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It really is best that you separate while he is getting counseling. Abusers are about control and you've been his victim, so things aren't about to continue. When you remind him of his abuse he considers the fact that YOU are getting the upper hand and he'll have none of that.

Talk to him and tell him you are separating for awhile while he goes through couseling because you feel you're holding him back (and mean it!) Then leave and wait to see what happens. Don't give in because all you will be doing is enabling his behavior.

No, abusive men seldom will listen to a counselor about their problem and many abusers never will see a counselor. Abusers are about control, and NO ONE is going to tell them have to run their lives. He's proven that he is not listening to his counselor (if he is even seeing one or keeping his appointments) because he's still at you.

Good luckMarcy

Yes you are fooling yourself. When an abuser sees you standing up for yourself more the panic. They panic that you may leave them. So what they do is fake nice (honeymoon stage) with the hope you wont leave. They will be agreeable, contrite, non-argumentative, and pleasant. But believe me, in their mind they are mad as hell that you are challenging their authority and its just a matter of time until its payback time. Then they will be even more controlling as they feel your slipping away and the only way to reestablish their authority is to make sure they squash the thought that you can stand up for yourself. He will wait patiently. These types are very manipulative and they are all about control.

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โˆ™ 2011-09-12 15:29:05
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Q: Are you kidding yourself if you've been standing your ground and telling him he's wrong and abusive but he still continues verbal abuse after counseling or will it get better?
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When dealing with an abusive boyfriend how can you tell the difference between standing up for yourself and using emotional blackmail or even becoming abusive yourself?

Standing up for yourself is simply saying that you will no longer tolerate abusive behavior, and backing it up by leaving it if does not stop. You cannot "deal" with abusers. If they refuse to get counseling, you need to get away from them. Untreated, abuse almost always gets worse with time.


How can you get your abusive boyfriend to leave?

-Pray about it. -Call the police. -Get counseling on how to get him to leave. -Don't be afraid of him but don't be risky by standing up to him. -


How can you tell if you still love your emotionally abusive spouse?

If you do its because of TRAUMA BONDING. Get counseling to help yourself.


Im abusive to my girlfriend i need help?

you certainly do. Turn yourself in to the nearest police station. Both of you needs couples counseling as well as separate counseling.


Defending yourself against an abusive husband?

---- Call the police, if the abuse continues, then leave him and never go back. ----


How do you help someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Abusive relationships are some of the most difficult ones to resolve. THis type of relationship assumes that one partner is abusive and continues to be so because there is no response to the abuse. The difference here centers on "self-assurance." The abusive partner continues his or her behavior because there is no response. I can not suggest how the abused party should respond because in most instances they feel diminished. This situation can only be resolved through extended counseling, if at all.


What steps can you take to heal and move on after leaving an abusive relationship?

Counseling will help and enpower yourself by doing something you have wanted to do. Go to school, do something you have wanted to do.


What happen when your boyfriend is abusive and you want to leave?

If he is really abusive go to the police! You should go to counseling or something.


What should you do if someone is verbally abusive?

Let them know that it is not ok to talk to you in that way. Tell them that you will not be around them anymore if they can not address you in a respectful way. If it continues, you might have to disassociate yourself with them.


Who is the abuser in your marriage if you have been married for 19 years and you once slapped your husband in the face when he called you a slut?

Both of you are abusive to each other. You need counseling. Family counseling and anger management counseling.


What if your wife is mentally abusive?

If your wife is mentally abusive, you need to let her know that her words are hurting you. If that does not seem to do any good, you all may need to seek counseling.


Is it possible that your ex abusive husband to change when he remarried and shows stable signs of not being abusive to his second wife?

Possible, but not likely for him to change on his own without serious counseling.


Why should you not go to couples counseling if in an abusive relationship?

Because, nobody wants help to stay with somebody who abuses you.


What do I do if my Husband is abusive towards me and expects me to just do what he says while he does the opposite.?

You should try marriage counseling. It helped me a lot.


If an abusive father does not believe he has a problem will counseling help?

yes but if hes refusing to accept the problem then he might refuse to go and see a councillor


Why was he trying not to be abusive but he was?

Men who are abusive generally have learned this from the environment in which they grew up. Some men have a short fuse and blast off with either verbally abusive words or they become physically abusive with their partner. Some men know deep inside it is wrong, but don't know how to get help and most men refuse to seek psychological counseling because it makes them feel weak and not masculine. If he refuses to get help then you have the power to get out of the abusive relationship.


Are you being abusive when you're the one being emotionally abused and you withhold affection?

No. Many times the abuser will tell you you are being abusive as a way to manipulate you into giving affection, which continues the abuse, as manipulation can be a form of abuse.


Is there a way for a woman to continue some kind of relationship with a man she loves who is abusive?

Both need to go to counseling or it won't work,and it has to be long term!


What if your abusive boyfriend also abuses your friends?

an abusive boyfriend is the worst thing that can happen to a lady. if u have an abusive boyfriend the it's best u terminate the relationship. as long as ur not married the he doesn't own u. and if u stick with him and he continues abusing ur friends then they will leave u.


How can you make your wife leave?

I do not mean to be abusive with you, but frankly it sounds like you are being abusive with her. Get a grip and tell her the marriage is over, and then you leave. If you don't want her with you, you have to ask yourself why you are still there.


Your bf of 2yrs left you a wk ago today mentally abusive bilpolar he still calls you and hangs up on you then calls you again what shud you do i devoted my life to him it's very hard for me to let go?

Get YOURSELF into counseling and get away.CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER and take out a restraining order if necessary.


How do you react to someone talking abusive or inappropriately to you in the work place?

explain to them initially that it is not acceptable, and if it continues after that then alert the proper managers/boss of the improprieties.


What should you do If you get a rude or abusive text or email from a friend?

Talk to your friend. He may have had a really bad day. If it continues, you may have to no longer be friends.


Is there a girl who has been in a teen dating violence?

I have never been in an abusive relationship but you should get rid of whoever is hurting you, and if he continues, tell someone about it.


Would it be a Psychological issue if your wife adds abusive words to the words you speak and later recalls and insists that you were Abusive and that you spoke all the words she added?

Sounds like the two of you need some serious professional couples counseling. The thing with counseling couples is that it provides a mediator, someone to listen to both sides and make rational, objective, unbiased assessments. A good counselor will help both sides gain understanding into the other's ways. And counseling opens the gates to healthy communication and healing.