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What factors lead someone to believe that another person has Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

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I am married to a man whom I was separated from for 4 years. I betrayed me with my friends and a school teacher. I lost custody of my children to him. I was happy being alone. My husband persude me the entire 4 years we were apart. While we were apart the neighbors he betrayed me with, finally realized It wasn't me It was him. They have since apoligized for everything, they told me he was a pathological liar. I mistreated the children. I am a Christian I continue to pray to God. I was God who led me to this website. I husband has every single trait of narcissism. Me and my mother-in-law have become great friends she realized all the lies he said about me were false. I told her I thought he was narcissist, I sent her the information and she agreed. I also asked her what happened in his life to make him this way. Because he treats his mom really bad. She told me that when he was born she was out in the streets partying and she never spent anytime with him. Although my husband and I are back to together I have forgiven him. I will continue to pray for him, I was stay out of his way. One day he is nice to me, the next day he is mean to me. He is self righteous. If I need to call him I can never reach him on his cell phone. Everyone thinks he is a saint. But I know him, I leave papers around the house pertaining to narcissism to let him know that I know him PS just pray for my children they have been through so much
I think I finally figured out that narcissist can't be pleased. They need to keep you in a one-down position so that they feel one-up and better about themselves all the time. I think it is called dichotomy or catch-22. They criticize you for doing something, then criticize you for not doing it. You realize you are in constantly put into no-win situation. They are subtle pouters and ignorers and won't say what is wrong. Occasionally, they let you know. Mine was upset when I made more money than he did, but then upset when I made less money. Upset when I cleaned house, but upset when I didn't. He is upset when I do well, and upset when I do terrible. This is how to cope. Live for yourself, and don't bother trying to please them. Do something because you want to do it. Don't expect gratitude, compliments. Secretly thank yourself and think of how your effort will pay off for you someday, even if they constantly criticize you. Their criticisms are subtle. Such as you scrub the entire floor, and they come along with a spondge and clean a spot and huff and puff, or sigh heavily. As if to say, "you missed a spot." Yet the floor was filthy the day before and you didn't see them out with the spondge or mop then. They are really good at letting you do all the work, then coming along and doing one last final touch and believe they have teamwork and did their part. If you don't stop them, they eventually start stealing credit for your work. They don't have autonomy. They delegate everything to you, then micromanage, over-shoulder comment. I felt like an object or tool and one of those clap-on-clap-off lamps. Finally, I said, "you want something done your perfectionist way, then do it yourself."
I dated a narcissist for 4 years. Our relationship began with him showering me with compliments, attention, small gifts and expensive dinners. He called me constantly and would not take no for an answer. His eagerness was very flattering and I am sad to say that I fell completely in love with him. Shortly after I was smitten he began belittling me, my family and my friends. I am a designer by education with a great eye for color and style and he was compelled to criticize the way I dressed, the manner in which I decorated my home and the car I drove. Two years into the relationship he broke up with me to date other women in order to satisfy his constant need for attention. It took me 5 long months to pull myself together and moved on with my life. I began dating a wonderful man and when my ex found out he pursued me without fail. Once again his persistence got to me and I eventually caved in, went back with him and broke the other man's heart. It was not long before his old patterns resurfaced. I threatened to break it off and he suggested counseling. The therapist recognized his behavior immediately. The doctor called me and gave me suggested reading about Narcisstic Personality Disorder. He hit the nail on the head. I am thankful to say that I was able to get away from him but it took me 18 months.
Too many compliments...unnatural persistence...superiority complex...followed up with large doses of criticism. RUN!!!! They like the thrill of the chase but once they've caught you they will eat you alive.
I can relate to the post about floor mopping. The N I was with was similar...his house would always be in total disaray; I would clean it only to have him critisise me for something missed or not done to his liking. I once drove 2 hours to his home to iron for him for his overseas trip. He requested I do it. After spending all day ironing his clothes (and I hate ironing) he 'politely' told me that I had missed this or that or "You didnt do a very good job of that one darling". He then proceeded to scrunch these clothes into his dirty backpack. He liked cooking and while eating a meal he had cooked I would often hear "Mmm...very nice dont you think?". If I cooked it would be, "Not bad darling but I think you could have used...blah blah blah". He often asked me to drive if he was drunk but critised how I braked or how I approached roundabouts. He ordered me to weave in here, duck there, toot him or flash lights at her. He nearly killed us many times with him as either driver or passenger. Being with an N justifies the old adage 'Be damned if I do and damned if I dont'.
Comment Narcissistic Personality Disorder can only be adequately diagnosed by a psychologist who is actively treating the person in question. There are many, many people in the world who are just jerks; they are not clinically diagnosable with NPD, and should not be thought of as such.
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