Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. .
He who laughs last, thinks slowest. .
A day without sunshine is like, well, night. .
On the other hand, you have… different fingers. .
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. .
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? .
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. .
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. .
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. .
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. .
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. .
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. .
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower. .
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. .
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. .
Honk if you love peace and quiet. .
Pardon my driving, I am reloading. .
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? .
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. .
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living. .
Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. .
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. .
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. .
You can't have everything, where would you put it? .
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. .
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. .
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. .
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. .
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. .
Shin: A device for finding furniture. .
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. .
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. .
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. .
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. .
I wished the buck stopped here, because I could sure use a few. .
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. ( Full Answer )