Mental Health
Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

How does a wife know that she and her children are being emotionally abused?

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Answered 2006-12-12 20:30:33

To simplify this it's when a person totally controls the wife and children and has no rhyme or reason for any decisions they may make. Here are some clues to emotional abuse regarding wives and children: Not giving the wife any control of the finances. Not allowing her to have a car. Not allowing her to go out with friends. Not giving her freedom of her own personal opinions and if she gives one the abuser will tell them to shut-up or they don't know what they are talking about. Controlly her like a child as to what she would like to buy for herself and the home (within reason.) Verbally abusing the wife in front of friends or the children. Calling the wife names such as "stupid", "fat", "a cow" or she isn't a good mother (they do this on purpose because it's the one thing that really hurts most mothers) or she never can cook a decent meal (when there is absolutely nothing wrong with the meal.) I have a girlfriend whose husband will literally take the dinner plate and turn it upside down if he doesn't like the meal on that particular night. I was shocked she actually took this abuse because if my husband did that he'd be wearing the plate and whatever was on that plate! Easier said than done, well my first husband was verbally/physically abusive and I never took one thing he had to dish out to me. He was cruel and miserable and nothing pleased him. One day I hit him in the face with a plate of spaghetti because he had said some very cruel and upsetting things about my brother (I thought my brother was dead) and when my husband said "it was joke" I flipped out. There he sat with spaghetti hanging off his face and the best he could offer up was "You clean this trailer up!" We were living in a construction camp at the time. I told him I'd be happy to clean up the trailer, so I went out and got the garden hose and proceeded to go right through the trailer and I nailed his hide while I was at it. NEVER again did he ever joke with me that way again, but he did continue to cheat. As far as children the verbal abuser can be that he's mean to the bone with them verbally by saying hurtful things or making remarks to them about what a miserable mother you are to not allowing the children to go out with friends, go to special events and loves the total control of making not only the children miserable, but the wife as well. Calling the children names, taking their self-confidence away from them and giving the children the distinct impression they are stupid and useless. If this is happening to you then you need to know the law and the fact that YOU own half of everything he has! See a lawyer on the QT. So, you won't be destitute if you should want to take the children and leave him. If you are thinking of staying with such a person for the sake of the children don't!!!! It solves nothing and it can cause future psychological problems for you and your children. If he is not abusive then stand your ground when the children are not home (if they are young have a relative look after your children for the night) and stand your ground with this bully! Tell him how it's going to be and if they don't like it that's the end of the relationship. The court of law generally would rather the children stay with the mother and will also decide if your husband is suitable enough as a father to have partial custody. If the children don't want to see their father the court of law will take this into consideration as well. Good luck!

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