How can a female who is afraid of more violence leave a physically abusive boyfriend?
Thanks Mackey for that information. I'm Canadian so would be researching it. Appreciate your help. Marcy While the other poster has excellent ideas for you, a restraining order isn't worth the paper it's written on. It's best to leave and stay somewhere where your abuser can't find you, but the clean and best way is to head for the Abused Women's Center! Good luck Marcy Hon, I am so sorry you are going through this. I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center in British Columbia. Here is what you must do: When he's at work or on the weekend if he's not around, call your Mental Health in your area and get the number for the Abused Women's Center. Explain about your circumstances and they will see you right away. This is what will happen when you go there: You will get an appointment right away to see a counselor there. They will give you a chance to tell your story and are more than willing to help you out. They will then help you get into the "Transition House" or "Safe House" (no one will know you are there and certainly not your boyfriend) where you will stay for awhile. There they will give you more counseling (also legal counsel if you want it) and the only thing required of you is that you do your share of duties for staying there and also attend the "battered women's programs" which help a great deal. They will help you find a job and get on your feet. If you choose legal counsel they will provide you with support. PLANNING BEFORE YOU LEAVE: Pack only the essentials you will need (you won't be going back home) and hide your bag somewhere where he won't find it. The laundry room is a good place (NEVER hide your bag in the bedroom!) Get rid of any correspondence regarding what you are doing. TELL NO ONE, where you are going unless you have a very trusted friend that you can lean on for support. If you do get her to take pictures of any bruises, cut lips, swollen black eyes, etc., that your b/f has given you. This is good proof in a court of law. Erase all messages you might have on your telephone or any phone #'s off your cell phone. This also includes any information you may have on your computer. DELETE EVERYTHING PERTAINING TO YOUR ABUSE!!!! If you have family phone from a pay phone and tell them that you are OK and will get in contact with them later. You will be safe at the Abused Women's Center and there are many women there in your situation so there is no need to feel embarrassed. The people that work there are kind, understanding and willing and able to help you. Some of them have been abused themselves so they know exactly what you feel like. If you have any problems please re-post to me and give me the city and State that you live in and I'll try to get the information for you. The likes of Nancy Regan and other prominent people as well as every day women such as myself are fighting to get the laws changed re abused women. The laws are changing slowly and now (at least in British Columbia) the police will work directly with the Abused Women's Centers and they also have a special squad that goes out to domestic violence calls. It used to be that only the victim could charge her abuser, but now if the police see fit (and they do almost 100% of the time) can lay charges and arrest the abuser. There are thousands of abused women in all parts of the world and take solace in the fact that you are not the only one. You are much stronger than you think, and you just made a very brave step coming to this board to get information. You can get away from this guy! Good luck hon & stay strong! Marcy Get a restraining order. If you live together, have your stuff moved out while he is gone for work, do it when it doesn't expect it. Then live with someone he doesn't know. If that isn't possible, then go somewhere safe and be sure there is an alarm on the home. The home needs to be secure for your safety. Arrainge to move far away and start over. Running is exhausting, but if it will save your life, then it is worth it. If he and you share a computer, then I suggest you don't visit any suspicious site about how to leave him - he can check history. Use a friends computer. Your friends and family will support you if they know what is going on, let them help you. * National Domestic Violence and Abuse Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, reacheable 24/7 in all 50 states, translators available if needed. http://www.ndvh.org, National Council for Child Abuse and Family Violence, http://www.nccafv.org