How do you save a marriage if you are no longer attracted to your spouse?

Answer

If you aren't physically attracted to your spouse then sit down and write a list of the good qualities of your spouse (the inner self) then make a list of what you don't like about them. After a few years of marriage many spouses (especially the men) can get too comfy in the marriage and there is no more trying to impress the opposite sex to win the game. The game is over (in a man's head.) Women are also beginning not to look after themselves and will use the excuse they "don't have time." If people's lives are organized anyone can take 1/2 hr. to an hr., to do something nice for themselves, such as a hot bath, facial, women putting make-up on men going around in cleaner clothes, and being clean shaven. If these are the reasons then you have to sit down with your mate and express what you feel. Just don't say the words, "I don't find you attractive anymore."

There is a difference between just being a plain slob, or a woman wearing clean jeans, a clean, pressed T-shirt, a little make-up and hair tidy; men in jeans are OK, with a clean, pressed T-shirt, shaven, hair combed. Every so often a couple should just get dressed up and go out dancing. I have to admit (I live in British Columbia Canada) that since the 60s many people have become too laid back and are sloppy. Some men and women have let themselves get fat, are out of shape (even if slimmer) go around in stained or baggy clothes, hair messy with food sticking out of their mouths or beer stains down a man's shirt. It makes one feel better to at least be tidy and it doesn't mean you have to be dressed to the nines 24/7. For some strange reason a large number of married people feel that they have snagged a mate and they are theres for a lifetime and let themselves go. It's up to each couple to let the other know if they don't like it.

If two people work shiftwork and see little of each other or are career orientated and their work takes up much of their time one or both mates can get into a nasty habit of passing their other mate like ships in the night. Even one hour of "close time" is better than nothing. Just enough time to get personal!

If the feeling of not being attractive to your mate any longer is (falling out of love) try taking a vacation alone, even if it's just a mini vacation. Sometimes just getting away and giving yourself headroom will help a lot. We all can get like that. If that doesn't work then it's time to have a serious talk with your mate and tell them you would like a trial separation. If you go that route make it count and don't just rush out to have an affair with someone else. It's so easy to replace people in our lives if one of those people have let you down in some way. Take the opportunity to get to know what you are about and what you want, and you may be surprised that you aren't missing as much as you thought and actually miss your mate.

If none of the above work then you are going to have be honest with yourself and decide on divorce. It's best to ask for a divorce rather than to be cheap and go out and cheat on your mate.

Good luck Marcy

It is very important that you try to remember what first attracted you to your spouse at the beginning and reflect back to that time. What has changed? Is it something that you can communicate with them and work out? Often, a feeling of not being attracted to your spouse has to do with not taking the time to spend together, communicate, share interests together. All these things can be worked out if you take the time before just giving up on the relationship.

Rooting for you!

Rachel