Can you love your spouse and yet be in love with someone else at the same time?

Loving Someone Else

Here are opinions and advice from s members:
  • I believe you can, but it is important that you not act on your feelings. Try to incorporate the love you feel for that person into the person your with. introduce some of the things you enjoyed with that other person. It will help you, you'll grow fonder for them and may even open doors for them. Love is funny, you cannot make someone into some one else, but you can take some of the things you loved about that old person and introduce them to the new and maybe even get a new twist on it. Eventually the flame you had for an old lover will burn out.
  • Love is the only thing in the world that you could share and share again, without ever having the size of the parts decreasing.
  • Yes. For the past 15 years this has been true for myself. I am married, moved on....but yet when i meet him...talk....chat ....the love is there....the talking and knowing the person has grown up over the years is really nice to do. With it though comes hurt b/c you both are with someone....now the next step is what will you do with those feelings? do you leave the man your with that you love? Do you go back to the other man that you also love. Love is VERY powerful...it makes you gitty, happy, excited....you CAN have that in two lives but it overwhelms you after awhile....you can put one love on the backburner and live with the other...but goodness its tiresome....andnow looking at the years gone by i wonder what now?
  • Yes, you can. It sucks so bad though. I have love for my husband and another man i fell for while he went to the war for a year. My husband found out what happened but I still carry flames for both men in different ways. I simply love both. I can't be with both but I do love both.
  • I disagree that, "Evenually the flame you had for an old lover will burn out." After 18 years I am still in love with my first love, the flame never burnt out. We were forced apart by our parents and were not allowed to communicate with each other. He then married someone else thinking it was over forever and so did I. We have since got back in touch and now we communicate online only. Myself and my family moved to another country so that I knew we would not have the opportunity to cheat on our spouses with each other if we met in person. But the fact remains he made a commitment to her and even if he did not love her like he did me, he still made that commitment. As did I.
  • I strongly disagree with it burning out. I fell in love at the age of 18 and he was 33. I did not know he was married but living separated until after I fell in love with him. He moved away because he felt it was best for everyone and he wanted me to have a life. Some 30 yrs later he contacted me because he is very ill. I went to see him because I felt it was the kind thing. He and I both realized that the love is still there between the two of us. But the right thing to do was to go on with my life again.
  • I think it's possible, well I hope it's possible because if it isn't my relationship is a lie. I think I'm in love as I feel very strongly for the girl I'm with but I don't know if it's possible for me to ever feel the way I did and still do at times about the other girl. It's been over three years since I have even seen her but I dream of her from time to time and I still get goose bumps when I think about her. If I was sure what love was, that was it. The problem was that it wasn't reciprocated. So I had to move on and now I'm with someone else. I just hope that one day I feel that love for her.
  • Yes, you definitely can love more than once person at the same time. I have been happily married for 11 years (not that we haven't had our share of probelms, just like anyone else) and I never dreamed it would happen to me. But it has. It started out as a good friend and has developed into much more over the last couple years. We are both married and neither of us plans on changing that. Usually you can't have your cake and eat it, too, so who knows how it will all turn out? It was been wonderful and horrible at the same time. I am in love with two men.
  • It is possible. I developed a crush on my seventh grade teacher when I was 12 years old. I thought it was exactly that -- a crush. I was devastated, though, a few years later, when he married his girlfriend. Anyway, I moved on: through high school and college. But I still thought of him periodically. Then I met a wonderful man and we married. We have been together for 12 years and married for over 9 years. But I realized about 8 years ago when I was in graduate school that I was still in love with my teacher. I was taking a poetry writing class where we used our dreams to create poetry. I started dreaming of this man who was my teacher again. I knew then that I loved him. Occasionally, our paths cross now, and I feel giddy, nervous, all excited. I am almost 32, and I have loved him for 20 years. I am happy with my current husband, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I still love this other man, and I wonder what my life would have been like had I been with him.
  • No, I don't believe you can. It's not real or true love if it's for two people. You can think you're in love with two people. But in the rough times you will see who you really love.
  • Yes, you can love more than one person; but I think the real question is, can you love unconditionally? Love is not tailored to our needs.
  • Yes, definitely. I love my man dearly - we've been together for years and have been through a lot, and have one child together - but I am still in love with another. He loves me too, and says he always will, but that makes the pain greater. We have said that we will be together one day, no matter what. In the past every time one of us was single, the other was with someone, and didn't have the guts to leave. But I regret this so much. Love like this is heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time, but mainly causes pain. I have found that the only way to live without being constantly tormented by it is to restrict contact with the other person, and put your full energy into your current relationship. That helps, but never takes it away.
  • Absolutely yes you can fall in love with another person while you love your partner/spouse/girl-or-boyfriend. To say that you cannot is a bit like saying a parent cannot love any of their children beyond their first one. Or it's a bit like saying that you cannot hate more than one person at a time. Being all-partnered-up does not somehow prevent your brain from dousing itself in love-chemicals over someone else. Human feelings know no such rules or boundaries, so loving Person A and wearing a wedding band for them does not innoculate you against loving Person B.
  • I tried to read the responses to this posting with an open mind, but I feel that the only person who got it right was the one who said "No." Cheating is one thing; at least the desire for sex or emotional involvement can be explained and, hopefully, gotten past. But loving someone else and staying with your spouse/partner our of a necessity for security, or the kids or whatever is just a lame excuse for hurting the innocent spouse. If you really are capable of this "dual-love", then let your spouse go. You can always love somebody that's in your past. You guys have proven that. Just don't keep your spouse in a relationship that is a lie. He or she, if they ever find out, will hate you (trust me on this one, ok) and even if you manage to maintain the love for the other person, everyone involved, yourself included, seems to get the short end of the staff. Why should four people get screwed over so two can justify their affair? Love two people at once? Hmmm. Sounds like you guys are counting yourselves in that equation.
  • Yes you can love your spouse and love someone else. But it's up to you whether you cross the fine line.
  • Absolutely. I don't think anyone ever forgets their first love.