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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

How can a female who is afraid of more violence leave a physically abusive boyfriend?

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2006-04-19 04:31:25
2006-04-19 04:31:25

Thanks Mackey for that information. I'm Canadian so would be researching it. Appreciate your help. Marcy While the other poster has excellent ideas for you, a restraining order isn't worth the paper it's written on. It's best to leave and stay somewhere where your abuser can't find you, but the clean and best way is to head for the Abused Women's Center! Good luck Marcy Hon, I am so sorry you are going through this. I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center in British Columbia. Here is what you must do: When he's at work or on the weekend if he's not around, call your Mental Health in your area and get the number for the Abused Women's Center. Explain about your circumstances and they will see you right away. This is what will happen when you go there: You will get an appointment right away to see a counselor there. They will give you a chance to tell your story and are more than willing to help you out. They will then help you get into the "Transition House" or "Safe House" (no one will know you are there and certainly not your boyfriend) where you will stay for awhile. There they will give you more counseling (also legal counsel if you want it) and the only thing required of you is that you do your share of duties for staying there and also attend the "battered women's programs" which help a great deal. They will help you find a job and get on your feet. If you choose legal counsel they will provide you with support. PLANNING BEFORE YOU LEAVE: Pack only the essentials you will need (you won't be going back home) and hide your bag somewhere where he won't find it. The laundry room is a good place (NEVER hide your bag in the bedroom!) Get rid of any correspondence regarding what you are doing. TELL NO ONE, where you are going unless you have a very trusted friend that you can lean on for support. If you do get her to take pictures of any bruises, cut lips, swollen black eyes, etc., that your b/f has given you. This is good proof in a court of law. Erase all messages you might have on your telephone or any phone #'s off your cell phone. This also includes any information you may have on your computer. DELETE EVERYTHING PERTAINING TO YOUR ABUSE!!!! If you have family phone from a pay phone and tell them that you are OK and will get in contact with them later. You will be safe at the Abused Women's Center and there are many women there in your situation so there is no need to feel embarrassed. The people that work there are kind, understanding and willing and able to help you. Some of them have been abused themselves so they know exactly what you feel like. If you have any problems please re-post to me and give me the city and State that you live in and I'll try to get the information for you. The likes of Nancy Regan and other prominent people as well as every day women such as myself are fighting to get the laws changed re abused women. The laws are changing slowly and now (at least in British Columbia) the police will work directly with the Abused Women's Centers and they also have a special squad that goes out to domestic violence calls. It used to be that only the victim could charge her abuser, but now if the police see fit (and they do almost 100% of the time) can lay charges and arrest the abuser. There are thousands of abused women in all parts of the world and take solace in the fact that you are not the only one. You are much stronger than you think, and you just made a very brave step coming to this board to get information. You can get away from this guy! Good luck hon & stay strong! Marcy Get a restraining order. If you live together, have your stuff moved out while he is gone for work, do it when it doesn't expect it. Then live with someone he doesn't know. If that isn't possible, then go somewhere safe and be sure there is an alarm on the home. The home needs to be secure for your safety. Arrainge to move far away and start over. Running is exhausting, but if it will save your life, then it is worth it. If he and you share a computer, then I suggest you don't visit any suspicious site about how to leave him - he can check history. Use a friends computer. Your friends and family will support you if they know what is going on, let them help you. * National Domestic Violence and Abuse Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, reacheable 24/7 in all 50 states, translators available if needed. http://www.ndvh.org, National Council for Child Abuse and Family Violence, http://www.nccafv.org

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Related Questions


If a girl is afraid to break up with her boyfriend it could be she is afraid she will not have another boyfriend in the future; she may worry about what especially his friends will say about her; she may think she may make a mistake and will not have another chance to start another relationship with him or, he may be controlling her or even verbally or physically abusive and she does not know how to walk away from him without him following her.

-Pray about it. -Call the police. -Get counseling on how to get him to leave. -Don't be afraid of him but don't be risky by standing up to him. -

She is probably trying to be flirty. If she is actually afraid to talk to him then maybe he is abusive or she is hiding something from him.

It could mean that he is abusive or just creepy. Don't hang around with someone if you are afraid. The best thing to do is abstain from relationships and wait until marriage.

Why would you be afraid of having a boyfriend? If you are uncomfortable having one at the time, then don't have one. Do whatever you're uncomfortable with.

Sounds like he/she doesn't like your boyfriend or is afraid of him. Has your boyfriend ever mistreated the cat? If so, get rid of the boyfriend asap!

They're afraid of what they're husbands/boyfriends will do to them or their friends/family if they leave.

Could it be you are afraid you might lose him?

if you have the black eyes, s/he's abusive Guess what? I've never had a black eye. That doesn't mean I haven't been abused (especially since I've been afraid for my life). * Explain why you fear for your life if you are not being Physically Abused (Pushed, kicked, shoved , etc). If you are being Verbally threatened , what is he/she saying , WHY & How Often ???? Generalities or statements , without specifics, are meaningless.

It means nothing about your boyfriend. It shows you are loving your boyfriend very much and afraid of his leaving you. Do not bother by this dream. Be confident!

well they can but if they are afraid of blood they shouldn't

She doesn't know her boyfriend is abusing her? It can be mentally or physically. I would tell her that he is abusive to her, and it only can get worse. I was abused when I was 9 months pregnant with the guy's child. Tell her he's NOT going to change no matter what he says, and these days a lot of women and children are dying from the hands of their loved one. Trust me, if she is really getting abused then she needs to get out. If he is bad then call the police he needs to be stopped or someone will get hurt. Without being afraid of whom? Of your girlfriend or of her boyfriend? Victims of abuse often collaborate with their abuser in denying the reality of abuse. This is because abuse sometimes fulfills deepset emotional needs or because she is dependent on him financially, socially, or legally. There is no effective way to pierce this veil of denial.

One reason may be is that they don't know how to help. Another reason may be they are afraid to help. The power that an abuser has over the abused is frightening, both emotionally and physically. It is not unheard of that an abusive relationship can end in murder. Often times the abused person has been brainwashed into thinking they don't deserve anything better. Or they know they need help, but are too afraid to ask for it. There are professional organizations that are trained to help people get out of abusive relationships. They will offer a safe place to stay, counseling and the tools to start their life over. The abused person is the only one who can make positive steps to leave an abusive relationship. The best that family and friends can do is support that decision.

its also possible nothing is really wrong its just you can have a crush but when you get a boyfriend its hard to talk to them

There are many reasons why a boyfriend gets jealous. One reason is because he may be afraid to lose you.

he imagines stabbing him with a knife. but he knows he is to afraid of violence

I think that is a hint that he wants to kiss you but he is to afraid to ask.

tell him that you want to kiss him duhhhh then ya kiss

because they are usually afraid their housband or boyfriend will hurt them> ...

Well, maybe you werent taught to voice your opinion or has he been violent or show violence in the past. You shouldn't be scared in a healthy relationship. Are you afraid to say anything because you may lose him, if so then your relationship needs some solid ground.

Well the boyfriend just doesn't want to be alone and afraid of starting over again


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