The Abstinence

"The Abstinence"
Seinfeld episode
George studies in the coffee shop.
Episode no.	Season 8 Episode 143
Written by	Steve Koren
Directed by	Andy Ackerman
Original airdate	November 21, 1996
Guest stars
Bob Odenkirk, Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Brenda Strong, Debra Jo Rupp, Alex Trebek, Kyle Gass & David Letterman
Season 8 episodes
Seinfeld – Season 8 September 1996 – May 1997
"The Foundation" "The Soul Mate" "The Bizarro Jerry" "The Little Kicks" "The Package" "The Fatigues" "The Checks" "The Chicken Roaster" "The Abstinence" "The Andrea Doria" "The Little Jerry" "The Money" "The Comeback" "The Van Buren Boys" "The Susie" "The Pothole" "The English Patient" "The Nap" "The Yada Yada" "The Millennium" "The Muffin Tops" "The Summer of George"
List of Seinfeld episodes

"The Abstinence" is the 143rd episode of the American sitcom Seinfeld. This was the 9th episode for the 8th season. It was originally broadcast on the NBC network on November 21, 1996.

Plot

George's girlfriend has mononucleosis and he can't have sex with her for six weeks. Elaine has met a doctor who has almost gotten his license to practice. Jerry agrees to appear at career day at his former junior high school, but he is bumped back because the children love the zoo worker, then when he is about to go on there is a fire drill. Kramer lights up a cigar in Monk's and is asked to leave. He meets others on the street who face his dilemma so he opens up his apartment as a smoking lounge.

Jerry's agent gets him a whole assembly at the school. George's lack of sex makes his mind sharper, he is learning new things quickly, he is now "smart". Elaine learns how much her doctor boyfriend doesn't know about medicine when he is unable to help a diner customer experiencing a medical emergency. She uses George's technique of abstinence to help him study to get his license, but in the process she becomes stupid. Later in the episode, she begs Jerry to have sex with her again, because she wants to clear her mind. When Jerry turns her down because the situation is "too weird", she then asks him if Kramer is home.

Kramer has had too much smoke, and his face becomes leathery and "hideous". Jerry struggles to figure out how to fill two hours in front of a junior high crowd. George however creates a presentation for Jerry's assembly. He uses his newfound intellect to give batting advice to New York Yankee players Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams, and to learn Portuguese. Kramer sees his lawyer Jackie Chiles about a case against the tobacco company for ruining his good looks, as his looks are his livelihood. He gets a settlement without Jackie's input; it turns out he gets a billboard with his face on it in Times Square.

George calculates the odds of having sex with a Portuguese waitress, he concludes that statistically, he has to do it. He arrives at the school and meets Jerry, behaving stupidly. Jerry realizes that George has had sex, so he can no longer go do his presentation, Jerry goes out and is greeted by boos. Elaine's boyfriend gets his license and dumps her, leaving her sexually frustrated.

Trivia

• This episode was filmed in front of a live audience on November 6th, 1996.
• Wade Boggs was originally included in the script but didn't make it into the filming.
• Odenkirk's line "I'm not really a doctor" was later mirrored in a Mr. Show sketch from the episode Show Me Your Weenis!. In the sketch, though, David Cross tells him "So you're not really a doctor!" and Odenkirk, embarrassed, replies with "I am now."