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Please don't be so hard on this girl. You need to get on the internet and look up "The cycle of abuse." It's a hard things to get over. Men who abuse women are controlling, weak minded, and at times brutal. They usually start out nice, then control her by getting her away from her family and friends and then asking her to move in with him where he has 100% control. The long and short of it is, her lifestyle will be filled with mental and physical abuse and it's just like brainwashing someone. She knows no other way and is use to being told what to do and say by her abuser. There are high stats where the abused woman goes back to her abuser or will pick other men that have an abusive personality and she just can't help it. Abused women really need therapy to learn the tools to protect themselves against such men. This is a very serious problem and one you shouldn't take lightly. You made a mistake! If you knew what you were doing you would have NEVER mailed her ex. You only caused her more emotional and physical pain. When you contact the abuser (her ex) then you are challenging him and he's too chicken to come after you and will simply beat the hell out of her. 9 chances out of 10 that is what has happened. There are two things that could have happened here. #1 She could have treated you shabbily to protect you and gone back to her abuser or #2 She can't deal with a nice guy (it's like walking on egg shells because she is so use to being treated poorly and can't believe someone would be just nice to her) and has gone back to what she knows best. She has no independence, no self worth and low self esteem. I suggest you either fight for her (not with her abuser) but try talking to her to find out if she really wants to leave her abuser and if so, then you get her to straight to an "Abused Women's Center" for help (they will protect her.) If she is not willing to do this and fights you on the issue then please turn your back, walk away and get on with your life. That means ending your friendship as well. Good luck Marcy Hello Marcey, thanks for your message. Well, I offered her the world and guided her into a normal life, but whatever I did was never good enough. I offered counceling but the only thing she talked with the counceler about was, that I am controlling and the issue with her ex boyfriend who lives in Florida. I felt pressured on an every day base. Her ex was not getting out of her mind and on the top I reminded her of him so much as I am German too. I almost felt she wanted to jeopardize our relationship on purpose in order to go back to him. On the top she had beauty issues with her skin which made her real depressed and agressive. She told me she got aggrevated around me. As a background story about him: He left her once because she did not care about him, but suddenly she woke up felt like she wanted him back. This was a heavy stone in our relationship and bothered me a lot. Of course I complained and asked for a change but as more I complained as more she turned against me. I did not see a way out then contacting her EX in order to get him off our back. I know this was a mistake, but I felt maybe that's the solution for peace. If she can't do it, maybe I can stop it. I found out later is that she was still in contact with him and hiding our relationship in front of him. Now she is gone and she asked me to go on with my life. She wants to pick up some stuff and meet me next week, but I can't get over her. I am even scared to see her now, because I hope that she will wake up. To be honest I want her back, but without the baggage of her ex. Everything could have been fine, if he wouldn't have been in the game. Well, there is one more thing to say. She has 2 kids with another man back in Kentucky which she abandoned for becoming a model/actress in Hollywood. I don't want to see her getting lost in LA. She doesn't see my intentions. She said I can't be her hero, she wants to do it by herself. Trust me I never held her back from anything, the only big issue was always her EX. She said she would have left me anyways because she feels to obligated to me? I don't understand....I have tried to be there, to give me heart, to offer a good life, but everything went bad and very difficult ? What should I do, I still love her. It might sound crazy but I want her back ! I ask for your honest opinion and help !

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2005-11-21 00:44:00
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Q: Can a relationship work out with a childhood abused girl who still loves her ex if she abused your relationship so you kicked her out and she shows no regret and hates you because you contacted her ex?
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