How do you trust a spouse who admits to an emotional affair but stresses he was only helping a friend?

Answer 1

She was having serious family trouble but he didn't tell me he was helping her because I was overly jealous of her. He is also her boss. I understand him helping her but he deceived me for months. He admitted to talking to her daily, working closely with her, going to lunch with her but says he was only helping her since it was affecting her job and just got in too deep. Do I believe him or not. I was the one who discovered it and have had to drag any information out, he hasn't really offered anything on his own but says he loves me and wants to be together forever. He needs to end the relationship now, end contact as much as possible (only business discussions at work), and enter into marital counseling with you. Your marriage won't ever be the same, if you want to stay in your marriage, you will have to learn to trust him again, and he will have to admit to the problems that caused him to turn to this co worker.

I'm sorry about what's going on to you, but if your husband still won't discuss what happened and admit to the affair, there are going to be a lot of problems and resentments in your marriage. My husband admitted to an emotional affair, but for two LONG years adamantly said they were "just good friends" - my response was always the same - you can't be "just good friends" with the opposite sex if you are already in a relationship.

What was the result? He has just admitted to me he is in love with her and doesn't know how it happened - although he still loves me too. Men (and women) are more vulnerable than they think - people in this situation think they are so strong and "would never let this happen", but it snuck up on him, and like others, found himself in this predicament.

Closeness eventually creates intimacy, and because both married parties (the friends) think they have boundaries - ie, "we are married therefor we know we won't fall in love" become closer and closer until it's too late.

Sirach Chapter 36:25 writes "A property with no fence will be plundered." or "Where no hedge is, there the possession is spoiled."

You and your husband must establish boundaries within your life to protect all that you have. Take it from me, an emotional affair is an affair. He is obviously getting something from her he isn't getting from you. If she didn't mean anything to him, he wouldn't have let this go on for so long. Being involved with her, regardless if there wasn't/isn't any sex, he still was giving her emotional support,time, needs and so forth. He was giving her what he should have been giving you.

Tell him how you feel about everything. And ask him to stop being there for her. He needs to be there for you.

An emotional affair is an affair. Fifty percent of emotional affairs turn physical.

Good Luck. My heart goes out to you. Emotional affair is still an affair.

I don't know. I'm going through the same thing. He says they were just friends and he needed to talk to her about me. He gave her more time than me and told her intimate details of our marriage. He won't admit it was an affair but I disagree. I would like to know how to trust him again also. I can't believe anything he says and I am hurt and angry and feel he is not doing his part to help make this work. He says he loves me and wants to stay married to me. I just don't see it. We need help. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Matthew 5:28 "I say to you that everyone who keeps looking at s woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." No such thing as just being friends when your are married. He is really just being UNFAITHFUL!!!

Answer: Mutual trust is vital to marital happiness, if that is missing, there is hard work to do. Lies, half-truths, and even silence undermine trust. So you need to speak openly and honestly with each other. Anyone can you make their marriage honorable. You need to avoid behavior that will damage the marital arrangement. In addition, you need to take steps that will strengthen the marital bond. God's basic instruction for marriage: "A man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife." (Genesis 2:24) Of course, those who marry still respect their parents; however, it is God's arrangement that their foremost obligation is to their spouse. To be unfaithful to a mate is not normal. It is betrayal. In real life, disloyalty and betrayal cause pain and suffering. Some practical suggestions are as follows for marriage mates: They should (1) be honest with each other; (2) work as a team; (3) replace old habits with new ones; and (4) know when to let go of resentment, seeking to heal the breach. Only you can decide if it is time to move on. See Jehovah's Witnesses for this and many older olders to help married couples.

Answer also: A successful marriage requires giving exclusive devotion to your mate. Your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what rightly belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is a form of infidelity, even if no sexual activity is involved. An emotional dependency with someone of the opposite sex can grow and communication in person, by telephone, or through online chat could become a betrayal of trust. Marriage mates expect that certain topics will be discussed only with each other and that their confidential talk will be kept private. Beware of rationalizing that no romantic feelings exist when in fact they may. The heart is treacherous says Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it?" If in a close relationship with someone of the opposite sex a person should ask themselves: "Am I defensive or secretive about the relationship? Would I be comfortable if my mate overheard our conversations? How would I feel if my mate cultivated a similar friendship? An improper relationship can lead to marital disaster, since emotional closeness paves the way for eventual sexual intimacy. Even if adultery does not result, the damage caused by loss of trust can be extremely difficult to repair. What can help all married persons is the following: Keep friendships with members of the opposite sex within appropriate boundaries. Do not ignore the presence of improper feelings or rationalize impure motives. If you sense that a relationship threatens your marriage, act quickly to limit or end it. The Bible says "Shrewd is the one who has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself. - Proverbs 22:3. (see 4/09 Awake article Marital Fidelity - What Does it Really Mean? on Jehovah's Witnesses official website)