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Answered 2014-12-22 17:00:53

You should keep your conversation restrict to about children only. You should try to accept the fact . Avoid contacting them unnecessarily (for no reason).

You do need to see your ex from time to time for a couple of reasons. One reason is so your children will still see their parents as "their parents", not a "parent and another parent", especially if they aren't yet grown. It's important for the kids to still feel they have both parents as a 'unit'.

Another reason is for you. Yes, you. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to see them not as your wife or husband, but as your ex. If you don't see them, then your mind can still 'pretend' you and your ex are still together, or keep false hope that you will get back together. So by seeing your ex as just that - your ex- you will come to terms with it more quickly, because it can help you to see them in a whole new light, which can help you tremendously. I know it may sound odd at first, but give it a try for a while and you just may be pleasantly surprised at the things about her which you notice that annoy you, but you never gave them much thought while you were together. It's the little things like that which actually can make a difference in helping you to get over her.

Also, allow yourself time to grieve, just as you do when someone dies. After all, this is the death of a marriage, so you need time to grieve. When you feel the need to cry, then let yourself cry as loud and as long as you need to. When I went through my divorce, I cried myself to sleep many, many nights. And I cried all day during the day when I wasn't at work. I felt I would die of a broken heart. This went on for a while, then I literally ran out of tears. But what I didn't do was to let my children see me breaking down; I didn't want them to think badly of their father for hurting me by being with another woman. After all, he was still their father, and I knew they still loved him as much as ever, as they should. Also, I knew, even though they were teens, they were hurting badly, too, and I didn't want to add to their pain.

After you go through the intial grieving process you will go through an anger phase, which is normal, but is also good. Anger is easier to deal with than pain and hurt. When I became angry at my ex husband for cheating again, the anger hit me hard. And that was when my healing finally began. I also realized then that what I had been crying over and grieving for was the man I thought he was, not the man I learned he really was. And that helped me tremendously.

If she does start to show interest in you again, and if you still love her, don't play games. Just tell her straight out that you won't allow yourself to be hurt again. If her interest is sincere and she regrets the divorce, she will say so. If she doesn't, then she is just playing games, and you need to just walk away.

Don't let her use you as her personal bank, either. I've seen women leave their husbands, then treat them as a bank when they wanted money, knowing her husand still loved her. If she made the choice to break up the marriage, then she has to suffer the consequences. She can't expect you to pay for her play time or shopping. Paying child support is a given, but the rest is her responsibility. Don't let her use you for a free handyman or repair man, either. That would only be more painful for you, and unfair to you.

Often, after a divorce when the one who wanted the divorce see their ex is dating someone else, they will feel a bit possessive, and even jealous, or see it as a game to see if they can get their ex back. Don't fall for that. If you still love her and feel she still loves you too, then give it another try. But if you feel she is not sincere, then do not let her hurt you again, or succeed in keeping you from finding happiness with someone else. But honest communication is crucial for both of you, so tell her upfront how you feel if she does try to reel you back in after you do begin dating.

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Answered 2014-12-22 17:00:53

You do need to see your ex from time to time for a couple of reasons. One reason is so your children will still see their parents as "their parents", not a "parent and another parent", especially if they aren't yet grown. It's important for the kids to still feel they have both parents as a 'unit'.

Another reason is for you. Yes, you. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to see them not as your wife or husband, but as your ex. If you don't see them, then your mind can still 'pretend' you and your ex are still together, or keep false hope that you will get back together. So by seeing your ex as just that - your ex- you will come to terms with it more quickly, because it can help you to see them in a whole new light, which can help you tremendously. I know it may sound odd at first, but give it a try for a while and you just may be pleasantly surprised at the things about her which you notice that annoy you, but you never gave them much thought while you were together. It's the little things like that which actually can make a difference in helping you to get over her.

Also, allow yourself time to grieve, just as you do when someone dies. After all, this is the death of a marriage, so you need time to grieve. When you feel the need to cry, then let yourself cry as loud and as long as you need to. When I went through my divorce, I cried myself to sleep many, many nights. And I cried all day during the day when I wasn't at work. I felt I would die of a broken heart. This went on for a while, then I literally ran out of tears. But what I didn't do was to let my children see me breaking down; I didn't want them to think badly of their father for hurting me by being with another woman. After all, he was still their father, and I knew they still loved him as much as ever, as they should. Also, I knew, even though they were teens, they were hurting badly, too, and I didn't want to add to their pain.

After you go through the intial grieving process you will go through an anger phase, which is normal, but is also good. Anger is easier to deal with than pain and hurt. When I became angry at my ex husband for cheating again, the anger hit me hard. And that was when my healing finally began. I also realized then that what I had been crying over and grieving for was the man I thought he was, not the man I learned he really was. And that helped me tremendously.

If she does start to show interest in you again, and if you still love her, don't play games. Just tell her straight out that you won't allow yourself to be hurt again. If her interest is sincere and she regrets the divorce, she will say so. If she doesn't, then she is just playing games, and you need to just walk away.

Don't let her use you as her personal bank, either. I've seen women leave their husbands, then treat them as a bank when they wanted money, knowing her husand still loved her. If she made the choice to break up the marriage, then she has to suffer the consequences. She can't expect you to pay for her play time or shopping. Paying child support is a given, but the rest is her responsibility. Don't let her use you for a free handyman or repair man, either. That would only be more painful for you, and unfair to you.

Often, after a divorce when the one who wanted the divorce see their ex is dating someone else, they will feel a bit possessive, and even jealous, or see it as a game to see if they can get their ex back. Don't fall for that. If you still love her and feel she still loves you too, then give it another try. But if you feel she is not sincere, then do not let her hurt you again, or succeed in keeping you from finding happiness with someone else. But honest communication is crucial for both of you, so tell her upfront how you feel if she does try to reel you back in after you do begin dating.

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Answered 2014-12-20 13:38:22

You should keep your conversation restrict to about children only. You should try to accept the fact . Avoid contacting them unnecessarily (for no reason).

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