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How do you win your wife back after you have walked out on her and your kids because you were not allowed to make decisions for your girls?

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09/12/2011

not allowed ??? should not have walked. go home, stand up and get your self respect.

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Parents dealing out punishment to their children has always been an edgy subject and women are more apt to make excuses for their children or coddle them when indeed they need to be punished in some way and then wonder why the husbands say little or do little. It's to both parents best interest to agree (away from the children) what punishment is due one or more of the children. They are your children as well and instead of running you should have stood your ground and suggested going for some counseling. If you are too harsh with punishment this could be the problem between you and each child is an individual (different in personality usually) and needs to be dealt with in a different way. You need to go back to your wife, sit over drinks or coffee (away from the children) and discuss what is fair punishment. I am not accusing you, but if you believe in the good old belt, razor strap this is not acceptable. I am a firm believer in telling the children to do what you ask (within reason) and if they don't then a spanking is needed (I don't mean a beating, but a couple of whacks on backside with your hand.) No slapping, grabbing arms, twisting arms or hitting the head.

Get going and meet with your wife. It's time to communicate! Time for both of you to grow up and realize the children have feelings too and to them you both are simply "mommy and daddy."

Answer

You both need couseling. Why werent you "allowed" to make decisions for your daughters. You are their parent as much as your wife and should be involved in all decisions regarding your kids. Does your wife have control issues and you finally had enough of feeling unwelcomed in your own home? You need not win your wife back, you need to go to her armed with the confidence that lets her know you will not tolerate being on the sidelines and want to be involved as much as possible. You need to let her know that your opinion matters as much as hers. Show your daughters that a strong man is involved in there lives and respect should be given all around.I wouldn't walk out anymore and would let them know that will never happen again. That no matter what the situation there is a solution that benefits everyone and everyone matters.

No one controls you but you. Parenting and marriage is about two different people working out conflicts with appropriate compromise. Why did you allow yourself to believe that parenting was about getting your way? It is not about either one of you. What you need to do is sit down with your spouse and a counselor if necessary and learn how to negotiate and compromise. Powerstruggles are destructive and children need the benefit of seeing that adults, especially their parents, are capable and willing to have a relationship that does not lose integrity whenever it faces disagreements. Do not blame anyone else for your lack of assertion. You need to take the initiative to show that you are willing to work things out on an equal playing field and you will gain her respect, and more importantly the respect of your kids.