One-line joke

A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. A good one-liner is said to be pithy.^[1]

Comedians and actors use this comedic method as part of their act, e.g. Rodney Dangerfield, Bruce Campbell, Steven Wright, Emo Philips, Tommy Cooper, Mark Linn-Baker, Henny Youngman, Mitch Hedberg, Dan Mintz, Zach Galifianakis, Demetri Martin, Jimmy Carr, Anthony Jeselnik, Tim Vine, Milton Jones, Shmuel Breban, Stewart Francis etc.

Examples

• "A baby seal walks into a club."
• "A dyslexic man walks into a bra." (George Carlin)
• "A blind man was calling an end to his relationship with his girlfriend. "I'm sorry, I can't see you anymore" (Anonymous)
• "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity." (Anonymous)
• "Here was the sort of man you only dared to cross if you had a team of Sherpas with you." (Douglas Adams)
• "I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't snort, and I don't gamble. I do lie a little bit though." (Tim Maia)
• "I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV." (David Recksiek)
• "Black Beauty. He was a dark horse." (Tim Vine)
• "Bigfoot is blurry, it's not the photographer's fault." (Mitch Hedberg)
• "I have nothing to declare except my genius." (Oscar Wilde, upon arriving at US customs 1882^[2])
• "Race is just a pigment of the imagination" (Glen Highland)
• "If all those sweet young things were laid end to end – I wouldn't be a bit surprised." (Dorothy Parker, on girls attending a Yale prom^[3])
• "So, have you noticed there aren't a lot of Chinese guys named Rusty?" (George Carlin)
• "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." (Groucho Marx)
• "More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" (Kelsey Mondragon)
• "Take my wife – please!" (Henny Youngman)
• "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades" (Demetri Martin)
• "My friend has difficulty sleeping, but I can do it with my eyes closed." (Shmuel Breban)
• "A couple of days ago I was in a boat travelling from island to island. Now I'm back home, the closest thing we have to an island is a roundabout" (Violet Bedwell-Clayton)
• "If it wasn't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all." (Rodney Dangerfield)
• "Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur." (Milton Jones)
• "My mom bought me a memory pillow a couple of years ago... I don't tell secrets in my bedroom anymore." (Bink)
• "Ah, nostalgia ain't what it used to be..." (English Proverb)
• "I have a map of the world... it's actual size." (Steven Wright)
• "I live in a two-income household, but who knows how long my mom can keep that up." (Shmuel Breban)
• "I quit my job at the helium factory, I refuse to be spoken to in that tone." (Stewart Francis)
• "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum." (Nada in They Live^[4])
• "People laughed when I said I'd become a comedian... well, they're not laughing now." (Bob Monkhouse)
• "Venison's dear, isn't it?" (Jimmy Carr)
• "Get me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy" (Anonymous)
• "You've heard the saying that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time a mousetrap snaps, an angel gets set on fire." (Jack Handey)
• Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?" (Unknown)
• "Never ever argue with idiots because they will drag you to their level and beat you with experience" (Pro Lee)

See also

• Greguería
• Paraprosdokian

References