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We are drawn to people who speak our emotional language.
To begin with, the relationships usually are not emotionally abusive. However, all abusers have certain personality characteristics in common. Both women and men are drawn to mates with familiar personalities. (That is why we often remark that so-and-so married his mother or father.) People raised in abusive families are, accordingly, attracted to people with the personality traits of abusers, who seem familiar to them -- but they do not realize why. As the relationship develops, the personalities frequently becomes all too familiar.
There is another theory to the effect that we are drawn to relationships with people similar to those earlier in our lives, in order to be able to "get it right this time."
Regardless of which of several theories are correct, it is undeniable that the abused are drawn to abusers, just as surely as people from alcoholic families tend to marry potential drinkers.
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