Narcissism
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How do you ask women friends that you know reasonably well if they have ever dealt with narcissistic partners without startling them because you yourself do not seem the type to have this problem?

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2007-03-09 04:59:35
2007-03-09 04:59:35

Friends can be wonderful when you know what you need to do and need support. However, I found that neither friends nor family knew anything about what was going on with my ex or how to deal with it. Also, it is good to leave reputations intact when dealing with a person who will remain in the community. So find a counselor who is well-versed in this area to gather information and to plan your actions. I would recomend that you talk to a counselor. Friends are great, but you want to be careful; especially at the start of a friendship. Also, a counselor will be much more qualified to help you find the answers you need. It is also usually easier and feels safer to talk to a stranger. After all, you do not have to worry about what they will think of you afterwards. Plus, you are not going to shock a counselor. They hear it all and hopefully understand most of it! I hope this answer helps. If you need help dealing with your own narcissistic problems, or feel you have narcissistic tendencies, then maybe you should consult a more qualified person. Your friends can be a good starting place, especially because you probably want their support. Yet, if you do have a serious problem and need to deal with it, your friends probably won't be able to help you as much as a counselor, for example. So, your best bet is to try and consult a more professional or even unbiased source (someone not your friend) and go from there. Eventually, if you do find you have a problem, you may tell your friends for their support. Stalkers and the Borderline Personality The Borderline Personality In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are: a shaky sense of identity sudden, violent outbursts oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection brief, turbulent love affairs frequent periods of intense depression eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood. The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions. The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors. The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.

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