Relationships

Can you ever really be friends with an ex?

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2019-04-11 20:50:22
2019-04-11 20:50:22

Yes, you can be friends with an ex. Whether or not that's a good idea depends on your personality, your ex's personality, the nature of your relationship, and a host of other factors.

For many people, the idea of staying friends is untenable. After all, that's why breaking up is called "ending a relationship." In most cases, the relationship...ends.

Scientists have looked into post-breakup friendships, and some of the research has interesting implications for these types of relationships. In one such study, researchers identified four common reasons behind the behavior: security, practicality, civility, and unresolved romantic desires.

Unsurprisingly, participants in this last group had more negative outcomes-their friendships ended, or they were unhappy in their other relationships. People who stayed friends for security or for practical reasons had more positive outcomes overall, but people who stayed friends for practical or civil reasons were less likely to stay friends in the long term.

In other words, if you're looking for a long-term friendship, you should want the security of the friendship; other factors shouldn't come into play. For instance, if you want to maintain the friendship because you're worried that your mutual friends will choose a side, your friendship with your ex probably won't last very long, even if you are able to sustain it for a short time. More importantly, if you have romantic feelings for your partner, don't expect them to disappear simply because you've changed your relationship status on social media.

There are other reasons to consider a clean break. Another study on post-breakup friendships yielded a surprising result: Men who maintained these relationships were more likely to have "dark personality traits" associated with narcissism and sociopathy. Men were also more likely to rate sexual access and pragmatism as important reasons for continuing the friendship.

Still, "your ex might be a psychopath" isn't a great reason to cut off contact entirely. Plenty of people are able to maintain worthwhile friendships with ex-partners, so there's no hard-and-fast rule.

If you're considering a friendship with an ex, ask yourself why you want to keep part of your relationship intact. Be honest with yourself-if you've got any unresolved feelings whatsoever, it's probably a good idea to cut ties, at least temporarily, until you're both comfortable with other romantic pursuits.

If, however, you feel that your relationship is better as a friendship (and if you're sure that your ex feels the same way), go for it. Good friends are hard to find.

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Related Questions


I don't think anybody should be friends with an abusive ex. But you can do what you want i personally wouldn't but it's up to you.

i believe yes. if both the ex girlfriend and the guy mutually broke up and didn't have anything against each other, then they both could still be friends after the break up.

you may think that, from former advise, that remaining with your ex is weird but if they are really special to you, who the hell cares if they were your ex or not.

it is defentaly OK to text your ex-girlfriend. if you to have been friends for ever you should still be friends, dont end that friendship just because you two are ex- boyfriend and girlfriend.

Well no one ever really knew who her friends where

not really just dont be werid around her

If he can put the past aside there is a chance, but that takes time.

its really easy to deal with , as long as you and your ex are still friends. and you are over your ex.

They can be if you don't get jealous. If someone has offended you by dating your ex, you are free to end your friendship with that person. However, you might also prefer to continue your friendship. Perhaps it doesn't really matter if your friend dates your ex. After all, if you really did not want your ex to date someone else, you could have continued your own relationship, rather than breaking up.

if you REALLY REALLY LOVE HIM. sure accept eing friends. but if you don`t.... why waste you time?

Okay, if you like your best friends ex. you like their ex. There really is no way around your feelings, though I know you may try. Talk to your friend about it, if they are your friend they will understand, and will want to make you happy! Hope I helped!

They haven't really ever fought. So they are just not close friends :)

Doubt it... that's why she is an EX If they do it's only for a booty call.

you really cant... what i would do is talk to him.. tell him that you are not very comfortable with him being friends with his exes... if he really likes you then he would understand?

Move on. If he does not want to talk to you then you can't be friends. An Ex is An Ex for a reason

Well it depends, if you are still friends with your ex, it would probably be ok. But enemies I would not. (Unless you really actually love him).

I think that it's fine to be friends with your ex unless they did something that you really didn't like at all, and they're different. It may be awkward, but I'm sure it's better then ignoring them always. I personally think it's ok for her to be friends with her ex, because she has the right to be friends with anyone she wants to. But, if it gets serious, it's not ok.

depends on how bad a breakup... an ok one, then sure, a really bad one, no of course you can still be friends with an ex. it doesn't matter how the break up went. if you can still be friends with them, especially after a bad break up, then chances are you will find love agian. besides, being friends with your ex isn't a bad thing.

She's either left you or really does want to be your friend.

cause you broke up think about it really how stupid do you get?

because they were jealous of you and now they don't really like you

Yes. They have been friends sense i believe ever sense they were little

This new fad of ex boyfriends and ex girlfriend being friends is a fallacy in itself and 'ex' means the relationship is over and both parties should move forward in their own lives and stop trying to be friends. You said that you broke up badly with no talking and that is the way he obviously wants to keep it. It is time for you to walk away from your ex.

The percentage is very low, but some do remain friends. I find it's best just to move on with your life.


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