Four Candles

The Four Candles sketch, originally titled The Hardware Shop or Annie Finkhouse ^[1] is a sketch from the BBC comedy The Two Ronnies. Written by Ronnie Barker under the pseudonym of Gerald Wiley, it was first broadcast on Saturday, 4 September 1976 on BBC1. Wordplay and homophones exhibit Barker's fascination with the English language and is cleverly used to powerful comic effect in this sketch. A shopkeeper, played by Ronnie Corbett, in a hardware shop becomes increasingly frustrated by a customer, played by Barker, because he continuously misunderstands what he is requesting.

A script for the sketch in Ronnie Barker's handwriting was discovered on Antiques Roadshow in 2006 and subsequently authenticated by Ronnie Corbett, who noted that while it was unusual for Barker to write in red ink, it was undoubtedly his handwriting. Corbett surmised that the script may have originally been donated to a charity fund-raiser, as Barker, being uncomfortable with appearing in public 'as himself', would often donate an item to charity events rather than appearing in person. The script was sold at auction for £48,500 in December 2007. ^[1]

The sketch was inspired by a real incident in a hardware shop in Hayes Middlesex, which were submitted by the shop owners as possible sketch material. ^[2]

Plot

In this sketch the hardware shopkeeper (Corbett) is confronted by a customer (Barker), who is holding a shopping list. The customer then requests what sounds like "four candles". The shopkeeper then takes out four candles, but the customer merely repeats his request and the shopkeeper is confused. The customer rephrases his request to reveal he in fact wanted "fork 'andles" ("'andles for forks.")

He then asks for plugs. To try and avoid a similar mistake the shopkeeper asks what kind and is told "a rubber one, bathroom". Believing that he is asking for rubber bath plugs the shopkeeper gets out a box of them and asks for the size. The customer's answer is "thirteen amp" revealing he in fact wants an insulated electric plug.

He next asks for saw tips. Confused, the shopkeeper asks if he wants an ointment for "sore tips". After a better explanation the shopkeeper explains they do not have any. This causes little to no frustration.

He then asks for "o's". This item causes the most frustration with the shopkeeper bringing a hoe, a hose ("'Ose! I thought you said "'oes!") and pantyhose to the counter before working out what he wants are the letter O - "'oes as in 'Mon Repose'". The box of garden gate letters is noticeably difficult to get to and put back, requiring a ladder.

When he asks for "peas" the shopkeeper, believing him to be asking for the letter P for a garden gate, is understandably annoyed as they are in the box he has just put back. The customer waits for him to get the box down before better explaining what he wants - tins of peas. At this point the shopkeeper first suspects it may be a joke.

He then asks for "pumps" the shopkeeper asks him to elaborate. The customer complies by asking for "foot pumps". The shopkeeper brings a pneumatic pump to the counter. The customer then reveals he wants "brown pumps size nine". At this point the shopkeeper becomes convinced that the customer is playing a practical joke on him.

After he asks for washers the shopkeeper, out of desperation and annoyance recites a long list as to what this could mean. The customer then explains he wants tap washers, one of the types of washer that he failed to mention.

At this point the shopkeeper, having had enough, snatches the shopping list the customer has been holding to complete the order without any confusions. However, he then seems to take offence at something written on the list. He decides he cannot tolerate the customer any longer and calls his assistant from the back to complete the order. The assistant reveals that the request was for billhooks. The audience later infers that the shopkeeper misread it as bollocks or Pillocks.

Variation

Barker later re-wrote the ending of the sketch, citing the reason as dissatisfaction with the obscurity and coarseness of the bill-hooks reference. He revealed in the last episode of The Two Ronnies Sketchbook in 2005 that, instead of another male shop assistant coming out and replacing Corbett, a large lady would come out and say "Right then young man, what kind of knockers are you after?" The revelation got as big a laugh as the sketch itself.

This sketch is the most remembered and requested that the duo performed in their history. This popularity is arguably due to the audience being able to easily connect with the exasperation of the shopkeeper failing to correctly deduce what the customer means, whilst being able to appreciate the excellent wordplay in the script.

Reception

The sketch is widely held to be one of the most iconic sketches of the Two Ronnies. It was voted by the British public as the funniest comedy moment of the seventies in UKTV Gold's "When Were We Funniest?"

It was placed fifth on Channel 4's list of the fifty greatest comedy sketches of all time. ^[3]

It was ranked sixth most memorable television event in a survey of 2,000 viewers on behalf of digital TV service Freeview.^[4]

References