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This page is a list of staff at South Park Elementary from the characters on the animated television show, South Park.
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Staff
Mr. Adler
Mr. Richard Adler is the shop teacher at South Park Elementary. During "Tweek vs. Craig", he is plagued by memories of his fiancée's death, and chews copious amounts of nicotine gum to deal with them; when he runs out of gum, he plans to commit suicide. After writing his suicide note, he lies on a log cutter with a moving belt, but is interrupted by a fight between Tweek and Craig entering his classroom, killing Kenny in the process. Afterwards, he commu get a live or dont i hate you god im so drunk nicates with his wife's spirit through Kenny's corpse, and she helps him move on from his mourning. Now it seems he has relaxed a bit and put his past behind him, and has not featured prominently in an episode since "Tweek vs. Craig", although he has appeared in the background of many scenes and was one of the teachers supporting the move to teach sex education to the younger students in "Proper Condom Use", and also spoke his views on 9/11 in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce". He also commented on the country's inevitable doom in "About Last Night". His teaching method consists primarily of telling the children to "quit screwing around," and "don't screw around, you screw around too much!" Mr. Adler was based on an old shop teacher who taught co-creator Matt Stone. His name was referenced in DVD commentary, but was bleeped because the person did not authorize permission to use their name. His speech is often warped by the flapping of his very flabby cheeks.He also is shot while carrying breast implants.
Mr. Mackey
Mr. Mackey, voiced by Trey Parker, is the school counselor, well-known for his exaggeratedly large head and inserting "Mmkay" into sentences or "Mmbien" when speaking in Spanish. In the film South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut during the rehab scene, Mr. Mackey reveals that he says "Mmkay" instead of the word "fuck". It is assumed he is at least 40 years old (he once said he had sex at 19 and that it's been about 21 years since). He is based on Trey Parker's junior high school counselor, Mr. Stan Lackey. He has occasionally taught classes at the school, and taught sex education with Ms. Choksondik. During this time he had a sexual relationship with Ms. Choksondik until her death. His semen was found in her stomach upon autopsy but this didn't contribute to her death. After her death, he took over the fourth grade class until Mr. Garrison returned. In the episode Erection Day he is shown to be left-handed.
Despite his slightly odd appearance and catchphrase, Mr. Mackey seems to be an able counselor who actually cares about the children, much unlike Mr. Garrison. He is often together with the principal when punishing a student or announcing an important message, implying he has some influence at the school. His methods as a counselor reflect real-life controversy in education, for example, when Kyle talks about seeing Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, he places Kyle on a heavy dose prescription of Prozac. In an early episode, the children feign having ADD and he prescribes them all Ritalin.
During a drug-education class in the episode "Ike's Wee Wee" , he passes some marijuana around the classroom, and it is stolen (apparently by one of the children, though it is later revealed that the actual thief was Mr. Garrison). For this, Mr. Mackey is fired by the school, evicted by his landlord, and, feeling depressed, he ends up taking alcohol, marijuana and LSD. It is also revealed that his large head is caused by the tightness of his tie around his neck, although his parents have the same trait. (This has also been an inconsistency in the series). He becomes a hippie and travels to India with a like-minded woman. Mr. Mackey is captured by The A-Team, and his former employers, along with Jimbo, say that they should have helped him with his drug problem rather than firing him. Mr. Mackey protests, saying that he likes his new life and that he actually hasn't done drugs since his first experimentations back in South Park. Nobody listens and in rehab at the Betty Ford Clinic, he is "cured" of his addiction to drugs. Mr. Mackey's social worker then re-ties his tie, which makes his head swell back to its original size. In the episode "Something You Can Do With Your Finger" he is shown to have a bondage scene with Liane Cartman. In Rainforest Schmainforest, we learn that he can speak Spanish extremely well (but still says the Spanish equivalent of "Mmkay," "Mm'voyez", at the end of each sentence). In "Trapped in the Closet", Mr. Mackey is seen at the Church of Scientology Org where Stan is having an auditing session; however, it is not known whether or not he continues having sessions with the Org from that point on.[1] From Major Boobage onward, Mackey's sweater and jeans were re-designed, much like Mr. Garrison's two episodes later in "Eek, a Penis!"
Nurse Gollum
Nurse Gollum (called Nurse McSchwartz in the original pilot of "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe") is the school nurse at South Park Elementary, notable primarily for the fact that she has a dead fetus attached to the side of her head, which terrifies the children (she lacks this in the original pilot). Nurse Gollum is described in her first appearance on the show as suffering from the (fictional) condition "conjoined twin myslexia". Principal Victoria asked her if she could have it removed, Nurse Gollum stated yes but that it would cost her life.
In Nurse Gollum's first appearance, "Conjoined Fetus Lady", Kyle was sent to see the nurse concerning an injury he received while playing dodgeball. He was reluctant to see her after hearing rumours that she was hideously deformed. When he saw her condition he told the other children, who were all terrified. Local busybody and protestor Sheila was angered that her son was rude about her condition. So Sheila and Mayor McDaniels held a special week for Conjoined Twin Myslexia awareness. By the end of the week, Nurse Gollum was angered, saying that she just wanted to live her life normally, and that she had been singled out in this week which was entirely what she didn't want. Sheila felt Nurse was ungrateful, while the children changed their negative opinions upon hearing the speech. Despite having a dead fetus on her head; she is one of the most normal and intelligent adult characters on the show. Despite not wanting to be singled out for being different she appeared in the episode "Freak Strike" where she is one of the freaks in the infomercial that is promoting awareness of 'freaks' through daytime talkshows.
Nurse Gollum shares her last name with Sméagol, the deformed creature from J. R. R. Tolkien's books. All the townspeople pronounce her name like the character from Jewish lore, the Golem.
Principal Victoria
Principal Victoria is the principal of South Park Elementary. She has curly hair and glasses and usually appears with Mr. Mackey. Her name is a play on Victoria Principal. She speaks with a heavy Minnesotan accent.
In "Helen Keller! The Musical", she reveals that she does recreational drugs. In the episode "Sexual Harassment Panda", when she was put on the witness stand during Cartman's second trial over the school allowing him to be sexually harassed, Principal Victoria hysterically confessed that she murdered a man, cut up his body, and hid his remains (though the court only was interested in whether or not the school did anything to stop Cartman from being sexually harassed). In "Breast Cancer Show Ever," it's revealed that Principal Victoria has been a breast cancer survivor for seven years, which inspires Wendy to fight back against Cartman (who, according to Principal Victoria, is Wendy's "cancer").
Principal Victoria appears to be very able to run the school, despite its strange crew. In "Go God Go" she is shown telling Mrs. Garrison she has to teach evolution in class, which she refuses. When pushed, she makes a complete mess of the subject. Principal Victoria then proceeds in asking a professional (Richard Dawkins) on the subject to teach the children. Her husband is shown for the first time on the episode "About Last Night...".
Mr. Garrison
Mr. Garrison has been the children's teacher throughout the series. In seasons 9 until 12 he was a woman called Janet Garrison. Before his sex change, he was in denial of his homosexuality to the point of homophobia, and was always seen with either of his hand puppets that he claimed were gay. Later he went missing, hiding on a mountain, living in isolation. He eventually "came out of the closet" and returned with the intention to teach again. He was denied the job (in the episode entitled "4th Grade") by Principal Victoria, who said, "Oh, we don't hire gay people." He was eventually allowed back as the Kindergarten teacher. Then a change in laws allowed Mr. Garrison to be promoted to teach the 4th grade, receiving his old 3rd grade students who have now advanced a grade. His lover, Mr. Slave, was his personal teacher's assistant, or, as he writes for short, the teacher's ass.
Ms. Claridge
Ms. Claridge is a South Park Elementary pre-school teacher. Her first appearance was in "Pre-School." Ms. Claridge was disabled and covered in burns after a fire broke out in the pre-school classroom at South Park Elementary. The fire was started when Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny wanted to play "fireman" and asked the "baddest kid in pre-school," Trent Boyett, to start a fire for them. In spite of the boys' efforts to extinguish the fire (by urinating on it), the fire grew out of control and nearly killed Ms. Claridge. Ms. Claridge survived, but was badly injured and placed in an electric wheelchair which very much resembles that of Captain Christopher Pike in the original Star Trek episode "The Menagerie". Ms. Claridge communicates by 'beeping' once for yes and twice for no. It is not clear how she can function as a teacher if she can only communicate "yes" and "no."
The boys denied all culpability for the fire and Trent Boyett was sent to Juvenile Hall for five years. After Boyett was released, Ms. Claridge's wheelchair ran out of power in the middle of the street where the boys found her. Seeking to escape Trent Boyett, they appeal to Stan's older sister Shelley for protection. Shelley agrees, but only if the boys confess to Ms. Claridge their role in the fire. As the boys start to confess to her, Trent Boyett arrives and confronts the boys. Cartman tries to stop him with his mother's taser gun but it accidentally shoots Ms. Claridge. It powers her wheelchair, which spins out of control and crashes into a propane shop which blows up and sets her on fire. After crashing into a pet shop and getting attacked by cats, she hits a fire hydrant putting the flames out. The police arrive and ask if Trent started the fire. She replies "no" with two beeps but the police mistake it for "yes yes" and arrest Trent. Ms. Claridge appears briefly in one other episode, "The Death of Eric Cartman", where Cartman, in his efforts to atone for his life's misdeeds, gives her a fruit basket and also again at the talent show in "Erection Day".
Ms. Pearl
Ms. Pearl is the name of the Home Economics teacher. She speaks with a soft, gentle voice and does her job well. She adds to the curriculum by teaching her class ways to find, manipulate and marry rich men. She is good with chat up lines (as seen in "Tweek vs. Craig"). She also dates Richard Adler, and mentioned she wanted to sleep with him. He refused because he was still mourning the death of his fiancée.
Mr. Meryl
Mr. Meryl is the Extracurricular AV Class teacher, who appeared in "Quest for Ratings." He is notorious for resorting to extreme measures in order to teach children "how important ratings are." He was about to fail Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Token, and Jimmy in AV simply because their self-made show was not as popular as Craig's. When the boys finally managed to beat Craig in ratings, Mr. Meryl suspended Craig from school and requested that his testicles were removed surgically, so that he knew the importance of ratings.
Mrs. Dreibel
Mrs. Dreibel appeared in "Toilet Paper". She is the art teacher and gave Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny detention for making a penis sculpture out of clay. They decided to get revenge by TPing her house. She is married and has two daughters.
Mr. Venezuela
Mr. Venezuela is the janitor. He appeared in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce" and is a stereotypical poor South American immigrant. He has three children. He makes 6 dollars an hour, at best. Also in this episode, his first name is revealed to be José.
Mr. Derp
Mr. Derp is most prominent as Chef's substitute in "The Succubus". He commonly displays slapstick and physical camp humor, much to the chagrin of the boys. In the season three commentary, Matt and Trey reveal that his namesake, "Derp", is the sound commonly made in a klutzy situation when things go horribly wrong, literally and comically. He has also since appeared in the background in "Eek! A Penis!", possibly indicating that he has since replaced Chef. He also appeared before Chef's death briefly in "Professor Chaos" and "Timmy 2000" (as the lemonade stand clerk at Lalapalalapaza). Voiced by Trey Parker.
In many areas of the web, "Derp" Is used as an insult. The apparent meaning is a dumb, clumsy, oafish character. The insult spawned from the character Mr. Derps actions.
Groundskeeper
The Groundskeeper appears very briefly in the episode 'Damien'. She appears to be in charge of watching the students during recess and is of old age and mean, telling the students that "Five minutes until recess is over, you little bastards!"
Mr. Garrett
Mr. Garrett is the coach of the South Park Elementary basketball team. He appears very briefly in the episode 'Elementary School Musical'.
Past staff
Chef
Jerome 'Chef' McElroy was one of few black characters in 'South Park', and the chef at the South Park Elementary School. In the initial season, his gimmick line, as the four boys come into the cafeteria was "Hello there children!" They would respond with "Hey Chef." This was usually followed by Chef asking "How's it going?", and the boys would reply "Bad." A stereotypical character, Chef is obsessed with sex (especially with white women). In "Chef Aid", it's revealed that he committed bestiality with a goat. He is a talented singer, and has a tendency to sing wildly inappropriate songs when his muse strikes him. The children often seek him out when in need of guidance or information. Sometimes the advice given by Chef is inappropriate, such as in South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, Stan asks Chef how he can get Wendy to like him and he replies, You have to find the clitoris. He was voiced by Isaac Hayes. He refers to the Boys as 'children' even if there is only one of them present. He once almost married a succubus, but the boys saved him. He has not been seen since "Return of Chef" because of the departure of Hayes. In this episode, he is "killed," but is then seen being remade with a body similar to that of Darth Vader and was voiced by Peter Serafinowicz who voices Darth Maul from Star Wars. This indicated that he would make an appearance in this form in a future episode, but this most likely will not happen now because of the death of Hayes.
Mr. Dawkins
Richard Dawkins is an evolutionist whom appears as a replacement evolution teacher for Mrs. Garrison in the episode Go God Go. It later transpires (When Cartman goes into the future) that he was responsible for the end of religion and the worldwide popularity of Atheism.
Ms. Choksondik
Ms. Diane Choksondik, voiced by Trey Parker, became the boys’ new teacher after they entered fourth grade. Her surname is a play on the phrase “chokes on dick.” Ms. Choksondik was famous for her distinctive appearance: she had extremely exaggerated saggy breasts, was overweight, had a drifting lazy eye, and her face bore a strong resemblance to that of Janet Reno.[citation needed] She also did not wear a bra, and when she lifted her arm up, her shirt had a habit of going up with it and revealing the bottom few inches of her breasts. One of the early jokes about Ms. Choksondik is that the children did not get the pun of her name, and tried to create other names for her (makesmesick, chokesonbricks, chokesonrocks). She corrected them in full seriousness.
The episode “Professor Chaos” ended on a cliffhanger saying someone would die, in a parody of cliffhanger endings, and it was revealed during this gag that Ms. Choksondik had died. In the episode “Simpsons Already Did It,” the boys revealed they put some of their Sea People in her coffee. When she died soon after, they became horrified that their prank had killed her. Later, the news said that large amounts of semen (or, as the boys took it, "sea men") had been found in her stomach, and they went to great lengths to hide their apparent role in her death, until Chef explained that Ms. Choksondik must have died from something else. After her death the boys got off from school for two weeks to “deal with” her death, and then were taught for a short time by Mr. Mackey before Mr. Garrison got the role. The real cause of Ms. Choksondik's death is unknown, but it is assumed that she was raped then killed. [1]
Ms. Crabtree
Ms. Veronica Lee Crabtree, known in the series as Mrs. Crabtree, was voiced by Mary Kay Bergman in seasons 1-3 and Eliza Schneider in seasons 4-8, when she was officially "killed off" in "Cartman's Incredible Gift." She was the school bus driver. She appeared to be suffering from paranoia, or at least was mentally unstable. She had a bird living in her hair and constantly screamed, "Sit down 'n shut up!", screeched, "Be quiet back there!", or asked the children on her bus (particularly Stan), "What did you say?!" whenever they cursed. They would say something else that sounds similar in order to avoid trouble ("Whatever, you fat bitch" would become "I have a bad itch", "That fat bitch won't let us" would be repeated as "rabbits eat lettuce"; "We're always running late, you ugly skank" became "I can't wait to own a fishing tank", etc.), but at one point, Ms. Crabtree told Kenny, Kyle and Stan (Cartman was not there at the time) to get on the bus and Stan said "We're not getting on you fat ugly bitch", she said "What did you say?!" (as usual) and then Stan repeated what he said to her, and Ms. Crabtree responded with, "Oh, well alright then." She had a similarity with the school bus driver in the movie Forrest Gump, who was also a lady with a bird in her hair.
In one episode, a kid from the drug rehabilitation center (across from Cartman's fat camp) is forced to climb into Ms. Crabtree's body vaginally while pretending to be Kenny (who was arrested for prostitution), but was rebirthed stillborn. Moments later she squeezed out another kid, who resembled Harry Potter.
In the episode "Chef Aid", Chef resorts to prostitution to get needed money, and Ms. Crabtree is one of his "customers", whose head he puts a bag over first.
Ms. Crabtree - as well as the bird nesting on her head - was murdered by a serial killer in the 2004 episode "Cartman's Incredible Gift". Detectives investigating the crime in the episodes noted she was a "an ancillary character the fans wouldn't miss much". She has not returned to any subsequent episodes. Adding to the breaking of the fourth wall, upon discovering her death, one of the police says "I have to find this new killer now! I owe it to that victim over there. I know she hadn't been in any recent episodes, but damnit, she deserved better than this!". The new bus driver appears to be a man of Hispanic descent who has yet to speak.
Ms. Ellen
Ms. Ellen (appeared only in "Tom's Rhinoplasty" and voiced by a celebrity guest star, Natasha Henstridge) substituted for Mr. Garrison in South Park Elementary as a third-grade teacher when he was away for a few days undergoing a plastic surgery on his nose. She was promoted to a permanent teaching position after Mr. Garrison, enjoying his new 'David Hasselhoff' look, quit to do what he "always wanted to do: hang out and screw hot chicks." Ms. Ellen's attractive looks and kind nature caused the boys in the class to develop deep amorous feelings towards her (Kenny saying in joy "I'd like to get in the tub with her!" twice), which earned her Wendy's deep resentment and jealousy. Wendy saw Ms. Ellen as a rival in her relationship with Stan, although it was revealed during Chef's unsuccessful move on Ms. Ellen that the latter was a lesbian. Ms. Ellen was later taken into custody by Iraqi soldiers who claimed she was an Iraqi fugitive whose real name was Makesh Alak Makarakesh. As proof, they presented a fradulent photograph where she was pictured sitting on the lap of a man described as their leader. At the end of the episode, Ms. Ellen is taken to Iraq and executed by being placed in a rocket and shot into the center of the Sun. Her arrest and subsequent execution were later revealed as part of Wendy's evil plan to get rid of her "rival."
Mr. Slave
Mr. Slave, voiced by John 'Nancy' Hansen, is the gay lover of Mr. Garrison until the episode "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina" when he broke up with Mr. Garrison due to Garrison's sex change. Mr. Slave is a masochist -- his name refers to his membership in the BDSM subculture. His catchphrase is an excited exclamation of "Jesus Christ!"
Mr. Slave's first appearance is during the 14th episode of season 6 "The Death Camp of Tolerance". He is reminiscent of both Freddie Mercury, and Glenn Hughes of The Village People.
Despite Mr. Slave's occupation, he is shown to be wise and knowledgeable, offering characters advice. One of his most prominent moments was in "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset", when he gave Wendy Testaburger advice when she wanted to become a whore after seeing that many of her friends had become part of the new trend. Mr. Slave pushed Wendy to not follow the lifestyle due to his own personal experiences, and subsequently competed in a 'Whore-Off' with Paris Hilton, culminating in her being forced up Mr. Slave's anus (it is not known whether Paris is still in Mr. Slave's anus, if she escaped off-screen, or if she has died there), where she meets the same characters that Lemmiwinks the gerbil king had met in "The Death Camp of Tolerance", and pursues the same journey. Having finished this, Mr. Slave rejected the applause, saying he was not proud to be a whore, but was "physically incapable" of hiding who he is. He claims to have been a whore since the day he was born, pretending as a small child to be sick so that his mother would insert an anal thermometer. As a teen he enjoyed being tackled by all the football players after drawing their attention to 'the queer kid'. He proceeds to tell parents that they had to teach their children that people like Paris Hilton should not be idolized as they have contributed nothing to society. This leads the girls to apologize to Wendy.
In the episode "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina", Mr. Garrison has a sex change operation and becomes a woman. Mr. Slave is upset that he was not consulted on the operation beforehand, commenting that Mr. Garrison never stopped to think how everybody else around him would feel about the sex change, and, being gay, is no longer attracted to Mr. Garrison as a woman. When Garrison (now referred to as Mrs. Garrison) callously suggests that Mr. Slave simply stop being gay so that they can continue their affair, the two get into an argument, resulting in Mr. Slave walking out. In the episode "Follow That Egg!", Garrison decides that she wants him back, but learns that she is too late, as Mr. Slave had moved on with Big Gay Al, to whom he had become engaged. Jilted and consumed with jealousy, Mrs. Garrison attempted to get gay marriage banned so that Slave would have no choice but to go back to and marry her. She failed, and Mr. Slave and Al are married. His most recent appearance was with Big Gay Al on the Season 13 episode "The F Word".
Before the first episode he is featured in aired, John Hansen used the same voice for Mr. Slave to sing the song "Take on me" at the end credits of the episode "Asspen". He also voiced one of the men having sex in the White Swallow Bath House in "Butters' Very Own Episode".
Ms. Stephenson
Ms. Stephenson appeared as the Kindergarten teacher for South Park Elementary in Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy and in which she had sex with Ike Broflovski. Ms. Stephenson had blonde hair, a gray sweater, a pink shirt and a blue short skirt. She fell in love with Ike when he drew a picture of her with hearts around it. The following scenes proceed to show a montage of romantic clips where she had dinner with Ike and eventually had sex with to REO Speedwagon's song Can't Fight This Feeling. After the older male characters found out Ike was having a relationship with a hot teacher, all they could mutter was "Nice!" to each other. They then ran away to an airport hotel where they planned to fly to Milan. When the police had her and Ike cornered she and Ike ran to the edge of the roof of the hotel, there Ike changed his mind and stopped, while Ms. Stephenson leapt to her death.
Mr. Wyland
Mr. Wyland was a substitute teacher for Mr. Garrison in two episodes as the 3rd grade teacher after Mr. Garrison was caught attempting to molest a child (Cartman) in "Cartman Joins NAMBLA". Wyland wears a blue top with a red bow tie. He was first shown in "Cherokee Hair Tampons" and made the class make a get well card for Kyle, who needed a kidney transplant. As a joke, the children make Butters into a get well card by gluing glitter and a sign that says "Get Well Kyle" on him and making him sing a song for Kyle. He was then shown in the next episode, "Chef Goes Nanners", and organized a debate on whether or not to change the South Park Flag, which depicted four white men hanging a black man.
References
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