The Old Man

"The Old Man" is the fifty-eighth episode of the American television sitcom Seinfeld. It was the 18th episode of the 4th season. It aired on February 18, 1993.

Plot

Jerry, Elaine and George volunteer to help the elderly. Jerry gets assigned to a bad-tempered old man with a foreign housekeeper (Lanei Chapman), that he claims is trying to steal his possessions. Elaine is repulsed by the goiter problems of the woman she is visiting and George depresses his assigned senior citizen by questioning his outlook on dying.

Kramer and Newman try the business of selling some of Jerry's old records to a used record store but are not satisfied with the results. The man Jerry is responsible for tells him that he wants to get rid of some of his "junk", including a large amount of old records which Kramer and Newman show up later to pick up. The man bites Kramer's arm, causing him to jerk back and launch his dentures in to the garbage disposal. Jerry loses track of his man when they try to take him to the dentist to repair his dentures which were promptly destroyed after the garbage disposal was turned on, mistaken for a light switch.

Meanwhile, Elaine discovers that her old woman had an affair with Gandhi, and one of the stories she tells directly mirrors what George had said to the housekeeper about him "dipping my head in oil and rubbing it all over your body".

The search for Jerry's old man leads to everyone (including the old man's son) bursting in on George having oil rubbed on his head by the housekeeper.

The episode ends with the two old men, in the diner, discussing their relationships with women, much like the conversation Jerry and George have at the beginning of the episode.

Quotes

George: I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter. My grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.

George: Let me ask you something: what do you do for a living, Newman?
Newman: Why, I'm a United States postal worker.
George: Aren't those the guys who go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
Newman: Sometimes.
Jerry: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming. Piles of it, more and more! And you have to put it all out, but the more you put it out, the more it keeps coming in! And then the barcode reader breaks! And it's Publishers Clearing House Day!

George: What kind of a person are you?
Jerry: Well, I think I'm pretty much like you. Only successful.

Old man: Oh, my housekeeper. She steals from me. Says she don't speak English....my ass she doesn't speak English! Plays that freakin' voodoo music... tries to hypnotize me. Well, I'll tell you something: I wasn't born yesterday! I might drop dead today but I sure as hell wasn't born yesterday! Now get the hell out of my house!

George: Don't you have any sense? Don't you have a brain? Have you gone so completely senile that you don't even know what your talking about anymore?! Hey, where are you going?
Old Man: Life's too short to waste on you.

Old man: Good. Thank God. Good riddance. Oh, before you go, would you mind changing my diaper? Ha, Ha! (fist pump).

House keeper: No, no English.
George: I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body. You don't understand. It's a miracle.

Jerry: You're throwin' this stuff out?
Old Man: I believe that's what you do with garbage you IDIOT!!

Newman: (repeating what Kramer whispers in his ear) You are nothing but a piece of crap... a piece of crap... I find you extremely ugly... you emit a foul and unpleasant odor... I loathe you!

Newman: It was a real melee. Kramer: Yeah, a real brouhaha.

Old Woman: And that's when I began my affair with Mohandas.
Elaine: What?
Old Woman: Mohandas.
Elaine: Gandhi?
Old Woman: Oh...the passion! The forbidden pleasure!
Elaine: You had an affair...with Gandhi?
Old Woman: He used to dip his bald head in oil...and rub it all over my body.

Superman reference

• A Superman sticker is visible on Jerry's refrigerator when he opens the door to let in the old man's son.

Trivia

Lists of miscellaneous information should be avoided. Please relocate any relevant information into appropriate sections or articles. (September 2007)

• In this episode it is revealed that Newman is a mailman.
• Lanei Chapman plays the housekeeper. In an alternate ending to this episode that was never broadcast, her character reveals that she speaks fluent English, causing George to lose interest in her.
• The old man's name, Sidney Fields, is a reference to Sidney Fields, who was a writer and actor who was featured in The Abbott and Costello Show.
• Tobin Bell from Saw fame plays the record store owner. Later on in the series other Saw actors appear, including Ned Bellamy, Scott Patterson and Cary Elwes
• The fork on the bike in Jerry's apartment is backwards.
• Veteran actor Bill Erwin was nominated for a Primetime Emmy for his portrayal of Sid Fields, the old man Jerry is assigned to.
• The scene where Kramer tells Newman what to say is similar to a scene in the 1957 film The Seventh Seal.
• This is the first time which you'll see anyone's back and has a person doing the voice for the character. It will be used prominently for George Steinbrenner, seen in the back of Lee Bear and voiced by Larry David. It would be used again in "The Muffin Tops" in which the "fake" Steinbrenner is talking to the Tyler Chicken's chief.