Hardware Wars (1977) is a short film spoof of the classic science fiction film Star Wars. The thirteen-minute film, which premiered in theatres only seven months after Star Wars, consisted of little more than inside jokes and visual puns that heavily depended upon audience familiarity with the original. The theme song is Richard Wagner's famous "Ride of the Valkyries". The tagline was "You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss three bucks goodbye."
Synopsis
The film begins with the text "Meanwhile… in another part of the galaxy… later that same day", and then we see a clothing iron fighting with a toaster and toast. After that, two robots named 4Q2 and Arty Deco escaping from the empire. After launching from the ship (a cassette player) in an escape pod (a cassette tape), they land on the desert planet (a watermelon). They are found by young Fluke Starbucker, where he finds a video saved on Arty Deco. It is a loop of Princess Ann Droid saying "Help me Augie Ben Doggie, you're my only hope". Upon meeting Augie Ben Doggie (of the venerable Red Eye Knights), Fluke receives his father's lightsaber (a flashlight). After tricking the Imperial Steam Trooper guards (Steam Cabinets) to let them into the city, they reach a cantina, which is "too weird". Upon entering it is revealed to be a country and western bar, where they meet Ham Salad and Chewchilla. Meanwhile, Darph Nader is interrogating the princess. When she refuses to talk (mainly because she can't understand him), he blows up her peaceful home planet, Basketball (the name speaks for itself).
After a light speed chase, Fluke, Ham, Augie and the rest are sucked into the enemy base (a waffle iron). After they rescue the princess, Augie Ben Doggie chooses to stay behind (in response, he is derogatorily called a martyr by the rest of the group). Their spaceship is next assaulted by bits of trash, which makes Chewchilla jittery until he spies Princess Ann-Droid's hair whorls, which are cinnamon rolls stuck on her head. Taking after the Cookie Monster, he eats one.
The last scene of the movie involves Fluke flying in a squad of spaceships (bottle openers), presumably to attack the waffle iron. On his way, Fluke is told to "trust your feelings" by the ghost of Augie (who we assume is dead). Because this short film is a parody of a "coming attractions" teaser, the destruction of the enemy base is not shown, nor is there any victory celebration. The movie ends with "And may The Farce be with you", in mockery of the famous Star Wars line. At the very end of the credits, we are told the movie was "filmed on location in space," followed by the statement "no animals were killed in the making of this film", which at that time was beginning to appear in feature films and is ridiculed.
Production
Hardware Wars was written and directed by San Francisco native Ernie Fosselius and produced by Michael Wiese. It was structured as a mock-movie trailer, and Fosselius even secured narration from veteran voice-over artist Paul Frees, who provided the voice work for the original Star Wars trailers. Fosselius capitalised on his budget limitations by using deliberately ridiculous household objects as props; spaceships were represented with such items as steam irons, toasters and cassette recorders, and the lightsaber of "Fluke Starbucker" was a flashlight. The characters, played by actors who were just as low-budget as the props, were also parodied in name and appearance; for example, Chewbacca the wookiee was replaced by "Chewchilla the Wookiee Monster," an obvious Cookie Monster puppet with a brown dye-job, and Darth Vader's counterpart, "Darph Nader," wore a welding helmet that distorted his voice so much that no one could understand anything he said. Other notable characters include "Ham Salad," "Augie Ben Doggie," "Princess Anne-Droid," and the drones, "4Q2" (who resembles the Tin Woodman from the Wizard of Oz) and "Arty Deco" (an antique canister vacuum cleaner).
Reception
Hardware Wars won over 15 first place film festival awards including the award for Most Popular Short Film at the Chicago Film Festival. It is considered to be the most profitable short film of all time, grossing US$1,000,000 as compared to its paltry US$8,000 budget (a much better profit ratio than Star Wars itself). George Lucas said in a 1999 interview on the UK's The Big Breakfast TV show that Hardware Wars was his favorite Star Wars parody.[1]
In 2003, the film was honored by Lucasfilm when it was given the Pioneer Award at that year's Official Star Wars Fan Film Awards.
Video releases
Hardware Wars had originally been available on film from Pyramid Films. It was first made available commercially on home video with the Warner Home Video release Hardware Wars, and Other Film Farces, which also included another Fosselius parody, Porklips Now. The tape also included Closet Cases of the Nerd Kind and the animation classic Bambi Meets Godzilla.
To spoof the "Special Edition" re-release of Star Wars in 1997, which included additional scenes and more advanced digital special effects, Hardware Wars was re-released on VHS as a twenty-minute "Special Edition," with new digital "special defects." Fosselius did not participate or approve of this release, as noted in a disclaimer on the packaging.
The film was released on DVD in 2002 in its original form, with commentary tracks and other special features.
It was later released on DVD again by Apprehensive Films (www.afcinema.net) for its 30th Anniversary. This release is approved and licensed from Ernie Fosselius.
References
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