Can you love your spouse and yet be in love with someone else at the same time?
Here are opinions and advice from s members:
- I believe you can, but it is important that you not act on your
feelings. Try to incorporate the love you feel for that person into
the person your with. introduce some of the things you enjoyed with
that other person. It will help you, you'll grow fonder for them
and may even open doors for them. Love is funny, you cannot make
someone into some one else, but you can take some of the things you
loved about that old person and introduce them to the new and maybe
even get a new twist on it. Eventually the flame you had for an old
lover will burn out.
- Love is the only thing in the world that you could share and
share again, without ever having the size of the parts
- Yes. For the past 15 years this has been true for myself. I am
married, moved on....but yet when i meet him...talk....chat ....the
love is there....the talking and knowing the person has grown up
over the years is really nice to do. With it though comes hurt b/c
you both are with someone....now the next step is what will you do
with those feelings? do you leave the man your with that you love?
Do you go back to the other man that you also love. Love is VERY
powerful...it makes you gitty, happy, excited....you CAN have that
in two lives but it overwhelms you after awhile....you can put one
love on the backburner and live with the other...but goodness its
tiresome....andnow looking at the years gone by i wonder what
- Yes, you can. It sucks so bad though. I have love for my
husband and another man i fell for while he went to the war for a
year. My husband found out what happened but I still carry flames
for both men in different ways. I simply love both. I can't be with
both but I do love both.
- I disagree that, "Evenually the flame you had for an old lover
will burn out." After 18 years I am still in love with my first
love, the flame never burnt out. We were forced apart by our
parents and were not allowed to communicate with each other. He
then married someone else thinking it was over forever and so did
I. We have since got back in touch and now we communicate online
only. Myself and my family moved to another country so that I knew
we would not have the opportunity to cheat on our spouses with each
other if we met in person. But the fact remains he made a
commitment to her and even if he did not love her like he did me,
he still made that commitment. As did I.
- I strongly disagree with it burning out. I fell in love at the
age of 18 and he was 33. I did not know he was married but living
separated until after I fell in love with him. He moved away
because he felt it was best for everyone and he wanted me to have a
life. Some 30 yrs later he contacted me because he is very ill. I
went to see him because I felt it was the kind thing. He and I both
realized that the love is still there between the two of us. But
the right thing to do was to go on with my life again.
- I think it's possible, well I hope it's possible because if it
isn't my relationship is a lie. I think I'm in love as I feel very
strongly for the girl I'm with but I don't know if it's possible
for me to ever feel the way I did and still do at times about the
other girl. It's been over three years since I have even seen her
but I dream of her from time to time and I still get goose bumps
when I think about her. If I was sure what love was, that was it.
The problem was that it wasn't reciprocated. So I had to move on
and now I'm with someone else. I just hope that one day I feel that
love for her.
- Yes, you definitely can love more than once person at the same
time. I have been happily married for 11 years (not that we haven't
had our share of probelms, just like anyone else) and I never
dreamed it would happen to me. But it has. It started out as a good
friend and has developed into much more over the last couple years.
We are both married and neither of us plans on changing that.
Usually you can't have your cake and eat it, too, so who knows how
it will all turn out? It was been wonderful and horrible at the
same time. I am in love with two men.
- It is possible. I developed a crush on my seventh grade teacher
when I was 12 years old. I thought it was exactly that -- a crush.
I was devastated, though, a few years later, when he married his
girlfriend. Anyway, I moved on: through high school and college.
But I still thought of him periodically. Then I met a wonderful man
and we married. We have been together for 12 years and married for
over 9 years. But I realized about 8 years ago when I was in
graduate school that I was still in love with my teacher. I was
taking a poetry writing class where we used our dreams to create
poetry. I started dreaming of this man who was my teacher again. I
knew then that I loved him. Occasionally, our paths cross now, and
I feel giddy, nervous, all excited. I am almost 32, and I have
loved him for 20 years. I am happy with my current husband, but
that doesn't take away from the fact that I still love this other
man, and I wonder what my life would have been like had I been with
- No, I don't believe you can. It's not real or true love if it's
for two people. You can think you're in love with two people. But
in the rough times you will see who you really love.
- Yes, you can love more than one person; but I think the real
question is, can you love unconditionally? Love is not tailored to
- Yes, definitely. I love my man dearly - we've been together for
years and have been through a lot, and have one child together -
but I am still in love with another. He loves me too, and says he
always will, but that makes the pain greater. We have said that we
will be together one day, no matter what. In the past every time
one of us was single, the other was with someone, and didn't have
the guts to leave. But I regret this so much. Love like this is
heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time, but mainly causes
pain. I have found that the only way to live without being
constantly tormented by it is to restrict contact with the other
person, and put your full energy into your current relationship.
That helps, but never takes it away.
- Absolutely yes you can fall in love with another person while
you love your partner/spouse/girl-or-boyfriend. To say that you
cannot is a bit like saying a parent cannot love any of their
children beyond their first one. Or it's a bit like saying that you
cannot hate more than one person at a time. Being all-partnered-up
does not somehow prevent your brain from dousing itself in
love-chemicals over someone else. Human feelings know no such rules
or boundaries, so loving Person A and wearing a wedding band for
them does not innoculate you against loving Person B.
- I tried to read the responses to this posting with an open
mind, but I feel that the only person who got it right was the one
who said "No." Cheating is one thing; at least the desire for sex
or emotional involvement can be explained and, hopefully, gotten
past. But loving someone else and staying with your spouse/partner
our of a necessity for security, or the kids or whatever is just a
lame excuse for hurting the innocent spouse. If you really are
capable of this "dual-love", then let your spouse go. You can
always love somebody that's in your past. You guys have proven
that. Just don't keep your spouse in a relationship that is a lie.
He or she, if they ever find out, will hate you (trust me on this
one, ok) and even if you manage to maintain the love for the other
person, everyone involved, yourself included, seems to get the
short end of the staff. Why should four people get screwed over so
two can justify their affair? Love two people at once? Hmmm. Sounds
like you guys are counting yourselves in that equation.
- Yes you can love your spouse and love someone else. But it's up
to you whether you cross the fine line.
- Absolutely. I don't think anyone ever forgets their first