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How do you admit to getting someone pregnant to your spouse?


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January 17, 2008 8:09PM

Your wife would want to and deserves to find out the situation from you first, instead of a third party (especially the other woman.) There is no easy way to confess to having an affair; it will most likely cause an emotional division between you and your wife. This is also the time for you to decide what you are committed to--your marriage or the other woman. If you do not want to give up the other woman, you need to do your spouse a favor and leave her. If you want to work on your marriage, you need to be honest with your wife, end the affair and have no contact with the other woman unless it is through your attorney.

Suggest ASAP to the other woman about having a paternity test done in order to establish if you are the father or not. Also, it is to determine if there is an actual pregnancy---it isn't unheard of for the other woman to fake a pregnancy.

If you have children with your spouse, make arrangements for them to visit their grandparents or another family member for a weekend. Then you need to be honest about the whole affair--who the other woman is, your motivations for having the affair, when it started, its duration and her pregnancy. Also be honest about why you are confessing--it seems that you are confessing now because you know that your spouse would have found out.

If you love your spouse and still want to be married to her, you do need to let her know this. Answer her questions, but do not get into specific details about the actual sexual aspects of the affair (positions, etc.). Don't get defensive, angry or judgmental towards her, even when she gets angry and hurt. Expect shock and an emotional reaction. Let her talk and listen to what she says. Give her time and space afterwards.

Take into consideration your wife's health and self esteem at this time--if you feel this would be a crippling emotional blow for her and she has a history of emotional or healthy issues (it would be damaging enough for a healthy person) it is better to seek out a professional marriage counselor, set up an appointment and discuss the situation there. You're in for a rough situation, one that you engineered and willingly took part in.