Asked in DatingTeen DatingPreteen Relationships
How does a shy 17 year old guy get a date?
October 07, 2008 1:47AM
Being a formerly shy guy who eventually got dates, let me tell you.
The first girl I dated was a complete, absolute failure. We both were so shy it was hilarious. It really opened my eyes to how valuable it is to take risks. Be yourself. That's the best risk you can take. If somebody doesn't like who you are, that's their loss. You're probably shy because you're scared whoever you're going after won't like you.
Find things in common. If you're both in the same classes or same clubs or like the same music, always have something to talk about -- and talk about it! Find a girl that isn't shallow (it helps a lot). Find girls that are confident and that you are comfortable with.
The first real relationship I had was with a girl in my AP Physics class. We both had a breeze through the class and often "went to the bathroom" for a while to walk around the halls. She was very self-driven. She was sometimes shy but never held back when she didn't have to. When I started hanging out with her outside of school, I was a little nervous. When I saw that she ignored my nervousness, it set me at ease and made it easier to be myself.
You know, don't just try to get dates. Try to get to know girls. Have fun together. Don't focus on yourself at all. Make it about her. If you do that, you'll have the best relationships you can and you'll grow out of your shyness.
Being shy is not genetic and it's not terminal. You can and will get over it. You just have to take the opportunities to do so.
Don't make it about dates, either. Just hang out. Figure out what you really want in your relationships. If you're dating just for the sake of dating, it's worthless. Don't give in to peer pressure and live your own life.
ANSWER: From a shy guy, age 47. I'm single, never married, so I also have difficulty dating. Some of the first dating advice I received 30 years ago, is probably still good today, and that is, meet someone at a dance or some other place or event where the two of you are not working, and can be relaxed. I agree with the advice in the above answer, to find things in common, but I think I made a big mistake, because when I was 19, I started to go to bars that had exotic dancers. I loved watching the girls, and they seemed to enjoy having me as a customer. So I thought for sure, it would only be a matter of time before I had a beautiful exotic dancer to be my girlfriend. I was also told when I was about 16, (I think my mother and sister told me this) that there's a beautiful girl for every guy, even if the guy is shy and homely, and I'd meet her someday, somewhere, I just had to be patient. Now I think that was a lie. I'm still not great looking. Now I think "find things in common" means the guy and girl must not be employed at this so-called common interest. Now, I sort of think of myself as Mr. Stupid for thinking my love of watching attractive exotic dancers perform, and they seem to like being with me when they're working, is that we have a common interest, was my big mistake, and that we didn't really have a common interest at all, because the girls were working. I also think it's important for a guy to give a girl her space and freedom if she rejects him. It's tempting for a guy, and I've done it myself, to think if he's stubborn and determined to get a girl to like him, that he can do it. But I've learned it's important to think of the girl or woman as a human being and respect her privacy and freedom. If she's not interested in a guy, just to accept her decision, as difficult as it is to do. If she's still willing to speak with you that's okay. Try to continue to be on friendly terms with her, but I think it's important to not make her angry or afraid of you. Try to imagine how you would feel if you were her and you rejected some guy and you just wanted him to leave you alone. I think you'll probably have a better chance of getting a date if you don't have pimples on your face. Up till about age 18, I used to love eating hot dogs, hamburgers, and fries loaded with toppings which caused pimples on my face. For years, I've enjoyed eating plain hamburgers without toppings but I often like ripe tomato slices but they're often not available, and plain fries with nothing on them preferably unsalted. I rarely eat hot dogs because I don't like the high sodium content. I'll never believe the so-called experts who claim diet does not cause acne pimples, because even at age 47, I can STILL PRODUCE ACNE pimples on my face ANY TIME I WANT! If I eat a hamburger or hot dog, either one topped with ketchup, relish, and mustard, or fries with ketchup, salt, and vinegar, I'll have one or more acne pimples on my face the next day! And I probably don't need to put all of these toppings on these foods, to produce pimples. Just so you understand, plain hamburgers or hot dogs with only the meat and bun, and plain fries with nothing on them except possibly salt, won't cause me pimples. Teenagers are well-known for having faces with acne, at least they used to be when I was 16 in 1976. Supposedly it's caused by raging hormones, but teens probably still love to eat burgers, hot dogs, and fries loaded with toppings, and probably still get lots of acne.
Another Answer, from, the Advice...-er: I agree with the first answer, greatly. As for the second answer.... you may want to stop eating hot dogs. Anyways, just be yourself and don't try to pose as someone else. You'll be living a lie your whole life if you try and become somebody else, and you won't stay unique to YOU. Let me tell you something. It's not really helpful to go up to a girl and say, "I love you." That's a little... blunt? Just hang out with her first, and gradually keep going out as friends, improving your relationship along the way. If you truly love her and she truly loves you, believe me, you will eventually be together. Stay true to yourself!!!! ^_-