What would you like to do?
Should you share information about narcissism with your narcissistic partner?
The answer to that question is not simple. Each situation is different and requires a different and unique approach. I have shared my knowledge with my soon to be ex. This was for my gratification.....pure and simple. It was my way of telling him that he no longer would control the situation. Remember, narcissists suffer from delusions of grandeur and can not even grip why someone would question their judgment, character or anything else. You are the one with the problem..........not them. I would not recommend sharing this information with someone who is physically abusive. That would be very detrimental. I told him that he will no longer minimize me, my beliefs/opinions, feelings, work, whatever.....accept them as mine, show respect and move on. He claims that narcissism only deals with the belief that "it's all about me." He's right when you put it in simplistic, nutshell logic. He even stated I needed to look the term up in the dictionary. But what he fails to grasp is that this only one small aspect of a narcissistic personality disorder. There is an array of other contributing traits that just furthers the disorder into: It's all about Me. Right now, we are being "advised" to work together. However, any time his narcissism rears its ugly, dreadful head, it is squelched. Entirely. You can not argue nor discuss matters with a narcissist.....it just goes in circles. Also, it is usually done on their time and only when it's convenient for them. But what you can do for you: Stop them in their tracks and let them know you are on to them! They tend to be somewhat paranoid and this spins them a little. It makes them question things. They may not ever reach a logical conclusion and most likely will shift the blame solely on you, but it gets them thinking. Remember.......they have filled your head with the notion that you are crazy and need professional help, not them. This is a plus! Because once you seek professional help, your counselor will stop you and say: "Honey, there's nothing wrong with you, but your soon-to-be-ex is a narcissist!" Then the real healing can begin! Answer I gently and lovingly broached the subject with my N girlfriend and was met with denial and then rage. She then went to all our mutual friends to spread seeds that I was disordered. It definitely wasn't worth it. Answer I have not tried to share most of what I know with my husband (soon-to-be ex I hope), but I have tried to share it with other people that he is trying to recruit to be his NS. It hasn't helped with them though. They have fallen for his lies and now I am the horrible person. I just try to use the information I have to keep myself prepared for his reactions, and to help my children. Answer Darlene, please learn from your past efforts ... no one can be fixed if they do not believe they are broken, be glad you will be free from the N grip. Learn from your experience, and get help for yourself. It is important to understand "why" or "how" you got into the "pickle" in the first place. There is no one answer for all. :) Answer I did in fact share information and continue to do so with the N that I just left--however--he is a cerebral N so his reaction is fascinating--he initially "intellectually" could see where there were similarities between a NPD and his behavior but eventually he refuted each issue or situation we went through and rationalized away his behavior--when I initially was trying to understand our relationship and why I was having these feelings of being abused (although I didn't articulate or understand what I was going through as abuse until after I bought and read Malignant Self Love)--I spent a week basically studying the book and trying to understand the manifestations of the NPD--the book was and is filled with post-its where I made my notes and observations and it serves as a source of discussion and then rage and then denial and then rationalization for my N--he has been a pathological liar, destructive, abusive and dependent all of his life--he now swears to me that he has realized how abusive he has been and will no longer lie or abuse anyone--he has agreed to go to therapy with a therapist I found prior to my leaving---but he is brilliant at morphing the truth and manipulating emotions so I pray that the therapist will be able to handle him and that there in fact may be some hope--I'm curious as to how Dr Sam(author of Malignant Self-love) became so aware of his condition and how his relationships have changed or not since his realization- Answer I tried with my N husband and it was not worth it. He accused me of having problems, attacked the whole field of psychology and threatened to cut me off of his health insurance plan if I sought counseling to deal with him. When I called the health insurance company to find out if I could get insurance statements sent directly to me instead of him because he is the primary holder, it was possible but complicated. At this point, the best route appears to work completely behind his back in developing a solution. Answer They are in denial about it. Unless you make it out not to be a bad thing. Point out all the good things, like healthy narcism, and how narcissist are usually successful and in leadership positions. The less emphasis you place on the negative aspects the more they accept it. If you let them know that you are ok with them being narcissist, then they are ok with it. Don't blame them. Say, "you can't help it. Your parents raised you this way, it's no big deal and everyone has problems." Then list several other people. Let them know that the American way helps to encourage and foster this "package" over "substance" way of life. Then let them know that other see right through them and that you are going to help them get over their small lies first. Tell them they don't have to lie. You are not angry at them for small mistakes. Let them know that being human is ok. We are all human. What we don't like in this house is perfectionist. You will see your narcissist glad for the first time in their lives to finally get to relax, but still very guarded. You are in it with them and not against them. You will help them use it to their advantage. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE DELIVER A NARCISSISTIC INJURY. Don't insult anything from their childhood. Don't bring up specifics on abuse. Focus on future, not past. Don't insult or criticize but be a good example for them. (that's what they do that annoys us, so why switch roles). Answer You can try but they will tell you you are crazy. They will probably ridicule you for using such a big word. Answer I ended the relationship with my emotionally tormenting N in a text message in which I suggested that he should look up Narcissism. I havent heard from him since. Maybe I should mention this tactic under the heading of 'How to End a relationship with a Narcissist'. Answer It could turn into a dangerous situation--see "Fatal Vision" by Joe McGuinness about a narcissist who, when confronted, reacted with rage and violence. Answer I just finished Sam's book.... and was about to go back and re read the highlighted parts when it disappeared. Very disconcerting for me..... I don't really want my N to have access to all that information. I'm pretty upset about it, now that I think about it. I'm currently going through a divorce.... and he's smart enough to assimilate that information to at least curtail some of my advantage. The one time I didn't hide it.... it went poof! I don't think sharing information with them gives them anything more than information you need to protect yourself. Keep it quiet. Tell your close friends... only. Nobody wants to hear or believe this stuff and only those who really care about you will want to stand behind you. I have one really close friend who thinks I'm insane not to take my N back and let him be the good husband and father he promises he wants to be. But, let me tell you.... sometimes I sneak a peek at him when he doesn't know I'm looking.... and his look, malevolent and full of aggression... is pointed at me. Giving him information.... is just taking away some of your advantage in dealing with them. Don't and count yourself lucky to find yourself demystified. Tremusan Answer Absolutely not. The N will take whatever you say and warp it, twist it,and turn it right back onto you. Yes, it would feel great to throw it in his face and prove that you've got him pegged. Chances are someone before you has already told him this. It won't change a thing. And the momentary satisfaction of telling him, will only lead to hours, days, weeks of protacted discussion about HIM. Remember, a N loves attention. This only creates him as the center of attention once again. Answer its not worth it! they think they are perfect and nothing could possibly be wrong with them! if you try then it will be turned against you and you will be made to feel your the crazy one! get profesional help to help you get out of this one, its the only way.i touched on the subject with my soon to be ex but it looked as though it would get very nasty so i decided it was safer not to.
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If you tell your ex narcissistic partner you are sharing the story of the abusive relationship with everyone how will that effect them?
It probably depends on who you tell and the repercussions. Otherwise, my sense is it won't matter much. Depending on the level of skill you narcissist ex has, they've already …maneuvered to his/her own version of the story. The real point is, though, that they have no conscience, no ability to empathize and know that there are endless sources of the supply they need from a host of damaged people who can be duped. And, ultimately, that's why they don't need to look back. The people they can't con are the ones they'll no longer talk to, anyway. I don't mean to hurt you when I say that. I am so sorry for what I imagine you've been through. And I strongly encourage you to tell your story. Those who don't believe are not worth the relationship. Those who get it will likely end up being some of your truest friends. Something the narcissist will never have.
"Without a doubt. All narcissists make sure they have multiple partners. That way if one partner doesn't work out (as in just give give and give some more to the narcissist un…til their is nothing left to give) the narcissist can move on to his next victim. The narcissist I knew well use to say he was the 'king' of picking up women. He said it was a hobby of his to collect numbers because he was so good at it. He told me that he would get several numbers in a day and that made him feel special. The only thing he had going for him was his looks and he knew this so finding multiple women to have sex with and use made him feel like he was God's gift to women, and he would tell you just that. They are not capable of having monogamous relationships nor do they want to. They need as many victims as they can get. To them collecting as many phone numbers as they can get is like a heroin fix to a drug addict." I totally agree with this answer if you are referring to men that are narcissist. But what about the women who can be considered narcissist? I'm no expert, but I don't think these women are incapable of monogamous relationships. Generally speaking they may have more partners over their lifetime as compared to other women, since they may get bored a lot faster. That alone does not mean that they would not prefer monogamy.
Not likely. The narcissist is more likely to be addicted to himself.
as in "throw pies at her"? It's not the favoured method of humiliating people in real life but I suppose it could happen.
They won't except it or even listen to you in the first matter, everything is all about them. Even if what you say is very true, a narcissist will take it personal and claim t…he victim role well until you stop "insulting them". They will not believe it one bit and will seek vengeance on others when confronted with the truth because they cant handle critism of any kind. Narcissist are sick in the head and lack empathy for others but expect people to go easy or have empathy for them. Be careful, they just may play tit for tat with you because they're very "extreme" and immature even at an old age. Narcissist want to bring you and others down when theyre exposed and will try all types of tactics to make you and others look bad because you exposed the truth about them, and thats one thing narcissist won't forget! Hateful creatures, wolves in sheep clothing is what they really are. They play sweet infront of some and show their colors infront of others. Be careful!
I think narcissists get bored with their lovers or partners, when that person no longer excites them as they did in the first flush. To an addictive personality like a narciss…ist, the first kiss, first sex, first time thrill of getting someone in bed is absolutely crucial to them, like water to a plant They cannot tolerate sameness, once the excitement in a new relationship wears off. In the normal world, we cannot constantly have an adrenaline fuelled high of falling in lust and love but the narcissist thinks we should, and seeks it out all the time. I know, I have just been dumped by one. It was a terrible experience and my self esteem was bottom of the pit. I realised he was getting bored with me over time. Nothing seemed to please him, he lost his temper with me and also criticized my body. By the way, he is 60 years of age so there is no hope it will ever change. He told me in not so many words he had found someone who could excite him again. He did not have the courage to tell me out right. He left without a word, and just texted me from somewhere ages after, and toldme that he was overseas. When he returned, he just told me he was unable to meet up as it was 'difficult'. The difficulty was that he had moved in with his new lover. I am still recovering. I lie awake at night asking all the usual questions, but it doesn't help. Am seeking therapy now. Genna
Answer I feel badly for you! Narcissists are difficult to work with and they feel their way is the best way and seldom take the advice from others as I'm sure you have …found out by now. They (in their own mind) stand on a white tower above all others and in their own minds think they are much more intelligent and "put up with the rest of us." The only way you can beat this business partner is to gauge the important things you need to have done in your business and be one step ahead. Re-read the contract between the both of you and see what decisions you can make without your business partner. Hope you left a few loop holes in that contract. If this doesn't work and is too stressful on you it's best to try to get out of the contract with this partner. You can also sell out half the business if it's profitable for you to do so. Narcissists take such a great deal of energy away from people, so really think about this and if it's worth you remaining with this business partner. Good luck Marcy Lessons From My Personal Experience... It depends on what you mean by "deal with". What do you want to happen? He/she leaves the partnership and business? He/she continues to work in the partnership? You leave the partnership? What is the current state of your relationship with your business partner? If there is no open hostility between you (ie everything is "good") then consider: * Actively manage his/her ego to stay under their radar and buy yourself peace and time to think, plan and mitigate their damage to the business. * Seriously plan for the end of the relationship. It will end. One day, it is inevitable that you will disagree on several things in a row - and that will spark the end. Life is too short to work with a narcissist. My ex-business partner nearly drove me to suicide. Several years after leaving him, I am still recovering from the damage to my self belief, esteem and confidence. * Review all your contractual agreements, client and supplier relationships. What are the areas of movement available to you? * Start building relationships with all your clients and suppliers so he/she is not the only person they are connecting with. This can minimise the manipulation and any misrepresentation. It can even identify bad/illegal practices. My ex-business partner was sexually harassing a client's staff member, and I did not find out until after I left him. * Narcissists can delude themselves into believing some action is legal when it isn't. My ex-business partner once tried to give clients kick-back payments in order to secure large contracts. He thought it was perfectly legal. * Make sure you have the power of veto on critical decisions. Exercising this of course, will cause him/her to explode and the relationship to rapidly deteriorate. They see all disagreement as personal attacks. My ex-business partner wanted to spend all our profits on large billboard ads and complex information systems because they appealed to his ego, not because they were relevant to the business. * Make sure your profit sharing agreement is water tight AND you are receiving regular payment. If/when the relationship breaks up, you may get nothing, even if you have an agreement in place. My ex-business partner not only did not pay me a cent (despite an agreement), but went further to construct all manner of petty reasons why I was lucky he was not demanding I pay him to leave the business! * Make sure you physically have in your possession what is rightfully yours. Including payments, salary, reimbursements, and property (intellectual and physical). Possession is 9/10th the law - use it. If/when the relationship breaks up, and he/she finds themselves in charge of property that is yours, they will be able to justify not returning those property to you. * If the business produces intellectual property, make sure you have your name as the author on things you have created. The first thing a narcissist will do will be to claim ownership AND authorship on everything. This happened to me. My ex-business partner suddenly became the sole author of everything I produced. * Make sure your responsibilities to the business are clearly defined on paper, and are evenly divided and acknowledged in payment etc. When I left my business partner, he point-blank refused to acknowledge any of the extra work I put in to the businesses. * Use a qualified therapist who knows about narcissism. This may or may not improve the relationship. But it will give you a knowledgeable third party to fall back on should you need to provide evidence of bullying or how his/her narcissism has damaged the business to shareholders. * Using loads of ego strokes and praises, you may be able to cajole him/her into a graceful and calm exit of the business. I know of at least one company who went as far as setting up a completely separate company so as to move a narcissistic partner into. Once he is ensconced in the new company (because he was such a brilliant strategist etc etc etc), and when he has happily handed across all the existing client accounts, the parent company then quietly cut all contact with the new company and left it to its own devices. Needless to say, the new company soon collapsed through sheer incompetence. If you are in open conflict with him/her, this makes the situation much harder. This was the situation I found myself in. By the time I realised I was stuck with a narcissist, he had done me so much psychological damage I could no longer think clearly. What is your current emotional state/health? Are you feeling strong and confident? Or are you feeling devastated and depressed? If you did not pick up on his/her narcissism soon enough, he/she may already have done some damage to your confidence. Remember that narcissists are very good at transferring all blame to you, undermining your self belief and self confidence, and making sure that you take full responsibility for everything bad. If you are still strong and confident, it makes taking steps to deal with him/her easier. If you have taken significant psychological damage, I would strongly suggest you get out of the relationship ASAP to protect yourself. At the end of the day, nothing is worth being the continual victim of a narcissist. How to leave (or what I would do if I had my time again): * If you are in control of the finances, pay out all salaries, reimbursements and entitlements ASAP. Don't do anything illegal of course. Left undone, the narcissist could delay everything as a power-play, or maybe left everything undone because work is usually beneath them. * Tell all your clients. File all the requisite paperwork with your regulatory agencies. Don't wait. He/she won't do it. Denial is something they do very well. As soon as I left, my ex-business partner disappeared overseas for a long holiday. He told no one. Not even clients. A year after I left, I still had government agencies chasing me for paperwork and payments! * Take everything that belongs to you home. Now. Don't leave anything you are not prepared to lose in the office, or in locations he/she could get to. Take computer files as well (but treat these ethically of course). * Do a proper handover to him/her. At least one of you can do things properly and in a mature fashion. But don't expect him/her to read or follow your instructions. * Cut off phone or face to face contact. Use emails only. I found it far less stressful. You do not want to put up with someone screaming at your, or calling you demeaning names in public or on the phone. * Get an ethical accountant and lawyer. My ex-business partner tried to get our accountant and IT provider to do unethical and illegal things post my departure. He tried to get my shares signed over to him, and copies of my emails without my consent! A narcissist is ALWAYS right in his own mind. And when he is right, he is also acting perfectly legally. * Document all emails and phone conversations. Keep a time-stamped diary of everything he/she says and does. If you choose to sue him/her, or if the regulatory agency comes down on something he/she has done, you need to be able to produce evidence to protect yourself. * Get a good therapist. Seriously. It is one way to take care of yourself. Don't expect a narcissist to give you closure on the matter. The matter may remain unsettled for years because they will only act when they are ready. And in the meantime they will continue to project blame and responsibility on you, and play they self grandising, self righteous games. * Know when to cut and run. Sure you may lose some money. But you do not want a matter to remain unresolved for years. My supposedly simple exit (according to our reasonable and ethical accountant) was supposed to take 2 weeks. He managed to drag it on for almost 2 years by constantly changing his demands and ignoring communications. And this was after I had left him with a profitable viable company! He was acting as if I owed him. Such is the mental state of a narcissist. * Don't expect him/her to understand or see or care about your point of view. They are incapable of doing so. It is a mental defect. They are also amoral, so there is no point in expecting them to act morally. * Don't expect any thanks or acknowledgment. They are the true genius begin the business and they did all the hard work. You should be lucky they let you help a little! I lost a lot in that business. It was my dream business. It worked. But the partnership did not. It was defective because he was a narcissist. He got everything in the business. And within 6 months, decided to shut it down. Supposedly he had always intended to do this. Go figure. A narcissist does not operate rationally. They are totally self-obsessed. They don't care for anyone or anything else. Don't expect them to behave like normal people because they are not. I hope sharing this experience can help someone out there. I really do.
So you feel sorry for them so you think he/she is so open and honest. To get your trust so you let down your barriers so they can find out your vunerabilities and then p…lay on your vunerabilities as a way to manipulate and control you.
you'd have to tell us more about your partner. Is Your Partner a Narcissist? Answer True or False # He loves accolades, compliments, and recognition. # He exagg…erates his achievements. # He brags about his prowess as a lover and expects you to lavish praise on his performance. # Nothing is ever his fault; he can justify just about anything he does. # Anything you can do, he can do better. # Anything you know, he knows more. # He's charming and attentive with people in positions of power. # He likes to associate with popular or important people. # He doesn't have much time for you because he puts so much energy into his job or a hobby. # He takes pride in his appearance and is well-groomed. # His eyes scan the room when you're talking. # He can be cold and dismissive to those he thinks are less important or of no use to him. # He doesn't notice if you aren't satisfied after sex. # If you disagree with him, he disregards your opinions. # He expects you to always look good. # If he doesn't like what you're wearing, he criticizes you. # He plays mind games, alternately acting committed and distant. # He demands what he wants, whether it's the corner office or the best table at a restaurant. # He expects people to cater to his whims, wants, and needs. # He twists all of your arguments to make you seem like the guilty one. # Even if he is in the wrong, he'll act like he's the victim. # If things are going wrong in his life, he blames anything and anyone but himself. # He can be mean and insulting. # He's a bit of a flirt, or you've heard others refer to him as a "player." # If he feels someone has put him down, he's likely to lash out. Scoring Key: Count the number of true statements. 8 or fewer: Keeper He's a regular guy whose ego lies within normal limits. Yes, he may sometimes be boastful, especially if you answered true to items 1 to 6. And true answers from 7 to 10 mean he might be vain-or simply an ambitious man on his way up the corporate ladder. "A person can display a few narcissistic traits, but not have a full-on personality disorder," Buehler says. "Our culture breeds these qualities. Think of the audacity of some American Idol contestants!" 9 to 19: Braggart "This is a person who is moderately full of himself," says W. Keith Campbell, PhD, associate psychology professor at the University of Georgia and author of the book When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself. The key is, he explains, to evaluate how your guy is narcissistic in the context of his overall character. For example, true answers to items 11 to 16 indicate a disturbing lack of empathy and compassion. But false answers to those statements indicate that his positive traits override his grandiose tendencies. 20 or more: Egomaniac Watch out! Your partner might be a full-blown narcissist-especially if you answered true to many questions from 17 to 25. These statements point to a sense of entitlement or aggression-the nastiest components of narcissism. "In that case, you have cause for real concern, and he could get worse," says Campbell. "If it were me, I would run like hell, especially if you see signs of violence, infidelity, abuse, controlling behavior, or anger."
They need someone who is as focused on them as they are on themselves. So they'd be better off with someone with really low self esteem, or just someone who is a… real giver, and wouldn't mind never getting anything in return.
From my own experience a narcissist will never change. Theyre emotional vampires, never happy however much another person tries to give them.
For many reasons: Narcissism present a false image to others (and even to themselves)- butter wouldn't melt in their mouths in public but behind closed doors they are abusiv…e dragons. They will abandon you for various reasons; 1) one could be to show everyone that they they left you because you are the problem and not them. They love transferring the blame onto the other partner. 2) They are also afraid that their partner is going to show them up for who they really are to the world, their family and friends. They cannot have that their poor false image will get tainted hence they'll abandon you before that occurs to save their image and again lay blame at your door. He regards and treats people as though they were objects: exploits and discards them. He mistreats people around him by asserting his superiority at all times, by being emotionally cold or absent, by constant bickering, verbal humiliation, incessant (mostly unjust) criticism, by provoking uncertainty and by actively rejecting or ignoring them. All his interpersonal relationships are deformed and sick. The longer the relationship - the more it is tinted by the pathological hue of narcissism. In his marriage, the narcissist recreates the conflicts with his Primary Objects. He is immature in every walk of marriage, sex included.
For the same reason cult leaders do. They don't want any "voices of reason" undermining their plans or their quest for control. They don't want any family members, friends, cl…ergy, etc. to get in the way of what they are trying to achieve. Its easier to brainwash someone if your voice is the only voice they ever hear. ~ T I like this question because it signifies a Narcissistic control tactic that overpowered me. I am no longer with the N. I was the one who called a halt to a relationship that was totally governed by him...in fact the only control I ever did have was severing the relationship point blank. My partner isolated me in every fashion he knew possible...this does not mean that he enjoyed my company when he had me in his clutches. On the contrary, although my dedication to him was total, at the cost of injuring all other worthwhile relationships, he was never satisfied with me, per se. He would constantly belittle my actions and comments, would tease me about my appearance or 'suggest' I make changes to same; continually gave me instructions on how best do the most mundane tasks that I had been capable of doing since birth, tormented me about my driving skills, kept on asking me to speak up ("I can't hear you"!); nastilly ran down my children, mother, siblings, friends (and cats) and outlined the shortcomings of each individual and how they were doing wrong by me; would ignore me for lengthy periods of time until he had a few drinks whereby afterwards he would become all cutsie and uncontrollable (this pattern assumed itself day in, day out); never once bought me a birthday or Christmas present but made a hoopla about each occassion when it related to him; refused to have any physical contact for days; arranged each of my days according to his plans; sulked or became furious if I altered any arrangement made by him; questioned every phone call I received; left me stranded in foreign places when he was angry and left me to find my own way back (to home, hotel, camp site etc); intentionally ogled other women; made outrageous promises that he never kept; ignored me when I was hospitalised with a serious condition; hell...the list goes on. For months I believed that him wanting me 'to himself' was a sign of affection. Anyone who understands how Ns work will acknowledge how I believed this. My relationship went from one of total control with isolation to desertion. The N travelled the globe for a year, alone.On his return it took him days to contact me and when he did it was only to ask for my help with something that would benefit him...I knew it was time to go. When Ns isolate you you become dependent on them and their way of life...it takes a while to adjust back into the real world after leaving an N but if you can actually make the break and resume normal life again you will rejoice and celebrate it with so much vigour that ideas of being back with the N will assume the status of nightmares. Trust me...you can leave! Isolation is about power and control. It is also about the perpetrator having a low sense of self esteem. I counseled a woman whose husband took their phones out of the house as he was leaving for work. They lived in a rural area and she did not have a car so she was completely isolated. I also worked with a perp who put his wife's car on blocks for the purpose of isolating her from family and friends.
Once you recognize that your partner has that personality disorder - If you choose to stay with him or her - you must protect yourself. Do so by reading up on the disord…er - and UNDERSTAND what you are dealing with - read what the experts advise how to protect yourself. And do it. Remember that the narcissist is not going to change. YOU must understand that and change yourself - protect yourself. Remember always that your partner is not going to change. Ever. Good luck.
I'm new to this idea that my "friend" may have narcissism. I too, wonder if he is a narcissist. I've looked at many websites on the subject. When I find the behaviors listed t…o be a narcissist he only fits about 3. They say 5 is the answer for narcissism. However, I've copied excerpts from many different websites that list specific behaviors and have compiled quite a long list that pertains to him. Such as: Values then devalues a significant other. Looks for ways to keep his narcissist supply around. Expects others to do things for him he should do. Lazy. Rage if confronted. Absolutely no empathy for the pain they put you through. Secretive. Lies quite a bit. Manipulative. Never admit they are wrong in a relationship. Latch on to people who are in some way dependent. Has one person who can do no wrong and will not stand any critism for that person. Lacks the ability to recognise the abstract idea. If this is not a narcissist then what is he? I just was dumped by a boyfriend of 10 months. I am divorced over a year and met him four months after my divorce. I have two daughters, one with autism. This guy overwhelmed me with promises and love. After two months, he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and my special needs daughter. I came to love his two boys. Then after taking a "family" vacation with all the kids two weeks ago, he called me and said he had never loved me. Over the course of the relationship I found him to be a ridiculously jealous, ego-centric, hypochrondriac. Still there were moments of sweetness, especially as he was kind to my daughters. Interestingly enough, he preferred my autistic daughter because she worshipped him ( her dad is not good with her). Sometimes he would fly into rages over my talking to a waiter, etc, even my finding a movie star handsome, saying I didn't make him feel special. Then he would say I was abusing him. He always had to be right, considered himself smarter than everyone else. And I think tried to fake empathy, but it never seemed to have depth. He is a very responsible father but mostly courts his kids worship. He has a hard time disciplining them and talking to them personally because he wants them to see him as perfect. They are like little prototypes of him, still he is a good caregiver to them. Is he a narcissist? The way he left me was so sudden and detached. He does not wish to speak to me, and I expended so much energy trying to be so good to him. It was the promise to love my daugther that really hooked me. Do you think he knew that, or liked the idea of himself as being wonderful enough to love her? He has an enormous ego, is a fastidious dresser, and exercises constantly. I have since found out that he has a history of women he has suddenly left since his wife left him 8 years ago. I spoke to her and she said she felt he had no feelings for her, just like the "services" she provided. Still he wouldn't have left her, but was chronically unhappy with her. He told me he never fell in love with her, the same line he used with me and all the other women he has hurt. I was very vulnerable when I met him. MY Ex was emotionally abusive. Does he sound like a narcissist? Oh, yes, he also never wanted me to talk and say "I love you" during sex. Sex was great, but kind of mechanical. He would mostly keep his eyes shut and if I talked at all, he said I took him out of the moment. Kind of like he was doing it with himself. He told me in the past, he has had sexual dysfunction problems but it was because the women was untrustworthy. Anyway, when I called him on his coldness about the breakup, he said I was abusing him. He is just done with me, like a switch turned off. What do you think? I know this is not the answer to your question but maybe it will help. This is a great question. What if s/he demonstrates the symptoms of this frustratingly hopeless personality affliction, but is only APPEARING to be narcissistic due to a different, possibly more profound or more TREATABLE issue? I grappled with that very question. My gf had an array of conflicting issues that, I rationalized, could produce an overwhelmingly self-centered, unempathic, etc. outward attitude. She had menopausal mood swings, depression, alcoholism, ongoing financial crises and troubling family issues. I was hopeful that her attitude toward me COULD conceivably improve as she struggled with her demons. As I reasoned: she had sought hormones & anti-depressant therapy; she had begun to search for sobriety, she was proactive toward her finances and her family circumstances were evolving. With great hope, I noticed that the medications had a generally positive impact on some of her overt nastiness. But, still, despite her great proclamations of love & bliss, her big plans & promises, she continued to treat her dog better than she treated me! Even if it is possible that her "improvable" life issues continued to actively cause her negative attitude, normal people are usually sensitive to their bad treatment of others. Despite some improvement, she, on the other hand, continued to rely on excuses, still never took responsibility for her unpredictable rages, remained amazingly defensive to perceived criticism, all the while extending 'apologies' that were phrased like "I am sorry that you got so upset." It may be possible that certain intolerable human behaviors are the result of different combinations of stimuli. If so, it would also be possible that if the right combination of offending stimuli could be neutralized or removed, the intolerable behavior might be improved. But, really, what's the difference? If s/he acts like a narcissist, you've noticed because of how terrible, confused and hurt you've been feeling. Worry about YOU! His/her problems, not matter how profound, are their problems to solve; they are not yours. If you are being treated badly, by a narcissist, a person acting like a narcissist or any other, for your own good, you:must end the relationshipaccept that you have taken a difficult fist stepallow yourself to take a lot of time to grievegive yourself time to come to terms with what you've been throughseek counselingavoid rebounding into a relationship until you feel bettergo to this wiki.answer link; read about abuse: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/FAQ/1880
permissive parents. 8/31/07 Narcissism, in both genders (although there are subtypes usually attributed to males), is essentially a psychological response to low self-esteem.… The narcissist develops a coping mechanism (like believing one's accomplishments are greater than they are and feeling entitled to respect and admiration) as a way of dealing with the pain of their own perceived worthlessness. So the real question, then, concerns possible early childhood causes of low self esteem. While some aspects of permissive parenting can be related, it is very common for self esteem issues to arise from some sort of emotional abuse, physical abuse or other trauma. Personality disorders, in general, are rather dramatic, subconscous, psychological responses to abuse or perceived abuse. Brenda Mayer ResponseThis is a very intelligent answer given. I am wondering though that in abusive environments parents can also be overly permissive and smothering while at the same time neglecting or abusing the child in other ways. For instance a parent will mete out severe punishment for the slightest personal infraction yet provide no real discipline for the child. Social manners, completeing chores, homework, etc... I was roomates once with a diagnosed NPD female. I was under the impression her mother was too close to her allowing too many things to pass yet not really there for her to learn right from wrong. I remember she was very upset once because her mother suspected her of lying "yet again". It was a trivial matter but she seemed more upset at having been reminded she was a liar rather the fact she had done something wrong. She would allways get these guys and people she considered to be inferior to surround her and be "best buds" while she complained and moaned about their ineptness behind their backs. I kept my guard around her but she found a way to stab me in the back and lef t me like an empty carcass. A few months later she hovered around me again and wanted me to be her new roomate because she was tired of being alone and no one at work wanted anyting to do with her etc... . I told her I was fine where i was. She left the room and burst into tears. I think sometimes when a close parent is overly permissive and "good" to the child that the child secretly resents not being taught right from wrong and looses sense of who he/she is. ....or maybe the mother feels guilty from some past sin and tries to make it up to the child. The child in turn must sense some kind of unatural omnipotence.
A: Believe your gut! NEVER believe a Narc. And GET AWAY FROM HIM! A: To believe in him requires you to trust with your heart. But if in your heart you bel…ieve otherwise, follow your instinct.