Wedding reception

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A wedding reception is a party held after the completion of a marriage ceremony. It is held as hospitality for those who have attended the wedding, hence the name reception: the couple receives society, in the form of family and friends, for the first time as a married couple. Hospitality takes the form of food and drink, since etiquette requires that anyone invited to a social function be offered proper refreshments. A wedding reception is traditional in most societies, and can last anywhere from half an hour to many hours.

Entertainment at an English wedding reception. The organisers have hired two opera singers to sing arias during the meal for the entertainment of the guests. The mother of the groom is being serenaded.

Western society

Food

What is served at the reception is determined by the time of the wedding and local custom. Most receptions feature food, usually either a plated or buffet dinner. Other choices include a meal consisting of chef-attended stations, or a cocktail reception with passed hors d'œuvre. Some receptions, especially from cultures and religious faiths that prohibit alcohol and dancing, focus on dessert—for instance, wedding cake and punch in the afternoon.

The following options are often incorporated into the reception, although they may be omitted at the couple's discretion.

Toasts

In most Western countries, before or after a meal (traditionally paid for by the bride's family, though this is rarer now), toasts are made by the wedding party, wishing the couple well. Traditionally, the speaking parties include the bride's father, groom, the best man (who usually slips in a few good-natured jokes at the couple's expense), and the maid of honor. Toasts often include the speaker's first impressions of the newlyweds, or of the two as a couple.

If they were introduced to each other by someone attending the reception, the couple may opt to thank that person publicly with a toast.

Dances

The newly married couple typically have a first dance, which used to be called the "bridal waltz". In most contemporary weddings, a romantic song is played (common choices include songs by Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Etta James, Dean Martin, Barry White, Karen Carpenter, Shania Twain and other standards singers); the first dance is rarely a waltz now. Different dance styles are now used, depending on the nature of the song. Fox trot, two-step, or rumba match most four-count pop ballads.

The wedding reception dance party may involve a certain sequence of special dances. For example, after the first dance, the newly married parties may also share a special dance with a parent.

Traditionally, following the special dances, the guests are invited to join in the dancing. The party continues with toasts and celebrations until the bride and groom leave in a car decorated by the couple's friends.

A new trend involves the addition of a DVD slideshow or photo montage video, featuring pictures of the new spouses growing up and meeting. These are created using home movies and photos taken over the couple's life, edited and set to music. The montage is shown either on a large TV or monitor or with an LCD projector.

Another new trend is scheduling the first dance immediately after wedding party introductions and before the toast or meal.

Additionally, while most couples select a romantic song and a reserved dance style, some couples choose to have humorous choreographed dances, such as those seen on the Rock the Reception TV show.

Wedding cake

Typically, a cake from a professional baker is displayed until after dinner. After a short period of dancing, the couple cut the cake and may feed a bite to one another. Then, the cake is cut for the guests. This cake is typically at least two tiers, and often more. Some couples have a smaller, formal display cake, which is supplemented by sheet cake. It is served with coffee and tea before the main course.

Groom's cake

This is a tradition observed mainly in the southern United States. In the Colonial and Victorian eras, the white-iced bride's cake was considered "too light" for male tastes, and a second cake choice—usually a dark, liquor-soaked fruitcake—was also offered. Today, chocolate is popular, although the groom's cake may be in any flavor and is usually shaped or decorated as something significant to the groom, such as a favorite hobby or sport. Steel Magnolias, the popular wedding movie, features a groom's cake, specifically, a red velvet cake in the shape of a giant armadillo.

Expense

The average cost of a wedding in the United States, as of 2007, was about $28,000, twice the cost of a wedding in 1990. The wedding industry nets $161-billion annually,^[1] according to Rebecca Mead, author of One Perfect Day.^[2][3]

Reception held at a village hall.

Other traditions

Wedding traditions vary between countries, and between regions of the same country. Some traditions include:

• The money dance, or "dollar dance". Guests pay a small amount of money to dance with the bride or groom. In some cultures, the money is pinned to a special apron worn by the bride or groom. In others, the money is collected by friends, who sometimes give a shot of an alcoholic beverage to each guest as they pay. This is prevalent among Polish and Italian couples, although many other brides and grooms often incorporate it. There is considerable debate in social circles regarding the money dance; traditional etiquette^{[clarification needed]} frowns upon this practice, unless the couple and the majority of their guests are of one of the cultures in which it is traditional.

Dancing guests at a wedding party in Mauritania.

• Tossing of the bride's bouquet and garter. The bride tosses her bouquet over her shoulder to a group of all the single women present. Whoever catches it is supposed to be the next to get married. Similarly, the groom tosses the bride's garter to the single men, often after removing it from her leg. On occasion, the bride will "rig" the bouquet toss by tossing the bouquet to a woman who is engaged. The groom then arranges for the fiancé of the bouquet-toss winner to receive the bride's garter. Sometimes, the man who catches the garter is supposed to put it on the leg of the woman who catches the bouquet, or the garter is sold in a raffle instead of being tossed.

• Clinking of the glasses. Guests will often clink their glasses during dinner to ask the newlyweds to stand up and kiss. Some couples pass out wedding favor bells for guests to ring instead of clinking glasses.

• Favors. The hosts typically provide a small gift for each guest. Favors may include chocolates, candles, soups, picture frames, etc.

• Increasingly more common, wedding or reception websites to include those unable to attend.

Ethnic Hakka people in a wedding in East Timor, 2006.

Chinese society

In Chinese society, the wedding reception is known as xǐ-jǐu (喜酒, literally, joyful wine) and is far more important than the wedding itself, which tends to be a brief civil ceremony. Unlike Western tradition, the groom's family pays all the wedding and reception expenses. The timing and the characteristics of the reception vary widely from locale to locale. They are often elaborate and expensive, and may cost the groom's family several years' income. However, because cash (in red envelopes) and jewelry (particularly gold) are given as wedding presents, the cost of the reception is effectively split among the wedding guests. Wedding receptions also build solidarity in the local community. As each couple weds, their wedding reception is effectively financed by gifts from the other members of the community, with the expectation that the new couple and their family will give gifts at future wedding receptions within the village.

Chinese wedding receptions

This includes the Chinese in mainland China, Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, Singapore, and Malaysia.

Brides' dress

Red/pink/crimson/firebrick/magenta/maroon/tomato are safe; no black, white, or navy blue.

Gifts

Unless the wedding couple has a wedding registry, it is best not to give gifts or gift certificates. For Chinese weddings, cash or a check is always the best gift. In addition to that, some elder relatives might also give gold jewelry. The cash or check should be in a red envelope or red pocket with the givers' names on it, and it is always given when signing in at the restaurant. Avoid any combination with the number 4; it is an unlucky number. Also, never use a white envelope to wrap cash or a check for a wedding.

Timing

There are two times listed on the invitation: 恭候 (greeting) and 入席 (reception). Typically, they are at least two hours apart (some may be four hours). The first one is the time the groom and bride, along with their family, will be ready to receive guests and greet them; the second one is the time the reception/banquet will start. The gap between those hours is referred to as entertainment time. Very often, the restaurant will provide poker and májiàng (麻將) for gambling; the time can also be used to socialize with other guests and take photos with the bride/groom and their families. Nowadays, in the U.S., you are less likely to see májiàng being played before the banquet; it is often replaced by a cocktail party. However, if the wedding reception takes place in southern China, Hong Kong, Macau, and even Canada (where there is a large Cantonese population), májiàng might still be played before the dinner.

Sign-in

Two people will be at the sign-in tables (one from the bride’s family and one from the groom’s) to register guests and receive gifts/red envelopes. Often, they will have two separate guest lists, one from the groom’s side and one from the bride’s. Then the best man and the maid of honor will direct ushers to escort guests to their seat.

Banquet procedure

Typically, the banquet will include a speech from the parents, the best man, the maid of honor, and the guest speaker. There will be cake cutting, toasts, a tea ceremony,^[4] some games designed by the DJ, and dancing. The two tables at the center of the room are for the groom’s and bride’s families.

Food

A Chinese wedding reception typically has nine or ten courses. Expensive dishes such as shark fin, abalone, lobster, jumbo shrimp, squab, sea bass, or sea cucumber are common on a wedding banquet menu. The average cost of higher-end menus ranges from USD$1,000 to $1,600 per table.^[5]

Wedding costs in Chongqing vary from around RMB 1000–2000 per table of ten people. Ten-person round tables are almost always used in southwest China. The menu will include a variety of foods normally off the establishment's set wedding menu, and the price will include the banquet room, the food, a cake, a bottle of wine, A/V equipment, and staff.

Some Westerners may not feel comfortable seeing dishes with a fish head, chicken head, or pig head; however, a whole fish, chicken, or pig means luck and completeness in Chinese wedding culture.

Traditionally, after the fifth dish of the dinner, the groom and bride and their families will approach each table to toast the guests. If the groom or the bride cannot drink, it is the best man, bridesmaid, or usher group’s responsibility to drink for them. Very often, the bride will change into a traditional Chinese red wedding dress (鳳褂, or qí páo) at that time.

Guests are welcome to take leftovers home. Taking home the remaining food indicates appreciation of the groom and bride’s choice of food.

About twenty minutes after the tenth (last) dish is served, the groom and bride, along with their families, will line up at the entrance/exit to bid the guests farewell and thank them for coming. It is not polite to leave before the last dish is served.

References