You need to remember and write down the reasons you left so that you can come back to reality. Abusive partners can seem like the most charming, best friend when they are trying to entice you back into their web. During your first time away, spend your time doing things you enjoy and being safe. I had a therapist during the time I was leaving and for awhile after, which really helped. Your friends and family just don't have the boundaries to really help keep you safe. Also, move to another location and do not provide the abuser with the address. Put blocks on your phone, email and facebook.
Get support from a loved one. Abusers try to alienate you so that you must rely on them. Open your eyes and prevent the situation from happening again by staying close to people you trust and being weary of possible abusers. Never be away from family and friends. Lastly but most importantly develop a relationship with god and learn to value yourself
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND REALIZE YOU DESERVE BETTER
Think of your child all grown up... would it be ok with you for him/her to be in the situation you are in? If not, you need to find any way you can to end it completely and safely. No matter what kind of abusive situation or unhealthy relationship the most dammage is done by repeating your choices and patterns.
I wish I knew how to answer besides hitting the "improve answer" button. That just seems like I am improving on someone elses answer and that is ot what I am trying to do. I am just trying to answer. Anyhow, after an entire life of battering, beginning in childhood (my father raped my mother and my mother was full of outrage and took it out on me all my childhood) I have been single and alone for more than five years. This was the best thing I ever could have done for myself even though at first I did not want to be alone and couldn't imagine not being "in love". But this time alone has given me so much insight into myself and abusers. Now there is not one abuser in my life of any kind, not even an abusive family memeber. If my so called "family" can't be decent to me they can hit the road just as much as any stranger. I can now spot abusers by their actions and attitudes and even the tone of their voice. I can spot an abuser who laughs inappropriately when there is nothing funny, or purses his lips in amusement when there is nothing to be amused about. I've been stalked as a single woman, sexually harrassed, preached at, solicited for prostitution, have known men who thought they could "buy" me and then own me. No one owns me, I am as free as can be, free to be myself. The hardest part has been financial but I'm okay with a simple safe and sane life. My advice, get your own place, one that you can afford, and you'll be greatful that every night when you come home from work you dont' dread going home to an abuser, and every morning when you wake up he isn't there to hate you. If you pay your own way you are essentially an equal (although you always were) and you can speak your mind and be yourself and if they don't like it, that's ok because they aren't paying your bills. And if they don't like what you say or do, however harmless, innocent or just human, all you have to do is walk away and you don't have to argue with anyone about your right to grow and develope and learn and make mistakes and do good things and just be yourself and a human being. I'd love to have love in my life. But since all I've ever had is hatred, contempt, hypocrisy, disrespect, double standards, domination, treachery, betrayal and the absolute denial of my needs and even my existence (yes! denial of my existence, a verbal denial), well I'd rather be alone. None of that stuff has anything to do with love, it is someone who is extremely bent out of shape because he can't accept the fact that he doesn't make all the decisions. Decisions are to be shared and you make choices and decisions too, and hopefully you have decided to choose the good.
Love yourself. If you love yourself, you're not going to let anybody physically abuse you or even emotionally. Plus, I'm pretty sure you're gonna find someone better. Some who will really love you. I know it's overly used, but it's true love doesn't have to hurt.
Your family, in particular your mother, will be the best one to help you stay away from an abusive relationship. Therapy will work but without strong love you will not stick. Talk with your family and they will give you the strenght to say enough is enough. Always remember that only a mother's love cured your bad days through childhood. Build a bridge of trust with your mother, father, siblings and you'll prevail. No man is worthed to make you lose your self-respect and the respect from your family.
No, absolutely not.
Abusive or not, "his" belongings are his property and so in the eyes of the law they must go back to him. Anyway, if you tried to keep them, wouldn't that just make him MORE abusive?
Of course you're going to feel guilt or remorse. That's because you have a history with this person and a conscious. But does not mean you should let your abusive partner move back in. It is unsafe for you and for him or her. The best thing for you to do is keep your abusive partner out of the house and slowly lose contact with him or her.
---- Call the police, if the abuse continues, then leave him and never go back. ----
* It's possible if their new partner has a laid back demeanor and can handle the anger outbursts of the verbally abusive partner, but the statistics are extremely low on this factor. Verbally abusive and controlling men have generally grown up in this environment and these are learned habits, or often times a feeling of having no control at the time they lived at home and later in life the anger and rage surfaces. For an abusive, controlling man he should seek professional counseling to learn to control these two bad habits.
Yes. Verbal abuse is when someone says something to you that you can't say back to them. It's not what some calls you...it's what you answer to.
Why would you even think about going back to an abusive relationship? Unless you want to get beat on for the rest of your life.
Only if the woman started the abusive in the first place. If not she's just sicking up for herself. If abusive partner is hit, yell ect. first then the woman is being abusive, but if the partner is being abusive first, the woman has every right to do it back. You are not at all being abusive back defending yourself! However, it seems that people who are in abusive relationships tend to mimic the behavior of the abuser--therefore in defending yourself you may find yourself doing the same behavior as the abuser. If you know this to be the case, than it is possible you yourself are being abusive. Abusers seldom change. The best thing for the spouse of an abuser is to sit down alone and make a decision as to whether they are going to stay or leave. In most cases the healthiest choice is to leave. Abuse is about control and the abuser will fight with everything he/she has to keep that control. It is often misunderstood that the abuser is a bully, in fact, the abuser is the weak one as they feel out of control in their own environment. In order to survive (in their own minds) they need to control what is around them. Unless the abuser is willing to seek out professional help (and most don't unless our judicial system forces this issue) then the spouse should leave this situation or they will lose all identity of who they are themselves. So, my answer to you is not to fight the abuser. You won't win! As the other poster pointed out you will usually get sucked into a void where you may become absusive yourself (verbally) because of the frustrating circumstances with which you are dealing with. When I say "leave" I know this is a very hard decision to make. Sometimes the fear factor comes into it for the victim and they often wonder how they will manage on their own. If children are involved this is difficult as well, but by staying in an abusive relationship you are teaching your children to become abusive as they start to grow and are soon set out in society. There are many groups out there today that are more than willing to accommodate your needs and to help you set a structure in your new life's endeavors. Good luck Marcy You realize this is a typical self-defence tactic of abusers? "I'm not the one with the problem, YOU ARE!" Typical..... Please read up on abusers and their tactics that they use to keep your under control. And remember, it's a losing battle with these people, pick up your stuff and leave. They never ever change. NEVER. A friend who knows how you feel
Is there a question in there?
Many BFs, or boyfriends, are not abusive. If a boyfriend is abusive, the girl should leave the relationship and file charges. Do not keep going back to an abuser.
Cheating is when you go out with the opposite sex (same sex in some cases) and you aren't open and honest with your partner. If you truly love someone then you would be honest with your partner and have nothing to hide. Dating another person on the side is cheating or holding back secrets such as taking a friend of the opposite sex out for the evening or something personal about yourself that is of great importance to your relationship. If nothing is going on with you and your friend then be honest with your partner.
I wouldn't say that was abusive because you bit him first.