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Keep out of the thick of things or you could get in the middle of one ugly mess and 9 chances out of 10 no matter how much effort you put into helping your friend, if she still loves this guy she'll swing on you and blame you for all the trouble. You are a good friend, so just sit back and listen to her and let her get it out of her system. NEVER OFFER any physical help to get her away from this guy or you could put yourself in danger whether you are male or female. Also, you know a lot less about your friend then you will ever know. What happens behind private doors is often a different world than what you see your friend as when you are together. Half truths often come out. If your friend wants to lose this guy bad enough there are all sorts of places she can go such as "Abused Women's Center" or "Transition Houses" or even "Mental Health" and they will put her in the right direction to get away from him. Don't be so quick to label this guy. The label "narcissist" is thrown around here and there, but, the person being labeled could simply be over-bearing, a perfectionist, egotistical, etc., or actually a nice guy. Although some of the names I've just mentioned are part of a Narcissist it can also be used singularly and the person is not a Narcissist. I've learned that people are true chameleons out in the world (we all have to be to a point) and that we truly don't know others as much as we think we do. I got in the middle of a so-called bad marriage between my girlfriend and her husband. She would phone me, come to my home crying her eyes out and tell me one story after the other. I had no reason to believe she would lie to me because I never thought someone would make something like this up. Little did I know she was making it all up (the guy was fine) and in her own mind she thought he really was being nasty to her. In fact, she was nasty to him! She not only smashed him in the nose when he was in a dead sleep (blood spurting out of his nose) and as he staggered to the bathroom (still half asleep) and wondered what the heck hit him, she came up behind him with a Golf club and nailed him behind the knees. I later learned the worst about my friend and also the astonishing fact she was an alcoholic, but she hid it well from her close friends. She got psychological counseling and in a year her and her husband got back together, seem happy and hopefully they will stay that way. Be careful!

2006-08-01 05:00:12
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Q: How can you support your friend who is in a miserable nine-month marriage to a narcissist but hasn't yet worked up the nerve to leave him?
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