Mental Health
Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

Could an abusive woman who you rejected after a brief affair make you stay friends with her by using emotional abuse and threatening to tell your wife of your affair?

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Wiki User
2007-11-19 05:24:55

This is a mess you partially made, so you're responsible for

cleaning it up. A person can use emotional blackmail in an attempt

to control an ongoing relationship. Regardless if you want to stay

in your marriage or not, realize your affair seems to be a toxic

relationship. Drop all contact with her, do not respond to any

messages or threats. It's probably the last thing you want to do,

but it's time to come clean with your spouse about this

situation--your wife would rather hear the truth from you than from

the other woman, whose intent would be to hurt her and get revenge

on you. This is weird on several levels. Can she MAKE you stay

friends. How the heck do you do that? A friend is someone who wants

to be there and to help. SHe can't make you want anything. You have

to choose. However, she can make you DO anything you are willing to

let her make you do while holding that over your head. But then the

question gets deeper. Do you want to remain married to your wife?

Why? If so, why did you have an affair? Had the person not been a

fruitcake abuser, would you have continued your affair? If someone

better comes along will you do it again? In short, do you really

love your wife? These questions are ones you really need to look

into yourself for. You must remember, people make mistakes, it is

how you handle them that is the mark of your worth. You are

handling this poorly. If you truly love your wife, you would want

to tell her about this because your guilt would consume you. If you

don't, then you have to wonder why you are there in the first

place. Either way, you need to stand up to this woman and tell her

that she's free to do as she wishes, but you want nothing else to

do with her - IF that's what you really want. Then you need to face

the consequences of your actions. She may be bluffing. Or she may

tell. If she tells, then you will have to explain and try to

salvage the relationship and re-earn her trust if you can. In

short, you just need to stop what you are doing and do what you

think is RIGHT regardless of the consequences to yourself. Like the

other posters, I think you are going to have to tell your wife and

fix your marriage. It is the right thing to do, given the marriage

committment. Visit a counselor if you need help in finding the way

to do this. In addition, telling your wife will take all ammunition

from the woman who is holding you hostage. In addition, you can

choose the time (NOW) and not become an emotional wreck on her

time. This woman is not a friend in any sense of the world, so you

have no obligations to make it possible for her to be a friend.

Doing the right thing here definitely will pay off.

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