What would you like to do?
Just like you would divorce anyone else you didn't like. It's best to see a lawyer and be sure you are protected. Your lawyer can handle things for you. I know it can get expensive, but it's the best way to go. Good luck Marcy Divorce them from as far away as possible. Good Luck. Pat W. Answer Quickly---and safely! Have an alternative place to live, or maybe a couple of them, lined up before you file. Change your hair colour and length/style, wear different clothes, buy a new car. Consider even changing your name, if it is really that dangerous. Might have to let your boss know, or even change jobs, if you think stalking or violence will be a problem. Get a restraining order first and notify the police of all and any concerns you have. Contact a local shelter and friends you trust to make sure you have many safe places to go to in case you need to hide or move quickly. Never ever go back to the situation you were in or be with the person again...they do NOT change. Get counseling and support for yourself and kids if you have them. You don't want to end up in another relationship with another psycho, and you will need to examine your life and choices deeply to discover how you can do better for yourself.
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Fortunately, he does not have to agree nor consent to the divorce. You can file for divorce on your own. However, planning for the eventuality that he will not be happy would …be wise. You should make certain you hire a good lawyer who specializes in family law in your area. You should brief him on your husband's behavior but stick to the helpful facts, don't dwell on it and don't whine about it. Just get your divorce and the best separation agreement possible. Following are some suggestions about how to deal with a narcissist. Perhaps they will help you in your future dealings with him. First, you should read up on the disorder. There are dozens of good websites sponsored by well known hospitals and other respected institutions that sponsor web pages devoted to narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic behavior is predictable. If you have a good understanding of narcissism you will have the tools to deal with it more constructively. Here are a few pointers: Keep your distance- don't get too close and do not let them into your personal life. Do not share any personal information to the extent possible.Be practical about the disorder- you won't change them so step back whenever their narcissistic behavior rises to the surface.Avoid conflict generally, butDefine some limits- in some cases by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it- for example: if you must have continued exposure to the narcissist do not allow him/her to "tell you off", raise their voice at you, or treat you with disrespect.Do not try to argue or reason with them- your winning or convincing is counter to their world view- they will not allow it.Gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible.Maintain your own social contacts so that you can minimize the time you have to spend with the narcissist. See related links.
Tell him safely over the phone that you want nothing to do with him. Dont offer anything else, dont explain why, just end the call. Then completely ignore him. Dont go any…where he does. Dont give him one inch. You owe him nothing. First of all it would be useful to know exactly what a Sciopath is. Sounds more like you might have someone who is obssessed with you? That doesn't mean they're a sociopath. True sociopaths have a list of certain traits. These traits are often found in people you would never think of as being 'sociopathic'. IE High achievers/leaders etc. It's when a person exihibits more than just a few of these traits, that you are dealing with a true sociopath on the highest scale. Traits include self centredness, risk taking, no empathy for others, blaming others for their own behaviour & sadistic tendencies. These are just a few. Most people often show signs of these traits at certain times.
Is there a delicate way to explain to young children that mommy's sociopathic behaviors and criminal activities are the reason for their parents' divorce?
No! And don't tell them if they are young. They do not need to know at this age. You should never talk bad about their mother even if it is true. They need to know one thing a…t this age, that both of their parents love them. Appropriate age would be 14+ if they ask. A bit more: All you need to tell very young children is that you and mommy won't be living together anymore, but that you both still love them very much. Then as they get older, they will naturally have questions. When that time comes, and it may be before they are teens, it is ok for you to tell them that you and their mother didn't agree on the same lifestyle. It won't be a lie, yet it won't be telling them things they may not be able to handle just yet. In the meantime, if your ex has visitation with the kids, they may ask her why you and she divorced. So you need to decide what you think is the best answer for her to give them, and then talk to her about it. Let her know the only thing that matters in all of this is what is best for the kids. Assure her you have no intention of telling the kids all of the sordid details of what she did, but that you expect her to tell them an age appropriate truth if and when they do ask her. Even something like "I made some mistakes and I've paid dearly for them by not getting to be with you" should be enough to satisfy a young child's question about it. But when they are old enough for the truth, they have a right to know why their mom is not the mom to them they deserve. It's hard for kids to grow up without a mother, and even harder when they don't understand why. So they do need to be told something, but worded in a way that won't tarnish their love for their mother, or make them doubt her love for them. It's completely understandable if you feel a lot of anger and resentment towards your ex for her illegal activities, but don't let the kids know how you feel right now. As they get older, they will possibly have anger and restentment towards her, too. But it will help them the most if you can just be there for them then, and help them to understand everyone makes mistakes. And if she has changed for the better, you can even help them to have a relationship with her, for their sakes. But if she has not changed, and is still involved in that type of activity, then the kids need to be protected from her lifestyle and the influence it can have on them. I think when the time comes, you will know what to tell them, and hopefully, she will too. But while they are still really young all they need to know is that both of their parents love them very much.
If someone you love is increasingly depressed over a sociopath boyfriend but won't break it off what is the best way to help?
Answer The only thing you can do is be there for her. If you put too much pressure on her to leave she will just shut you out. Bite your tongue and just le…t her know you are there for her. I know how hard it is to do nothing, but the more you push the more she will feel she has no choice but to stay with him. Watch for danger signs or signs of abuse. If you see them try to talk to her in a non-judgemental way and let her know she is not alone and she has options. You can check out websites on domestic abuse for more information and help dealing with the situation. They can also help you find local help in your area.
How To Ask For A Divorce Well if by the person asking you mean the wife/husband you want the divorse with, one of the best ways is not "I WANT A DIVORCE!!!"…. No. First, approach calmly and tell the person a few reasons why the marriage isn't working. Explain why you would (this is important) WANT a divorce. Don't ask for it just yet. Then see if the person agrees they want one or not. If yes, they want one, then go right ahead and ask for it, you'll be fine. If they want to keep the marriage just tell them how things aren't working for you and ask for it then. Explain how things might be better if you leave your wife/husband. Answer There is no easy way, but then, there really shouldn't be. Your spouse probably already knows that there is something wrong. If you can learn to communicate you should be able to figure it out. On the other hand, if you can learn to communicate you probably wouldn't need the divorce.
Answer The newest breakthroughs yield enormous insight into this perplexing and devastating condition that plagues four percent of the population and… causes those persons to plague everyone else! Almost everyone in the world -- except psychopaths (sociopaths) and a few others, such as those with ADD -- has a neatly organized way of storing information in the brain. Your left hemisphere handles such things as speech, logic, and sequential thinking. It helps you keep things in order. Meanwhile, your right hemisphere handles such things as appreciation of (or creation of) art, symbols that evoke emotion, and the way one puts together in the present time all the pieces of the world around him or her as far as it is known. But NOT if you're a sociopath. Studies (see the masterful work "Without Conscience" by Robert D. Hare, PhD.) have now conclusively demonstrated that the way such information is stored in the brain of a sociopath is not at all like the way it is for others. Insead of things being organized into those specific regions in one or other of the brain's two hemispheres depending upon the type of information it is, the sociopath has a brain that operates a little bit like a computer hard drive: it breaks all data down into tiny fragments and stores it all over the place and in both hemispheres. Thus, to retrieve any given segment is formidable and leads to omissions and errors far more often than most people experience: (Patient in an inpatient unit, to an NP who is organizing an outing.) "No, I'm not going out with you guys this time, and I'm going to buy some magazines when I'm there." HUH???? This kind of thing, as Hare demonstrates, happens all the time. Clinicians give numerous (including some erroneus) reasons for not wanting to treat sociopaths, and one of the more surprising ones is that it's very difficult at times to make sense of what the patient is saying. Unlike the jumbled mess of a schizophrenic's speech, the sociopath's speech makes sense within the fragments, but when these parts of speech are strung together, they are often jarringly incompatible. Did the sociopath in the inpatient hospital intend to go out and buy some magazines? Or did she decide to stay in? She seemed to think she could do both at the same time. If the NP who had asked her was astute enough, she might've said, "Miss Smith, if you don't want to go out, why don't you write down what you want us to pick up and give us the money to buy it?" Although that's a realistic way to do both things at the same time, one might wonder why the patient didn't just say so in the first place! When you speak, your brain is going through a staggering feat of juggling and data-organization at a speed that makes broadband look like a snail trail. If your cerebral cortex is storing your vocabulary and the related ideas behind it, as well as all of the other numerous types of information it must handle, in the right places, this isn't so hard; if your brain has to fumble all over the place for tiny fragments of data and try to assemble it fast enough to keep up with your conversation, it is not going to be easy -- and trained professionals will know that something, at least, is awry. So, now scientists know that the seemingly meaningless and frequent lies that the sociopath tells may not all be actual lies. Some are lies, particularly in sociopaths who have broken the law and are trying to charm or bully their way out of trouble. But some -- especially impulsive-sounding bragging or announcements of lofty intent ("I'm gonna get out of this bugbox and write a best-selling novel, climb Mount Everest, and go work for NASA!") -- are not intended to deceive others so much as to tell them "I want to do something with my life!" But, sadly, lacking the means and wherewithal to do this, the sociopath will undoubtedly end up in trouble all over again. Think about it: you know something isn't right, but you can't tell other people, because you have not the slightest idea how to phrase what's wrong. Plus, for some odd reason, everyone keeps getting rubbed the wrong way by you. You try to get ahead in life, but everybody keeps telling you about these strange rules you're supposed to obey, that they all seem to know by heart, but you don't. So you study them and try to memorize them and use them by rote, but keep messing up because you have no mechanism to tell you (from within) that you're stumbling over the line again, and inevitably, you do. Then everyone gets mad at you and among other things tells you that you know perfectly well what the rules are, so why don't you obey them? You start to secretly suspect they're adding new ones or changing the old rules around just to get you to screw up, but actually that isn't true -- however, you have no real way of knowing that, either. As if all this isn't enough, you feel at the very least uncomfortable, and at the worst like a human bomb, most of the time you're awake, which at times can be several days in a row. You notice that the very things that make other people happy have a very opposite effect on you: your head fills with jarring "static," like a radio playing with the tuner caught between two or more stations. Reacting instinctually to this, you try to push people away because their closeness causes the static to get worse, but then you discover a new problem: you seem to need them anyway. You seem to need something from other people, but you don't know why. That hug each other and smile, not a phony smile but a real one, and their eyes light up. They get close and they talk to each other without having to closely study the other's eyes to try to figure out what to do in response. This seems to be a delicious pleasure to them, much better than anything you've ever experienced. But if you try it, and if you are actually lucky enough to persuade one of them to attempt such a relationship and interaction with you, it immediately starts to turn sour on you. Their touch does not warm you; you feel colder and deader than ever. You don't know how to give back, so you end up grasping for words you've heard used by other people and trying to fake your way through it so they won't figure out how you are; you've experienced enough to know by this time that when others figure out your difference, they hate you for it; in fact, you've been told you're "not a real person" and that you "have no soul" (you're not too sure what a soul is, anyway) and that people like you "ought to be lined up and shot"! After trying several times in this new relationship to get the pleasure other people are always basking in, and failing, you start to get angry at all of this -- and the anger builds into a terrible, towering rage that begins to make you feel like a human bomb. "I will actually, physically explode if I don't..." you're thinking, and yet under the rage there is a weird, disconsolate feeling that even your burgeoning hatred is as hollow and empty and starved as you are. You consider taking your life, and certainly you think about taking lives of some of these lucky, smugly superior others. You settle for embezzling money, or something of the sort; you're clever and manipulative and you don't get caught. Triumph! Or not. The things you buy please you for five minutes; a day, tops. Then...flat, meaningless, like everything else in your life. Of course, you don't HAVE a life -- and you never will. That's starting to become increasingly clear. But WHY???? You see "The Others," as you're starting to think of them, studying diligently to help and even to cure other kinds of weird things wrong with people's minds, most of which seem to have to do with the brain. But no one seems to know what's going on in you. It occurs to you that to get some kind of attention from them, you might pretend you have one of those other problems they study, and then once they're paying attention to you, maybe somehow it'll lead somewhere. What have you got to lose? You're about to find out you can still lose more. You go into a clinical situation presenting with carefully-memorized symptoms of the mental illness you have decided would get you the attention you want. But faking whatever it is turns out very quickly to be a lot more complex than you'd thought. In fact, it turns out to be impossible. And, branded a malingerer, you are rejected yet again, told that all that's really wrong with you is that you don't want to try to better yourself. That, and you're "evil," and it's not paranoia on your part to realize that EVERYONE HATES YOU. Once they figure you out. Yes: to know you is to hate you. And you will go to your grave (as gloats Martha Stout of "The Sociopath Next Door" book fame) never knowing the wonders of real human interaction, meaning, and warmth. It might just make you decide to go off the rails and kill everyone you can before turning the weapon on yourself. Except for one thing: the mere fact that some scientists know that much about the brain of a sociopath means that solving the problem is no longer an impossible and obscure wish -- it's moving within the realm of concrete possibility. As soon as large numbers of sociopaths begin to be treated in a way that actually helps them, that corrects as much as possible the chaos of misdirected signals in their confused and disorganized brains, and then a form of therapy that in addition to that, by necessity, teaches them to cope with the resulting maelstrom of emotion and impression that was formerly impossible, so that they can put it in order and start to develop the heretofore dormant and silent segments of their brains and better use those formerly mixed-up areas where no recognizable order ruled, THEN THE OTHERS MAY BEGIN TO NOTICE WHAT IS GOING ON...and they will know at least this much: instead of "the kiss of death," a diagnosis of ASPD (the DSM-IV way of saying sociopathy or psychopathy) will lead someplace; that there will be things done that actually make a difference. Crippled as they are neurologically, sociopaths are yet shrewd, and they're always looking out for themselves in a way similar to that of a loner predator. Seeing others like them actually benefitting from treatment will have to start persuading them that there's something to gain in going for help after all. Not being rejected or met with "We can't help you; you're evil incarnate," or the equivalent thinly disguised in euphemistic psychology jargon; NOT being met with a situation where they'd have to substitute symptoms of an "acceptable" illness in place of those they bear in secret -- that would almost certainly, if gradually, have an effect: if a sociopath can clearly see a benefit coming from admitting his or her real situation, there's nothing to stop him or her from doing just that. It's already started to happen, if in a tiny, barely perceptible trickle. Right now, all science has at the ready for them is to use various types of preexisting medication given in attempts to counteract the chaotic way the brain of a sociopath functions. That and types of talk therapy carefully altered to avoid the pitfalls that have in the past caused regular therapies to make sociopaths worse instead of better. But the more that scientists such as Robert Hare and his colleagues delve into and experiment with the new types of brain scans and learning what makes sociopaths tick like human bombs, the more likely that it becomes with each passing year that a means will soon be isolated to defuse those bombs. The primary source of a sociopath's infamous rage is frustration, of a sort so alien and so extreme that almost no one else can understand what it means. Once they start getting taken seriously, that frustration, and the wild rage it provokes, will lessen, and since it is a primary source of the constant distrust that makes regular therapy fail sociopaths, the defusing of that rage and its maddening causes will be a huge step in the right direction. In her book, Martha Stout expresses the hope that people in general will stop excluding groups of other people as less than human -- ethnic, racial, the disabled, and even the mentally ill -- except for one group among the latter. It's apparently perfectly okay to dismiss one group alone of people as less than human, and she does: the sociopaths. And many other people do, too. And sociopaths know that. And people whose messed-up brain circuitry makes it almost impossible for them to trust others certainly aren't ever going to try again after getting hit with THAT. Sociopaths don't always behave as though they're invulnerable. Some have said, "You don't know this, but it hurts to be me." People sneeringly say to this, "Another of your miserable lies!" But it is in fact a miserable truth. Being angry at them is understandable, but why do people insist on justifying their anger by dehumanizing the object of their rage? Sociopaths may seem like aliens, but they aren't. Perhaps what really galls the others is that when they look at sociopaths, in certain tiny ways they see aspects of themselves, for everyone has some antisocial thoughts. Also, sociopaths hurt a lot of people. What seems to hurt most is the idea that the sociopath is breezing happily through life having a blast whie a trail of wounded victims struggle to put their shattered lives back together. No sociopath breezes through life. They just know how to make it look like they do. It's part of the sick game they play because they can't do much of anything else, as they are. If sociopathy is treated instead of ignored and shunned, this won't have to happen. Those who would have been hurt by sociopaths might not be able to fully appreciate that they escaped harm because neuroscience finally found a way to treat these people who would otherwise have hurt them, but the thing that makes the most difference is that, in the final analysis, they wouldn't have to know. Just as science understands that epilepsy is not demonic possession, that people with dissociative conditions are not harboring ghosts or devils in their bodies, and that depression is not a "deadly sin," it would and will be able to prove that sociopathy happens for a reason and that it can be dealt with. Sociopaths do very bad things. But branding them all "pure evil" isn't going to help anyone. It's just more hate. I have commented elsewhere that the human brain is the greatest new frontier in many ways. (Although I certainly have no lack of interest in space.) Sociopaths, along with other "hopeless cases" like people with Alzheimer's disease, Down's syndrome, Asperger's, ADD, ADHD, autism, and the schizophrenias, along with more common disorders such as depression and addiction, and so on, are a mystery, but scientists have a way of hammering away at mysteries until they unravel them, and they are well on their way to the core of this one. If one says that sociopaths aren't worth helping, one rather misses the point, after all. The price the world pays for not being able to help these people is incalculable. Euthanasia isn't the answer. There are people (whose consciences I really must wonder about) who suggest that all the sociopaths that can be located and diagnosed by the authorities should be gathered up whether or not they've done anything wrong yet, and killed en masse (shades of World War Two, but with a different group of people). This is appalling, for reasons I hope I don't really need to explain! But it also shows the hopelessness that sociopaths and their behavior make many people feel. To counter that hopelessness, please know these two incontrovertible points: (1) no, the sociopath who hurt you isn't happy; (2) yes, the massive population of sociopaths the world over will be able to be treated before long, and possibly the first threads of that are already starting now.
I don't think so unless you remove all normal thought from yourself when dealing with them and how can you do that if you normal how can someone really think like they do and …see things the way they do without being like them i wouldn't want to try you would become an empty shell like they are in the end
Be able to talk and have some sort of co-parenting relationship with their father, it will make the transition easier on everyone.
What is the best way to get a sociopath to agree to treatment or at least evaluation by a psychologist?
Sociopaths very rarely admit or recognize that they have a problem since they blame everyone else for their own shortcomings. I would believe the best way would be for a famil…y member or close friends to have an intervention with this person with a professional present stating why you think this person has problems and how it is hurting those around him/her.
In a word, YES. Unfortunately, financial, emotional and physical damage are an inevitable part of life with a sociopath. This destruction is the result of the long term erosio…n of your sense of self - something that the sociopath manipulates in order to gain "control" over you. The action is predatory in nature and leads to significant hardship on a multitude of levels. Secure a good lawyer and plan your "escape" long before you let the SP know of your intentions. Then get out, stay out and don't look back. Be prepared for the abuse to escalate in the aftermath, and get a restraining order if necessary, but do NOT give up. It is the only way towards securing good mental, physical and emotional health, as well as financial stability. Good luck.
Before you decide on divorce take time out for yourself (go on a weekend trip) and be sure this is what you want. If you are still considering divorce and if you own you have …children (will have to come to a custody agreement); own your own home; vehicles or other properties you would be wise to see a divorce lawyer.
Go to Family Court requesting protection. If he has custody, you should petition the courts to have it taken away from him, and request that any visits with him and the childr…en be supervised. If he is doing it without legal access, get a restraining order.
That would be a cure for that relationship but the one abusing is not cured. Abusers blame the partner but the problem is in them so they are the ones that needs to be cured. …If they get cured the relationship can still have a chance unless the abuse has killed the love so completely.
Combing through the Attorney section of the Yellow Pages is one option for finding a divorce lawyer in Orange County. However, FindLaw provides a search interface on their web…site which makes this task even easier. You can narrow your search down by city and then easily see contact information and the website for each lawyer.
20 years of brutal negotiation. You cannot give a sociopath an inch.
The sociopath remarries because he/she don't know any better and are sometimes lonely