 6 years taking him back almost monthly, I'm so happy he's gone because now I can be happy on my own. I'm in a similar situation. I agree with the first poster. It is better if the child never has contact with the father, and if the father also wants it that way, even better. My child's father is only interested in getting pictures so he can brag about how beautiful his child is. Other than that, he leaves us alone, which is a blessing. Yes, he should be taking responsibility, but we can't force him to do that. One day he'll get in trouble for being a deadbeat dad, but that isn't our concern. Our concern is taking care of ourselves and staying away from him. As for the narcissist's extended family, I also battled with myself about whether I should tell them. I decided that since half of them are narcissists and the other half obviously were involved in the creation of narcissists (his mother for example) that they would not respond well to this information. I mean, they basically do know already, although they don't have a name to call it. They know the emotional dynamic of the family. They know that my ex isn't seeing or taking care of his daughter. They know. And it doesn't make any difference. So there's not much point in saying "hey, he's a narcissist." What I decided to do is tell our mutual friends, the ones he had screwed over in the past and who were receptive to this information. They were delighted to know what was wrong with him and immediately cut off contact. They proceeded to tell his girlfriend what was wrong with him and she broke up with him. So there are appropriate people to share this information with--people you care about, who are not directly related. And of course, the narcissist's children should be educated about him, at an appropriate age. Also your family would probably be delighted to know what is wrong with him. I just doubt his family of origin would believe it or respond well to it. If you want to test them, have them watch the movie, "Grizzly Man" about Timothy Treadwell. Treadwell is a narcissist and if they recognize this, or see similarities in Treadwell's and the narcissist's behavior, you can bring up the topic. If they don't see it, I'd say drop it for good. They'll never see it. My narcissist's mother watched "Grizzly Man" and saw no similarity. She is completely blind to it, so I dropped it.
Answer The only way is NO CONTACT ever again. Do not fool yourself during lonely moments and make excuses to see the N. Not even to rub his face into how g…ood you look and are doing. Dont because they have a way of tearing you down once they see you moving on. And until you are completely over him/her you can be persuaded even when you dont think so, if they push the right buttons. The person I was involved with did this over and over. Each time I felt more deflated and weak. Until I finally had enough and ended all contact. He saw me doing well and followed me to my car one day. Oh he acted so casual like it was a mere coincidence running into me. He then proceeeded to chat me up in such a non chalont way and i wanted his approval. WITHIN TWO HOURS he was being mean and saying horrible things to me. He saw that I was hooked in again and pounced! I finally at that moment looked at him and said this will be the last time we ever talk. I told him he was a coward and it was time for me to let him go. He has since tried to get my attention by resorting to childish and pathetic manouveres. I ignore him. I dont show hate, love, like, anger, pity. I show NOTHING. It enrages him. I guarantee he has moved on and is already in the process of wrecking someones life. Im fortunate that I finally got a backbone and told him to get lost. I have stayed away from him. Tell yourself at these weak moments that what you will get back is the same old misery. Except it will be even worse. I guarantee he or she will will be furious that you ended the relationship/marriage and they will see it as payback time. Then he/she will attempt to wear you down even more. Do not wait for the time to arrive (and it will if you stay) that you lose yourself completely. Right now it may feel like your self esteem and pride is gone. However you can get these back by staying away from the N. However if you take them back you may lose these things for good and never bounce back. Stay away from misery. Life is too short.
Mine dumped me Then the following day he called me to say that he wanted to work through MY issues together. We spent a week talking about MY issues and him refusing to discus…s any of his issues, except for the fact that he blatently checks out woman and flirts with woman right in front of me RED FLAG. This was the only thing he would own up to as being inconsiderate but defended himself b/c "all guys do that". Everything was constantly turned around to be my fault or my issue. Then after a week of talking he once again said it wasn't going to work out. That was yesterday and I don't know if he'll come back again but I will try my hardest to be strong and tell him no way. I really thought he was a good guy (he conned me into believing this) but after being here I realize that he's just a flat our narcissist. Don't just sit around and wait for him to end the relationship though. You know deep down in your heart and gut that he's a narcissist so be strong and end it. I wish I had done that months ago when I started seeing all these red flags and looking at this web site. It would have saved me and my children a lot of unnecessary pain. that's a definite! You bet he will! Mine just did 5 months ago. He kept saying he wanted to be alone,but I think the truth is I started confronting him about his selfishness and not giving anything to me emotionally. I was doing all the giving and he was only taking . I felt empty inside. But he didn't want to face his phoniness( he told me he didn't like phony people) because that's exactly what he was! Then when I did not serve his ego worshipping anymore, I was of no use and replacable. Of course he said something only a narcissist would say , "YOU'VE CHANGED'. It would not have anything to do with him! By the way, when I told our friends we were splitting up after 6 years, the first question they all said was "Is there another woman?" The second question was "Did you have a good sex life?" He promised me there was no one else and we had a very good sex life . So I was really baffled when he did not want to get help for us and save our relationship. But he already had made up his mind and ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT TRY .In fact after an hour of rationally trying to make him listen to the facts, he said "Everything you've just said all makes sense, but we are still breaking up". I said "In a mature relationship, people try to work things out first" He said " I'm a immature guy!" This is the kind of IDIOT I was dealing with .Then when I wanted to talk further, he started to RAGE and would not let me talk anymore. I mean it was scary seeing this EVIL person come out of him and I told him so, but they DON"T CARE! I think that's the hardest part about these people is understanding that they don't have feelings like normal people.You just can't comprehend it. OH, and by the way, he stared dating the same month we split up and is on 2nd girl already. Not that I believe he had not see any while we were together.He used to flirt with woman right in front of me.RED FLAG !I could not at first believe that the son of a Baptist minister could lie and be so emotionally cruel, but I guess they can be messed up like anyone else. I truly loved this man , but now I realize that he is not fixable.I thought I could help this poor little messed-up boy inside him, that I would be the one to finally cure him FORGET IT! Yes, there are those who will, and also others who get very dependent and won't, but either way, they are horrible to deal with, as you see from the poster above. It is truly bizarre how a narcissist cannot cite any actual, real problems in a relationship and will still insist on leaving. I think that is about control, or intimacy issues. They get scared by the threat of intimacy and leave. I too have seen the evil person. It was like watching Anakin Skywalker turn into Darth Vader. He used to describe his emotions to me in great detail and his favorite metaphor was that he was like a virus or an insect. Sounds really loving and warm, doesn't it? My narcissist was also raised in a highly religious environment. I have known a couple of them that thrived in churches, so watch out! There are a lot of empathetic people in churches, and so the narcissists tend to prey there. It's like when you see a herd of wildebeasts, you expect to see a few lions too, right? That's how it is with narcissists. They prey on the empathetic. In my experience, they also prey on students, artists, and hippies. They look for people who will accept them and feel sorry for them, and won't hold them to high standards, but will accept their lies and give to them and try to help them. Not to disrespect groups who do this, but some groups are more forgiving than others. Narcissists are found around these groups, just as child molesters are found around groups of children. Even if your narcissist seems like the type that won't leave, I'd advise if you have a true narcissist on your hands, then you should be the one to leave. NEW Answer-Mine dumped me 2 days after i arrived from Europe to spend some months with him in the USA after2 years in a long distance relationship(Skype Google talk,movies and poetry sites) I didn't meet hin in a dating site...He was Avery intelligent man,we were friends and ater turned into something bigger ,full of red flags but i waived them away because he was in Avery unhappy situation,depressed but he was getting ready to leave this so called shay relationship....we were friends,confident and had a lot in common...i am a non judgemental person empathic and i think he smelled that...2 days after my arrival,he just simply told me he wasn't going to be with me anymore,but asked me to stay,as friends after already starting withdrawing affection,said if i wanted to go somewhere he would be glad to take me but would not go anywhere with me,then 2 hours later would say come on lets go to the park....and so it went,for 2 months ,push and pull games,he took a vacation for a week the only thing he did was gaming on the internet,and sleep.....came home from work with lipstick on his sleeve...i said laughing,busy at work,hey....he said i knew you would say is lipstick,no is candy.....he totally ignored me for hours then would come up to me and Hugh me kiss my forehead.....then tell me it was better if i left,and if i wanted to do so he said stay please....finally i left exausted,broken low self estemmm because he was always talking about some women he saw with a nice a**.....And i know i am good looking intelligent and empathic but then i felt like garbage.....took me a year and some to realize it wasn't me itwas him....i am in therapy still having flash backs,and missing him....is just sickening.....now he is No Contact on me saying i did wrong by him....
they wont care
There are different ways to approach this issue depending on the circumstances. here are some suggestions: You may want to do that. But if you don't like how the person's acti…ng then don't be friends with them and just don't hang around them. If you are certain you know what behaviors identify a narcissist and that you are correct about your friend then tell it like it is. Encourage your friend to do some reading about narcissism, especially if they are young enough to change their ways.
Your partner is a narcissist you want him to leave your home but he has nowhere to live and no money what should you do?
Kick him out. He's an adult --- he's USING your feeling sorry for him.
Some do. They don't want to loose their "blood supply." LEAVE ANYWAY and no contact!!
Narcs don't have friends - they have people who they can use to their advantage.
keep it a secert and tell no one move away seek mental help to understand New Answer-i agree with the answer above but do read about it to educate yourself and knowing that wh…atever you think you could have done to improve the relationship would be impossible....Is not you is them...
I had a friend who is a narcissist and I can tell you that at first no they don't. They find ways to make jabs at you any way possible the importent thing is not to resp…ond to it as angry as they make you. This friend I had wrote letters, wrote on my car, posted comments, tried to get her side of the story out to all the friends before she even talked to me. She was playing the victim card so that people would feel sorry for her. Bottom line is that it didn't work. Slowly friends started to realize and because I wouldn't respond she backed off... I still see her because we have mutal friends, but I have learned that I need to keep my distance from her because as long as I'm around she will always try to attack, or make jabs any chance she gets. I just laugh it off and feel sorry for her because she has this very terrible misconception of being better than everyone when in reality she is still stuck in HS.
That it didn't work out. The rest is none of their business.
NO, it's your loss if you leave the beautiful wonderful them! My late mother was a narcissist and did not think about anybody except herself. Was a horrible parent, and even w…orse grandparent.
place a mirror in front of him
Because they are desperate for the attention and devotion you give them.It is a drug to them and like every drug addict, they will eventually come back around when other suppl…iers are gone or they start to miss your devotion to their ego.It`s all about them.I am literally on the tail end of the most devastating relationship i have ever tried to have with someone.I am only re establishing in my mind after six months of abuse and countless sad self questioning sessions that she is a narcissist and a cruel self serving individual who will call me anything and everything that suits her when it suits her if she doesn`t get her way.An absolutely disgusting,self hating,self adoring,sick twisted mind that must have someone to feed on or they will be forced to look at themselves and they can`t handle that because they know they are the walking dead.There is no soul,nothing,an empty void,just black.that is terrifying to them.So in conclusion to your question.Because you are a beautiful flower and the narcissist is like the bee that needs to drain the nectar from within that beauty flower in order to survive.i couldn`t think of a better metaphor.But you get the point.Shame i had to use bee`s and flowers because they are pure and beautiful.Where as the narcissist is pure evil.Best action that stops them dead and hurts them.NO CONTACT AT ALL!!! It drives them insane! All power to you.
If you mean 'Why cant I leave the Narcissist's life', in that you cant forget them as you are no longer together etc there are many reasons: 1) You remember how good the ini…tial part of your relationship was, and for reasons unknown to you, they now seem like a distant memory, save for the fact that very occasionally, you still get glimpses of that person being at their best (be it with you or others) but everything you do still doesn't work to get those 'glimpses' more frequent, so you 'must try harder' (which doesn't work, by the way!) 2) The feeling you got from them (initially) made YOU feel whole, happy, lucky to be so idealized by such a wonderful experience, that in your mind NOTHING will EVER compare. 3) you have so lost who you are, that any scrap on offer will do, as long as they aren't hating you (its not hate by the way, it is simply that they havent the energy to tolerate you, and they cant be bothered with working at it as others are easier, ie new supply) What is the overriding almost glaring fact in all cases, is that people think that the Narcissist is truly that special person he was, but has moments of rages, cruelty, selfishness, contempt, has affairs, punishes, verbal & emotional abuse, bullies, reckless behavior etc due to outside stresses that make them behave so badly. Once those outside pressures that are causing it go away, they will be back to how they were, and you will be once again, adored, respected etc. WRONG. Both people (ie the good and the bad person inside the Narcissist) are ONE AND THE SAME. You either accept that. Or you don't. To make it very clear, the person they are is the bad one. The good bits are real to them, but they have to work at it. They get bored easily, so it is inevitable that at the VERY end, you will get who they are ALL the time. Its up to you now how you want it to end - at what point do you walk away; ie your last memories of them are ALL bad or frequently bad, sometimes bad or not bad at all. For the latter one, leave it at the first date!!! 4) finally, there is one other reason (I'm sure there are more!) that I can think of. They don't want you to. Because if they had fully finished with you, and cant get anything else from you, you wont see them for dust.
People who have been bought up by a narcissist are usually isolated (on purpose) This stops them from being able to find support. Or even clarity to see they are in an unhealt…hy relationship. Quite often the victims have been demonised by the narcissist behind their backs so it can be hard to find someone to believe them. They have also been conditioned by the narc to accept the violence as normal. Once you can achieve some distance from the narc abuser, you are able to see the blatant manipulations, lies and lack of emotional content, you will see their own interests and greed come first. They are unfixable. Do not waste your life on these people. They are inferior to people who have genuine compassion and empathy.