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You need to remember and write down the reasons you left so that you can come back to reality. Abusive partners can seem like the most charming, best friend when they are trying to entice you back into their web. During your first time away, spend your time doing things you enjoy and being safe. I had a therapist during the time I was leaving and for awhile after, which really helped. Your friends and family just don't have the boundaries to really help keep you safe. Also, move to another location and do not provide the abuser with the address. Put blocks on your phone, email and facebook.

Get support from a loved one. Abusers try to alienate you so that you must rely on them. Open your eyes and prevent the situation from happening again by staying close to people you trust and being weary of possible abusers. Never be away from family and friends. Lastly but most importantly develop a relationship with god and learn to value yourself


Think of your child all grown up... would it be ok with you for him/her to be in the situation you are in? If not, you need to find any way you can to end it completely and safely. No matter what kind of abusive situation or unhealthy relationship the most dammage is done by repeating your choices and patterns.

  • Try imagining yourself an enabler and you are enabling the abuser. That should make you see how wrong your part is in the relationship.
  • Try to keep a journal right after you were abused! Then when you are thinking about getting back together read it!
  • It's almost the second day since I have been without my boyfriend. I am pretty sure he is abusive and it is extremely hard not to take him back. We have been together a little under a year, but he surely has me. Our biggest fight happened on Saturday. I have seven bruises from him. I am trying just to occupy myself so I don't think about him. I haven't changed my number yet, but I might have to to keep him away. He is very good at reeling me back in. I am going to try my hardest and actually listen to my friends this time. That's my biggest piece of advice is to listen to your friends. They know more than you. They will see what you don't. I always thought he would change for me, for him, for us, but now I realize that he never will change until he admits he has a problem. He always says he'll get help, but never does. He always says that he is going to be better, but doesn't. That's what I realized about this type is that they are all talk. They know what you want to hear to get you back. He even sent roses to my work, showed up at my work with flowers and a teddy bear and money for the cell that he destroyed of mine by throwing it on the floor. I should have realized that destroying my property is wrong, no matter what. I know that I have a long road ahead of me until I am completely healed from him (emotionally and physically), but I also know that I deserve better.
  • I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center and all women of any age or race can go to the Center and seek help. It is not a matter of just simply 'listening to your friends' but each abuser has a different MO. Some will curse you out if you leave and move on, while others stalk and threaten you (also family and friends) and sometimes the ending to the relationship can end up being a disaster (generally to the victim.) This is very serious so don't think you are just going to be able to walk away without some sort of repercussions and that's all the more reason you should have a plan to stay with a trusted friend or relative and have them go along with you to the Abused Women's Center and they will counsel you and protect you. These are reasons you should seek this help: #1 Abusive partners don't generally give up on their victim because they are into controlling and will 'tell you' when and if you can leave. Beatings can occur and sometimes they are brutal beatings. You need the help of a counselor to help you through this process. #2 If your abuser is stalking you the Abused Women's Center will provide you with a legal counselor that will protect your rights and hopefully put this abuser behind bars for awhile (although not long enough as far as I am concerned.) #3#4 A high percentage of victims of abuse go back to their abusers because they have been brain-washed and end up with low self esteem and a feeling that they aren't good enough to make it out in the world. The abuser has done their job well. The victim also feels that no other man would want to bother with them (again the abusers tactics to control.) So, the victim goes back to their abuser and the abuse generally becomes even more brutal. The Death Rate from abusing women has gone up in leaps and bounds. This is where counseling comes in so you realize it wasn't your fault for falling in love with an abuser. Abusers can be very charming and you don't always see the warning signs at first and eventually are blind-sided by your abuser. Counseling will teach you to watch for those signs and be more careful whom you choose to date or to live with or even marry. Abusive behavior is not love and don't even think it is. When someone loves you they treat you with respect, loyalty and share with you. Abusers are well aware of what they are and they will generally pick on shy or innocent victims. Abusers will show all signs of loving the person and in some cases can even give many gifts to them and show them a good time out on the town. They are foxy and will ever so gently begin to alienate you from your friends and eventually your own family. Abusers like to isolate their victims so they have more control. Once you live with an abuser (married or not) they have you right where they want you. Then you have lost control of your independence. You are a victim and have done nothing wrong to deserve any abusive behavior. Abusers have no back bone and while great at beating up women (of any age) they fear a one-on-one with another man. The Abused Women's Center will also take you to a 'Safe House' where you are well hidden and your abuser can't find you. You will be expected to do your share of chores there as well as take their counseling programs. Once legalities are out of the way then you can either go back to school or they will help you find work and a place to live.
  • I know it may not seem simple and it isn't. As long as you realize you are worth more and deserve better than to get treated like an emotional and physical punching bag and get angry about it and you will free yourself. If you don't get angry about your right to be treated like a human being, you will be stuck in that horrible yo-yo relationship forever. Make a decision.
  • I am truly proud of you for getting out and trying to stay away from him because not many women can do it. If you go back to him after all he put you through, then something disastrous could happen to you and you may not be so lucky the next time he physically abuses you.
  • Women of any age who are in an abusive relationships are not stupid! They are warriors! Unless someone has been in an abusive relationship they simply don't understand what can happen to the victim and why that victim may choose to go back to their abuser. One must study abusive relationships in order to realize that their abuser is a master at his/her art of hiding their true inner abusive ego. They actually manipulate and brain-wash their victims as well as beat them into submission (fear factor.) Should the victim decide to leave they are thrust out in a cold hard world of reality and even though they may be blessed with family and friends backing them the victim feels they are not truly wanted and in some cases the victim feels embarrassed and a lesser human being because they lived with the abuse for as long as they did. If family and friends really want to help then they should study the mind of an abuser on the internet. It is important that some people realize that the victim may have well been threatened by her abuser that if she leaves he will hunt her down and sadly this is often true and the end result can be devastating and can even lead to murder because in the mind of the abuser his victim is his property! The abuser will often threaten harm to her family or friends and if there are children involved the abuser will use this link to keep his victim close by telling her that she is a poor mother and he will get sole custody or, in some cases he will kill the children. When an abuser makes a threat the victim and anyone associated with her should take this to heart because the abuser will often follow through with the threat. Laws are slowly being changed to protect abused women. Abusers should get a jail term and the victim should be able to live a peaceful life and work and enjoy their private life without fear her abuser will catch up to her.
  • Realize that you're better than they will ever be, and you do not deserve anything like that. I was in one myself and honestly the only thing you can do is be strong and keep telling yourself that you are strong enough to be without them. I'd rather be alone than be abused every day.
  • You should never ever take an abuser back into your life. When they realize that you were capable of leaving you they will treat you even worse. Think about all that pain and suffering you went through. Why would anyone want to go back with that person. You are better than that. Either way they were wrong to have ever been abusive. You know you deserve better and they don't deserve you at all. I hope in a way i managed to help.
  • If you are intent upon suicide, take the abuser back. They will eventually, after bringing as much pain as possible upon you, kill you.
  • If you want to LIVE, don't ever look back. Move to another town/state/country if you have to, change your name, do whatever it takes to get away. There are battered spouse identity change programs at every hospital.
  • Find a support network, people to help remind you why you left in the first place.
  • I was in an abusive relationship for over five years. Until the end of that time, I didn't even realize how abusive my ex was. I thought I deserved it, his harsh words and the pain, but after I left, I still felt miserable. There were many days I thought of going back to him, but I had support from old friends who I had cut off contact with because of my ex. When they heard I was leaving him, they helped by not just listening to me, but pointing out to me all the bad stuff that they had seen him to do me, over the years. They gave me some of their confidence until I could find my own.
  • Always remember you deserve better. Your heart will tell you what you want, but your mind will tell you what you need. Never ignore your mind.

I wish I knew how to answer besides hitting the "improve answer" button. That just seems like I am improving on someone elses answer and that is ot what I am trying to do. I am just trying to answer. Anyhow, after an entire life of battering, beginning in childhood (my father raped my mother and my mother was full of outrage and took it out on me all my childhood) I have been single and alone for more than five years. This was the best thing I ever could have done for myself even though at first I did not want to be alone and couldn't imagine not being "in love". But this time alone has given me so much insight into myself and abusers. Now there is not one abuser in my life of any kind, not even an abusive family memeber. If my so called "family" can't be decent to me they can hit the road just as much as any stranger. I can now spot abusers by their actions and attitudes and even the tone of their voice. I can spot an abuser who laughs inappropriately when there is nothing funny, or purses his lips in amusement when there is nothing to be amused about. I've been stalked as a single woman, sexually harrassed, preached at, solicited for prostitution, have known men who thought they could "buy" me and then own me. No one owns me, I am as free as can be, free to be myself. The hardest part has been financial but I'm okay with a simple safe and sane life. My advice, get your own place, one that you can afford, and you'll be greatful that every night when you come home from work you dont' dread going home to an abuser, and every morning when you wake up he isn't there to hate you. If you pay your own way you are essentially an equal (although you always were) and you can speak your mind and be yourself and if they don't like it, that's ok because they aren't paying your bills. And if they don't like what you say or do, however harmless, innocent or just human, all you have to do is walk away and you don't have to argue with anyone about your right to grow and develope and learn and make mistakes and do good things and just be yourself and a human being. I'd love to have love in my life. But since all I've ever had is hatred, contempt, hypocrisy, disrespect, double standards, domination, treachery, betrayal and the absolute denial of my needs and even my existence (yes! denial of my existence, a verbal denial), well I'd rather be alone. None of that stuff has anything to do with love, it is someone who is extremely bent out of shape because he can't accept the fact that he doesn't make all the decisions. Decisions are to be shared and you make choices and decisions too, and hopefully you have decided to choose the good.


Love yourself. If you love yourself, you're not going to let anybody physically abuse you or even emotionally. Plus, I'm pretty sure you're gonna find someone better. Some who will really love you. I know it's overly used, but it's true love doesn't have to hurt.

Your family, in particular your mother, will be the best one to help you stay away from an abusive relationship. Therapy will work but without strong love you will not stick. Talk with your family and they will give you the strenght to say enough is enough. Always remember that only a mother's love cured your bad days through childhood. Build a bridge of trust with your mother, father, siblings and you'll prevail. No man is worthed to make you lose your self-respect and the respect from your family.

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โˆ™ 2015-03-11 01:40:38
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Q: How do you keep yourself from taking back an abusive partner?
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Related questions

Is it good to go back to an abusive partner?

No, absolutely not.

Do you give your abusive partner his belongings back?

Abusive or not, "his" belongings are his property and so in the eyes of the law they must go back to him. Anyway, if you tried to keep them, wouldn't that just make him MORE abusive?

What should you do if you threw your abusive partner out of the house but you feel worse instead of better?

Of course you're going to feel guilt or remorse. That's because you have a history with this person and a conscious. But does not mean you should let your abusive partner move back in. It is unsafe for you and for him or her. The best thing for you to do is keep your abusive partner out of the house and slowly lose contact with him or her.

Defending yourself against an abusive husband?

---- Call the police, if the abuse continues, then leave him and never go back. ----

Do verbally abusive controlling men change in another relationship?

* It's possible if their new partner has a laid back demeanor and can handle the anger outbursts of the verbally abusive partner, but the statistics are extremely low on this factor. Verbally abusive and controlling men have generally grown up in this environment and these are learned habits, or often times a feeling of having no control at the time they lived at home and later in life the anger and rage surfaces. For an abusive, controlling man he should seek professional counseling to learn to control these two bad habits.

Is it possible to have a relationship where your partner is verbally abusive occassionally over stupid things?

Yes. Verbal abuse is when someone says something to you that you can't say back to them. It's not what some calls's what you answer to.

Should you go back to abusive relationship?

Why would you even think about going back to an abusive relationship? Unless you want to get beat on for the rest of your life.

If an emotionally abused woman stands up to her abusive partner is she in turn being abusive as her partner says she is?

Only if the woman started the abusive in the first place. If not she's just sicking up for herself. If abusive partner is hit, yell ect. first then the woman is being abusive, but if the partner is being abusive first, the woman has every right to do it back. You are not at all being abusive back defending yourself! However, it seems that people who are in abusive relationships tend to mimic the behavior of the abuser--therefore in defending yourself you may find yourself doing the same behavior as the abuser. If you know this to be the case, than it is possible you yourself are being abusive. Abusers seldom change. The best thing for the spouse of an abuser is to sit down alone and make a decision as to whether they are going to stay or leave. In most cases the healthiest choice is to leave. Abuse is about control and the abuser will fight with everything he/she has to keep that control. It is often misunderstood that the abuser is a bully, in fact, the abuser is the weak one as they feel out of control in their own environment. In order to survive (in their own minds) they need to control what is around them. Unless the abuser is willing to seek out professional help (and most don't unless our judicial system forces this issue) then the spouse should leave this situation or they will lose all identity of who they are themselves. So, my answer to you is not to fight the abuser. You won't win! As the other poster pointed out you will usually get sucked into a void where you may become absusive yourself (verbally) because of the frustrating circumstances with which you are dealing with. When I say "leave" I know this is a very hard decision to make. Sometimes the fear factor comes into it for the victim and they often wonder how they will manage on their own. If children are involved this is difficult as well, but by staying in an abusive relationship you are teaching your children to become abusive as they start to grow and are soon set out in society. There are many groups out there today that are more than willing to accommodate your needs and to help you set a structure in your new life's endeavors. Good luck Marcy You realize this is a typical self-defence tactic of abusers? "I'm not the one with the problem, YOU ARE!" Typical..... Please read up on abusers and their tactics that they use to keep your under control. And remember, it's a losing battle with these people, pick up your stuff and leave. They never ever change. NEVER. A friend who knows how you feel

You are pregnant you slept with an ex partner on the 10th aug whilst on the pill you then got a period on the 12th aug you went back to your current partner of 4 years not taking the pill you dont kno?

Is there a question in there?

Is your boyfriend abusive?

Many BFs, or boyfriends, are not abusive. If a boyfriend is abusive, the girl should leave the relationship and file charges. Do not keep going back to an abuser.

What exactly is cheating?

Cheating is when you go out with the opposite sex (same sex in some cases) and you aren't open and honest with your partner. If you truly love someone then you would be honest with your partner and have nothing to hide. Dating another person on the side is cheating or holding back secrets such as taking a friend of the opposite sex out for the evening or something personal about yourself that is of great importance to your relationship. If nothing is going on with you and your friend then be honest with your partner.

I bit my boyfriend on the back and he swung backwards and hit me. is this abusive?

I wouldn't say that was abusive because you bit him first.

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