Teen Dating
Gay Lesbian and Bisexual

How can you tell if a guy is gay without asking him?


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  • You can't tell. There are guys who wave their arms around, and talk with a lisp, who are extremely straight. And there are butch tough guys who drive trucks, who are gay. The stereotypes are no use here.
  • The big question is "why should it matter?" Sometimes men can be effeminate in manner (swishing, moving their hands or arms in exaggerated movements) while some guys can look and act just like a straight guy. I have met many people in my lifetime and never really thought of their sexuality and some of those people I have had as friends for many years and it wasn't for a long while before a few admitted they were gay. I loved them for who there were, how they treated me, and nothing has changed. Don't sweat it and just enjoy the guy. If you are interested in him then ask him out and if he's gay he probably will say no or even admit he's gay. Either way you'll at least know where you stand.
  • The only way to tell is if he tells you, and tells the truth. Many people say you can tell by mannerisms or interests but I could point out many straight florists and many gay wrestlers. All the stereotypical male interests (hunting, sports, drinking games) are found among gay men too. All the stereotypical gay interests (fashion, gossip) are found among straight men too. There is no way to know for sure unless a man tells you. In my case, I almost never tell people, because once I do they put me in a category and start dishing about Cher or Liza (I could not care less), ask my fashion advice (I know nothing about it ) and want me to pick out a color for their living room (how do I know?). Learn to treat people as individuals and you'll rarely cause offense.
  • Sometimes it's extremely difficult to know unless the person tells you. I have seen men from all walks of life that are gay and some are oil riggers and longshoremen (big guys and the least ones you would guess would be gay.) There are men with effeminate trends (women's gestures) but they're straight as an arrow. Some women may look and act like a man but are straight and some women you would consider a #10 are lesbians. Unless they tell you outwardly they are gay then it's often hard to know. It's a difficult question to ask the person so unless you are steady dating them or married to a person you suspect is gay it doesn't really matter.
  • See how he reacts if others call him gay. He will deny it very strongly. See if he looks at men at restaurants and see if he looks at attractive men. Also, see if his girlfriend (if he has one) complains about him. Does he have sex with girls? These are all signs.
  • Best thing for young women to do is leave guys alone on that one I'm a middle age gay guy and absolutely hated girls in adolescence asking me that because I wasnn't interested in them. I'm not effeminate and people assume I'm straight. You can really mess with a young guys life by nosing around for your own interest. If he's interested in you he'll make the move.