Rights and obligations of spouses in Islam

Islam advocates a subservient relationship between husband and wife. It puts the main responsibility of earning over the husband. Both (or: all)^[1] spouses are obliged to fulfill the other's sexual needs. Husbands are asked to be kind to their wives and fulfil their roles, while wives are asked to raise children to Islamic standards.

Gender roles

In, many Islamic societies, there is a division of roles creating a woman’s space in the private sphere of the home and a man’s in the public sphere.^[2] A woman's primary responsibility is usually interpreted as fulfilling her role as a wife and mother,^[3] whereas a man’s role is to work and be able to financially support his wife and family.^[4]

Domestic violence and behaviour with rebellious wives

Any violence whatsoever is a deficiency of the husband (and the wife for not divorcing): "There is current considerable controversy over whether male-to-female marital violence is best regarded as a reflection of male psychopathology and control or whether there is an empirical base and clinical utility for conceptualizing these patterns as relational."^[5]

Separate accommodation for wife

The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with her husband and children, if she does not like to share it with anyone like her in-law or relatives. This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha. She also has the right to refuse to live with his husband's father, mother and siblings.

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: That he heard Allah's Apostle saying, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charge; the ruler is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian in his family and responsible for his charges; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and responsible for her charges; and the servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for his charge." I definitely heard the above from the Prophet and think that the Prophet also said, "A man is a guardian of his father's property and responsible for his charges; so everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges."[Sahih Bukhari]

This indicate that wife is responsible for house of the husband. Also that man should be guardian of his family. i.e. after his marriage he moves out of his father's house, and run his own family affairs and is guardian of his family. In joint family, typically the head is either the father of husband, or mother of husband. This also indicate that husband should look after their parent's house, as " A man is a guardian of his father's property". So wife should not object to her husband when he is looking after affairs of his parents.^[6]

Sexual relations

Except a few restrictions of having sex during menstruation and anal sex, Islam advocates pleasure from sex between husband and wife.

As Qur'an states:

The scholars of Islam explained that keeping away and not approaching means that there should be no intercourse during that period. Muhammad used to kiss his wives when they had menses. The husband may enjoy (sexual activity) other than intercourse, because of the hadeeth of Anas who said that among the Jews, when a woman had her menses they would not eat with her or stay in the same house with her. The Companions of Muhammad asked him about this, and Allaah revealed the aayah, “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: That is an adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses.” [al-Baqarah 2:222]. They are, however, supposed to work during their period:

Husbands are asked to satisfy the sexual desires of their wives and vice versa although greater emphasis is placed on male sexuality. As it is attributed to Muhammad:

• “Not one of you should fall upon your wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.” “And what is that messenger?” they asked, and he replied: “Kisses and words.”
• “When one of you have sex with your wife, it is a rewarded act of charity.” The Companions were surprised and said, “But we do it purely out of our desire. How can it be counted as charity?” The Prophet replied, “If you had done it with a forbidden woman, it would have been counted as a sin, but if you do it in legitimacy, it is counted as charity.”
• “No solution is ever better for two people who are in love like marriage.”

Also in hadith:

• If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till morning. Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7, No. 121-2
• When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread. Reported by Tirmidhi and Nisai, No. 284

See also

• Women in Islam
• Gender roles in Islam
• Sex segregation and Islam
• Polygyny in Islam

Bibliography

• Azizah Y. al-Hibri, An Islamic Perspective on Domestic Violence (pdf), Vol. 37, Fordham International Law Journal, 2003.
• Moiz Amjad, Beating wives in Islam, Understanding-islam.com

References

1. ^ from this point due to readibility, the singular will be used for the female spouse
2. ^ Hessini, L., 1994, Wearing the Hijab in Contemporary Morocco: Choice and Identity, in Göçek, F. M. & Balaghi, S., Reconstructing Gender in the Middle East: Tradition, Identity & Power, New York, Columbia University Press
3. ^ Ahmed, L., 1992, Women and Gender in Islam: Historical Roots of a Modern Debate, New Haven, Yale University Press.
4. ^ Hessini, L., 1994, Wearing the Hijab in Contemporary Morocco: Choice and Identity, in Göçek, F. M. & Balaghi, S., Reconstructing Gender in the Middle East: Tradition, Identity & Power, New York, Columbia University Press
5. ^ First, M.B., Bell, C.C., Cuthbert, B., Krystal, J.H., Malison, R., Offord, D.R., Riess, D., Shea, T., Widiger, T., Wisner, K.L., Personality Disorders and Relational Disorders, p.166, Chapter 4 of Kupfer, D.J., First, M.B., & Regier, D.A. A Research Agenda For DSM-V. Published by American Psychiatric Association (2002)
6. ^ Rights of Spouses and issues with joint family