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Sorry about the double post. I answered your question before and it disappeared off the message board. I have no idea why. Marcy It may be a battle to get him for help, but it's important you take him to your family doctor and have your husband evaluated. Many men get depressed from stress and there doesn't always have to be some deep dark trauma in your past to cause depression and there is a great deal of help for it. My brother who was 50 at the time became depressed (didn't even know it) and his wife basically took him in to see the doctor and the doctor gave him some antidepressants for a short period of time and it made the world of difference. However, it's extremely important that at least your husband and you sit down and talk about his job and see where his can cut-back on the stress level. If the company he works for won't ease up on him, then he can always get another job in the same line of work with less demands. Sometimes money isn't everything and health IS everything. Seeing a psychologist would certainly help you husband and they will give him tools to handle stress "Cognitive Therapy" (which I've taken and is excellent) and also exercise plays an important role in keeping our minds from becoming over-loaded as well as a good diet and those 8 glasses of water. In these stressful modern times it's so easy to skip meals or just grab anything to eat. Many men refuse to see a psychologist because they feel it's a sign of weakness or it may leak out to their boss or friends and they may think he's crazy. Not true! Many people go for a "tune up" to make sure they are on the right track when they have problems to resolve. Good luck Marcy Depression is very high in the ranks of jobs (good paying or poor paying) because they are very demanding. Men/women are working more over-time and there is more expected out of them. Sometimes there are even threats by the boss to "keep up" or a sadistic boss that sutely threatens his employee(s). It's a dog eat dog world out there. If you can get your husband to see your doctor for a "general check-up", but before he goes (and when he isn't around) phone the doctor's office and be sure the receptionist understands that your husband isn't to know you called and that she slips in a note telling the doctor that your husband has been very depressed. Once warned the doctor's have ways of getting this information out of especially men. His doctor can put him on short-term antidepressants. My brother at the age of 50 was depressed and didn't know it and his wife made an appointment for him and he went. He was surprised his doctor told him he was depressed and thankfully my brother went on short-term antidepressants and was fine after that. It's important that you sit down and communicate with your husband. Don't accuse him of being depressed, but just ask what is wrong and tell him to talk to you. Just listen! Sometimes the employee puts the demands on themselves and if this is the case then you and your husband can put your heads together and decide where he can cut-down on his stress level. If his employer is the one putting too many demands on your husband, then talk to your husband about finding another job in the same line of work, but with a company that isn't so demanding and gives him enough time off to relax. Money isn't everything, but HEALTH is! I live in Canada and more and more people are beginning to see the light and instead of making that big, fat, juicy pay check they are more willing to take a less stressful job and feel healthier and happier for it. You can do this by "down-sizing." A nice trip somewhere for just the two of you is also a good idea and if you can't afford it or he can't get at least 2 weeks away from work, perhaps a mini vacation would work. Go somewhere quiet and calm like a B & B by a beautiful beach (my husband and I did that last year and felt so relaxed and refreshed from it.) People that become depressed don't always have to have had some trauma in their past to feel this way, but it's a good idea to see if your husband is open to seeing a psychologist to learn tools to deal with stress (Cognitive Therapy is excellent and I've taken the course and still use the method to this day.) Daily walks, jogging, biking, golfing, swimming, going to the gym are all ways to get some good exercise and you should join him. Also better eating habits. In this modern and fast-paced world people have a tendency to eat out more, or grab this and that at different times of the day and wonder why they end up with digestive problems. Your husband may bulk at the fact of going to a psychologist because most men have been brought up that they should act like men, never cry, hide their true feelings and "be a man!" Not true! Men have feelings too and they should exercise this right more often. Some men can feel that going to a psychologist is like giving in or that they will be considered weak or they're crazy. Not true! Many people see psychologists (including men) but they just don't advertise it. Good luck (He's lucky to have you.) Marcy

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โˆ™ 2006-04-20 08:48:27
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Q: How can a wife try to help out her husband of 5 years if he is so stressed out from a demanding job that he is depressed and doesn't even want to make love anymore?
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