What does it mean if your partner says 'It's not working'?

Answer 1

One thing it does show you is this person who said it to you has #1 limited speech, #2 is non-communicative (a fault) and #3 immature. It's a good thing you find out now than later. "It's not working" just means this person feels the relationship is not working out and they aren't happy. It probably isn't anything you did wrong at all, but being attracted to someone is all about chemistry. Some people can fall madly in love with a person, and a few months down the road fall out of love with them. These people are "in love with love" and know very little about what love really is. It's egotistical and their life and especially their feelings are all about themselves.

Consider yourself lucky, hold your head high, and say, "You know, something has been bothering me about our relationship and I wasn't quite sure what it was. Thanks for clearing it up." Keep walking, because there is someone special out there for you.

Good luckMarcy

AnswerThanks Marcy,

I dated this girl for 5 months. It was a blind date. I thought that things were going wonderfully. She introduced me to her parents after a month of dating and said that they loved me. Went on holiday in July and she asked me questions about my past and ex etc. I asked her and she told me she has dated a few guys since her long term relationship. Her long term ex went and got married to someone else. I asked how did they split up and she said that they didn't really split up "confused" what does that mean? Her ex is married and lives in Another Country... I said are you over him and she said yes. She also said that she gives her boyfriends a six month trial period??? In mid July she said that she wanted a relationship not just based on sex. So I said I can respect that. We didn't sleep with each other for over a month and we just went out. Then at a family firend of her dad's wedding reception we stayed at a hotel room togather and got intimate and thought things were fine. A few days down the line before she was due to go on holiday with her parents I called her and she said this isn't working, that Iam not confident enough and too predictable. It was left at that when I called her in the evening and asked if we were going to meet up. She said yes and then said yeah this isn't working and I reacted and said you are right and that you are cut up over your ex and cannot have a meaningful relationship. So she said is that good bye and I said yes.. Confused. I called her after 1 month and she talked to me saying that what she said was constructive criticisum so that I should be better aware for my future relationships and said that I had relly hurt her and she cannot forgive me or can ever be friends.. I guess that's the end of it. But this has left me confused as I did say to her why she didn't tell me this earlier on as you know if you like someone or not in a couple of months of going out with them?

AnswerHi there

My pleasure! I know you're hurting, but now that you have explained more, guess what ... it is she that has the problem and not you! She is the one that's immature, confused and selfish. She is playing one man against the other and here's something else ... she has zero confidence about herself because she could fight for her ex, not involved you without any respect for your feelings. I'm very proud of you for standing your ground and I hope I don't offend you by saying ... you're one great guy, there is nothing wrong with you and there is a special girl out there for you and she'll be lucky to go through life with someone like you.

Kick this girl to the curb and let her drift through life. The old saying, "the head of the snake always bites you in the butt" is going to be so true for her. She is playing with fire. The other guy is married, she is playing head games with you. Of course she has left you confused because she has managed to have you believe it's all your fault, when in reality it's hers!

I was married at 22 to a guy my family and friends didn't like and warned me about. Of course I thought I could change him, but deep down I knew I couldn't. He loved women and obviously I wasn't enough for him, so one day (just like you) I'd had enough and after being silly enough to marry him, I left. I was scared, heart-broken and felt guilty as if it were my fault. It took me six months after I started living on my own to realize it wasn't my fault at all and I had no control over his actions, but I sure had control over my own destiny. Thank God, I got out of that mess, because a year later I met my wonderful husband and we have been married for 33 years. If I hadn't gone through that heartache I wouldn't have gone down the path I did and met my husband. I know this will happen to you as well.

So proud of you and I really wish you the very best of luck finding that special girl soon. I know she's out there.

Stay strong & good luckMarcy

AnswerThank you again Marcy,

I didn't think of it like what you have described her mentality as. That really she is the one with the issues and zero confidence and I now realise that she is playing head games and playing one man against the other. It's a shame that there are people like her out there. They should be banned from dating or maybe they should introduce a dating passport with history of past relationships on record so that it weeds out people like that.

The thing I could not understand is that her ex got married 3 years ago and lives in another country Kenya about 3000 miles away from the UK. But she still keeps in touch with him over the phone. She did tell me that he doesn't like her to go out with other men but he can't do much about it. So now I get it!!! she tries to make him Jealous by having relationships and hopes that one day he gets back with her... She is 31 years old and not a kid or anything special to look at.

You didn't offend me by saying I am a great guy. Thank you. But I kind of wonder if being a great guy is a liability in life as you then are an easy target for girls like her and it seems all the bastards always get what they want. But hey that's life..

You are so right. Kick her to the kerb and let her drift through life. Move on.

Thanks again for all your advice and you are a great source of help. Whish I knew about your website when I was dating her. I would have moved on much quicker : )