What are 100 funny jokes?
A few funny jokes are:
What do you call a girl lawyer?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
Who's there? ADHD kid.
ADHD kid who?
Oh, hey, wanna go ride bikes?
Interrupting cow- MOO!"
What do you call a girl lawyer?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
Who's there? ADHD kid.
ADHD kid who?
Oh, hey, wanna go ride bikes?
Interrupting cow- MOO!"
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1. What is brown and sticky? A STICK 2. A duck walks into a bar and says, "You got any grapes?" Thebartender says, "No, we don't serve food here." So the duck leaves.The next day, the duck comes back, and says, "You got any grapes?"Bartender says, "No! Go away!" Next night, the duck comes back ands…ays, "You got any grapes?" Bartender says, "No, I don't have anygrapes, and if you ask again, I'm going to nail your webbed feet tothe floor!" So the next night, the duck comes back and says, "Yougot any nails?" Bartender says, "No...why?" And the duck says, "Yougot any grapes?" 3. A guy is really depressed from breaking up with his girlfriendand one day he goes to a bar to get all drunk and then suddenly hesees this girl and he starts liking her. So he walks up to her andthey start flirting and everything...They start getting into aserious relationship. One day the guy was going over the hisgirlfriends house and right when he walked in he sees a picture ofa man and asks the girl "Who is this man?" and she's just like ohdon't worry bout it and they still continue to kiss and everything.The second time he walks in his girlfriends house he sees thepicture of that man again and he starts to get bothered and asks"Who is that man?? your old boyfriend? WHO??" and the girl stillsays chillax don't worry about it. They have been in a relationshipfor a while now and they have already decided to do what grown upsdo right after marriage. Right before he asks the girl one lasttime "WHO IS THAT MAN?? I NEED TO KNOW I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADYGOTTEN MARRIED!" and the girl finally says fine I'll tellyou........thats me before my surgery. 4. A guy walks into a bar with this uber-high-tech briefcase. It'sgot thumbprint readers, automatic locks, the whole bit. After heorders a beer, he noticed the bartender kind of staring at hisbriefcase. Finally, the bartender asks him, "What's the deal withthe briefcase?" "That's my sniper rifle," says the man. "I'm a hitman." The bartender gives this some thought, then says, "Can I borrowyour scope? My house is right nearby, and I think my wife's beencheating on me with the neighbor." "Sure," says the sniper, opening his case. Sure enough, thebartender catches the neighbor in his bedroom, wearing nothing buta smile. In a rage, he says, " I knew it!!!" He turns to the hitmanand asks, "How much do you charge?" Calmly, already assembling his weapon, the man replies, "$1,000 perbullet required." "Perfect!" says the bartender, leading the sniper to the attic. "Iwant you to shoot her in the lips, and him right in his manhood." The barman waited patiently while the sniper lined up his shot. Aminute went by, then two, then five. After ten minutes, thebartender could no longer take it. "What's taking you so long overthere?" The sniper held up a hand for silence before answering: "I'm aboutto save you a grand." 5. A blond gets hired by a wealthy man and his wife. She walks up to the door and the man gives her a can of paint and abrush and says, "Paint the entire porch. I want it to look good."The blond nods as he hands her the 50 dollar bill. He walks backinside. "She does know the porch goes all around the house right?"The wife asks. "I think so," replied the man. An hour later he hears a knock atthe door. It is the blond. "I finished," she says. "And I had some left over paint so I did asecond coat." The man was impressed. "And by the way, it's not aPorsche. It's a Ferrari" (MORE)
Question: What do you use when you have to use the toilet whiletaking a test? Answer: A #2 pencil. TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria! TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank? FRANK: Because of the s…ign. TEACHER: What sign? FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on thefloor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables! TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O! TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty? GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE: All right.. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." TEACHER: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, sametime." TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father'scherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why hisfather didn't punish him?" LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers beforeeating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog!; TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talkingwhen people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. Teacher: Well, there is one good thing I can tell you about yourson. Father: Oh? What's that? Teacher: With the grades that he's getting, he can't possibly becheating. Teacher: Do you understand the importance of punctuation? Student: Oh yes, I always get to school on time. Teacher: Can you tell me what a unit of electricity is called? Student: What? Teacher: Correct Teacher: Please name two pronouns. Student: Who? Me? Teacher: Correct. Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stoppedhim, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love. Teacher: What is the difference between a car and a tree? Student: The car leaves the shed whereas the tree sheds the leaf Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot !" Sam: "It's a family tradition". Teacher: "What do you mean?" Sam: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher: "What about your mother?" Sam: She is a woman. Tom: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?" David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year'sperformance repeated". Teacher: You failure! At your age Bill Gates stood first in theclass. Student: Mind you, Sir, but at your age, Hitler committed suicide. A Teacher lecturing on population: "About every 10 seconds a womangives birth to a kid." A Man stands up: "We must find and stop her!." Teacher: "I killed a person," convert this sentence into futuretense. Johnny: The future tense is "You will go to jail". Teacher: Raju, How many times have I told you not to scribble onthe board? Raju: Sorry Miss, I did not count. (MORE)
How is wastewater treated from the bathroom and kitchen is treatedbefore discharged into the sea? Answer: Because it is dischargedinto the sea. It's sardonic humor.good
Hmmmm... Well, here's mine: Guy 1: What's that? *points at something in the distance, a bird* Guy 2: That's what she said. Guy 1: Well, I can't tell it's so small. Guy 2: ... That's what she said... Guy 1: Ok please stop. Guy 2: That's what she said. Guy 1: This is stupid. Guy 2: Th…at's what she said... Guy 1: Is this a joke? Guy 2: That's what she said! Guy 1: You're stupid. Guy 2: I wish she didn't say that... :( (MORE)
Jokes do not have to be funny. But if they are not funny, they are not really jokes! There are bad jokes and there are good jokes. Good jokes are better. Bad jokes can be embarrassing........It would be interesting if someone could tell us what makes something funny, but there not be an answer to th…at. You just have to know it when you see it, I guess! (MORE)
There is a pregnant woman, a fairy princess, and a smart blonde inan elevator. They see a penny on the floor. Who picks it up? Answer: The pregnant woman because fairy princesses and smartblondes don't exist!
Some people think it is funny but not for some some people that like dirty jokes are the one who say swear words and have the dirty stuff with females su dont get intrasted in those jokes
1. it's all about delivering the punch line. 2. if no one gets it then be quiet and wait for it - giving them time to laugh almost always works, while trying to explain the joke after saying it, kills it. 3. if you think the person might not get what you're saying, explain the terms you're gon…na use briefly but without ruining the joke! 4. don't laugh before, during or after you say the joke, it over builds the suspence of the joke, so people expecting an impossibly incredible joke, will only hear a good one. 5. practice it on you're own or with someone who's opinion you don't care much about. if they laugh that's a confidence boost, if they don't then at least you know what you did wrong. (MORE)
What is brown and sticky.................a stick. What is black and white and red/read all over............................a newspaper
1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: Ugh,that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen! The woman walks to therear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next toher: The driver just insulted me! The man says: You go upthere and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey… for you. (MORE)
Funny jokes. Hey, that's a joke, what are funny jokes called? Funny jokes! that's a joke, too!
Two muffins are baking in a tin. One turns to the other and says "Is it hot in here or jut me, the other replies "Ahhh A talking muffin" Neutron and a proton order a drink at a bar. The bartender says to them "For the proton is 5$, for the neutron its no charge." Tiger is looking for pooh so whe…re should he look?.......in the toilet ic jokes. what does a homeless man say at a football game?........Get that quarter back What is an airhead? A woman that was pulled over for speeding. *Updated* Those are truely pathetic jokes. here goes: There was a chicken who walked in to a library. The librarian asked him what he wanted. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book", so the librarian gave it a book and the chicken took it away. About an hour later, the chcken came back. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book" to the librarian again. She gave him another book and the chicken waddled away with it. Another hour later the chicken came back. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book". The librarian wanted to know what the chicken was doing with all these books, so she gave it another book then followed it. The chicken waddled along to a nearby pond. The pond was surrounded with books and a frog sat on a lilypad in the middle. The chicken went over to the frog. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book". The frog only replied with "readit, readit, readit". The librarian then knew why the chicken kept coming back for more books . Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he's a fungi! (MORE)
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow. i cant believe itss not butter!!!! you mommas so fat, she fell in love and broke it
Why was the math book not invited to the party? -He had too many problems. Ba dum tss.
Personally, I don't find Pollack jokes so funny and prefer the American jokes that Pollacks tell much more. Here are some of my favorites.. "Hey Yorvick, how many Americans it take to put in light bulb?' "How many, Pavel?' "One!". Ha, Ha, Ha, hee, hee, hee, ho, ho, ho, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, Ha, …ha, ha, ho, ho, ho!. "Hey Pavel, how many surreal artist it take to put in light bulb?" "How many Yorvick?'. "The fish!" Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, ho, ho, ho.... . Hey Yorviic, how many union members it take to put in light bulb?" "How many Pavel?'. "None, it is not in their job description." Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, ho, ho, ho,..... "Hey Pavel, did you hear about the about de American who shot an arrow in to de sky and made a bullseye?" Ha, Ha, Ha, ho, ho, ho,.... (MORE)
knock knock whos there? orange orange who? knock knock whos there? orange orange who knock knock whos there? banana banana who? orange ya glad i didnt say banana!
What do you call men in a car? Answer: Carmen! Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet? A: He was looking for Pooh! Two dragons walk into a bar; one says, "God, it's hot in here" andthe other replied, "Shut your mouth." Three guys are in a helicopter flying over an ocean. A Japaneseguy, a Spanish… guy, and an American. The pilot says, "We're losingaltitude. Throw something off!" The Japanese guy throws off someelectronics and says, "We have enough of this in our country." TheSpanish guy throws off some marijuana and says, "We have enough ofthis in our country." The American guy pushes off the Japanese guyand says, "We have enough of them in our country." Three guys are in a car - Shut Up, Your Manners, and Burps. Shut Upis driving and Burps rolls down the window and flies out. YourManners gets out and looks for him. Shut Up goes on and drives intotown. He is speeding and gets pulled over. The police officer askssir what's your name? he says "Shut Up." The police officer asks,"Son what is your name?" Again he says, "Shut Up." Finally thepolice officer says, "Boy just tell me your name!" He says shut up.The cop asks, "Sir, where are Your Manners?" Shut Up replies,"About a half mile back looking for Burps." --- What can you catch but not throw? A cold. How does a farmer count is cows? A moooooulator Teacher: If you had 25 marbles in your back pocket, 17 in yourleft, and 23 in your right, what would you have? Student: I would have heavy pants. Student: I feel sorry for you. Supernintendent: And why is that? Student: It sounds like your bored of education. Why did the Muffin Man rob a garden? He needed flower. What is black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite and black and white and black and white and black and whiteand black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite and black and white and black and white and black and whiteand black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite and black and white and black and white and black and whiteand black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite and black and white and black and white and black and whiteand black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite and black and white and black and white and black and whiteand black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite and black and white and black and white and black and whiteand black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite and black and white and black and white and black and whiteand black and white and black and white and black and white andblack and white and black and white and black and white and blackand white and black and white and black and white and black andwhite? 101 Dalmatians. Doctor: Are you pregnant? Patient: No, I just swallowed a watermelon seed. How did Rick beat his brother up? Rick got up at six and hisbrother go up at eleven! Why did the therapist give Neosporin to her patient? There was anappointment! John: You know, my cousin is a planter. Kelly: He must have a lot of warts! What do you get when you cross a rooster and a poodle?Cock-a-POODLE-doo. What's the difference between roast beef and pee soup? Anyone canroast beef, but nobody can pee soup! What do you get when you come across a toilet and a gift box? agift box with my poo in it! What do you do when your Mom swallows a seed? Get ready for a bigbaby! What do you do when it gets cold in Florida? Get ready for DisneyOn Ice! What do you get when you come across a big boat and a paddle? aPaddle Ship. Why did the roast call the cops? There was beef on the loose! Customer: Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my fruit salad! Waiter: Don't worry, it's just a fruit fly. What is pink and holds money? A pinky bank! What do you get when you come across a steering wheel and a can ofbeer? A drunk driver! What do you get when you come across college and a scholarship?Princeton University! Knock Knock! Who's there? Cat. Cat who? Caddy, Wanna play? Knock Knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange Who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange Who? Knock Knock! Who's there? grape! grape Who? Aren't you grapefull I didn't say Orange? What do you get when you come across The Wheels On The Bus and AThunderstorm? The power on the electric goes On and off, On and Off, On and Off!The power on the electric goes On and Off, All Through The House! How did the gymnast spring her hands? She did a handspring! Knock Knock! Who's there? Bag! Bag Who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Old! Old Who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Hag! Hag Who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Bag Of! Bag Of Who? Knock Knock! Who's there? Twenty! Twenty Who? YOU'RE A FAT BAG OF TWENTY OLD HAGS! What do you get when you come across Gray hair, and a bag? A Bag OfAn Old Hag! Knock Knock! Who's there? Answer! Answer Who? IF YOU'VE GOT ANTS IN YOUR PANTS ABOUT SOMETHING ASKED HER, HEAD ONDOWN TO WIKI ANSWERS! Question: What is a pirate's favorite letter? Reply from whomever (most likely they'll say this): Arr (meaning r) YOUR REPLY: Ah, you think it's the r but it's really the c(referring to the sea)! a person walked into an office kitchen one morning and found a newblonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat andnice denim jacket. thinking this was a littlie strange, he askedher why she was wearing them instead of old clothes or overalls.She showed him the instructions on the tin, "for best results. puton two coats" a blonde asked someone what time it was, and they said it was 4:45.the blonde witha puzzled look on her face replied, "you know itswierd, ive been asking tht question all day and i always get adifferent answer" how do you confuse a blonde girl? put her in a round room and tellher to go sit in the corner. blonde- " what does IDK mean "? brunnette- " i don't know " blonde- "OMG no one knows!!" there was a blonde, brunnette, and a redhead in a third grade classroom. which ones the cutest?............................. the blondebecause shes 18. (MORE)
ok where. & hey are you really a question or just wearing a question earring. B. The IRS suspected farmer Jones of cheating on his income tax so. they dropped by his house unannounced to check on him. When they knocked on. the door his wife said, "He's not here! He's gone for Cotton!". This h…appened several times and the same thing happened. His wife said,. "He's gone for Cotton!". But on the next visit she said, "He died" which made them even more suspicious. so they asked what cemetery he was buried in so they could "Pay their respects".. When they finally found his tombstone, to their surprise it read,. GONE, BUT NOT FOR COTTON! (MORE)
Sasuke Uchiha sat on a wall. Sasuke uchiha had a great fall. All of the ninja, the ladies and men, said; "Let's build it higher! And push him again!"
Whenever they say a word say your mum quickly. do this a lot and you will enjoy it. Also whenever they say a word you can say "who" then "what" then "when" then "where" and keep repeating order. Trust me this is entertaining.
It all depends on who you are and what you think. I personally don't think they are funny, but some find them humorous.
Hey girl you gotta be a fallen angel cause you came down hardedthan i am
Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road? Because roads weren't invented yet. Husband: Your A b c d e f g h i j k Wife: What does that mean? Husband: A, you are Awesome. B, you are Beautiful. C, you are Cute. D, you are Delightful. E, you are Excellent. F, you are Fabulous. G, you are great.… H, you are Hot. Wife: How about I J K Husband: I'm Just Kidding (MORE)
you can know if your jokes are funny maybe by taking a serve or telling them to people and telling them after the joke that u invented the joke and tell them to give u a rating from 1 to 5 :) hope it helped :) -Afro Adri :)
dont know.... last person who heard it ... died of laughter :):):):):):):) what do you call a sleep walking nun???? A: a Roamin catholic :):):)
Q: what is the name of a yellow bear that is always going to thebathroom? A: winnie the poo
hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt? Now hes a bronzefish. What did the ocean say to the sand? Nothing he just waved. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny. How did the two fleas get home? They took a dog. Why did a person run towards there bed? He waned to catch up on his …sleep. (MORE)
Jokes in general are intended to be funny to all involved inknowing it. However a "practical joke" is not funny as the subject/recipient ofthe practical joke can be either hurt, embarrassed, or suffer somekind of loss while those perpetrating or observing the jokeconsider it to be a laughing matter.… (MORE)
First off, you not only want to be funny.....you need to be clever and witty. So, no dirty jokes or riddles. Here's a couple of quips that will make him think, and then (if he gets it) make him chuckle. Now timing and delivery is key here, so you will need to save these for when the moment is rig…ht. Example: Let's say you're doing the dishes together after dinner, ask him , "Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish detergent made with real lemons"? And try this one when you're with your boyfriend and perhaps you and he are discussing finances or money....."How come the person who invests all your money is called a "broker"? See, nothing dirty , or something you hope will have him in tears. Just a touch of witty , and you'll have him wanting more......of you. I got a million of 'em. (MORE)
Once there was a guy who was sitting on the beach and he decided he wanted to dig in the sand. He found a lamp and it was kind of dirty, so as he was dusting and rubbing the sand off, a genie popped out of the lamp. He said, "Hello! I will grant you 3 wishes!" and so first, the guy asked "I would li…ke a red mustang convertible" So POOF! There was a red mustang convertible. Then he asked "I want a really pretty, good wife." So POOF! There was a really pretty, good wife. Then he said, "I think I'll save that last wish for later." So the genie left. As the guy was driving home with his new wife, the genie reappeared and asked, "Do you know what you want for your 3rd wish yet?" and he said, "No, I still have to think." and then the genie left again. The man then turned on the radio and started singing with it. "Oh I wish I were an auskermier weiner..." and POOF! He was an auskermier weiner. That was written by my best friends uncle. (MORE)
I'd make a chemistry joke here, but all the good ones argon... Q: Why do are helium, curium and barium called the medical elements? A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium! Two chemists visit a restaurant. The first chemist says, "I'll have H 2 O." The second chemist says, "I'll… have an H 2 O too."... and he died (of hydrogen peroxide poisoning). One liners: Copper went and insulted Argon. Argon had no reaction. Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting. (MORE)
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde… shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!" (MORE)
Did you here about the dog that had babies on the sidewalk? Well she was taken to jail for littering.
1)One day, there was a hail storm so a man ran into a hotel asking for a room. So the assistant says that there is only one room and it's haunted. So the man says I'll take the room. When he got to his room he heard "I got you, now I'll eat you." Then the man ran out of the room and died from a hear…t attack. One day later, there was another hail storm and a man ran into the hotel asking for a room. The assistant said that there's only one room, it's haunted, and somebody has already died in there. Then the man says that he'll take the room. When he got to the room he heard "I got you, now I'll eat you." So the man jumps out the window and dies. The next day it was the worst hail storm ever and a women runs into the hotel. She asks for a room. The assistant says that there's only one room, it's haunted, and two men have already died in there. She says "Well, I'm no man!" So she went up to the room and heard "I got you, now I'll eat you." She went to her closet door, opened the door and saw a little boy picking his nose and eating it while saying, "I got you, now I'll eat you. 2) This man went up to this brunette and asks "How do you get your hair like that." She says that it's natural. Then he went up to redhead and asks "How do you get your hair like that." She says it's natural. Then he went up to a green headed girl and asks "How do you get your hair like that?" She says that it's natural while wiping her nose snot into her hair. :p (MORE)
Q: What do cheerleaders drink before they go to a basketball game? A: your mom. .
well here are a few.... why did the chicken cross the road... to prove to the possums it could be done. why did the blond nurse take a red marker to work... so she could draw blood.
Joke books are never funny because they trick you into thinking that the book is funny when it actually isn't. Just so you can buy it and they can get mega bucks for doing nothing.
then you laugh ur head off and then you cough and turn around and try and cool off but just dont go OUT OF ORDER LIKE HAHHHHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA just try and keep ur cool
well..the jokes could very, but if there's different reasons why jokes could be considered funny because well, SARCASM would be one reason and well i would agree, there are some pretty retarted jokes around, but eh... if they truly make you laugh, they would be considered funny. While MOST MOST MO…ST jokes are "funny" eh some are, i guess, actually funny. because well... i guess they just are so ya. (MORE)
funny jokes are all about the laughter taking the mickey out of an animal or an human or even just a simple object jokes can be a great thing as long as their funny jokes have been going around for years and years and only the oldest and sometimes newest ones can be the funniest.
A joke about the Aztecs that is short and sweet goes like this:"The Aztecs predicted the 2012 Apocalypse? That's funny, becausethey sure didn't see the Spanish coming."
1) Two atoms were walking down the street. Atom 1 bumps into atom 2. Atom 2: Oh no! I think I've lost an electron! Atom 1: Are you sure? Atom 2: I'M POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! 2) What goes across the periodic table? -The periodic tablecloth :) 3) Did you hear about the chemists un potty-trained puppy? …He Krypton the floor. 4) I hate when you have to make up stupid science jokes because all the good ones Argon. :D Hope you like these!!!!! (MORE)
well here i go..... Why was 6 afraid of 7 answer:cause 7 8 9 (7 ate 9)
a cow has no fornt legs and is therefore lean beef; a cow who has just given birth is decalfinated; milking stools only have three legs because the cow has the udder one
A friend asked me what the name was of that Irishman who slept all summer in the back yard. I said, "Oh, I know him well. His name is Paddy O'Furniture."
Here are some Funny school jokes Staring: Brad and Jill Teacher: Jill, I've had to send you to the principal's office every day this week! What do you have to say for yourself? Jill: TGIF Principal: Brad, did you really call your teacher a meanie? Brad: Yes. Principal: And is it true… you called her a wicked old witch? Brad: Yes, it's true. Principal: And did you also call her a tomato-nosed beanbag? Brad: No, but I'll remember that for next time! Teacher: Jill, If I put a dozen marbles in my right pocket, 15 marbles in my left pocket, and 30 marbles in my back pocket, what would I have? Jill: Heavy pants! Brad's mother and Brad's teacher happen to be good friends, so his mom invited her over for dinner one night. Teacher: Brad, be a dear and pass the potato salad. Brad: No ma'am, I think I'll flunk it. Jill: Isn't our principal stupid? Girl: Hey, do you know who I am? Jill: No, why should I? Girl: I'm the principal's daughter! Jill: Do you know who I am? Girl: No. Jill: Thank goodness! Teacher: Brad, will you please finish you're homework! You know, if you try to enjoy it, you could have some fun! Brad: I don't know how math could be sum fun! Teacher:Class, someone has stolen my purse out of my desk. It had $100 in it. I know you're all basically good kids, so I'm willing to offer a reward of $10 to whoever returns it. Jill: I'M OFFERING $20! Teacher: Quiet down class for goodness sake! I can't even here myself think! Brad: *yawn* you're not missing much. Teacher: Jill, if you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many would you have? Jill: one dollar. Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic! Jill: No, you don't know my father! Father: So Brad, how was your first day of school? Brad: It was fine. Father: What did you learn? Brad: Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow. Teacher: Jill, I found out you cheated on your test, so I'm going to change you A+ to an F. Do you have anything to say? Jill: That's pretty degrading. When Brad was younger, he hated school from the start. So one day, he tried to get out of going by faking a phone call to the principal. Brad (On the phone): I'm sorry, but my son Brad will not be able to attend school today. Principal: Why not? Brad: He's sick. Principal: Oh, well that's too bad. And whom am I talking? Brad: This is my mother speaking. Substitute teacher: Are you chewing gum, young lady? Jill: I'm not Chewing Gum! I'm Jillian Leaverman! Brad: Would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Why, of course not! Brad: Good. Because I didn't do my homework. When Jill was younger, she put on her shoes for the first time. Her mother noticed that her left shoe was on her right foot. Mother: Honey, I think your shoes are on the wrong feet Jill: No mom, I know these are my feet. A bully is picking on Brad's little sister, so he runs up and shoves the bully and says, "Hey quit picking on my sister you jerk! That's my job!" Jill (When she was younger): Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: No. What makes you ask a question like that? Jill: You had one in your salad, but it's gone now. More could be coming... If I can get ahold of some more. (MORE)
Knock Knock jokes are some of the most common funny jokes. For instance, knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting cow who? Only during this part, the other person interrupts the person asking interrupting cow who?
What you call a black people going down a slide?a) a oilspill . If you put black people on a stiick ?a) a cooncabob . How do chinese people name their kids?a) by thoughing dishes at the wall and what every sound it make, that's its name
Here's one: how do you find a trombone player's kid at theplayground? He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can'tswing.
Student: Teacher! Teacher: Yes? Student: Would you punish me for something that I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not. Student: I didn't do my homework.